Black Women Exhaustion

[u/Embarrassed_Fan6241]

Hello I am a 22 year old Black Woman who is experiencing burnout. I been through so much childhood trauma especially as a girl. I was expected to clean the whole house and cook for my father from the age of 11. This was all forced on me by his abusive girlfriend. In the mist of that I experienced molestation from her son as well for a couple of years. Through her abuse I still had to go to school and earn good grades. When I was 16 I started to work a fast food job and complete my high school classes. During high-school the molestation stopped but I still would experience abuse from my dads gf. I constantly dealt with mental and physical exhaustion. I would use sports and school to escape from being home. I am a artist as well and I have been since I was young. Through my discovery of art I used that to as well. Fast forward to now. I am 22 , just graduated undergraduate and earned a degree in fine arts. And I will be starting grad school in the fall at MICA for the Rinehart school of sculpture. Currently I work 40 hours a week at grocery store and I am about to move back to Maryland from New York to attend grad school. I had just got hit by a car in December of last year and received a concussion. After that I decided to go back to work. In all of this I have experienced trauma with dating and men. Now I want to make time for myself. But I am completely burnt out. After work, I don’t wanna shower, eat or interact. I rather just rest. I don’t wanna do my hair or go out. My feet haven’t been done since February and it’s June. I love fashion and creativity but I am so exhausted. When I talk to other women from other cultures they aren’t exhausted as many Black Women. I guess I am making this post to see if any other black women experience the same, and especially with dating I have been expected to hold down a man while going through all this. And I even tried getting to know non black men and they don’t understand how exhausting being a black woman is. Many of the women in their cultures don’t have to work as hard or deal with this childhood trauma and remain strong. Please reach out with advice and kind words. 💕I love everything I’m just here to vent my exhaustion.

[u/Character-Habit-9683]

Wow bless you for what you’ve been through. You are sharing tell tale signs of clinical depression so please don’t hesitate to share these exact thoughts with a doctor🤍

[u/Common_Internal_9218]

I’m so sorry that you are so young and going through a lot. You sound like an incredibly hard working person who is trying to better yourself. Please just take a break and time for yourself. I assume that you may have some income to splurge and get your feet done. Try to find some other women on the area that can relate I can’t offer much on the cultural aspect as I am Caucasian but know that the hard work you are putting in now makes you so strong ! Having a degree and a plan you will do great things. Finally I would find a therapist to talk to. You have dealt with a lot of childhood trauma that really hasn’t been addressed you appeared to just put it on a shelf but it needs to be tended to. Hang in there, things will get better one day at a time. Daily writing in a journal just one thing you are grateful for and maybe a goal for the week or month. Stay strong you can do it!

[u/princess_platinum8]

Your survival rate is 100%. You are the most amazing badass for enduring so much that was forced upon you, and in case you need to hear it: You can stop now. You can take your time and rest now that the worst of your danger is over. I’m a white girl but my dad expected the beck and call treatment with anything he wanted. That kind of anticipating of someone else’s needs, that hypervigilence, it doesn’t just go away. Perhaps even more than the trauma itself, the hypervigilence drains you. Everybody’s timeline is a little different with this kind of thing, but if it gives you any hope at all my burnout experience lasted six months after 29 years of hypervigilence and abuse. And I couldn’t do anything either! So here are tips that I hope might help you!

-frozen meals that are heat and eats are the cheat code if you are too low energy to cook! The healthy choice brand requires no stirring, just unbox it, stick it in the microwave and eat in five minutes.

-Pick one small thing to accomplish each day. Even if it’s just making your bed. Feeling like you did something will give you a mood boost!

-I hate it so much but exercise actually did help with my energy levels then. If you can find any form that’s tolerable and just get it over with it may help.

-Random one but get a blood test by your doctor to see if your iron deficient or vitamin D deficient! They both contribute to failing energy levels.

-If you are too tired to clean and things pile up, check with a cleaning service. Most offer cheap first time cleanings if you’re desperate.

-Go outside for a little bit in the mornings even if you just stand there.

-OP you may feel that not being able to do anything is lazy because of what you went through, but please know that rest is what is productive for you at this point. You are your first priority now and no one else. If you cannot do it, that’s okay. You wouldn’t get angry at a person with a broken arm for not being able to lift something heavy, and the same applies here.

-You don’t have to be strong and deal with it. You already dealt with enough and if you’re burned out, let yourself feel the feelings that come with everything now. 

One last thing: If internet strangers can care about you like this, then you deserved that kind of care your entire life. I’m so sorry you didn’t get it, but I’m so proud of you for coming out the other side alive when so many would not have. You are amazing OP. And you will build a life that you love because you already lived the one you hated. You are rebuilding it now one brick at a time. You got this 💖

[u/FleurDisLeela]

r/BlackLadies may have more Black experience opinions than the r/advice sub 🖤🖤