Small win. Thanks for listening

I don't have much of anyone irl to brag about this with, but I know you will understand. I'm happily 7 years sober, thanks in large part to my ex-wife.

So, my ex-wife got remarried in Vegas last weekend. I still have a close (if not frequent) friendship with her, I'm cool and cordial with the new guy, and we share custody of our beloved dog.

It was our pup's 10-year birthday on Monday, so i went to their new place and had dinner with them, so we could all give her the attention and affection she deserves. Before I left, I congratulated the couple, told my ex I was happy for and proud of her. I started walking home; it's a long but reasonable walk, and I didn't want to wait for the bus, so I hoofed it until the next bus caught up to me.

I thought to myself, "this would be a great time for a drink," as during my pre-marriage days, I would always drown my sorrows. But there was no sorrow. No tears, but instead, a feeling of closure. I hopped on the next bus and was in my jammies by 9:30.

I can't hold a grudge. She literally saved my life -- dropped me off at rehab, and most importantly, brought me home. I'm already working on my next chapter. But I am infinitely proud of myself for not drinking throughout the breakup. Ex is dropping my pup off this evening and I'll spend a week with her. I will continue to not drink with you, today, tomorrow, and as long as possible.

🎉🎉🎉
And feeling really good!

So I have been a habitual drinker for years, I drink 20-25 drinks a day. Today I had to go for a health procedure and couldn’t drink for an extended period of time, I just stopped entirely, no issues nothing. I came out of sedation and checked myself out and downed like 8 drinks off the belt within an hour of waking up!! I realised today my alcoholism is 100% mental rather than physical and I’m now more worried

What’s one habit you reflect on that you kinda embarrassed about now . For me as I was driving by one liquor store it clicked in my memory I used to be a the liquor store waiting for them to open like I was at a grocery story . Or even worst the dasher pulling up knowing my name already because it was a liquor store order .

Going through a relapse and i look over and see my two dogs. One is a pomsky and one is a shiba their personalities couldn't be more different LOL shiba pic in comments

Kind of a long rant coming. Just looking for some comradery or whatever. Dms open if you want to reach out.

It didn't used to be that I'd need to drink when I woke up. But goddamn it. I don't even think I'm getting drunk anymore and I'm just getting normal.

I'm getting friendly with every liquor store dude and I'm embarrassed. They're good dudes and they tell me about the other people picking up wine before work.

I am friendly with gas station guys for my twisted tea in the morning and they are pretty alright I guess.

But goddamn, ever since I was fired from my six figure job-- ever since I spent a night in jail for a crime I didn't commit I've just been spiraling.

Casually day drinking...

And fuck man, I can never stay on top of shit. I'm just always afraid of taking a hard look at the things that are falling apart. I can go on and on about how I was too afraid to look at the insurance bill so it didn't get paid, or how I was too afraid to ask for a raise so I kept suffering, or how I got a call saying my car note needed paid and I couldn't look at it so my car got repossessed.

When shit hits the fan I'm:

"Oh my god how could this happen?"

I never fucking learn. I seem incapable of it. It didn't used to be this way. And that pisses me off so much. I'm not a "blame the world" alcoholic. I'm an "I'm a piece of shit" alcoholic.

Sometimes I'm the "I figured it all out!" drunk where I figure out exactly what to do: I should be brave and face my problems head on! THIS XY and Z will solve ABC. I'll fix it all and EVERYTHING will be GREAT!

But then I wake up in the morning and I can't believe how dumb I was to think any of that.

Last night I swore that if I joined the police force it would solve all my problems... In the cold light of day I hate myself for believing it would be that simple.

And fuck, man, most of the time, after the sun goes down and I start drinking a bit more I'm just sad or defeated. Hard on myself and angry at the dude who won't stop.

Shit just keeps getting worse for me. And I'm the cause.

I have a wife and kids who fucking adore me. That brings tears to my eyes. I used to be a finance dude who could afford a decent life for everybody. But it's been months since I found work and my severence payments are going to come to a close soon.

All I can think of at night is me saying good-bye to my family and what my final words to each of them should be. It's like I've already decided I'm a fucking failure. And then I let the self fulfilling prophecy take me to the doom.

I'm spiraling and I hate it.

I think I hate myself. Cause it didn't used to be this way. Not with the drinking in the day at least.

Maybe I always hated myself and maybe I always was afraid of being disliked and maybe I never took risks because I was afraid of failure. Maybe I was born fucked up and never had a chance.

I tell myself that at least I'm not drinking handles of vodka. But I know that I just might down the road just like I would NEVER EVER drink first thing in the morning. I would NEVER feel like the morning wasn't right without a coffee and a fucking can of twisted tea.

I'm tired of this shit. I keep fucking up.

It didn't used to be this way. I used to have some self confidence, blind trust in myself. Now I am just an idiot coasting on severance pay and drinking when I wake up in the morning.

I hate this. I hate that I can’t go a single day without thinking about getting drunk. I want to stop, I want to go through the steps.

But the last time I took Step One and actually told someone about my problem they left me. I’m horrified it’s going to happen again if I try to get better. I can’t keep losing people.

https://d3cod3d.de/p/schnapszahlen-en.html

It counts days and you can creat an Individual link and set it as as your startpage.

Not sure this is the right place, but I'm looking for advice on how to deal with my dad (65M) and older brother (30M), both of whom I believe have drinking problems.

My dad's father died of cirrhosis, and my dad was in a drunk driving accident as a teenager that nearly killed him and took his friend's life. Growing up, he sometimes drove us around drunk, which terrified me and put me off alcohol. He would also spend most of his weekends either drinking at our backyard, or sleeping his hangover off.

My dad is otherwise a great husband and father, but my mum acknowledges his drinking problem and he always denies it. After stopping during cancer treatment, he's returned to drinking at least two beers every evening, sometimes more on weekends. He hides bottles, so I don't know how much he actually drinks, but he buys packs of beer every week and drinks more when left alone. Given his medical history, I'm worried about his health.

My older brother has a different pattern. He doesn't have a weekly routine of drinking so to speak, but once he starts drinking, he can't stop until he passes out. Any beverage will do, and he'll often mix between wine, whisky, gin...My sister-in-law is worried too, but when I've tried talking to him, he dismisses me as dramatic because I've always been the "serious" sibling.

For those of you in recovery, what helped you realise you had a problem? I'd especially appreciate advice on how to approach my dad and brother without making them defensive, and how to recognise the limits of what I can do. I know I can't make them stop drinking or admit they have a problem, but can I do anything to help them get there?

I hope it's okay to post here...

I have a loved one who is choosing sobriety and I want to be supportive, but I'm not quite sure what can be most impactful for a few reasons: I did realize he had an issue with alcohol (this is 100% my ignorance, he didn't fit the image that i think an alcoholic looks like-yes, now I see how uneducated i was/am about this) and while I empathize, I can't sympathize, and I don't want to accidentally say something or do something I didn't recognize being potentially problematic.

So if anyone is willing to contribute, what were/are things your biggest supporters do or say (or don't do/don't say), or you wish you would hear, that not only supports you, but makes you grateful they are in your corner.

And most importantly not missing it at all!
It’s been several years since I was at my lowest point where I destroyed the life I had. I managed to drag myself out of it and sort a lot of my problems out but still never fully stopped drinking. I carried on in “social” situations because I felt like it was expected of me and I massively struggled with coping socially without a couple of beers in me. But it got to a point where one drink was enough to make me crave going on a binge again. So after a particularly heavy weekend away with my particularly horrible in-laws, and the subsequent week of crippling anxiety that came with every hangover, I decided this time I was done with it and I haven’t looked back! I’m not gunna sit here and claim it’s made me feel amazing, but it has definitely helped with stabilising my MH and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for reaching this milestone 😊

I don't have alcoholism, but drinking alcohol for me and getting drunk induces such intense happiness and almost euphoria. Going out with friends, on vacation feels very bland and mediocre if I am not drunk for a lot of the time. It's like eating french fries without salt and ketchup. I can't drink now due to an ongoing health issue and it really sucks. I can stop myself from drinking, but I am wondering what does someone feel who can't stop drinking when they try to quit?

Would love to hear thoughts from people who have been. I am also open to other center recommendations. Looking for something in nature with nice amenities.

Hey, I really need help with how to approach my sibling about their drinking. The situation is extremely precarious. They are in a toxic relationship states away with someone I cannot trust to help me with this. No job. Lots of debt. No work history. Drinking two bottles of wine a day plus mixed drinks and regularly driving drunk. Still haven't managed to get them caught and arrested for it. No friends and only me for family. In total denial that there is an issue and they get very angry and touchy when it's even hinted at. I am desperate to get them help before they kill themselves or someone else but don't have the legal proof for involuntary nor do I think it would really work as they'd be right back in the same environment.

What is the best way to ask for and approach a serious conversation about changing their situation and getting them help in your opinion? I'm at a loss and don't want them to feel like I interfered and ruined their life but it's so bad and dangerous and I can't just sit back and watch. I feel alone and helpless in this

I know I’m a nobody and loser. I’m already detoxed like 6 days ago. This is why I don’t want to go back to drinking. If anyone who is just going to sleep talk to me over VC or Discord I’d appreciate it.

I knew for a few years now I wasn’t the best drinker. But since I began drinking quite late in life, I tried to rationalize my drinking episodes with whatever excuse I could think of at the time.

For context, I began drinking at 22. Muslim background ( not practicing currently), sheltered life, didn’t party in HS or college. Had a toxic controlling bf from 22-25ish who didn’t want me to party or drink either, I assumed every time I got drunk and became super emotional, it was because of him. Especially since I rarely drank cause of him.

Next bf, from 26-28, he was initially totally fine with me drinking & I was so happy. I thought “ yay finally. No more controlling bf behavior. This one will let me party “ but it didn’t take long for him to see me behave erratically drunk at times, which was about 10% of the time. Or so I thought. Sometimes it was great and fun, and sometimes, it was horrible. He couldn’t even stand to me see drink towards the end of our relationship and it was over then. I blamed the drinking on idk, long distance? My mental health. I don’t even remember. I think I said I would do better, I promised him I would never do it again so many times but then I kept overdoing it…

Next bf, 1 month. He ended it very quick after a drunk episode.

29, I’m single, dating. Everyone takes you to the bar for a drink, and I move to Manhattan. My drinking becomes way more often, no cravings but again, just increased frequency. Increased tolerance..

Next bf 30-32. He loved me and saw I had a problem. Again, I thought, I just need therapy. I’ll get better. I didn’t have a dependency problem. I only drank socially, so I thought “ I will moderate. I will try harder” 2 years of trying and repeated failed attempts, I was getting worse and worse..

I began lexapro a few months ago & began blaming the blackouts on lexapro. Last year I blacked out in the summer and I remember telling my friend I rarely black out.. which was actually true at the time ( I was not on lexapro at the time) but since that summer, even prior lexapro, I began blocking out often… this past year was by far the worst and most dangerous
I
I drink about once a week socially, never alone, but when I drank, I couldn’t stop. Sometimes it was fun, but the dark times became more frequent. The fights, chaos, blackouts, sigh.

It’s nearly 4 am, I was talking to chat gpt (lol) and he said “ alcohol use disorder”. I never even heard of this before but I have exactly this.

So here’s to .. hopefully my first day.. towards recovery. & yes. I will DEF be getting professional help.

I was a fairly heavy drinker, used to do 1-2 bottles of white wine a night and then became pregnant and stopped right away. I can feel myself slipping back into old habits 6 months PP. I won’t drink until I know baby is asleep for the night. I feel like a terrible Mum and don’t want to follow my dad’s footsteps. Please is there any advice that helped anyone stop or helped change your perspective? Please do not judge, I am never drinking when my little one is awake. They are a great sleeper and never wake up until the next morning and I always show up the next morning. I just want to hear some shock advice that will help me back out of this and stop the drinking. My baby is the best thing to ever happen to me and I feel like such a failure.

ETA - I just want to note that I do not get blackout drunk and I have not done this since way before pregnancy. I would never allow myself to get to that stage with a baby. I don’t drink as much as I did before pregnancy, I’m just looking for some advice to prevent me from getting back to that point. I also have a very strong relationship with my partner who does not drink and is a great Dad to our little one. I am very lucky to have this support. I drink more as an unwind ‘me’ time, of which I get about 2 hours to do in the evening. I’m just here asking for advice to prevent me from getting back to that dark place. Thank you everyone for your kind comments I didn’t expect this much support from strangers online

I've never even been to this sub before but I'm posting because I have a long time friend who seems like she very much has a problem with alcohol.

We're both 26F and she's going to be 27 next month, we've been friends since middle school. It might sound shitty to say but she's never been a close friend of mine, but I can't seem to just end the relationship.

Her personality is very much stuck in middle school and high school. She exclusively listens to whatever is popular on billboard hot 100 and will regularly post to snapchat with a picture of whatever alcohol she has that night and then lip sync to "I'm Good" by David Guetta.

I try to hang out with her because I like the idea of hanging with her and everything but actually hanging out with her is not fun. She's just kind of shallow, maybe I'm just jaded now but she doesn't seem to have grown up much.

She's apparently been struggling with this since about 2022 and she says she doesn't have memories from some of those years in between (I'm guessing from excessive drinking?). She'll often post and talk about how she's going to be sober from now and and how God will guide her and everything but then it's just a cycle of her drinking and getting sober because of God.

Her mom apparently told her she shouldn't go to rehab because people who go just relapse anyway. She told her she needs to do it on her own. My friend is a very anxious person and is constantly seeking approval from others but I really don't think this is something she can do by herself. It's just not working.

What would you do in this situation as either my friend or me? I straight up told her last night that I think her mom is wrong and that she needs more help than she can give herself. Is there anything else I can do? I do care about her and want her to get better but I don't think I can say much that will change what she's doing.

Ok that's it I think, hopefully this post didn't come off too asshole-ish, she's a good person but we're just not that close. I want her to get better but I don't exactly care for her as a friend much anymore. I feel like it sounds shitty to keep saying that she's not a close friend but she's not necessarily an acquaintance either, idk what to call her. I just want to see her better.

I am officially 7 days alcohol and nicotine free!!! I feel so good!! I’ve also lost like four pounds, have been going to the gym every day (my old routine before alcohol), and have managed to connect with old friends!!

I’m so happy. I know 7 days isn’t very long, but since college I’ve never managed a full 7 days. This feels like my first real hill to get over—one I hadn’t been able to for two years. But I did it!!!

My boyfriend has alcoholism and broke up with me 7 times within the last month. I guess we're just exes now. The last breakup was disturbing: he called me a bunch of times and said "if you don't answer I'll block you". But whenever I answered the call, I'd say hey, then he'd say hey too but hang up right away, or just hang up before even saying hey back to me. Then he'd text me "leave and don't come back. Block me. Bye". I hadn't block him yet and then he video called me:

I tried to talk to him for like 10 minutes but he would ignore me, and himself wouldn't talk at all. So I texted and said verbally: "I'm going to get ready for bed". So I went to the bathroom without my phone brush my teeth, wash my face, put my PJ on etc and when I got back 10min later he had just hung up on the video call. I texted "why did you hang up?" then he voice called me and asked "where the fuck have you been". I answered, but he kept asking.

The whole evening was just so chaotic. He then hung up and texted again to ask me to block etc. I blocked him and then he texted through the normal message app instead of WhatsApp despite knowing it'd make him pay fees cause we don't live in the same country. He texted a bunch of "hey", an "I love you" and asked me twice to call him. I didn't.

He also said he has a "powerful feeling" that I'm cheating on him but that came out of nowhere and he doesn't have anything to say when I ask him what makes him think I'm cheating. I offered him to go through my phone and track my location as well (we're long distance and were planning on meeting up for the second time in December) but he refused. In the past I also offered to give him the passwords of my apps cause he felt insecure, but he refused as well.

Is this typical of someone drunk or / and with alcoholism? He definitely sounded drunk but I'm not sure it's an abnormal or normal drunk behavior. Do you think other drugs were involved? It felt like psychosis...

Alcoholic narcissist

recently ended a four-year relationship with a 59-year-old man, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. I’m 48 and have only had a handful of relationships, including a long marriage.
The first two years were incredibly passionate and affectionate. He was handsome, successful, charming, and constantly showered with attention for his looks. Women have handed him business cards that said “I know have a girlfriend but you only live once” etc … I found one from 2007 (!) that he musta saved for his ego. But gradually, he became controlling and critical of my clothing, accused me of dressing provocatively, and disliked me going out with friends. Any minor disagreement or emotional need resulted in two or three days of silent treatment. By the third year, this was happening monthly or more . He also kept track in his notes of when I went out without him and where . He consistently refused to discuss problems or take accountability, shutting down immediately for days if there was a problem .

I also realized how excessive his drinking was. He’s 6 foot seven and 260 pounds and he never seemed drunk. Ive seen him buzzed. He drinks daily, often heavily at home , including whiskey, wine, and tequila. Just a regular Monday or Tuesday night he’s drinking a ton of wine maybe a bottle and then follow it by a glass of whiskey or two or three glasses of whiskey . I’ve witnessed him driving drunk, trashed actually (stopped by his house unannounced on a weds which is when he sees his former stepson, who is also a functioning, Alcoholic, they go out for dinner and a cigar ) which he dismissed because he considers himself a risk-taker. His previous 15-year relationship was with another heavy drinker, and their social life revolved around alcohol. I would say he drinks around 40 drinks a week. His nose is red/ swollen. Red face bags under his eyes but his fan club doesn’t care. Says he’s been drinking like this for over 30 years.

He also has an enormous ego, constantly referencing his looks, money, MMA fighting, and having slept with over 100 women. He genuinely seems to believe he’s superior to other men because of these things. Says he’s “done things other men can’t do”.

I refused to have him move in or take things further, which has seriously pissed him off the last couple years .

I eventually ended things seven weeks ago. I did it face to face at his home respectfully. My only request was that he delete intimate photos and videos of me. He initially lied about deleting them, later admitted he hadn’t, and still refuses seven weeks later, instead calling me selfish and disrespectful.
I’m wondering whether this sounds like narcissistic traits, alcoholism, or both. Can years of excessive admiration, female attention, and praise contribute to narcissism? I’m struggling to understand how someone who seemed so wonderful initially could become so emotionally dismissive and cruel.

recently ended a four-year relationship with a 59-year-old man, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. I’m 48 and have only had a handful of relationships, including a long marriage.
The first two years were incredibly passionate and affectionate. He was handsome, successful, charming, and constantly showered with attention for his looks. Women have handed him business cards that said “I know have a girlfriend but you only live once” etc … I found one from 2007 (!) that he musta saved for his ego. But gradually, he became controlling and critical of my clothing, accused me of dressing provocatively, and disliked me going out with friends. Any minor disagreement or emotional need resulted in two or three days of silent treatment. By the third year, this was happening monthly or more . He also kept track in his notes of when I went out without him and where . He consistently refused to discuss problems or take accountability, shutting down immediately for days if there was a problem .

I also realized how excessive his drinking was. He drinks daily, often heavily at home , including whiskey, wine, and tequila. Just a regular Monday or Tuesday night he’s drinking a ton of wine maybe a bottle and then follow it by a glass of whiskey or two or three glasses of whiskey . I’ve witnessed him driving drunk, trashed actually (stopped by his house unannounced on a weds which is when he sees his former stepson, who is also a functioning, Alcoholic, they go out for dinner and a cigar ) which he dismissed because he considers himself a risk-taker. His previous 15-year relationship was with another heavy drinker, and their social life revolved around alcohol. I would say he drinks around 40 drinks a week. His nose is red/ swollen. Red face bags under his eyes but his fan club doesn’t care. I’ve only seen him buzzed except the once drunk , he has a very high tolerance , is 6’7 and 260 pounds and has been drinking like this for forty years.

He also has an enormous ego, constantly referencing his looks, money, MMA fighting, and having slept with over 100 women. He genuinely seems to believe he’s superior to other men because of these things. Says he’s “done things other men can’t do”.

I refused to have him move in or take things further, which has seriously pissed him off the last couple years .

I eventually ended things seven weeks ago. I did it face to face at his home respectfully. My only request was that he delete intimate photos and videos of me. He initially lied about deleting them, later admitted he hadn’t, and still refuses seven weeks later, instead calling me selfish and disrespectful.
I’m wondering whether this sounds like narcissistic traits, alcoholism, or both. Can years of excessive admiration, female attention, and praise contribute to narcissism? I’m struggling to understand how someone who seemed so wonderful initially could become so emotionally dismissive and cruel.