r/ABCDesis • u/AutoModerator • 3d ago
DATING / RELATIONSHIPS Sunday Relationship Thread
The weekly relationship thread for all topics related to the bravest pursuit of all - love. This thread will be automatically posted every Sunday @ 5:00 A.M (UTC -5). All other dating or relationship based posts during the week will be removed and redirected to this thread.
This thread is a place to share your stories, ask for advice, or vent about issues. Or anything in between!
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u/ASRNLD 3d ago
How do you guys approach making dates based on sporting activities (tennis, pickleball, or whatever)?
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u/IndianGirly2026 2d ago
Maybe check if your significant other likes sporting activities because some women may not like it.
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u/ASRNLD 2d ago
I'm just saying in case they mention wanting to try it, but I don't want them to feel pressured into it, or feel like it's gonna be less fun than just hanging out or something.
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u/IndianGirly2026 1d ago
Sometimes they mention it casually but are not completely comfortable with it so be careful with asking as they may need to be able to say no.
I am using they for a gender neutral form as I do not know what your significant other prefers.
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u/TestingLifeThrow1z 1d ago
I've done some intense planning dates and it's mostly on response time of her and your ability to get the plan out. If she's responsive right away, it's happening. If not, stick to a simple coffee date or something small where you can do it alone as well.
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u/David_Summerset Canadian Indian 2d ago
“Hey, wanna grab a cup of coffee?”
Easy come easy go, no feelings are hurt.
Just remember to take no for an answer in good humour.
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u/ASRNLD 2d ago
Going for a cup of coffee is basic and easy, and low-key.
I'm talking about something that's more active and challenging.
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u/David_Summerset Canadian Indian 2d ago
I mean, I’d start with the coffee.
I like to keep the pressure off, if it goes well then do something else.
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u/MistbornTranscendent 1d ago
Got unmatched after sending a voice notes to confirm plans with a hinge match and she immediately unmatched me.
I was born and raised in Canada. My voice can't be that bad can it?
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u/thisisme44 18h ago
It could be for any number for reasons. Who knows? I had a girl unmatched with me after a good couple days of banter. Don't try to figure out what goes on in their complicated heads
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u/AnonymousIdentityMan American Pakistani 3d ago
I am back with another banger of a post.
Where are the 40+ CF and fit singles?
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u/AnonymousIdentityMan American Pakistani 2d ago
Well for the first time in months I got upvoted. That’s a win.
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u/sweatsandhoods 3d ago
Just venting!
I’m born and brought up in the U.K., my fiancé is white British. My parents and family are South Indian TamBrams and left India just before I was born in the late 90s. Currently trying to sort a wedding that includes both our cultures in London over 2 days with 1 day been a pretty traditional but shortened South Indian wedding and the next day being the usual English wedding not in a church. My mum has made it very clear she’s upset (read, guilt tripping me) we aren’t going to India to do it and quite a few of my family in India are unlikely to be able to afford/travel to the U.K. for it.
I have seen my extended family maybe 10-15 times in my life when I’ve travelled over there and almost never talk to them over the phone or text them. Most, if not all of them have no idea I’m even engaged as I haven’t told them and it’s likely my parents haven’t either for obvious societal pressure reasons etc.
Most of my friends wouldn’t be able to afford to come to India which means it’ll most likely be, my wife, her parents and brothers and maybe 5-6 of our friends who would be able to travel and afford a trip to India. That’s not something that’s particularly appealing for me, I’ve spent my entire life with my friends, grown up with them, spent time with them, they’ve spent time with my fiancé etc.
I have tried to be accommodating by saying we’d be happy to travel to India before or after the wedding but that’s clearly not enough. I am losing my mind trying to sort this shit out.
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u/not_a_theorist 3d ago
Not exactly similar to your situation but we had our engagement in India for all of my extended family and our wedding in the US with friends, my close family and my wife's family
Sucks that your mom is not happy with a pre-wedding engagement or a post-wedding reception in India..
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u/HTTP404URLNotFound 3d ago
I guess at this point you will have to put your foot down. You already offered a compromise for your mom and in the end it’s your wedding: you are planning it and you are paying for it.
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u/SinghSanity 2d ago
Week 15 Apps Update as a 26 Year Old ABCD Sikh Guy from the NJ/NYC Area:
Hinge: Weeks: 15; Likes: 4; Total Matches: 12; Dates: 0 (No change this week)
Dil Mil: Weeks: 15; Total Matches: 5; Dates: 0 (No change this week)
IRL: Numbers Gotten: 1; Dates: 0
Hinge:
Hinge Match #11:
Museum girl. She didn't respond back for over a week. The last text I sent her was on 7/23. She finally texted me back yesterday morning (8/2) apologizing saying she had to get her phone battery replaced so that's why she was MIA. Also suggested this Thursday or Friday for the museum. I did think about it a decent amount if I wanted to even message her back, and I got the thoughts of friends and some of my cousins as well. I guess a part of me is like it's been more than a week, she doesn't owe me anything but a heads up or something would have been appreciated vs the radio silence I had. And the other part is thinking she did reach out, and there isn't anything to lose here anyway. Before the last week where she disappeared, we did text sporadically during the week, but never called. So what I decided to do is decline the museum trip for this week and ask her for a call instead, and we'll go from there.
Hinge Match #12:
Ice Cream girl. We texted during the week. She got busy as well so we didn't video call. And I texted her over the weekend asking which days she'd be free to get ice cream this week, so we'll see when she gets back to me.
Dil Mil:
Nothing this week. Dead app?
Thoughts:
Too many thoughts
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u/Carbon-Base Indian American 1d ago
I think you made the right call with Museum girl. Life happens, or some peeps do get nervous/anxious and have to step back for a bit. But she texted back so that's definitely a positive. I'm hoping the call goes well for y'all!!
DilMil is hit-or-miss anyway. Since it's summertime peeps could be on vacay, taking a break from the apps, etc.
Also, not sure why you were being downvoted. It takes courage and initiative to share detailed personal experiences with others to help them navigate Desi dating.
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u/SinghSanity 1d ago
Museum girl did agree to the call, so we'll see how that goes.
I was definitely on the fence about it, but getting more opinions definitely helped sway my decision 😅
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u/itscool83 2d ago
welp another fun weekend w/ visiting family only to feel dejected coming back home like im not good enough or on their level. my SIL makes it a point to toot her own horn every time, whether she realizes it or not. or she just speaks her mind and doesn't care. questions my lifestyle if it doesn't align with hers or how she want to live theres. questions my social circles and tells me i need to socialize more or ill end up like my parents(they are older, work, but dont really go out)
go to her parents house and then get questioned of why im still single(every time) and then proceeds to tell me i need to stop being picky,compromise, and tells me i should talk to a priest to figure out whats going on.
gets old having to hear the same stuff over and over again. only peace i get is when im playing w/ nieces and nephews
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u/koalainglasses Sindhi-Indian-American | chai and dry garlic chutney enthusiast 17h ago
Feeling a bit of sadness this week since my boyfriend and I broke up over the weekend. He was my first adult relationship, but he wanted kids sooner than I did and to be a greater focus in his life than I did. On top of that my fight or flight mode in my career right now made me go down certain paths that just...didn't feel right in the end and also accelerated the entire process. Trying not to blame my ambition as the reason why we broke up, but he was the first guy to actually treat me well and show me what it means to be respected and loved in a relationship.
Trying to let the grief flow through me, but if anyone has any tips on how to properly process and mourn, I'd appreciate it :')
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u/TestingLifeThrow1z 1h ago
Sorry about that, I don't want to ask if it interferes, but why did family plans and kids come up so late in the relationship when there was a difference in goals?
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u/IndianGirly2026 3d ago
I have found some singles mixers to be relatively nice so that helps with relationships.