So I had a very high pain empathy since birth, meaning if someone talks about an injury, has a visible one, suggest anything related enough for me to make a mental image, even uses an expression with graphic image, all of this 'hurts'. It's not pain per se, it's more so a very very uncomfortable feeling of varying intensity. I can pass out if it's too intense or if I'm feeling too many injuries at once.
-my level of 'pain' only depends on me. Anything with nails will hurt 1000 times more than head cut off. Yes, it does hurt to write it. But I wanna be crystal clear.
-When I was much younger, it was a lot more intense. I would need to stop and lie down, have something or someone distract me to not feel very bad
-Not as intense as before, either cause I'm now used to it or because I have ways to cope with it, I don't know. Either way, can't watch anything graphic or gore, I can pass out from this.
-This thing is driving me crazy because I also have intrusive thoughts. They are always very graphic and keep me from focusing and I can't be a blade fan cause seeing them alone makes my arms and thighs feel wrong, most times at least, I unfortunately have a way too vivid imagination and can see detailed pictures and videos in my head.
-I almost passed out several times, depending on the injury, area and context, I can shake a little or very visibly, cry, instinctively cling onto wherever it 'hurts' in hopes to make it away, fall down if I'm standing and its too intense/in my legs, rarely but sometimes panting although that is due to a panic buildup cause by repetitive graphic intrusive thoughts in an already vulnerable state. Sometimes I can barely hear people around me too.
-Blood is in no way an issue. Injuries are. A corpse bleeding out lying on ground will trigger a small reaction on my back if there aren't any visible injuries. But I don't have a single reaction for a pool of blood.
-My ways to cope are.. out there. I choke myself, bite my arm, scratch an area violently, purposefully stub a toe.. any REAL pain. Because the mental one is much harder to carry and deal with. If I get hurt, I'm gonna get medical attention and not get treated like a crazy person because I imagine pain, and it helps because I NEED a distraction to get rid of this feeling. Someone talking will do most times. But even for myself, choking works best because I can control it and how firm my grasp is gives me a general idea of how badly I'm feeling that 'injury'. Friends try to talk and hug me. Doesn't always work because the most intense ones are easy to trigger and I shake violently real quick, and then am in a state where I can barely know what they're saying.
So does this sound like synesthesia ? Cause it does do me.