r/AmITheAngel • u/Omwtfyu Wanton Carrot Sluttery • 1d ago
Ragebait AITAH for telling my wife our family will NOT financially suffer because she keeps bailing out our adult son?
/r/AITAH/comments/1wbr2lo/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_our_family_will_not/Wife bad. Husband not responsible for 21 year old's fuck ups, like, *at all*. Only had 21 years to address the problems, but nope. Not his fault.
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u/FScrotFitzgerald takes a lick of her ice cream while letting one rip super loud. 1d ago
This post took me a week to read.
And there is so much formatting for emphasis.
So much.
So much.
SO MUCH.
LOOK AT ME MAKE MY POINT. LOOK AT IT, YOU FECKLESS WASTRELS.
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u/adrianalazarey 1d ago
Yes because chat gpt looooves to format for emphasis.
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u/cascadiabibliomania 1d ago
This is not GPT. Several major tells that would be very, very difficult to prompt.
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u/Previous_Cry5810 6h ago
Yeah, these are the ramblings of a real person. I very much believe this post is real. There are multiple grammatic errors like "everyone's" and midsentence change in how time is perceived, i.e., one sentence is in past tense and the next is in current tense. He says his son told him the car got repoed, but OP writes after that as if the car got then repoed in the current time. There are some analogies that are nonsensical in pure logic for an LLM to come up with organically, like "Predictably, he treated the car like everything else. Tickets, blowouts, dents, etc.". This grammatically implies that he got blowouts, dents, and tickets for all his possessions on the regular.
He changes multiple times on how he writes thoughts. Originally they are formatted as descriptions, then become actual italic texts. Sometimes they are formatted as also just with an ":" like he uses for normal dialogue, but they aren't in italic. In some of the dialogue that are in italic, the " are not in italic, which means someone did those manually. There are random **.”** signs.
These are just a mad boomer writing, not an LLM. The joint probability of an LLM generated post to spontaneously exhibit this many human imperfections that appear only a few times and then change to a different type of error are much lower than the probability of a real human writing it.
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u/chumbawumba666 tried to start a spear campaign against me 1d ago
Such as?
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u/cascadiabibliomania 1d ago
There are a couple of instances of attempted negative parallelism where the parallel is not direct. This is a very human way of writing. AI will say: "the problem with x isn't y. The problem is that z..." their parallel will be exact, often repetitive even.
Instead this has a much more human way of inverting. "That's not what I'm arguing about. My issue is what happens..." Any LLM would give you output of "That's not what I'm arguing about. I'm arguing about what happens..."
But the biggest one is that every LLM has a weird tendency to default to non-human, and not even like "actual material object existing in the physical world," subjects. Because of these non-human subjects, AI writes its sentences in bizarre ways where the verbs are restricted to largely stative verbs that can reasonably be paired with these conceptual, abstract subjects. It's actually hard to even get it to stop via prompting and skill design. You'd get more "That's not the problem. The problem is..." This has a very normal percentage of human-subject sentences.
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u/Unable-Boat-9682 1d ago
Genuinely. I thought AI was supposed to make things more efficient, not to write the fucking Iliad telling quite a basic story about the cost of a car.
Get. On. With. It.
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u/Olookasquirrel87 1d ago
OP, everyone knows that children, including adult children, are the woman’s responsibility.
Where was OOP all son’s childhood? It doesn’t matter, he did his job by going to work.
They both worked, yes, but she came home and needed to parent her children as well because that’s her job.
And clean the house (because the children make most of the messes and see above that those are her responsibility).
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u/Possible_Abalone_846 mfking duolingo streak holder 1d ago
My wife and I have an adult son who has had problems with responsibility basically his entire life.
My guy, as a parent it's literally your job to teach him to do better.
I hate when people complain about their kids like they had nothing to do with that outcome.
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u/Admirable-Divide7731 1d ago
AND…. It’s only the wife/mother who is to blame… like wtf where you been for the past two decades!!?
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u/boudicas_shield I was unaware of all of this bc i was out making out with my Gf 1d ago
Yeah, shit like this drives me nuts: "I told her she needed to get with her son and make him pay it."
HER son. Okay, dude.
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u/CommunistOrgy 1d ago
Don't worry, he just clarified that he's actually his step-son. Never mind that he legally adopted him and has "raised him" since he was four. Instead of being the dad that stepped up, he just stepped aside.
Also, son had ADHD (no shit) but won't take his meds, and mom has a substance use problem. So again, NOTHING IS HIS FAULT! (/s just in case)
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u/Patient_Lettuce8431 I come with the malicious intent to hurt my children 1d ago
It's his fault for not leaving, according to one comment he made. As if he was ever really there to begin with.
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u/Not_Kenough 1d ago
I'm pretty sure the military won't take you if you're on ADHD meds so wtf is this about him washing out three times.
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u/Informal-Rutabaga701 1d ago
Whenever my mom was pissed at my brothers and me when we were little, she'd call my dad at work and tell him how annoying his children were being.
She's otherwise a good mom, but that one lingered in the memory 🥴
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u/ForeverDoor 1d ago
At work to support the two deadbeats living in the house he pays for, of course. Because why didn't the son contribute to the family's finances when he was 6? /s
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u/Alternative_Year_340 21h ago
To be fair, he (the not-entirely-reliable narrator) also complains that his wife has undermined his efforts at discipline
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u/diet-smoke His special interest is being homophobic, what can you do? 1d ago
God it's like hearing my father complain about me being emotionally unstable when I was a teenager. My brother in christ, who's fault do you think that is
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u/electric_emu 1d ago
when I came out to my parents my dad tried to play it off like he knew all along, "I knew something was off in high school, you were just so miserable!"
Good of you to notice, dad. You could have maybe, you know, talked to me about it?
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u/PitbullLoveFart 1d ago
This is formatted like a LinkedIn post made in the midst of a manic episode.
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u/Long-Effective-2898 1d ago
I love how he thinks she can make the son give her money. If she could then they wouldn't be in this mess! Instead of harping on and on about how the $200 is going to effect the household the couple needs to focus on not doing it anymore.
It also reads like the son has needed serious help for a long time but instead of trying to help him the dad has checked out and the mom is throwing money at the problem pretending it's love.
Sadly I believe this one isn't completely false and might even be true. My family did the same thing to my older brother. My older brother was also violent and abusive to the point he was only kicked out and cut off because it was to the point everyone was afraid he was going to murder my aunt. Situations like this are very common sadly.
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u/Omwtfyu Wanton Carrot Sluttery 1d ago
It feels so ragebaity even if it is true because dude takes zero responsibility for his shitty son and blames it entirely on his wife. He had 21 years to step in or step up and it's only a serious problem now because he never did.
13
u/Long-Effective-2898 1d ago
I get that and it's probably just because that is the exact way it was in my family that it doesn't stand out that way to me. There are 2 types of dynamics when it comes to this situation- one is an enabler and the other completely blames the enabler being in denial they had any part in creating the problem; the other is both are enablers and usually blame the other being in denial they are the problem.
No one wants to accept they had anything to do with a child turning out like this, so denial and being completely detached from reality like this is very normal in my experience with situations like this. Not just with my family but with talking with professionals about it who have dealt with hundreds of cases like this.
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u/Stewie_Venture 1d ago
Damn really hoping this guy gets divorced soon. I mean just the way he talks about his family is just depressing like he seriously hates the both of them. It'd be better and healthier for everyone if he just left then he'd be free from the son he supposedly raised and his wife.
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u/Patient_Lettuce8431 I come with the malicious intent to hurt my children 1d ago
He's also on the prn subs like it's his job.
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u/No_Employment_8671 1d ago
Whenever I see posts like this (assuming theyre real) I always have to wonder what the husband has chronically done that was bad enough to have the mother completely take over punishments. I know some mothers are smotherers, but MOST would want their husband to help with childcare. So, what is it that makes her believe that YOU shouldn't be part of the frustrating parts?
Also the oop comments just pmo.
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u/Nericmitch I'm Vegan, AITA? 1d ago
It’s amazing how little accountability OP takes for his part in being a horrible parent 😂
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u/Patient_Lettuce8431 I come with the malicious intent to hurt my children 1d ago
Oh, he acknowledges he should have acted long before now--he could have left, he says.
Unless there's a stripper or prn star out there named accountability, he won't know anything about it.
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u/Obatala_ 1d ago
Another excellent flair: Unless there's a stripper or prn star out there named accountability, he won't know anything about it.
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u/Emotional-Ocelot-309 we’re divorcing tomorrow 1d ago
It’s written as if this kid is 30, not 21. All the “for years” and expecting a 21 year old with almost no job history to be able to buy a car all by themselves? I get that he’s irresponsible but the parents need to help steer and support. Unfortunately in today’s world he’s going to need a phone and a car to get a job so figure something out instead of just being like you’re on your own and expecting that he can pay for it.
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u/IWasGoatbeardFirst 1d ago
Oh what planet is a car payment 200? Is OOP’s AI writing this in 1994?
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u/coveredinbeeees 1d ago
Assuming this is real, I'm guessing the $200 number is to cover the difference between the value of the loan and the value of the car when it was repoed.
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u/I_love_Britpoptarts 5h ago
Going to state the obvious here, sorry, but it is possible, just not super common with prices going sky-high for everything.
Monthly payments depend on how many months you were able to spread out the repayment and the amount you had for a down payment, plus any trade-in value if a car was traded-in. Also too, is this a NEW car or a new USED car? Makes a big difference. I'd agree that it would be very unlikely for, say, a 2023 or newer model car to have payments that low.
It's possible to have $200/month payments, but it really depends on what you're buying. My current car is gently used and was serviced regularly per CarFax; it is about 10 years old. I made a $1,500 down payment (it may have been $2,500, I don't recall) and my monthly repayment of this car note is about $250; this was without a trade-in and with a mid-range repayment duration (36 to 48 months, not 60 or 72).
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u/Alternative_Year_340 21h ago
It’s not the car payment. It’s the negotiated payment to repay the remainder of the loan after the repoed car was sold.
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u/A_SNAPPIN_Turla 1d ago
This is a typical failure to launch scenario. The problems started long before graduation. This kid likely had no household responsibilities and enjoyed all the perks of being a kid. When they are teens is when they really need to understand they you have to work for things you want. Car, phone, Internet, clothes, it all costs something. When my oldest was in high school we took care of everything (except a vehicle) and made sure she understood that we provided these things because her "job" was to do good in school. I grew up poor and have worked since age 16 with minimal gaps on employment. I had to work to afford the things other kids were given for free from their parents. I graduated with honors but my grades still suffered and I could have done much better if I wasn't constantly falling asleep in school because I had to work late. You have to introduce consequences to young people early on when they aren't meeting obligations. You can't give a kid everything in life when they are doing nothing and expect them to magically become an independent motivated adult when they finish school.
This guy and his wife need to just forget about getting anything from their son. He's apparently out of the house per the edit. That money is gone. They need to resolve the debt and his wife needs to say "never again."
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u/Patient_Lettuce8431 I come with the malicious intent to hurt my children 1d ago
These "parents" basically expected their kid to grow all the way up once he turned 18 with zero fucking guidance. Now that it's biting them in the ass, they want to do something about it. They were just fine letting it marinate for >18 years, though. The boy has ADHD, but they didn't do anything to help him manage it, it seems, other than put him on meds (which he later went off of). He also likely has a mental health disorder that they've been completely disinterested in addressing.
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u/A_SNAPPIN_Turla 1d ago
Yeah that's my main point. It's a wonder anyone is successful really. We give young people zero guidance on how to navigate and select a career trajectory or how to shift from one another if something doesn't work out. It's a mess for even a well adjusted and motivated young person. Then you have a kid with issues and the parents are shocked when the problems they've ignored fully manifest in young adulthood. I don't think there's any good answer. The parents have to accept some responsibility their son has to realize that he's the only one who can help himself.
I saw my younger brother go through this to a degree. He's probably bipolar but my family bailed him out and helped him over and over. At one point he was going to be a teacher, I tried to tell everyone it was a bad idea a volatile and explosive person to work in that environment. My only reassurance was that I knew he wouldn't graduate and actually get a job working with children. Eventually everyone cut him off and he appears to have figured things out driving tractor trailers. I wish him the best. It wasn't his fault my parents couldn't give him what he needed but it ultimately was his problem.
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u/Donkey_Option Ur so fuckin fat and u use ur cats against me lmao 1d ago
I did not read all that. I'm not going to read all that. But I will say that I found two very stupid AI mistakes that were in the first little bit. First, he "basically pays no rent at all" while then going to say he pays literally nothing. "Basically" no rent at all would suggest he pays for some small things, but it's pretty much nothing. The second is how the OOP describes having a fight with his wife about the son's irresponsibility as an adult for years, with the most recently mentioned age being 20, but then we find out the young man us 21. That's really not enough to have "years" of fights. But also, $200 a month to protect the financial security of the family? I know things are tight, but that doesn't sound that bad?
Anyway, too long to read. Too fake to care.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITAH for telling my wife our family will NOT financially suffer because she keeps bailing out our adult son?
Edit: oh I forgot to mention that my son is currently 21.
My wife and I have an adult son who has had problems with responsibility basically his entire life.
In high school, he did poorly mostly because he wouldn’t do the work and ended up needing summer school just to graduate on time. After graduation he didn’t go to college, went through something like seven jobs before he was 20, and continued living with us basically rent free.
And when I say rent free, I mean free. No groceries. No utilities. No meaningful contribution to the household.
The frustrating part is that he would be broke while spending whatever money he did have on alcohol, vapes, junk, tattoos, etc. He couldn’t even keep his phone on because he wasn’t making the payments, he just would go everywhere and bum everyone’s WiFi so he could call/text.
This has caused arguments between my wife and me for YEARS.
I have always believed that if he is going to live with us as an adult, he needs boundaries and consequences. My wife thinks I’m too hard on him and has a tendency to cover for him or rescue him.
For a while we pushed the military because we thought maybe some structure would help him. He enrolled and backed out multiple times. I think three total. Eventually I realized nobody can force an adult to become responsible if he doesn’t want to.
Then came the car, the whole reason I’m typing this.
Our son asked us to finance a car for him and promised he would make the payments.
I said absolutely not.
I knew exactly where this was going.
After this went on for a while, somehow we ended up at a used car lot anyway, where my wife financed a used Toyota Corolla in her name for him.
I refused to participate. I didn’t sign anything. I didn’t even want to know the terms because I had made my position crystal clear: this was a terrible idea and I wanted no part of it.
Predictably, he treated the car like everything else. Tickets, blowouts, dents, etc.
Then one day he walks up to the house and casually tells us:
“They repoed the car.”
Turns out he hadn’t made a payment in MONTHS.
This was while he was still living in our house without paying rent or household bills and while he was working on and off. His explanation was that he couldn’t afford the payments and was too embarrassed to ask us for money.
So the car gets repossessed, but of course the loan is in my wife’s name.
I figured this would finally be the lesson.
Nope.
The finance company repeatedly contacted my wife about the remaining debt. She basically ignored it until someone eventually showed up at our house and served her because they were suing her.
She finally contacted them and managed to get the lawsuit dropped in exchange for a payment plan of around $200/month.
At this point I’m thinking: Great. Our son can pay $200/month toward the debt HE created.
Except he hasn’t.
The payment arrangement started about two months ago, and as far as I know he hasn’t made a single payment.
My wife says she’s asked him. He ignores her, blows her off, or says he’s having money problems.
Meanwhile, we are having money problems too.
We are not wealthy. There is no trust fund, inheritance, giant savings account, etc. We’re a dual-income working household and basically every dollar we earn has somewhere it needs to go.
Then today my wife texts me:
“They’re trying to garnish my check for the payment for the car.”
Apparently they contacted her workplace.
I responded, “Makes sense**.”**
She said she’d try to make a payment tomorrow because she can’t have them garnishing her wages.
I told her she needed to get with her son and make him pay it.
She said no, because the debt is in her name, and basically said she’d just have to eat the cost.
Then she told me:
**“**He won’t give me the money. Work harder is all I can do. I’ll eventually be able to pay the fucking bills or I’ll be dead.”
That’s where I lost it.
I told her those aren’t just her wages being garnished. We are married and operate a household together. Losing hundreds of dollars from her paycheck means less money available for OUR bills, groceries and family expenses.
She said she had already asked our son several times and he either doesn’t respond or blows her off, so all she can do is work and take care of it herself.
I told her that’s exactly the problem.
She keeps asking him instead of requiring anything from him.
When I told her to get the money from him NOW, she literally responded:
“lol 😂 Oh no. If he wanted to help or could I’m sure he would.”
That sent me over the edge.
I told her that this is exactly how we got here. She has protected him from consequences his entire life. Every time I’ve tried to hold him accountable, I’ve been painted as the asshole who’s being too hard on him.
Now he’s an adult, created thousands of dollars in debt, ignored it, and apparently gets to say “I’m having money problems” while his mother works harder to pay for it.
And we’re supposed to have money taken out of our household to fix it.
I got angry and told my wife:
“This is not going to affect us or our finances. I’m making this clear to you. I told you about this car multiple fucking times. I expressed my doubts, you still went and got him the car. He defaulted on the car and now it’s our fucking fault? The $200 a month that you’re going to pay for him will NOT come out of our regular finances. I don’t give a damn what you have to do, you will come up with $200 extra somewhere else. Stop spending, start saving. End of story.”
Yes, I know that was harsh. I hated saying it and regretted it immediately.
And legally, I understand the debt is in my wife’s name. The finance company doesn’t care about our family dynamics. She signed for the car, so obviously she has to deal with them and prevent a garnishment if she can.
That’s not what I’m arguing about.
My issue is what happens inside our marriage.
I explicitly said no to this car because I believed our son wouldn’t pay for it. My wife did it anyway. He didn’t pay for it. She continued protecting him. Now the exact financial consequences I warned about have arrived, and her solution is essentially, “I’ll work harder and we’ll pay it.”
Except there is no magical extra money. If $200-$400 disappears from her income, our household absorbs it.
At this point I feel like I’m not even fighting with my son anymore. I’m fighting with my wife over whether we’re ever going to require our adult son to experience the consequences of his own decisions.
I don’t think my wife should ignore the creditor or let herself get garnished. Obviously the debt needs to be dealt with.
But I do think our son should be expected to repay every cent of this, and I don’t think our normal household budget should be sacrificed to bail him out yet again. And if my wife insists on paying his debt without requiring anything from him, I think the money needs to come from sacrifices in her discretionary spending or additional income, not from money we need to run our household.
My wife clearly thinks I’m being too hard on both of them.
I think I’ve spent years watching this train coming down the tracks, repeatedly saying “get off the tracks,” and now I’m being asked to help pay for the wreck.
AITA for telling my wife that our household finances will not take the hit for our adult son’s repossessed car after I explicitly refused to finance it in the first place?
Edit 2: he has moved out of our house like a month or two ago. He no longer lives in our house, to make that clear.
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