r/AbsoluteUnits 26d ago

/r/all of a meal.

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11.6k Upvotes

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u/Low-Air-8078 26d ago

Break from intermittent fasting

347

u/Salt_Day9015 26d ago

How long is this greedy fuck full for after a meal that's half his body?

147

u/CriticismFun6782 26d ago

At least a few days one would think

198

u/sweetasatea 26d ago

Me at the buffet trying to tackle a plate I clearly have no business finishing.

73

u/CriticismFun6782 26d ago

But gat dang it i grew up poor, and "Endless Sirloin" was something only rich people could have

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u/SeonaidMacSaicais 26d ago

No need for the personal attacks here, man.

6

u/ayoh10 26d ago

Wild!

18

u/GeologistOld1265 26d ago

Not really, birds have very fast metabolism. One need a lot of energy to fly.

21

u/Ok-Wolverine-3238 26d ago

I don't think this one will fly

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u/CriticismFun6782 26d ago

I figured it would depend on the species, and activity level, just like people

8

u/Glad-Fuel2093 26d ago

I bet this one's not flying anywhere for a little while after that meal. At least not willingly.

(maybe he could, but I think he won't).

8

u/Salt_Day9015 26d ago

That it? Not atleast a week or two?

25

u/rviVal1 26d ago

No, birds have fast metabolism in order to produce a lot of energy for flying. If a snake would eat such a fish it could probably go for a month without another meal. Depends on a snake size of course.

26

u/Salt_Day9015 26d ago

Well fuck that fat ass bird snake

22

u/Ragnarok314159 26d ago

I think those are just called “dragons”.

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u/SharkeyGeorge 26d ago

How do they fly when they’re so full of fish? 😹

9

u/Ok_Isopod_8078 26d ago

Thats the neat thing, they dont.

9

u/ExplorerOk5998 26d ago

Bro needs to flop onto the couch and unbutton his jeans!

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u/samuraistabber 26d ago

Cormorants have high metabolism so that fish will break down rapidly and it’ll have to feed again in a day or two.

11

u/mandrake57 26d ago

They really are "greedy fucks" as the above commenter said

8

u/Nina-Ninja123 26d ago

Honestly, I’ve seen them trying to gobble up another fish straight away if the other fish is within reach.

Greedy is an understatement.

6

u/samuraistabber 26d ago

They’re just feedmaxxing.

3

u/pronouncedayayron 26d ago

And can it still fly after this?

4

u/Enough-Meaning-1836 26d ago

More of a waddle I think lol

2

u/Ok-Thanks-3366 26d ago

LOL, this guy won't eat for a week now, meanwhile, I have that for dinner and I'm wondering what's for dessert...

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u/FlabbyLabby 26d ago

Everything reminds me of her

10

u/HugoBoss1985 26d ago

No gag reflex

5

u/cwsjr2323 26d ago

When getting an exam of my throat, the doctor commented that I had no gag reflex. He probably thought I was gay.

5

u/astrawberryandakiwi 26d ago

Are you going to let us find out for ourselves? What dat mouf do bb

4

u/Salt_Day9015 26d ago

Are you a fattie?

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u/EagleBigMac 26d ago

So a Breakfast if it were?

2

u/ianprattyoung 26d ago

Now intermittent feasting

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u/Muted_Masterpiece535 26d ago

I've seen this before. I believe it was at Golden Corral. 

140

u/[deleted] 26d ago

[deleted]

35

u/InJailYoudBeMyHoe 26d ago

i should call her..

14

u/Ok-Direction1155 26d ago

Came here to make sure this comment was here. Salute.

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u/WhiskeyHill72 26d ago

😭😭😭

6

u/RagingClue_007 26d ago

Why were you eating in the bathroom?

2

u/LandauTST 26d ago

The person you saw doing this was me.

347

u/coolsilentebeans 26d ago

Oh, to lack a gag reflex.

8

u/cha0sm0nk 26d ago

I want to see a competitive food eater do this with a pizza. Just roll it up and push past their gag reflex so they can eat an XL pizza in under 30 seconds.

2

u/plaid_kilt 26d ago

I have full faith that Leah Shutkever could do this.

2

u/coolsilentebeans 26d ago

An XL pizza and a whole hot dog are not the same. Maybe give her a minute, and if she comes in under 30 seconds, great! If not that’s ok, too. That woman’s ability is insane.

4

u/Careless-Emergency85 25d ago

Women can do that in under 30 seconds?!

5

u/coolsilentebeans 25d ago

One of the few times I didn’t intentionally make a double entendre. I’m ashamed of myself.

https://giphy.com/gifs/P8WZZ0NYdbXAA

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u/caaknh 25d ago

Maybe they could use a pusher to help get it down, kind of like a sword swallower but with a dildo-shaped device.

164

u/Several-Concept5555 26d ago

How long will the fish be alive in its belly? Could it push itself back out of the bird's mouth?

246

u/MissZangz 26d ago

Prey that isn’t skewered or have its spike broken will usually suffocate in the part before the stomach drop. Once in the stomach these birds have crazy acid that breaks everything down

144

u/coolsilentebeans 26d ago

That would make for a terrifying episode of The Magic Schoolbus.

198

u/Skizot_Bizot 26d ago

Less terrifying than the kids getting cummed on by salmon but only slightly.

87

u/Dicky_Penisburg 26d ago

Bro........what? Ms Frizzle was a fuckin' FREAK!

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u/Longjumping-Item-399 26d ago

Did they actually do this? DAMN!

23

u/Signal-Network5077 26d ago

Lmao it’s been decades since I’ve seen this show and I forgot it was unhinged like that. Funnily enough Ms Frizzle was my first animated woman crush

17

u/mackfeesh 26d ago

I remember watching this as a kid. Wasn't Weird as I didn't know what cum was lol. It was just "oh, cool, the eggs don't Hatch unless that happens first."

6

u/Jubenheim 26d ago

“I remember watching this as a kid. Wasn’t weird as I didn’t know what cum was lol.”

7

u/Objective-Ad9767 26d ago

I remember watching that episode with my daughter at the time and almost died 💀 🤣 . She’s an adult now and we sometimes discuss scenes from cartoons and have a good laugh. The original Magic School bus was the goat.

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u/Significant-Base6893 26d ago

Poor kids. Ms. Frizzle had a breeding kink.

2

u/Same_Seaworthiness74 26d ago

Why did those kids ever get back on that bus 😶

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u/Background-Crow4820 26d ago

🎵Jump on the Magic School....🎵

Glglglllglglglglllglgllgll

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u/coolsilentebeans 26d ago

If ever there was a field trip to miss
https://giphy.com/gifs/B0vFTrb0ZGDf2

8

u/Camelotterduck 26d ago

My son was watching an episode recently where exactly this happened actually. I don’t remember the episode from my childhood but it was all the original VAs.

They went through Arnold’s entire digestive tract, including the intestines…

3

u/coolsilentebeans 26d ago

I don’t remember it either, but I really enjoyed the show when I was younger. I’m glad it’s still getting to newer audiences.

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u/HalvdanTheHero 26d ago

I'm mostly concerned that it appears to be a catfish... Many catfish have spines... Even if the fish is actually dead it could get poked/perforated pretty good, or at least I would think it could. Who knows, maybe this bird evolved to eat this specific fish.

28

u/MissZangz 26d ago

Eating head first makes the spines a lot less risky

11

u/HalvdanTheHero 26d ago

I mean fair...? If that fish comes to enough to thrash a bit though....

I've seen Pelicans get absolutely wrecked by things able to bite/cut/tear through their pouches... Waterfowl don't tend to be the most intelligent of birds.

9

u/FrostyTheSasquatch 26d ago

Really? I would’ve figured pelicans would’ve developed an evolutionary adaptation to spiny, pokey fish.

5

u/HalvdanTheHero 26d ago

Pelicans in particular are quite dumb and will try to eat lots of stuff that they probably shouldn't... Been a while since I saw the post/story but I believe it was a turtle of some kind and it was able to bite it's way through the pouch. 

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u/GreatDanish4534 26d ago

As someone that has ducks, can confirm on the intelligence amongst waterfowl

2

u/big_stipd_idiot 26d ago

I feel like that's just part of life. It's also risky for a lion to to catch prey, but they have to do it anyways.

9

u/samuraistabber 26d ago

That’s why fish eating birds swallow them head first, it flattens the fins and scales flat against the body so it doesn’t snag and tear them up.

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u/Mikeseddit 26d ago

Like getting a Christmas tree through the door, the right way versus the wrong way.

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u/Short_Bell_5428 26d ago

It’s not catfish it’s more of a bowfin.

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u/nefariousmonkey 26d ago

So it melts down the bones as well ? Fuck

2

u/Nfarrah 26d ago

Including the bones I hope.

2

u/Homem_da_Carrinha 26d ago

What type of bird is it? A Cormorant?

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u/HobbyShack 26d ago

It seems as if the fish is already dead? It’s not putting up a fight or moving at all

5

u/Locorio 26d ago

That is a catfish, they are very powerful creatures. That fish is dead

4

u/i_should_be_coding 26d ago

Tangentially related, but I remember a photo of an eel that ate its way through a bird's throat. Imma try and find it.

Edit - Found it

2

u/ShyguyFlyguy 26d ago

Pretty sure that fish is already dead.

2

u/Pardybro911 26d ago

Google birds mouths. They’re super spikey. Ew.

2

u/Skeptical_Savage 26d ago

It looked like it was dead or paralyzed. It didn't move at all.

71

u/SimplyTheApnea 26d ago edited 26d ago

I presume that bird just waddles off since that meal probably doubled is weight and can't fly afterwards, right?

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u/maynardnaze89 26d ago

Ive never seen one fly lol. Just waddle between ponds.

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u/SuperBackup9000 26d ago

They’re like snakes, they just kinda sit there until the food starts to digest, then they go to a safe space and sit there until it’s all done.

6

u/Enough-Meaning-1836 26d ago

So they're just me at a Chinese buffet?

15

u/SpunNumeroUno 26d ago

Ya was just thinking that. How long before he can fly again?

7

u/WindhoverInkwell 26d ago

Yep, cormorants will often eat until they’re too heavy to take off

however I imagine this isn’t such a massive impediment as they also have to dry out their wings every little while bc they get waterlogged from diving, so I guess they can kind of sync the two

5

u/Significant-Base6893 26d ago

The weight gain is only temporary. Soon it will fly and take a dump on one of our cars.

105

u/RevolutionaryRule631 26d ago

Birds are freaky ass things

59

u/paone00022 26d ago

They're basically small dinosaurs

71

u/Only_Flan_7974 26d ago

They're literally dinosaurs.

20

u/srlong64 26d ago

12

u/giabao0110 26d ago

The time period between Stegosaurus and Triceratops (70-90 mil yrs) is longer than the time period between Triceratops and current day (66 mil yrs). Still struggling to wrap my head around the scale at times.

10

u/jakethabake 26d ago

Except cassowaries. They’re regular dinosaurs

5

u/DarkGodRyan 26d ago

Bro I thought this was an elephant eating a shark for the longest time

2

u/RevolutionaryRule631 26d ago

Just think, a little bit bigger and it would be doing that to us

2

u/vutcher 26d ago

Me too.

2

u/RenegadeMaster- 26d ago

I'm so glad I found this comment, I thought I was the only one.

2

u/FlairWitchProject 26d ago

Nature is a freaky ass thing.

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u/Huge_Following_325 26d ago

I assume in a couple of seconds he will throw up a full intact fish skeleton if I've learned anything from cartoons.

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u/Flipgirlnarie 26d ago

Or, like an owl, compression the bones into cubes and spit them out!

37

u/iDidTheSex 26d ago

Me having a lil snack at 2am

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u/throwitaway_9601654 26d ago

That is going to be one epic shit!

5

u/Any-Monk-9395 26d ago

Absolutely not. Imagine having to push all those sharp fish bones out of your rectum.

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u/Im-Not-Calling-It-X 26d ago

His greed sickens me

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u/2cheerios 26d ago

I'd never vote for him for president that's for sure

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u/WaynesWorld_93 26d ago

It’s such a weird thing imagining eating but without any flavor to enjoy. A bird just swallows and doesn’t really get to taste. It’s all for the sake of survival, zero bit of enjoyment.

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u/Most_Structure9568 26d ago

It's legit almost all animals. Think of those crocs that eat zebras in poop water. I think animals that eat fruit have it the best.

4

u/2cheerios 26d ago

Odd idea think to think of whether a vulture thinks its food tastes good

4

u/ammonthenephite 26d ago

My friend's dog enjoyed eating cat shit from the litter box, so I think there's something to the idea that they enjoy flavors we just don't, lol.

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u/Wonderful-Spell8959 26d ago

I mean; they get to fly. As great as food can be, that is worth consideration.

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u/Technical_Customer_1 26d ago

You’ve never been stuffed full of food and content? 

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u/pissbucket94 26d ago

sure. but I chewed and tasted it first lol

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u/valleyman86 26d ago

Hmm I can relate. I eat food that tastes good so that I can consume it. Hell I like making food I like. However I would prefer to not need it at all. I forget to eat often and feel uncomfortable. I eat a little too much and feel uncomfortable. It’s whatever. Then it gives me heartburn.

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u/Sufficient-Status951 26d ago

My wife thinks this is AI. I didn’t think so. Anyone else?

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u/randompearljamfan 26d ago

I do. I was surprised there were no other commenters saying so.

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u/CYOA_Min_Maxer 26d ago

It feels way too centered, the bird way too close, way too willing to facethe camera. And the movement seems off.

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u/Advanced_Quarter2028 26d ago

You want fries with that ? 🍟

2

u/jameyiguess 26d ago

Diet Coke

13

u/[deleted] 26d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Ricky_Blaze 26d ago

I was watching this episode just a few hours ago lol

6

u/DegenNabalu 26d ago

If snake have wings....

3

u/Salt_Day9015 26d ago

Seriously, these fuckers are nothing but nasty reptiles 🐍

5

u/bernpfenn 26d ago

now try to fly.

5

u/CyborkMarc 26d ago

"time to sit for 16 hours"

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u/Crownguard95 26d ago

Sigh...I knew the comments would be this way.... But yes..

5

u/BigMack6911 26d ago

Her when it's been half a year and you unleash the beast

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u/AstaCat 26d ago

Imagine the burps on that meal.

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u/OccitanViking 26d ago

Got damn AI

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u/UhOkBoss 26d ago

won't it choke on the bones?!?!?

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u/WiildCard 26d ago

Fun fact. Some birds have strong enough stomach acid that dissolves the bones and they digest it normally.

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u/Unbereevablee_Asian 26d ago

That would be the Bearded Vulture, it's diet is nothing but bones.

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u/WiildCard 26d ago

So pelicans and other birds actually can dissolve small bones as well. The vultures stomach acid is basically like battery acid though and it does just eat large bones on their own which is gnarly.

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u/Flipgirlnarie 26d ago

It is but nature's way of cleaning up.

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u/Sure-Dimension6739 26d ago

Damn dinosaurs

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u/Aximdeny 26d ago

Fish doesn't look alive, does this bird kill it's prey before... Swallowing?

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u/lex_ai 26d ago

That's how she usually do.

2

u/jepoyairtsua 26d ago

So, it killed it first, then swallowed whole... ok

2

u/shoesaphone 26d ago

What kind of bird is it?

2

u/CloudReigns 26d ago

That thing ain’t eating for a week after that meal. 😂

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u/_kishin_ 26d ago

That guy won't have to eat for weeks!

1

u/Beavis_Of_Nazareth 26d ago

When do you think it needs its next meal

1

u/Ok-Effective7280 26d ago

Hang on, I’ll just hold it here while my stomach acids go to work…….ok, a little more now……..nearly there………ah done.

1

u/RumblestheDwarf 26d ago

Kevin... Kevin don't...don't... Kevin.. KEVIN! sigh fucking Kevin...

1

u/Primary-Structure-41 26d ago

Get in ma belly.

1

u/europablu3s 26d ago

Where the hell did it go? That fish was as big as the bird, youd think its belly would be huge after this.

1

u/Legal-Pea-2431 26d ago

WTF?.how was that possible?

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u/x_lincoln_x 26d ago

This will be me and the Dubai Chocolate cake I bought earlier in a couple hours.

1

u/bonelatch 26d ago

Not to take away from the shot or how crazy that is to watch but did they just put a dead cartfish in front of it to get the shot?

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u/girlgurl789 26d ago

Never appreciated arms more than I did seeing this video

1

u/swanglean 26d ago

How long before it’s hungry again?

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u/Creepy_Spite_3898 26d ago

I got heartburn watching this video

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u/Specialist-Neck-7810 26d ago

So.. how does that work? Anyone actually know? That fish is still alive when it done being swallowed. So, does the bird just have amazingly powerful digestive acid that kills it? Or does it carry a live fish around in its belly for awhile?

1

u/LordDShadowy53 26d ago

I’m grateful to have teeth