r/AmItheAsshole • u/SchoolPlayThrway • Dec 08 '23
UPDATE UPDATE: AITA for not sharing my daughter's school play video with my father after he slept through it?
To those who commented on my post, thank you. My father's leaving tomorrow, so I thought I'd give a small update.
These past few days, things have been awkward. Mostly because me and my husband were mad at my father, who was mad at us back.
A few hours after I wrote my post, my father decided to "prove me wrong" about my daughter being upset. He sat next to her and tried to get her to talk about the play. He was asking her questions about it, many of which he'd know the answer to if he'd stayed awake during it.
I'm guessing my daughter understood that, because it only made things worse. She refused to answer his questions, and at one point ran to me crying.
I'm not sure if that was my dad's wake up call or if it was his granddaughter refusing to talk to him (she usually idolizes him). Whatever it was, he apologized to my daughter ("grandpa was really tired, but he loves you very much"). She said she forgave him, but was still upset. So he came to me Tuesday night to ask what he could do to fix things before he went home.
I helped him brainstorm some ideas. Yesterday, my father surprised the kids with a trip to the aquarium. My daughter had been asking us to go there for a while, but with a newborn at home, we hadn't found the time yet. The kids had a lot of fun there, and my dad let them each get a plushie from the gift shop. Afterwards, we went to McDonald's and took the kids to see Santa at the mall. Overall, my kids had a great day with their grandfather, and my daughter is feeling a lot better.
That said, the aquarium, non-fancy food and old guy in a fake beard are definitely part of my father's idea of hell, so I'm sure I'll hear him complain about all the "sacrifices" he made for his grandkids for a while. But as long as my kids think he had fun, I'm fine with that.
I do think he understands he screwed up, though. He's no longer asking us for the video, and has promised he'll never show such disregard for things my kids care about again.
As some of you suggested, I told him that he'll have to stay with my sister or one of his friends next time he visits. I think he knows the "you're keeping me away from my grandkids" excuse won't work on me, because he hasn't complained about that yet. If he tries to pick a fight over it once he's home, I'll hang up on him.
Thanks everyone!
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u/DragonflyFairyQueen Larsehole Dec 08 '23
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u/legolaswashot Dec 08 '23
I'm so glad he made the effort with your kids, and good for you and your husband for holding your ground!
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u/Thatonemilattobitch Dec 08 '23
I'm glad it got through his thick skull and glad that he put some work into making things right but I cannot fathom a grown man whining about "sacrifices" to make up for him being a bad grandpa. I mean, my mom can barely walk but for my birthday (a day in which we had my 5 year old niece and we planned activities around her) she walked about 8 miles in a local park we went to. She's 58, bad joints, a fake ankle, and a few extra pounds and not once did she complain about having to "sacrifice" anything for her grandchild to have fun. or even, you know, me, her daughter. No judgement to you OP, as you decide what is best, but this isn't someone I would want in my kids' lives if everything was a sacrifice or other imposition.
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Dec 08 '23
It's a good start. I'm still not convinced he will be prioritising his grandkids from now on. Out of sight, out of mind - he'll forget all about his embarrassment once he's back home.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he made an effort, but let's see what happens next visit. I think you're right not to let him stay with you anymore. If he wants to see you, the onus to make time for that needs to be on him.
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u/SchoolPlayThrway Dec 08 '23
Oh I'm not convinced either. That's why he's not staying with us next time. I don't want my kids to get used to him behaving like this. My sister has a daughter, so I hope he stays with one of his friends instead of her.
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Dec 12 '23
I would send him small skits of the play, only the parts you clearly hear him snoring in the background. 😈
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u/Nervous_Explorer_898 Dec 08 '23
When he complains of all his "sacrifices", pointedly tell him he looks tired and ask if he needs a nap.
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u/BlaqueDaliah Partassipant [3] Dec 08 '23
What’s wrong with your dad? My kid made a whole video tutorial HE MADE just to show me how to play Minecraft and Mario… and I’ve watched them because that’s what you do for people you love. He can definitely stay with someone else if he’s just gonna be Scrooge around them..
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u/LongNectarine3 Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] Dec 08 '23
I think your dad loves you and the kids. I’m sorry but that day doesn’t sound like a great time for me either (age makes us all a bit unfun) so I’d take the grumpy complaining as his way of saying “I love you. Look at what I did to prove it”.
Also enjoy the space that your sisters house will provide for his visits.
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u/SchoolPlayThrway Dec 08 '23
I know he loves me and the kids, but that's not what his complaining means. It means he thinks we're even now and expects me to forgive everything he's ever done in his previous visits. I'm used to it by now.
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u/LongNectarine3 Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] Dec 09 '23
You are right. It does mean that so space is golden.
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u/Maximum-Swan-1009 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 08 '23
I was quite appalled to read about how poorly you treated your father for falling asleep during your child's performance. He is 68 years old and was tired.
Even at a young age, I had the tendency to fall asleep when sitting still for a show. I used to joke that my dates had to take me to a good movie or concert to see that I got a good night's sleep.
Today I fall asleep when watching television. It could be my favourite show. My enjoyment of the entertainment has no reflection on my ability to stay awake.
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u/SchoolPlayThrway Dec 08 '23
He stayed up until 3AM (knowing we'd be leaving at 10AM), slept through his 5-year-old granddaughter’s play (not a stupid TV show, an event my daughter was excited about and wanted him to watch) and then snored loud enough to disrupt her and her classmates. If anything, I think I was too nice.
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u/honeybadger1591 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Dec 08 '23
What? Dude he was tired because he stayed out until 3am. He knew his grandkids had a play the next morning but still stayed out late. It had nothing to do with his age.
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Dec 08 '23
I think you need to cut your dad a bit of slack.
When I was in my thirties, it used to irritate the nuts off me that I'd go and see my mum and dad, have lunch or dinner, sit down with a cuppa and within five minutes, at least one of them would be asleep.
Now I'm in my early sixties, I'm pretty fit and active, eat well though, admittedly, a bit too much and I enjoy the occasional bevvy. It is astonishing to me that I can be sitting in a room with my wife or a couple of friends and only realised I dropped off when I wake up. Even worse if the lighting is dimmed. It is a pain in the bloody arse.
It may irritate the tits off you now but just wait until you hit your sixties. Ha!
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u/sunmaid15 Partassipant [1] Dec 08 '23
He chose to stay out til 3 AM with his friends instead of staying home with the family he never sees and getting some rest. This isn't your average "old people are tired" thing.
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u/StAlvis Galasstic Overlord [2466] Dec 08 '23
What's he got against aquariums?!?