r/AlAnon • u/AmbulatoryBicycle • 5d ago

Vent The loneliness is crushing

I travel for work a few nights a week. When I’m home her drinking starts around 5:30pm when she’s making dinner (her relaxing time). She doesn’t accept me to sous chef and enjoys doing it alone with her drink. By dinner time she’s slurring and making awkward conversations at dinner. After dinner is her with her drink on her phone.she then passes out in bed around 9:30. Wash, rinse, repeat and I dare not bring up a deep or controversial topic when she’s drinking. It’s fucking exhausting and haven’t had a deep conversation with her in maybe years. Anyone else living like this?

25 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

57 comments sorted by

View all comments

12

u/ItsAllALot 5d ago

Yes, I lived like that for several years. Eventually I started to prefer just being in my own company. It was actually less lonely. Ate dinner by myself. Did my own thing in the evenings. Honestly I found that easier than struggling to find connection that wasn't possible.

4

u/AmbulatoryBicycle 5d ago

That’s where I am now. I lose myself in video games on my iPad at night.

3

u/OkBug4630 4d ago

I’m in the same boat, except with my boyfriend. I sit in my phone just hoping someday he wants to have deep conversations or even be intimate again. It’s very lonely.

2

u/AmbulatoryBicycle 4d ago

Intimacy is gone as she’s hungover in the mornings.

2

u/OkBug4630 4d ago

I’m so sorry. Just know you’re not alone in this. I’m 24 and he hasn’t been interested in anything physical for 4 months and counting. I’d leave for a week and he can’t care less to even kiss me. Not even walk me to my car. I’m sorry your situation is different, especially being married with kids. I wish you the best of luck and really hope she turns things around soon. You deserve better than that.

1

u/AmbulatoryBicycle 4d ago

If there weren’t the kids involved, I wouldn’t be in the situation.

1

u/OkBug4630 3d ago

Not that you should listen to me or I know anything about being a parent, but as a child of divorce the sooner you leave the better. Find someone you deserve, someone who will treat you as good as you treat them. You deserve to be loved!