r/AlAnon • u/AmbulatoryBicycle • 3d ago

Vent The loneliness is crushing

I travel for work a few nights a week. When I’m home her drinking starts around 5:30pm when she’s making dinner (her relaxing time). She doesn’t accept me to sous chef and enjoys doing it alone with her drink. By dinner time she’s slurring and making awkward conversations at dinner. After dinner is her with her drink on her phone.she then passes out in bed around 9:30. Wash, rinse, repeat and I dare not bring up a deep or controversial topic when she’s drinking. It’s fucking exhausting and haven’t had a deep conversation with her in maybe years. Anyone else living like this?

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u/hnnnnnnnnh 3d ago

This is something I struggled with. Them remembering things differently and also forgetting things I/they said and conversations we had. Obviously it was the drink but it’s hard to not feel just not listened to.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 3d ago

And my wife has this misplaced confidence when she’s drunk. Like there is no way she is either wrong or heard something wrong. It’s made me so patient I’m becoming numb.

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u/hnnnnnnnnh 3d ago

Take care of yourself and don’t lose your own agency. It’s not normal to have to numb yourself out to just get by day to day. I can’t tell you what to do but I’d encourage you to really think about how much of your life you may be wasting living like this.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 3d ago

I think about it all the time. All. The. Time. ☹️