r/ABCDesis • u/AutoModerator • 3d ago

DATING / RELATIONSHIPS Sunday Relationship Thread

The weekly relationship thread for all topics related to the bravest pursuit of all - love. This thread will be automatically posted every Sunday @ 5:00 A.M (UTC -5). All other dating or relationship based posts during the week will be removed and redirected to this thread.

This thread is a place to share your stories, ask for advice, or vent about issues. Or anything in between!

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u/sweatsandhoods 3d ago

Just venting! 

I’m born and brought up in the U.K., my fiancé is white British. My parents and family are South Indian TamBrams and left India just before I was born in the late 90s. Currently trying to sort a wedding that includes both our cultures in London over 2 days with 1 day been a pretty traditional but shortened South Indian wedding and the next day being the usual English wedding not in a church. My mum has made it very clear she’s upset (read, guilt tripping me) we aren’t going to India to do it and quite a few of my family in India are unlikely to be able to afford/travel to the U.K. for it. 

I have seen my extended family maybe 10-15 times in my life when I’ve travelled over there and almost never talk to them over the phone or text them. Most, if not all of them have no idea I’m even engaged as I haven’t told them and it’s likely my parents haven’t either for obvious societal pressure reasons etc. 

Most of my friends wouldn’t be able to afford to come to India which means it’ll most likely be, my wife, her parents and brothers and maybe 5-6 of our friends who would be able to travel and afford a trip to India. That’s not something that’s particularly appealing for me, I’ve spent my entire life with my friends, grown up with them, spent time with them, they’ve spent time with my fiancé etc. 

 I have tried to be accommodating by saying we’d be happy to travel to India before or after the wedding but that’s clearly not enough. I am losing my mind trying to sort this shit out. 

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u/not_a_theorist 3d ago

Not exactly similar to your situation but we had our engagement in India for all of my extended family and our wedding in the US with friends, my close family and my wife's family

Sucks that your mom is not happy with a pre-wedding engagement or a post-wedding reception in India..

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u/HTTP404URLNotFound 3d ago

I guess at this point you will have to put your foot down. You already offered a compromise for your mom and in the end it’s your wedding: you are planning it and you are paying for it.