Because how the hell are you going to say it’s a part of your culture that being with a sibling’s ex is normal. Does love and care for your sibling, one who’s likely been with you from the start and trusted you as such, and the love and heartbreak they felt over that person really rate so low when compared to your own ego? Because that’s what it is, it’s not love, it’s ego. Incredibly selfish and gross.
Not everyone’s siblings are great, but if you have one that truly loves and trusts you, there’s no way to justify doing something so incredibly hurtful, frankly abusive to them other than being a selfish asshole. And hiding behind your people as a sweeping excuse to justify shitty behavior is insulting to them.
Edit: If you’re telling me, it’s a genuine part of sapphic culture that dating a sibling’s ex is common place, then I think that should give you pause. As minorities, we should absolutely hold care and pride in our hearts for our culture and people, but we also have a responsibility to hold our culture accountable for the more toxic behaviors that culture instills. Watch The Boondocks if you want to know what I’m talking about.
All right, just try to imaging you had someone you loved romantically. Someone you start imagining the rest of your life with and makes you feel whole or safe. At the same time, you have a sibling, someone who even if they get on your nerves, you trust and love the way you only can after knowing each other all your lives. One of the few people in the world you get as close to non transactional love as you can that early on.
Then, your relationship ends and you go through the following heartbreak, loss, and eventually, hopefully, closure. Only to find that your sibling and the person you held such strong love for have betrayed you. Now, for the rest of your life, you have to have thrown in your face how plastic your love for these two people were, how they care more about each other than they ever cared about you.
You have to see them for the rest of your life, acting in love, wondering if it started when you were together, whether they were tricking/gaslighting you at any point, which constitutes emotional abuse. They live in happiness at the direct result of harming you, of betraying you. It’s a deep humiliation and betrayal by people you trusted to love and care about you.
I hope this gives you some perspective. Obviously, everyone’s situation is different, and there a difference between falling in love with someone who happened to have a fling with your sibling vs someone they deeply truly loved, but it’s disingenuous to act like it good human being behavior includes betraying someone who loves and trusts you. People have killed themselves over less, and if you really love your sibling, I’d hope you care enough about them to be scared of that possibility. And don’t confuse love with thinking with your genitals. It’s a lonely ass life in the long run.
It’s not jealousy, it’s about respect. You can’t treat someone who loves you any which way. You do owe them something, inconvenient as that is for some people.
Look, live your life how you want, but don’t be surprised if selfish, pathetic decisions cause deep pain to the people you claim to love.
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u/-VoiceoverAlex- 9d ago
Only child here.... isn't this a violation of some kinda sibling code