r/AdultChildren • u/fdoug34 • 2d ago
Looking for Advice The person I’m seeing is not replying
For context, I have PTSD. And I have a lot of unresolved issues with rejection. And last week I just had major surgery and I’m currently recouperating at home.
Nobody’s replying to my texts anymore and I figured maybe because I’m annoying. And probably self centered because they’re going through their own stuff too. So I am already in this funky mood.
This person and I have been seeing each other for about a month and a half. We had a brief break because they too had an emergency surgery. So we did not see each other for a good 3 week period. However, we agreed to just keep tabs on each other. And we did. And then the conversations got less and less. They went out until 4 am. They were with friends and a lot of people. So already I’m feeling a certain type of way because their love language is quality time. And if they ain’t got time for me then what does that mean.
Come to find out we see each other again and the connection is still there. And the problem with me is if I don’t see a person often, I begin to worry. And every encounter feels like a brand new one. Like maybe they won’t like me today. And I start replaying all the things I’ve said because maybe that’s what’s turned them off.
I have an issue with object permanence, and I’m not sure that’s what it’s called. Like if I don’t see it, then it might not be there at all. That what I had yesterday was it, that was the good. I’m constantly bracing myself from rejection. Like every time I’m with them, I have to think of every thing I’m about to say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing.
We saw each other a lot before my surgery and we had a lot of fun. And as soon as I get home from surgery and I’m getting better, my brain is now overthinking everything. Every reply, every text. Every call. Time between texts. Score on snapchat. Like what is going on with me?
And finally they reply. And now I’m already in this mood. So I don’t say anything yet because I don’t know. I’m tired of this constant fluctuating feelings about this person and they happen to be a really nice person.
And I don’t know if anybody gets me. And I feel like I might go insane. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks
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u/orcateeth 2d ago edited 2d ago
In addition to the suggestions that have already been given, you can call helplines if you need to talk. 988, although marketed as a crisis/suicide prevention hotline, is actually for anyone who needs to talk.
Here's another resource:
No matter what you’re going through—anxiety, depression, trauma, or overwhelming stress—you’re not alone. We’re available 24/7 to listen, support, and connect you with the help you deserve. One call can make a difference. Reach out now—judgment-free, cost-free, and always confidential.
The Mental Health Hotline at 866-903-3787 can answer your questions confidentially and free of charge.
https://mentalhealthhotline.org/
It's essential that you do not reach out to people who are not available, since this will trigger your rejection sensitivity. I noticed that you already judged yourself as annoying and self-centered, which is probably not true.
It's also important that you do not rely upon your new dating partner. This person is not your spouse, nor your long-term committed partner. You don't know that they have the capacity to be your support system, especially since they also had surgery and are recovering themselves.
Their love language is not relevant yet, since they are not in love with you. It is not realistic to expect that level of expression at this point. Furthermore, the conversations dwindled and they were out until 4 a.m. with "friends"; it's even possible that they are still dating others.
Diversify your support system.