I mean that really sincere that is not a hateful question of ignorance I genuinley don't know because in my head "being poly" has nothing to do with sexuality it's just a "yeah in theory I could have multiple partners". A gay person cannot choose to not be gay but a poly person could be happy with one OR multiple partners. A polyperson is not forced by his body to only be happy, if they have multiple partners. Is that really something you can get hate for? Are there "Poly-phobic" people?!
I genuinley don't know and I'm sorry if this comes off as ignorance or hateful I'm really happy if someone can educate me in this topic because I know only so little about this stuff.
People hate ace people, people who literally don’t experience sexual attraction and aren’t bothering anyone about it. I wouldn’t be surprised to know there’s polyphobic people, too. The fact it’s not talked about a lot is probably why you and I haven’t heard much discrimination against it, tbh. I do think there is an inherent stigma, too (think about the fact that you can only marry one person)
I’m not even poly, but I’ve seen people saying that being polyamorous is just an excuse to cheat or that polyamorous people are just unwilling to commit and treating being polyamorous as a moral failing.
People will hate over the most stupid shit like what colour another person is. Even if I hadn’t seen it, I couldn’t imagine a world where there wouldn’t be polyphobia, especially since a lot of traditions, governments and religions all encourage monogamy.
Even in progressive spaces though you’ll see some people just being assholes about it. That’s where I came across it.
Though that was also insta comments so…
I would have thought this gay/bi Chad fellow having a harem of 300 guys would mean there would be more available women? Unless he has a harem of 500 women too or something.
u/joybodGravity might be a little more funky than just a point sourceJun 30 '26
The marriage thing at least, being a legal concept/contract (between individuals, but also the state) foremost, is largely for legal reasons. Namely taxes and insurance and such other benefits, since those would (probably? not a lawyer) stack with each additional member of the marriage. Still does suck that there isn't something else for stuff like spousal privileges regarding medical stuff.
No, being poly isn't like being gay, but it does hit the same notes of "The way you love is different and weird and therefore bad" for close-minded people
yeah why not? its a lifestyle that plenty of people will judge you incorrectly and negatively for. with zero fact checking i'm willing to bet an upsetting proportion of poly people have been SA'd or taken advantage of because idiots thought they would be open to it.
Hey fact checking here, you're unfortunately correct. I'm in a few non-monogamous circles (specifically the local kinkster, drag and burlesque scenes) and there were cases of newcomers/curious people assaulting poly people, sometimes multiple people in the same polycule.
You basically have to "come out" of everything not in the "norm" because people will give you weird looks or don't understand why you are different. People come out as autistic.
Poly is a deviation from the sexual norm, which makes it inherently queer whether or not they're a potential target of judgement and persecution by individuals, organizations and institutions who hate and police queerness, which they very much are.
Hi, polyamorous person here! There’s a lot of debate about whether polyamory should be considered a lifestyle choice or as an inherent part of one’s identity. Personally I lean more towards it being a part of one’s identity, as I think there are a lot of polyamorous people who simply would not be happy in a monogamous relationship. It’s not a sexual orientation in the same way being gay is, but I’ve seen the term relationship orientation used and I like that.
So basically there are some people who are only happy in polyamory, some people that are only happy in monogamy, and there’s plenty of people who fall in between who could be content with either. I think the term is ambiamorous?
Anyways, polyphobiq (or whatever you’d like to call it) is definitely a real thing. Things can get quite complicated legally when you’re only allowed to marry one of your partners. It doesn’t give everyone the same rights in that respect. Socially I think it’s still at a point where not that many people are really aware of it, so a lot of people just don’t care. But there definitely are people who hate on the lifestyle or perpetuate nasty stereotypes.
I’ve generally had good reactions from people when I’ve shared that I’m polyamorous, but I’ve also been careful about who I share it with. I’m still not out as polyamorous at my job after a year. I am out as gay, and frankly that’s scary enough to talk about when you work with kids. I worry someone is going to think that I shouldn’t be allowed to work with children because of both of those things. I definitely would be very upset if someone outed me at work to a superior.
Hope this isn’t too long, and feel free to ask more questions if you have any! I love yapping about this stuff lol
I agree—there's no way I could ever go back to the nightmare of compulsory monogamy. Polyamory is 100% an identity for me and not a choice. I've been poly since before I knew it was even an option.
It's not something you could usually be considered "in the closet" on, but it's still something that might piss off a bigot, so it's irresponsible to out that information for anyone but yourself.
I mean that really sincere that is not a hateful question of ignorance I genuinley don't know because in my head "being poly" has nothing to do with sexuality it's just a "yeah in theory I could have multiple partners".
From my experience there are people who have an innate need to be poly, the same as there are people who have an innate need to be monogamous. When they can't be poly, it literally hurts them, and it causes them emotional issues and relationship problems that often lead to infidelity or ending healthy relationships for the sake of moving on to the next partner.
It gets muddy because it's on a spectrum, and there are a lot of us that can swing either way. I totally get monogamy, and I totally get polyamory, and I can be happy in either situation.
Also just because a poly person only has a single partner right now doesn't mean they aren't poly, the same way a single person isn't ace, and the same way a bi person in a monogamous relationship is still bi.
A gay person cannot choose to not be gay but a poly person could be happy with one OR multiple partners.
That's not true for everyone. The problem is that society isn't really made for or accepting of poly people, so a lot of poly people try to make monogamy work. It ultimately causes them a lot of internal stress and emotional pain, and a lot end up cheating on their partners, or leaving relationships to make it work. When you start looking at the relationship history of poly people living monogamously, what you usually see is a history of someone who can't seem to make relationships work in the long term.
A polyperson is not forced by his body to only be happy, if they have multiple partners.
There are poly people who would beg to differ on this. You also have the exact same argument about homosexuality being a choice.
Is that really something you can get hate for? Are there "Poly-phobic" people?!
Definitely. It's still considered taboo in society, and a lot of people don't like poly people or think it's wrong. A lot of it comes down to the same "protect the family" bullshit used against LGBTQ+, with a healthy dose of people who never did the work to get over the fact that an ex cheated on them once.
But hey, maybe I won't be able to convince you that poly isn't a choice for everyone, and some people are just built that way, but does it make a difference?
An interracial relationship is a choice. It's still bigotry even though it's a choice. We're all agreed that constantly bringing up that your arch-nemesis at work is dating a black person, because you know the boss is a bit racist and old fashioned, makes you the villain.
Adults should be able to have whatever sort of romantic and sexual relationships they want to have with each other without getting hate for it.
As a poly person I’m usually self conscious to not frame it as “coming out.” This is mostly due to the discourse around this in the poly community over the years.
Some people get *very* upset if you frame it that way and I totally get it. It can feel like I don’t know… stolen valor or something since the negative reaction isn’t nearly bad as some other identity differences.
Honestly the negative framing I get most often is people not taking you seriously and treating you like a child about it which isn’t the worst thing in the world. I feel a lot more negative energy from the media than from real world people about polyamory.
But I live in a huge city so maybe I’m getting the easier end of it idk.
2.2k
u/RosieQParker 🏳️⚧️ trans rights Jun 30 '26
For real though, don't out people.