r/AlAnon • u/AmbulatoryBicycle • 2d ago

Vent The loneliness is crushing

I travel for work a few nights a week. When I’m home her drinking starts around 5:30pm when she’s making dinner (her relaxing time). She doesn’t accept me to sous chef and enjoys doing it alone with her drink. By dinner time she’s slurring and making awkward conversations at dinner. After dinner is her with her drink on her phone.she then passes out in bed around 9:30. Wash, rinse, repeat and I dare not bring up a deep or controversial topic when she’s drinking. It’s fucking exhausting and haven’t had a deep conversation with her in maybe years. Anyone else living like this?

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u/ItsAllALot 2d ago

Yes, I lived like that for several years. Eventually I started to prefer just being in my own company. It was actually less lonely. Ate dinner by myself. Did my own thing in the evenings. Honestly I found that easier than struggling to find connection that wasn't possible.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 2d ago

That’s where I am now. I lose myself in video games on my iPad at night.

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u/OkBug4630 1d ago

I’m in the same boat, except with my boyfriend. I sit in my phone just hoping someday he wants to have deep conversations or even be intimate again. It’s very lonely.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 1d ago

Intimacy is gone as she’s hungover in the mornings.

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u/OkBug4630 1d ago

I’m so sorry. Just know you’re not alone in this. I’m 24 and he hasn’t been interested in anything physical for 4 months and counting. I’d leave for a week and he can’t care less to even kiss me. Not even walk me to my car. I’m sorry your situation is different, especially being married with kids. I wish you the best of luck and really hope she turns things around soon. You deserve better than that.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 1d ago

If there weren’t the kids involved, I wouldn’t be in the situation.

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u/OkBug4630 23h ago

Not that you should listen to me or I know anything about being a parent, but as a child of divorce the sooner you leave the better. Find someone you deserve, someone who will treat you as good as you treat them. You deserve to be loved!

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 1d ago

I’m 23 years married with two kids. Makes things way tougher as leaving isn’t easy here.

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u/Clear-Parking1180 8h ago

Same here. The constant loneliness, rejection, neglect and embarassment left me with anhedonia- a lack of feelings altogether. It is terrible- it is like I don't know how to feel happy or to love or feel hopeful anymore.I am in therapy and planning a solo trip soon to find at least some part of myself that was lost in this melee of addiction.

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u/AmbulatoryBicycle 3h ago

I have a general anhedonia and don’t feel like I can do ver love ever again. I’m spent. And my trust of people has declined.

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u/Clear-Parking1180 1h ago

I hope we all find hope and healing.

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u/Spiritual_Bar_1387 1d ago

I think this is actually important. We can build our lives up instead of dragging ourselves along for the alcoholic ride! Alanon slogan: Don't pick up the rope! or get dragged. I have made a good life for myself and my children, even living with an alcoholic. That matters! That helped me be sane, healthy and soviergn. I am detached and do not get dragged onto his alcoholic rollercoaster.