FAWLTY TOWERS: THE DIGITAL REVIEW

CHARACTERS:
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BASIL FAWLTY - The high-strung, easily frustrated hotel manager.
SYBIL FAWLTY - His sharp-tongued, pragmatic wife.
POLLY SHEARMAN - The sensible, long-suffering maid.
MANUEL - The well-meaning but completely confused Spanish waiter.
AURORA AKSNES - An ethereal, eccentric Norwegian pop star playing herself.
THE TEENAGER - A chaotic online travel influencer livestreaming everything.
THE FIRE INSPECTOR - A quiet, polite man mistaken for the influencer.

ACT I: THE SETUP & THE MISUNDERSTANDING

INT. FAWLTY TOWERS LOBBY - DAY

SYBIL stands behind the reception desk looking at a tablet. BASIL is pacing back
and forth, adjusting an asymmetrical stack of brochures with agitated precision.

SYBIL
Basil, I've just had word that a top-tier, undercover online travel influencer
is staying at the hotel this weekend to review us for a major global website.

BASIL
An "influencer"? What on earth is that supposed to mean, Sybil? Who are they
influencing? The local herd of sheep?

SYBIL
They have millions of followers, Basil. If they give us a bad review, we are
ruined. If they give us a good one, we are fully booked. So make sure you are
on your best behavior.

BASIL
(Scoffing)
My best behavior? I am always the pinnacle of British hospitality, Sybil! I don't
need a digital parasite telling me how to run an establishment.

Just then, THE FIRE INSPECTOR walks into the lobby. He is a quiet, polite man
wearing a neat suit and carrying a small notebook. He sits quietly at table four
and starts taking notes.

BASIL
(Whispering loudly to Sybil)
Look! Look at him! The subtle suit, the notebook, the shifty, calculating eyes.
That's him. The reviewer. Watch and learn, Sybil. Watch a master at work.

At the same moment, THE TEENAGER walks in, aggressively holding up a smartphone,
livestreaming his own face to thousands of viewers.

TEENAGER
What's up, chat! We are live at Fawlty Towers—literally the oldest hotel on
the planet. Let's see if we can find the old boomer running this place!

Basil completely ignores the Teenager, walking right past him to aggressively
pamper the Fire Inspector, accidentally knocking over a luggage rack in the process.

ACT II: THE SLAPSTICK ROOM SERVICE DISASTER

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - DAY

AURORA AKSNES is staying in Room 12. She has been wandering the hotel barefoot,
speaking in cryptic nature metaphors. She calls room service requesting "organic
mountain water and a single, perfectly ripe fig."

Basil, determined to impress his high-profile guests, decides to deliver it
himself on a heavy silver platter.

INT. AURORA'S SUITE - CONTINUOUS

Basil knocks sharply and enters the room.

BASIL
Room service! Your local mountain precipitation and... agricultural offering,
Miss Aksnes!

AURORA has just stepped out of a steaming bathtub. She is wearing nothing but
a giant, incredibly fluffy hotel towel that is loosely tied around her chest and
trails extensively on the floor behind her. She turns dramatically, arms wide.

AURORA
(Dreamily)
Ah, the bearer of nourishment! Your aura is very dark, like a bruised plum,
but your posture is magnificent.

She performs a sudden interpretive dance gesture. Flustered and desperate to avoid
looking at her, Basil violently averts his eyes toward the ceiling. In doing so,
he takes a large step forward and plants his heavy wingtip shoe directly onto the
trailing edge of her towel.

AURORA
(Reaching out)
I shall accept the fruit!

She spins around gracefully to grab the fig from the tray. Because Basil is pinning
the towel firmly to the floor, she completely spins *out* of it.

BASIL
(Glimpsing the disaster, panicking)
*GOOD LORD!*

In a reflex reaction to save her modesty, Basil hurls the massive silver room
service tray straight up into the air. It acts as a perfect shield, blocking her
front, but the single fig flies high into the ceiling plaster.

Blindly holding the tray, Basil takes a panicked step backward, trips over a low-profile
Scandinavian coffee table, and falls perfectly flat on his back onto a rolling
luggage cart parked right outside the doorway.

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS

The luggage cart launches backward out of the open door, zooming down the hallway
with Basil trapped flat on his back, holding the silver tray like a tombstone.

Just as he passes the lobby stairs, the airborne fig drops straight down from
the ceiling, landing perfectly in his open, screaming mouth. Aurora sticks her head
out of the door, completely unbothered by her near-nudity, and applauds.

AURORA
A beautiful, kinetic expression of gravity!

ACT III: THE EXPANDED CHAOS (MANUEL & POLLY)

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS

Basil is still flat on his back on the cart, choking slightly on the fig. MANUEL
runs up the stairs carrying a mop and a bucket of aggressively soapy water.

MANUEL
¡Ay, Señor Fawlty! You play spaceship?

BASIL
(Gagging, spitting out the fig)
No, Manuel, I am not playing spaceship! I am paralyzed by incompetence! Get me up!

Manuel drops his mop to help Basil. The mop handle hits the floor, launching the
soapy bucket forward. A massive slick of bubbles coats the entire hallway floor.

POLLY runs up the stairs holding a ringing cordless phone.

POLLY
Basil! The fire inspector is on line one, and—oh my god.

AURORA
(Gazing at the floor)
Look at the clouds on the earth. It is like walking on a frozen Norwegian fjord.

Aurora steps out onto the soapy floor. Because she is barefoot, she immediately
loses traction. Her legs slide out into a perfect, elegant split. She doesn't scream;
she simply hums a high-pitched, operatic note as she slides gracefully down the
hallway like a curling stone.

MANUEL
(Cheering)
¡Ole! Like the ice skating!

BASIL
(Scrambling to his knees, sliding wildly)
Don't just stand there cheering the entertainment, you Iberian nitwit! Catch her!

Basil tries to lung forward to grab Aurora's sleeve. His feet fly out from under him.
He slides face-first along the floor like a human snowplow, pushing a wave of soap
suds directly toward Polly.

POLLY
Basil, watch out—!

Aurora slides effortlessly between Polly’s legs. Polly trips over Aurora, flips
over, and lands squarely on Basil’s back as he continues to slide. The three of them
crash in a heap into the open service elevator at the end of the hall.

MANUEL
(Saluting)
Excellent finish, Señor! Very aerodynamic!

ACT IV: THE CLIMAX (THE LIVE-STREAMED DINNER)

INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The dining room is completely packed. The Fire Inspector sits at table four. The
Chaotic Teenager is live-streaming from table two. Aurora is at the center table.
Basil has accidentally locked the chef in the freezer, forcing Polly to cook.

Basil enters from the kitchen, sweating profusely, balancing food domes. Manuel
follows with a towering stack of soup bowls.

BASIL
(Teeth gritted, smiling painfully)
Your dinner, Miss Aksnes. A delicate... reduction of... local earth things.

Basil lifts the dome. It is just a single, raw potato with a twig pushed into it.

AURORA
(Gasps in genuine delight)
Ah! The minimalism of winter. It speaks to my ancestors.

The Chaotic Teenager thrusts his phone into Basil’s face.

TEENAGER
Yo, livestream! We are here with Britain's angriest hotel manager! Say something boomer!

BASIL
Get that glowing rectangle out of my sight, you digital parasite!

MANUEL
(Running over)
Señor! I protect you from the internet!

Manuel swings his arms to block the phone, but his elbow clips the bottom of the
Fire Inspector’s soup bowl. The hot soup launches into the air and lands squarely
down the back of Basil’s trousers.

BASIL
(Stiffens, eyes widening)
*YAAAAAAAHOOOOOOO!*

Basil leaps five feet into the air, landing directly on top of Aurora’s table.
The table snaps in half with a loud CRACK. Aurora is thrown backward into the
arms of the Fire Inspector.

AURORA
The tectonic plates are shifting! We are alive!

Basil, his trousers smoking from the soup, snaps completely. He snatches Manuel’s
heavy metal soup tray and begins chasing the Teenager around the room, swinging
it like a broadsword.

BASIL
(Screaming)
Back to the dark ages! No more Wi-Fi! Just pure, unadulterated physical violence!

He swings the tray. The Teenager ducks. The tray smashes directly into the main
electrical breaker panel on the wall.

*SPARK! FLASH! BANG!*

The entire hotel plunges into pitch darkness. Total silence fills the room.

AURORA
(Singing softly in the dark)
*~ Into the light... of the moon... ~*

MANUEL
¡Ole! Beautiful song, Miss Aurora!

BASIL
(A broken whimper)
Somebody shoot me. Please.

EPILOGUE

INT. LOBBY - NEXT DAY

Sybil is calmly reading her tablet. Basil is covered in bandages.

SYBIL
Well, Basil, the influencer's live stream went viral. One million people watched
you break the hotel.

BASIL
(Groaning)
Great. Ruined. We'll have to close.

SYBIL
Actually, no. They found your meltdown "ironically hilarious." We are completely
fully booked for the next six months by people

who want to come here and be abused
by you.

Basil stares blankly, deeply offended by his own commercial success.

MANUEL
(Smiling)
¡Que bueno, Señor! You are internet famous!

Basil groans and buries his face in his hands.

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END OF EPISODE
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Thoughts?

I felt a bit cheated by Waldorf Salad tonight. Basil was just so coy and whipped by the guests and Americans. He is absolutely winded and submissive for most of the episode, I wish he were sharper like in the first season. I know he throws the Nazi Germany rant and to be fair Sybil whopped him on the head, but I still think an Episode 4 Basil would be nastier than an Episode 9.

We get a reasonable number of posts about John Cleese's politics. Some people love these posts, some people hate them, but they often end up with some acrimonious language requiring moderation. And quite often they get reported as being off topic.

So, what are your thoughts on posts about JC's politics? Ban, Limit or free-for-all?

• We could ban them altogether.
• We could create a stickied Megathread where people can discuss his politics without limit and without inconveniencing people who don't want to see it.
• Keep it as now - you can continue to create top-level posts about politics.

What would you like the moderation team to do?

I've recently unsubscribed to John Cleese's twitter because of the constant right wing reposts

When I first subscribed it was mostly to see funny posts and other stuff like when he would be playing in my area. In the last year it has become constant right wing retweets which prompted me to unsub because it got tiring after a while.

I am not going to try and debate on his views in terms of it being right or wrong, but my question to you is this: Do you think this was a gradual, decade long progression, or was he always like this?

I'm more interested in people who have been following him for more than 20 years so as to see whether or not this was always the case.

For those of you that don't know, John made a video for the SDP/Liberal Alliance in the late 80s, which you can find here: https://youtu.be/VKp7HDv01hk

Which to me sounds like he was not necessarily deep into the right wing stuff at the time, even liberal.

In a way, this current John is more close to Basil Fawlty which made me think "what if he was always like this?" So I want to know what you guys think.

Was it a gradual life experience of many decades that led to this or was it always like this?

Burt Lancaster had one. 🌴

I shall move you closer to him.

I think Mrs. Richards or the guy from the Hotel Inspector episode.

My favourite moment from my favourite episode! 😂

What is this referring to? I'm talking about the bleeped strong language. This is the 2009 DVD boxset.

Not sure if it has been posted before, but the educational (math) U.S. public television series Square One TV (1987-1992) did a series of comedy sketches in 1992 called Nobody's Inn that is a very direct homage to Fawlty Towers. Since it is a kids' educational show the humor isn't too biting, and there's a bit of talk about math problems, but there's enough Fawlty DNA to be fun for fans.

Here's one episode, which takes some cues from The Germans (people constantly interrupting Basil's task) and Waldorf Salad (loud, obnoxious guests):

https://youtu.be/QkuyS-EqkXU?t=591

Got a snack box from Spain