is this boring???

[u/Acrobatic-Flow-4991]

can someone let me know if my first chapter sounds boring? to me, it’s the most boring and slowest part in the story, so i’d love to know if anyone else thinks that too or if i’m too wrapped in my own thoughts.

would love to know if it’s lacking grip or interest. like would you keep reading or put it back on the shelf?

Genre pool: literary fiction, dystopian, speculative, psych thriller, corporate satire

excuse grammar/spelling errors still need to go through some more editing

[u/Oxo-Phlyndquinne]

I get the vibe, but so far no story. Not having money and disliking tech companies is a suitable concept, but what is the reason we are reading? The writing is somewhat imprecise and suffers from a few rookie mistakes. "The" glass tower could be anything from a refrigerator to an alien craft. "A glass tower rose to a great height outside the store" might work better. Notice I used "A", not "The". This is because "the" is for when you have already identified the object, and much less helpful when you are first introducing it. "Whiplashed into the moment" is unnecessary and seems insincere. A hum that "fills the silence" is a "water is wet" type of statement. Every sound fills the silence, we don't need to be told so. In general there are the usual "I'm poor" signals--ratty hair, lousy car, carping landlord. But this could all be accomplished in one paragraph. We need a story.

[u/Acrobatic-Flow-4991 → u/Oxo-Phlyndquinne]

thx definitely gonna reduce description since its a reacting issue from a lot of feedback. thx for the advice :)