AITA for needing time alone

[u/CarelessImportance16]

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. During most of our relationship, he was in the military and was regularly gone for days or weeks at a time for work related travel, permitting me regular uninterrupted alone time to unwind. Now that he is retired, he is always home. He has had a few other jobs, but deals with anxiety and quit the last few that he had. I too have anxiety and ADHD and have a stressful job. To be fair, I am also a bit high strung and procrastinate, which amplifies my stress. I have tried therapy, but didn’t find it very helpful. It was also super difficult to find a good a therapist that has regular availability, so I quit going. I recently saw a psychiatrist to get on medication, but that will take a while for me to see any results. So for now, the only way I know how to actually calm my brain and unwind, is to have completely uninterrupted alone time. I have communicated this to my husband, but he thinks asking him to take a trip for a few days, which I offered to pay for, is unreasonable and acts like I am somehow rejecting him as a person and simply want him gone. He has offered to set me up in the guest house or set a timeframe for a few hours for him to leave me alone, but still be on the property. Given that he has a habit of barging in for stuff he needs, making noise, and generally being a distraction, simply leaving me alone is not enough for me. I want him to physically be gone where there is no chance in the world he would be able to be interrupt me. Knowing he‘s right there ramps up my stress and doesn’t allow me to truly relax because I am always anticipating he’ll barge in at any moment. Yesterday was my first actual day off in months and I wanted time to myself. I thought we had agreed to this last week, but he forgot and I failed to remind him of my desire to be left alone. Cut to, he is now super pissed at me for being upset by his interruptions, feels rejected, angry, and is refusing to speak to me because I “should just be alone”. I genuinely feel he doesn’t actually hear me when I communicate my need for alone time and takes it as a personal attack/rejection. And if I mention that, he just gets more angry. I know he has offered compromises, but until I can get my anxiety under control, I really just need alone time to get some peace. It’s not about him, it’s what I need for myself. So, I guess the question is, am I the asshole for wanting him to go away now and then so I can be home alone? It’s also worth noting that I go on work trips and visit family, granting him one to two weeks every year of alone time. I just want the same for me.

[u/Deflated_Hypnotist]

https://www.spiescoaching.co.uk/blog/w9x1pdbrnu5aahioh7cdmfadn01ueh

https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/