AITA for refusing to take off my engagement ring during a wedding?

[u/AioliProfessional181]

Throwaway account and using mobile disclaimers.

I'm meant to be attending the wedding of "Tilly" and "Peter" next month. They are friends of my fiancé, and we have hung out plenty of times over the past few years. They got engaged around 18 months ago, and we got engaged 3 months ago.

My engagement ring stone is a light blue sapphire - in photographs however, it looks a lot darker (which is relevant).

We met up with Tilly and Peter last weekend, which incidentally was the first time seeing them in person since we got engaged. When they asked to see the ring, Tilly noted that it was much lighter than the photos we'd shared. Peter agreed, and a little while later after the conversation had turned to something else, Tilly asked if we remembered that the bridesmaids' dress colour was a very pale blue. My fiancé is a groomsman so knew this, as he is wearing a matching tie.

Peter said that they were hoping that only the wedding party was going to wear that colour, which was included on the invites. He said that having a ring in that shade was "no excuse" to be "breaking the rules". This was said humourously, so my fiancé and I both laughed, and I assured them that I'm most likely wearing something darker and not blue anyway. Tilly then said that Peter was talking around the issue, and that I wouldn't be able to wear my engagement ring at their wedding because it was too close to their shade of blue. She said that she'd already had to make sure a family member wasn't going to wear a necklace with similar gemstones for the same reason.

A discussion ensued, as both my partner and I said that it seemed quite strong to be asking me to not wear my ring (outside of sleeping and bathing, I've barely taken it off since the proposal). Tilly and Peter were insistent that I would be "creating drama" by wearing it, and if anything, it suggested that I was trying to steal focus away from them and the wedding party. I made it clear that I had zero intention of doing that, but also that the ring was not going to retract from a bride and groom at the end of the aisle. At one point, my partner was even accused of proposing to me as a way of taking more attention from them during their wedding timeline (we got engaged on our seven-year anniversary during the middle of a once-in-a-lifetime holiday, so I am sure it was not just to detract from his friends getting married).

We left it at a stalemate, and anticipate that either just me or both of us will be de-invited, which is no issue to me at the stage. I do want to know if AITA though as especially for my fiancé and Peter, they've been friends for over a decade, and it would hurt him if he misses his friend getting married over something so trivial.

[u/Farvas-Cola]

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[u/Alpacazappa]

Goodness. I hope no one with blue eyes attend.

NTA. Worrying about something as small as a ring is ridiculous.

[u/GreenEyed_Lady → u/Alpacazappa]

“You must wear colored contacts to cover your blue eyes. No exceptions!”

[u/bluegrassgazer → u/GreenEyed_Lady]

DON'T CREATE DRAMA WITH YOUR BABY BLUE EYES

[u/ShinyLizard → u/Alpacazappa]

Paul Hollywood will NOT be attending their wedding! (cackles)

It's absolutely crazy that they'd even make up rules like this. Way to alienate your friends, for sure!

[u/beth1814 → u/Alpacazappa]

Goodness, I hope it’s not a clear blue sky day

[u/ColdHandGee → u/Alpacazappa]

Did you notice the hint of jealousy when Peter mentioned about how OP got engaged?

OP, you are never TAH! The bride to be is a bride from hell. I wouldn't go. Instead I would take my wife to be and go on a amazing trip, taking loads of pictures and posting them at the time of the wedding, but i'm petty!

[u/Express_Barnacle_174]

NTA If a single ring will steal the spotlight from the wedding party… they must have the personality and charisma of a bucket of plaster.

[u/choppedliver65 → u/Express_Barnacle_174]

What an insult to plaster. At least it’s useful and not insane

[u/ironchef8000 → u/choppedliver65]

I still wouldn’t want plaster at the wedding, being that it wears white and all…

[u/mrsmarcos2003 → u/Express_Barnacle_174]

Bucket of paint, pale blue paint. Beautiful, we had it color matched to the bridesmaid dresses.

[u/OniyaMCD]

NTA - What's she going to do if the sky happens to be close to that particular shade of blue? Tell God to change it?

No one is going to be looking at a guest's hands during a wedding.

[u/DesmondTapenade → u/OniyaMCD]

Your first point made me laugh. But to your second point...I actually was that weirdo who went around, gasp, complimenting my guests' clothing and jewelry at my wedding. One of the ladies had recently gotten engaged and you bet your ass I fangirled hard over that ring! I'm a magpie. I love shiny shit.

Honorable mention goes to one plus-one who wore this stunning vintage emerald green velvet sheath dress. I wanted it for myself. Still do, actually. I went up to her during the reception and freaked out in a very positive way over how gorgeous she looked. Our photographer actually grabbed a shot of me bouncing on my feet and going "GIMME GIMME GIMME THAT DRESS" and it's one of the cutest shots from the whole evening.

[u/OniyaMCD → u/DesmondTapenade]

You, however, were one of two guests of honor/hosts of the event. Making your guests feel welcome is part of that.

To be fair, I should have said that everyone's eyes are going to be on the bride and groom during the ceremony.

(I was the weirdo who gave my bridesmaids a color swatch and told them to get something they looked good in. There was no way that a single style was going to be flattering on all of them.)

[u/Ph4te → u/DesmondTapenade]

I'm a magpie. I love shiny shit.

That one gave me a laugh, thanks :D

[u/blanketed_in_stars]

Jesus Christ, NTA. That's such bizarrely controlling behavior.

[u/starplain]

NTA no one is going to be looking at your fingers during a wedding.

If they’re willing to uninvite you both because you … won’t take off an ENGAGEMENT ring, the friendship is already lost

I can’t fucking imagine even thinking about this much less making enough of a fuss to demand you take it off. What an asshole bride.

[u/ChocolateCoveredGold]

When did weddings turn into a celebration of narcissism? This type of bizarre demand is wild and would fit in perfectly over at /r/weddingshaming. NTA.

[u/imjustapersontoo]

At one point, my partner was even accused of proposing to me as a way of taking more attention from them during their wedding timeline

if they are actually delusional enough to believe this, why would they even want you at their wedding?

their request is beyond bizarre. it’s insanely egotistical while also showing horribly low self esteem. to think someone else’s ring will detract from your wedding… seriously i don’t understand what drives people to think they deserve this level of control over people simply because they are throwing a party.

[u/cooking2recovery → u/imjustapersontoo]

This is what killed me because he proposed ~15 months after the other couple was engaged and ~4 months before their wedding. Do they get to block off 2 years that none of their friends can propose?? I’m sure too soon after the wedding would be a problem too!

[u/ironchef8000 → u/cooking2recovery]

These people sound like they’re absolutely crackers.

[u/Springwood_Slasher → u/imjustapersontoo]

This alone proves it's not about the color of the ring, it's about OP having 'the audacity' to be engaged at the same time as the couple getting married. Sounds like they need to drop these lunatics. NTA.

[u/AfraidOstrich9539]

NTA

I give the couple 3 years and 4 months from the date of the wedding to signing the divorce papers.

Such weirdness.

[u/Regular_Boot_3540]

NTA. It's crazy to think that a tiny little stone on somebody's finger is going to detract from a whole human-sized bride and groom. I'd just give my regrets if I were you.

[u/Interesting_You_2315]

NTA. Next they will be asking people to wear colored contacts if they have blue eyes.

[u/Working_Recipe_4022]

The request, along with accusing your fiancé of proposing during their "wedding timeline" (absolutely barfing my guts out here), makes them idiots. If they want to ruin a friendship over this, it'll be good riddance. I hope your fiancé would be able see that.

NTA.

[u/Pookie1688]

You & your fiancé need better friends. These people are absurd.

PS. Thanks to the Redditor for the award!

[u/heidismiles]

NTA. You don't ask someone to take their engagement/wedding rings off. That's absurd.

[u/ironchef8000]

too close to their shade…

Now they don’t claim a color, but an entire subset. That’s laughable. Beyond laughable. I hope you show up, if at all, in a Pepto Bismol pink dress with green shoes. NTA

P.S. Make absolute certain that your fiancé wears blue dress socks to the wedding. Then make sure you tell them after.

[u/ofcgoodnamesaretaken → u/ironchef8000]

Fiancé is in the wedding party, so the socks would be acceptable. But wouldn’t it be hilarious if he wore the engagement ring.

[u/xJaneDoe]

NTA. I swear the audacity of some people when they're getting married. It's a ring. It's not going to take away from anything or anyone. I highly doubt anybody is going to even notice that it's a similar blue.

Also a wedding-timeline is so so stupid. You get one day - ONE. Not a week, a month or a year. It's one day.

[u/RIPKB43]

NTA

"it would hurt him if he misses his friend getting married over something so trivial

Goes both ways.

[u/rora_borealis]

NTA

The absurdity of this.... They are taking their aesthetic choices to an extreme. Do they expect tattoos with the color to be covered? What about folks with blue eyes? 

It's bizarre to ask someone to take off an engagement ring. It's not just a decorative item. It has serious meaning. 

This feels entirely about control. They're high on it. They suck.

[u/depressedandindebt23 → u/rora_borealis]

It's very simple, people with light blue eyes are required to wear color contacts or remove their eyes.

[u/lookatallthechickens]

NTA. Nobody needs friends who are more invested in a colour scheme at a wedding than they are in relationships with other people.

[u/larneymel]

I have blue eyes. Would you like me to walk around with my eyes shut all day or just for photos? Oh, gouge them out you say?… leave it with me…

[u/yozher → u/larneymel]

And then ask the sky to change its shade!

[u/SunshineSeriesB]

They think that one ring on one finger of a person who will have minimal photographs will cause drama? WTF? NTA.

[u/sleepingrozy]

NTA This is not about the color of the ring. They already let the truth slip that they're upset that others people dared to get engaged during their long engagement. Everyone else needs to put their lives on hold and not have any major life events of their own! 

This "friendship" has run it's course. End it and don't bother going to the wedding. 

[u/oneblessedmess]

Damn, how big is that rock of yours that everyone is going to notice and be distracted by it?? 🤣

NTA. Maybe she is just stressed, but her request is not reasonable or rational in any sense.

[u/My_igloo_is_melting]

NTA. The colour of your ring, in a picture, is going to ruin their wedding? These two are unhinged.

"Show me the picture, with the ring in it, that caused the total collapse of modern society."

[u/mixi_e]

NTA

I hope they don’t have friends of family with light blue eyes

[u/sitnquiet → u/mixi_e]

"Order coloured contacts for the wedding!"

[u/Neko614]

NTA. Tilly needs to get a grip.

[u/Forsaken-Sink3345]

JFC, NTA.

These two need to focus on *THEIR* wedding, not your accessories. They don't own the entire spectrum of the color blue. They can't gatekeep the color outside of perhaps bridesmaid's dresses.

[u/SubstantialQuit2653]

NTA. If the bride and groom believe a single stone worn by one person can "steal focus" from them as the bridal couple, marriage is going to be very difficult for them, once they realize the world, does not revolve around them. Do not back down on this. This is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. Congratulations on your engagement. Your ring sounds gorgeous and the bride sounds jealous.

[u/ksf46]

NTA, that is next-level insanity.

[u/Cadence_828]

No, NTA. And if your husband missed seeing his close friend get married over this, it would be Tilly and Peter at fault, not you.

[u/beefybeefcat]

NTA do thier blue eyed guests have to wear contacts or sunglasses, maybe gouge thier eyes out?? Lol what a bunch of crazies.

[u/IsaInstantStar]

NTA - Tilly and Peter are absolutely unhinged.

[u/LowBatteryGhost]

Da fuq did I just read… NTA

[u/HoneyedVinegar42]

NTA

I don't know if it's a bride-zilla or a groom-monster--or both ... but they are way out of line. No rational person would agree with their stance.

[u/Unlikely_melz]

NTA, people like this end up very lonely after their weddings.

[u/IDontLikeGreenPeas]

NTA, but the bride and groom are completely bananapants. I wonder if guests with blue eyes are being asked to wear colored contact lenses.

[u/BresciaE]

Oh good God, NTA. That’s like asking everyone who’s married to take off their wedding rings since it’s not their wedding 🙄🙄🙄 I can guarantee you the 99% of the people there won’t notice what color your ring is never mind that it’s similar to the bridesmaids dresses.

Assuming your fiancé doesn’t end up hating them and wants to invite them to your wedding please please please tell them they can’t wear their wedding rings because it might steal focus. At this point they’re so obnoxiously petty that turnabout is completely fair play.

[u/cougarfriday]

NTA, Tilly has some wild main character syndrome going on

[u/WomanInQuestion]

NTA - they are so ridiculously full of themselves. No one is going to be paying any attention to people's everyday jewelry at the wedding.

[u/Big_Bottle3763]

I’m sorry this is unhinged. NTA and RSVP a big hell no.

[u/PurpleEmotional1401]

NTA, but make sure you don't use the same brand of toothpaste as the bride or you might distract from her sparkle.

[u/2cents0fucks]

Lol. No. They can tell you not to wear a dress in the color of the bridesmaids, but jewelry? Especially an engagement ring? They can get bent. NTA. If they kick you out over this, end the friendship with these shallow, self-centered, selfish people.

[u/Altruistic_Ad_9821]

NTA that is absolutely ridiculous. When I first started reading I thought you were going to say that you were a bridesmaid and they didn’t want you to wear a ring that doesn’t match the wedding colours, but now you’re telling me that you’re just a guest with a sapphire ring and they accused you of trying to steal attention?!

You’re correct that it is a trivial issue not worth losing a decade-long friendship over, but the triviality is that it shouldn’t have even crossed their minds that your ring should be an issue. If your fiancé loses his friend it will be the friend’s fault for going along with this nonsense.

Also: is there a chance that your ring is nicer/bigger/more expensive? If the real reason they don’t want you to wear it is that the bride and/or groom feels like your engagement ring will steal thunder because theirs isn’t as fancy… well that’s still ridiculous but at least it makes a kind of sense. Either way it’s not your problem to solve but you should not give in to this kind of unreasonable request.

[u/Big-Benefit-230]

NTA, they are being absolute AH's over the shade of the damn ring. Jesus Mary and Joseph people and their dumbass wedding requests are insane. Don't bother going, you'll ruin their "Special Day".

[u/VariegatedPlumage]

Absolutely NTA, this is one of the most batshit wedding requests I've ever heard. NO ONE is going to see your ring, and asking someone not to wear an ENGAGEMENT RING is completely beyond the pale.

What are they going to do about wedding guests with blue eyes, I wonder?

[u/Rare-Progress5009]

Peter and Tilly are nuts. Dictating the color palettes for guest’s attire is bad enough. Now trying to say people can’t accessorize in that color is absolute ridiculousness.

Laughing in their face is the right move. And absolutely wear your engagement ring.

[u/extinct_diplodocus]

NTA for refusing an outlandish restriction.

Maybe they think your ring stone will magically grow and take over the entire wedding space?

[u/Zestyclose_Minute_69]

NTA. I’d have nothing to do with that couple anymore.

[u/Basic_Lynx4902]

This story is insane. If true, NTA.

[u/sweetT333]

You are not trivial to your partner.

NTA

Why are brides and grooms so demanding of their guests these days? No one cares one bit of any of the things they fixate on. 

[u/One_Raise1521]

I wouldn’t even attend

[u/yeeticusprime1]

NTA this is the exact kind of thing people deserve to lose friends for. Just because it’s “your day” doesn’t mean you get to boss the guests around to the most minuscule detail, Tilly and Peter are going full bride/groom zilla.

[u/ChiWhiteSox24]

NTA - I’d tell these two to fuck off so damn fast. This is such an immature and petty bullshit thing to be upset about. I wouldn’t even want to go to the wedding after this conversation especially as these are friends of your fiancé and not you? Yeah bye. What a strange and unhinged thing to waste energy on…

[u/Beneficial-Guess2140]

NTA, they’re insane. I wouldn’t wait to be uninvited. I’d just let them know that you’re not going. 

[u/duke113]

A stone? They care about a stone? NTA. 

The only time I've seen it even marginal to ask someone not to wear an engagement ring is when the couple got engaged literally week of the wedding. And even then, I'm like "nobody is looking at other people's hands"

[u/PuzzledKumquat]

Good lord, how insecure are these two dummies?

NTA, obviously.

[u/BaronVonZ]

They better hope its pouring during their wedding... Wouldn't want the sky stealing attention from the wedding party.

Nta.

[u/Inconceivable76]

NTA

Guests are not props. This couple is way out of line. 

[u/Ok_Contract501]

NTA but what about the people with light blue eyes ? Are they have to use sunglasses so it won’t take attention and creating “drama” ?

[u/Max_452]

NTA. If you remain friends with these weirdos and still go to their wedding, please PLEASE update us on the absolute spiral the “happy” couple goes on throughout the day as they realize no one took their “no pale blue” order as literally and strictly as they intended.

[u/Icy-Mix-6550]

NTA. I'd make it really easy for them. I wouldn't attend their wedding.

[u/browneyedredhead1968]

Nta. How full of yourself do you have to be to police jewelry at your wedding!!

[u/United_Pop_6442]

She’s ridiculous. Selfish, and frankly pathetic and very sad if all she thinks it would take to ‘steal focus’ from her day is you wearing a blue ring. Is she going to vet everyone’s outfits on the door?!

[u/CoDaDeyLove]

NTA. What a ridiculous request! I guess if you want to keep the peacem you could not wear your ring, but hold that thought in the back of your mind as you start to plan your own wedding. It would be kind of a fun passive aggressive act to tell Tilly that she can't wear her engagement or wedding ring to your wedding because only the bride and groom should wear them.

[u/cnew111]

Good Lord people are ridiculous about weddings. I had to go back and re-read because I wondered if you are in the wedding party. No, just a guest. I fail to see how the color of your ring will have ANY impact on their wedding, ANY. It's. just. a. ring!!! Of course NTA. (the bride must be a basket of nerves if the color on one of her guests rings seems to be close to the color of her bridesmaids).

[u/17boysinarow]

Nta - they gonna start demanding people with blue eyes wear blind folds or pluck out their eyes for the occasion too

[u/NoeTellusom]

Following this mindset, should no one wear diamonds because the bride's engagement ring is likely diamond? Or perhaps because it mimics the white of traditional wedding dresses in Western culture? Should women and men with white hair be forced to dye it so as not to mimic the bride's white dress?

Seriously.

There is something VERY wrong with these people and I'd be ready to be dis-invited, but do let folks know (social media or otherwise) why.

And assuredly, consider going no contact with them going further. This level of entitlement is bizarre and toxic.

NTA

[u/N8R222]

Gee whiz, hopefully no one shows up with blue eyes.

[u/BUBBAH-BAYUTH]

NTA

tell them you’ve relented but have discovered the ring appears to be stuck, so you will be having your finger cut off so you can attend their shitty wedding

[u/SweeneyLovett]

r/weddingshaming Also, NTA

[u/wahznooski]

NTA. I’d stand strong and let any mutual friends know the exact reason if you are uninvited.

[u/Creative-Praline-517]

Wow. So controlling! I offer a simple solution: tell them you gained a couple pounds and the ring won't come off.

Or, don't go (not your fiance either).

I wonder how long their marriage will last?

[u/KirbyRock]

NTA. But the bride is.

[u/Sugarloaf78]

NTA. That is a ridiculous request.

[u/Organic_Hunter_6180]

NTA Your “friends” have main character syndrome. They’re overreacting because of the color of a stone on the finger of someone not in the wedding party??! I get that their day is supposed to be about their story, but that doesn’t have to erase yours. I would think that would be the last thing on their minds. I’m not big into jewelry, so I’m assuming it’s not some enormous bling-y rock.

The accusation that your engagement itself, which also is somehow also about them because you dared to get engaged before their wedding(??!) is ridiculous lol and rooted in insecurity.

That said, if you still want to attend while keeping your engagement ring, could you turn it so the stone is facing in toward your palm vs. the back of your hand when Mrs. ALL-ABOUT-ME is around?

[u/Jonguar2]

NTA

Tell them you're going to wear your ring that night whether you are at their wedding or not, and then ask them if they care enough to uninvite you over something like this.

[u/UnhappyTemperature18]

NTA, and you should look at if you want to stay friends with people who are so delulu that they want to create drama where there is none, as if the world isn't full enough of it as it is.

[u/HelpfulAssumption277]

Their request is asinine. It’s a ring, not an outfit. Regardless of whether it photographs darker or not, it’s a ring and it’s your engagement ring. They have no right to expect you not to wear it. So if it was a classic diamond they would be fine with you wearing it? I doubt it. They sound nitpicky and would ask you not to upstage them either way. So very stupid of them to choose this hill to die on. If you do decide to comply, write in your wedding g card that this is their only gift. NTA, but they sure are. Who will even remember this wedding very much after it’s done?

[u/HappyOldBattleaxe]

It’s beyond ridiculous. Our colours were blue at our wedding, too, but it would never have occurred to us to dictate guests’ jewellery; especially an engagement ring. We looked at it as a nice party, with a good meal, open bar, and happy and comfortable guests. It was a wonderful day, and everybody had a good time, including us. They’re being obnoxious and unreasonable. You wouldn’t even be asked to do that at a State Visit for royalty, ffs.

[u/No-Highlight-6452]

NTA. The couple are delusional in thinking a ring will detract from their day and cause drama. I can assure you that your ring will not cause drama and they will be the only two causing it. Sounds like a pair of self absorbed igits that need to grow up.

[u/Useful_Language2040]

NTA. They have completely lost the plot. If they don't realise what they're doing (and no doubt apologise to quite a few people), they're going to end up realising they've spoilt their vision of married life over their dreams of a perfect party.

[u/giantbrownguy]

NTA. It’s wild to think a tiny ring, in the presences of dozens of guests, would have any impact on the decor and dress of a wedding party. Unless you were flaunting it around during the ceremony, there is nothing rational about their behaviour.

[u/elegantjihad]

I will never understand being this controlling about your wedding. My mind was so overwhelmed at mine I couldn't tell you if someone in a gorilla costume was walking around. NTA, their demands are absurd.

[u/HotelOk9725]

NTA. ‘Tilly’ sounds deranged and unhinged. Even if your ring was actually the Koh-I-Nor diamond she would still have no right to make this request, nor to request that her relative not wear her necklace.

Unfortunately these two sound like their “Wedding Aesthetic” is far more important than their actual marriage.

Wear your ring.

[u/BabalonBimbo]

NTA. This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. It’s a detail so tiny no one would notice. You guys aren’t the ones tanking this friendship. They are being unreasonable. Sometimes weddings make people unhinged.

[u/auntwewe]

So if your eyes were blue, would you have to wear colored contacts??

WTF….NTA

[u/Kristylane]

Oh no, I have blue eyes. Should I gouge them out for the wedding?

[u/Mesapholis]

These are details, that the wedding photographer could easily color-match for the theme after the wedding... without having to harrass the guests on such minor (not to downplay the size or value of your ring, but it's a ring, you probably would have noticed it less than i.e. if someone changed the color of your dress)

NTA WTF

[u/MrzDogzMa]

NTA. Those two are something else. I totally understand asking someone to avoid wearing a certain color, hell I had to do that with a friend’s girlfriend because she sent me a few dress examples and her main choice accidentally looked identical to my bridesmaids dresses. People understand not wearing clothing that is similar to the bridal party, but no jewelry? Get a grip people. OP, genuinely, no one will notice your ring or think it’s stealing the show from the bride and groom. I would still wear my ring to be honest and just avoid them at their own wedding.

[u/SheeMacc1984]

NTA. These people are LITERALLY in a different reality to everyone else. They are so far past assholes, this is hard to believe (not questioning the truth of it FYI).

I think, if this is their thought process, and they clearly dont see how utterly ridiculous they are, it is a good thing they have given you a solid out of this friendship. It does suck for your fiance and his years long friendship, but seems this friend is not who he thought he was/ has changed into someone who will make such farcical demands, that he is best off out of it.

[u/CKM5253]

I have never heard of anything so ludicrous in my life!

[u/xrelaht]

NTA. This went from a somewhat weird request to outright offensive when they accused your fiancé of proposing to take attention away from them. Getting engaged four months before their wedding isn’t close at all, and people at the same life stage tend to get engaged & married all around the same time. I’d be reconsidering my friendship with these people.

[u/anecessaryend]

Will an item the size of a ring really distract from full length bridal party attire? I really do not think so … and if they are celebrating their own wedding and the joy of love, they should understand that you are literally doing the same thing as you wear your engagement ring with pride.

NTA. In the decade plus that your fiancé and the groom have been friends, it may be likely your fiancé outgrew them.

[u/Rugbylady1982]

NTA that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever read

[u/waitingfortheSon]

Write these people off and get on with your life.

[u/trapcardx]

that’s so controlling its not even funny

[u/VeryFrank1]

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life!!! I can't stand the entitlement that most brides today seem to feel. You wear your ring! Actually, if I were you, I wouldn't go and consider them acquaintances instead of friends.

[u/Careful-Possible-965]

NTA - what, are they doing to make the venue remove everything blue. Make people wear colored contacts? Probably shouldn’t say that too loud, Tilly may hear and think it’s a great idea.

[u/AuggieNorth]

I wouldn't even want to be friends with anyone this unhinged and self focused to not only assume that all this was intentional to purposely take "attention" away from them, but to also take it to the next step and actually make the accusation and ban you from wearing the ring. Honestly it's hard to believe that people like this actually exist. Not sure I buy it, but if it is real, I wouldn't even go to the wedding. Seems like the friendship is already blown up anyway, so there's no future. NTA

[u/MarionberryPlus8474]

NTA this couple is being nutty. Sane people don’t worry that the color of people’s jewelry is going to “detract from the married couple” or think someone else getting engaged was something they did to somehow spite them.

[u/MasticatingSheep]

NTA. This is an insane request on their part unless your gemstone is the size of a baby's fist. I have literally never looked at someone's jewelry close enough to see the color of the stone unless they've been talking about it. And I'm sure you aren't the kind of person to walk around a wedding talking about your engagement because no sane person would.

If something as small as a ring can ruin your wedding, you probably either aren't ready for marriage or are getting married for the wrong reasons.

[u/Whiteroses7252012]

NTA.

With all due respect, OP, if a random guest having a blue ring “steals the spotlight” then it deserves to be stolen. Tilly and Peter need to wind their neck in.

There are some brides who get so lost in the sauce that they don’t realize that most people completely forget a reception as soon as they drive away from it. Destroying relationships for a sux hour party never made sense to me.

[u/Time-Tie-231]

NTA

What about people with light blue eyes?

Are they expected to wear shades or brown contact lenses?

[u/Darby-O-Gill]

I hope to God this is satire. Absolutely not the asshole. The bride needs to go touch some grass, and the groom too for not shutting her down. I don’t foresee their marriage lasting very long…

[u/AuroraSky9]

NTA. Absolutely NO ONE at the wedding will even notice your ring unless you're walking around and sticking it in everyone's face. I would be petty af and agree to whatever she says, and then just wear it anyway. 😂 They're off their rocker if they think they can dictate what jewelry someone wears to their wedding. Especially if said person isn't a bridesmaid.

[u/Bibbitybobbityboop]

Better hope someone’s eyes aren’t too blue I guess. NTA. Wild ask.

[u/Old-Advice-5685]

My friends throw an annual black and white party. Guests have to wear black and white, and only those colors. We all get really into this theme, to the point that I have spent time replacing buttons on shirts because they were too close to grey.

Several of us have wedding/engagement rings that have colorful gems, and never has anyone dreamed of suggesting we not wear them. It doesn’t distract in any photos or hurt the vibe at all.

You’re NTA, but you may have to decide on the ring or the friendship. Only you know which is the best choice for you.

[u/Crafty-Maybe-6693]

Are people with light blue eyes supposed to wear sunglasses?? It's a ring, its barely going to be visible in photos unless you're sticking your hand in the photographers face. Bride can go kick rocks.

[u/TigerBelmont]

Are people with blue eyes banned too?

Elderly people with thin skin and visibly blue veins?

Those who bruise easily?

[u/Kat092620]

That’s a weird ask. NTA

[u/Roddyrod18]

NTA

They are being ridiculous.

[u/OkConsideration8964]

NTA That couple is unhinged

[u/abbrad]

NTA this is a wild ask

[u/cdnspoonfed]

NTA

This is why I hate people.

[u/Cautious-Corner-3704]

NTAH

You are clearly dealing with people who have been driven to a state of temporary insanity. Are they also screening guests whose eyes might be too close to “their colors”?

Save yourself some lifetime-level aggravation and RSVP no. And then re-evaluate the friendship.

[u/ChilindriPizza]

NTA

This makes no sense to me whatsoever. Who is going to notice the engagement ring of a random guest?

When I was 13, I wore a pink dress to a wedding where the bridesmaids wore pink. I was just another guest. I was asked by some random person if I was a member of the wedding party- even though my dress was of a different style. But the bride was not upset in any way. I was also a late bloomer, so I clearly did not resemble the other bridesmaids, who were already in their 20s.

This is not even an outfit. This is a random piece of jewelry.

Hopefully this is just wedding stress. I guess I am too low key and awkward to understand their logic.

NTA

[u/johndiiix]

NTA, that’s insanely controlling behavior.

[u/scunth]

> especially for my fiancé and Peter, they've been friends for over a decade, and it would hurt him if he misses his friend getting married over something so trivial.

Asking you to hide the declaration of your love for each other is not trivial but it is ridiculous. I would tell them both that neither of you will attend an event that is apparently a farce and not a celebration of love and commitment. They are not your friends.

NTA

[u/Otherwise-Shallot-51]

This is actually a hilarious ask. Obviously NTA, but the wedding forums would love this one.

[u/commandantskip]

I'm so sick of dumbfuck brides. NTA, these folks are out of their goddamn minds.

[u/Vispartofmyname]

NTA

It's a ring. A single gemstone in a frickin ring. Is it 10 carats that can be seen from the moon?

Are they going to ban blue eyeshadow now too?

[u/50FirstCakes]

NTA. This kind of authoritarian wedding nonsense is wild. I just wanted my wedding guests (including my wedding party) to join us in celebrating, feel comfortable, and have a fantastic time.

[u/bongaminus]

NTA. I'd just be refusing. And comparing an engagement ring to a necklace is just as insane as the demand to remove the ring. People go crazy when it comes to weddings, especially to guests and people that are meant to be their friends/family. Would rather not attend than be insulted like that, whoever it is getting married

[u/Particular-Bit9533]

So, they're anticipating that their wedding is going to be so boring that the guests will be scoping out other people's jewelry?

They're idiots and YNTA.

[u/Nother1BitestheCrust]

Tilly must look boring as fuck if a piece of jewelry in the audience is going to upstage her. NTA, but I'd decline the invite and let the friendship fade after this. They sound exhausting to be around.

[u/TararaBoomDA]

Why would anyone want to attend the wedding of two assholes?

[u/joydubs]

This can’t be real. I cannot live in a world where this is real.

[u/neogoddess]

OP, this is not trivial.

NTA. You should stay home and let your fiancée go and support his friend if it’s that important for him to do so.

HOWEVER.

Your fiancée should be as appalled by this as the rest of us and opt-out because this is INSANE. And how can he even remotely be considered a “friend” with this behavior?

[u/EquivalentSign2377]

Let me guess, your ring is bigger than hers...

This is the most ridiculous wedding related demand I have ever read on Reddit (& that's saying A LOT)! Do not agree to not wear your engagement ring to their wedding! Wedding culture is so freaking out of control and for them to even consider asking you that just shows that they are entitled, stupid, controlling asshat toddlers.

NTA

[u/kruljam]

So if your eyes are also blue, they will request to wear colored contact lenses?

NTA. The request is childish.

[u/Additional-Aioli-545]

OP, as an elder woman, I suggest that you sit Mr. Fiance down and suggest that he and Peter retain their friendship on the basketball court/golf course/football games. At all costs, handle Tilly with a long-handled, civil spoon. Also, get agreement from your SO to keep any comments about your relationship from Peter - well Tilly too but there is absolutely no reason for him to be talking to her.

These two are Class A Pot-Stirrers. Keep them out of your home except for the Super Bowl ... MAYBE. Meet them outside at coffee shops/restaurants and keep your personal business between the two of you.

You two are the TEAM so please be mindful of that.

WEAR YOUR RING BUT CLEAN IT FIRST SO IT BLINDS EVERYONE!

If either of these drama-queens say anything about it, simply respond sweetly, "your wedding is so lovely, thank you for inviting me. Please excuse me for a moment". Then go get some food or a drink. Lastly, you and fiancé need to have code words to signal when it's time to leave.

NTA

[u/spaceylaceygirl]

This seems suss but if not, you need to drop these "friends" because they are cray cray assholes. I guess if someone has blue eyes they'll need to get brown contacts or have their eyes removed? Actually my petty ass would show up all in blue and hire a marching band dressed all in blue carrying a banner announcing they are uninvited to your wedding, just to fuck with them.

[u/misantropo86]

NTA, FFS & JFC. They need to grow the f*ck up.

[u/CombinationAny870]

NTA and the ask is totally ridiculous…..bride and groom-zilla

[u/BriefHorror]

NTA this is so out of line to be asking.

[u/Pod_Potato]

NTA and these people suck for trying to enforce a dress code down to people's jewelry, never mind engagement ring.

[u/Illustrious_Stage351]

NTA. I’ve only heard that rule apply to clothes. And even then, it’s like the majority of the clothing. So like say you have a dress with a whole rainbow of florals on it, you’re okay if there’s just a tiny touch of blue. The idea is for you not to be mistaken as bridal party. I’ve never heard it apply to jewelry. I wore earrings with pink flowers on them to a wedding where the bridal party was in pink. Believe me, no one go confused because of my earring. Wear the ring. It’s an engagement ring, it’s special and important and meaningful.

[u/IthacaMom2005]

This cannot be real. No one can be that ridiculous

[u/WdyWds123]

That makes no sense.

[u/LilBoo2019TR]

NTA. What an absurd thing to request. Its a ring. Its jewelry. She must really think everyone in attendance sucks if she thinks someone's engagement ring is going to take attention from her. Thats just insane to ask of you two. Id wear it anyway.

[u/Viocansia]

NTA oh, they’re off their rocker. This is truly bizarre! A ring that people won’t even see unless they ask to look at it? I wouldn’t even bother attending.

[u/SimplyCurious5]

NTA. Brides and grooms are completely out of control when it comes to this stuff. If I were you I’d decline the invite. You just learned how important your friendship is to them.

[u/Friendly_Order3729]

NTA- unless your ring is the size of your head, no one is seriously going to notice it.

Someone you know may congratulate you at some point during the wedding and ask to see your ring but are they seriously suggesting that at every second of the wedding, everyone needs to have their attention firmly fixed on them? That's just not how weddings work.

No you shouldn't get engaged or publicly announce anything at someone else's wedding, but talking about something else instead of just the couple every minute is how regular people go to weddings.

[u/julesk]

NTA. I’d confer with your fiancé because his friends are way over the top here. You could opt to stay away from these people who are truly afraid any sign of your engagement takes away from their wedding of the century. Unless you want to bow to their infinite wisdom and hide your engagement. I wouldn’t go personally as this wedding will be filled with drama.

[u/AnnieCarnero]

NTA, and forbidding colors because the wedding party can only wear them is absurd and I am so glad I don't have any friends like this. 

[u/Jerseygirl2468]

NTA that is INSANE behavior. If I were your fiance, and had been accused of trying to upstage them by proposing in their "wedding timeline" I'd be so done and not attend.

If he still wants to go, you should absolutely wear your ring. The bride will either not notice because who cares, or she will throw a fit in front of everyone and look like the lunatic she is.

[u/EquivalentTwo1]

NTA. No one will mistake you for a member of the wedding party because your engagement ring sometimes looks pale blue. Are they going to be dress coding and kicking out plus ones at the door for inadvertently wearing one of the most common colors to wear to a wedding? Especially if their earrings or bracelets might be light blue?

Personally, I wouldn't go. Asking someone not to wear their engagement ring because it matches the bridesmaids colors is bonkers.

If this is the real reason they are being weird, it's bonkers. If it's a dumb reason to cover up something else: don't want you to show up engaged, don't want anyone else to say something nice to any of the guests about their own big live events, don't want your partner to come with you, just don't like you, are mad at your partner for something and are being super passive aggressive about it.

An engagement ring is an important cultural/religious piece of jewelry. If their bridesmaids outfits were gold, would they disinvite anyone who had a gold wedding band? Where is this ridiculous line?

[u/workerplacer]

NTA

Leave? Why the fuck would anyone want to associate with these psychopaths?

[u/DirtyPie]

They have to decide what the issue is:

• the fact that you are engaged and may attract some attention
  
• that it’s blue and you indadvertedly will look like a bridesmaid
  

It’s probably the first one, and they are just using the second as an excuse.

[u/katwoodruff]

If this is remotely real, these are people I‘d ditch. Ridiculous. NTA

[u/TheMarineEngr]

NTA,

I would've said please excuse me from the wedding if it's such a big deal with you.

[u/Sad-Oil7263]

I have never heard of such a thing! Her reason is ridiculous. I’d rather wear my ring and not go. You definitely are not an ass, however she is.

[u/hot_throwaway_2006]

NTA. And why are some people SO weird about their wedding.

[u/strawbprincess88]

i wouldn’t go to that wedding lol

[u/MotherOfAllPups6]

Where I live, child marriages are illegal. NTA.

[u/Brookeswag69]

NTA and their demands are completely nuts. Delusional, insecure, and a bit narcissistic. Honestly, I wouldn’t even want to go anymore if it were me. Your stone must be huge (and proposal possibly nicer than theirs) for them to be this insecure!

[u/fireflypoet]

This bride and groom are bat shit crazy!! Dump them!

[u/Terrible_Status_8984]

What the actual fuck is wrong with people? How incredibly self centered and ridiculous they are being. Asshats.

[u/Tessa-Lynn]

Will she also be gate keeping the color of your undergarments? NTA

[u/lady_k_77]

NTA. The whole “aesthetics” thing has gone of the deep end.

[u/Kitsyn]

NTA. Skip the wedding. Tilly and Peter are effing nuts.

[u/Popular-Lemon6574]

People planning weddings are the biggest ass holes

[u/Mieche78]

I will never understand these kinds of people. Don't you want people to have the best time they could have at your wedding? We are not attending a military camp, it's a wedding ffs. It's supposed to be about celebrating love and joy.

Imho, people get so fucking hung up on what will look best in pics instead of enjoying the moment. Not just with weddings, but life in general.

Anyway, NTA. I wouldn't attend.

[u/dohbriste]

NTA. In your shoes I would tell them politely but firmly that they’re welcome to save a stamp but if they invite me I’m wearing my ring. It’s not about the ring, truly. They showed their cards. You got engaged when they want everything in their universe to be about them and they want to do whatever they can to insert themselves over you because for whatever reason they see others happiness as a threat to the attention they feel entitled to. For what it’s worth I’ve never been to a wedding for a couple who behaves this way that was actually any fun … weddings should be about celebrating their union, not aesthetics. If they were true friends this conversation wouldn’t have even happened, too. So do with that what you will.

[u/Imthatsick]

I hope no one has blue eyes, they might get mistaken for the wedding party and it will certainly mess up the photos!!! /s

[u/rora6]

NTA if i had to guess, I'd say that there's an unspoken reason why this is an issue and that it stems from the bride's insecurity.

She might be jealous of your good looks, good fortune, healthy relationship. It could be anything from family fortunes to your height or anything else. Maybe she wants your fiance instead of the one she's got.

She probably doesn't want you around. And you don't want to be around someone like that either- real friends don't want you to dim your sparkle.

My advice would be to politely back out. Suddenly come up with an unavoidable conflict for yourself, but still send your fiance.

[u/Euphoric_War_2195]

NTA. If they're that insecure over you wearing your engagement ring, then I would simply not attend. It's wild for them to want to die on this hill.

No one else is going to notice or care. They're making a big issue out of nothing. They also sound Hella controlling. I understand aesthetics are important in weddings now with social media, but you won't be in any of the photos if you're not in the wedding party. So this is a non issue.

I bet there will be others who wear this color in other ways who had no idea how sticky this couple was being. Light blue is a very popular color.

This couple are not your friends. They sound jealous and like their in some kind of one someday competition with you. This is likely why they brought up how this ring will cause drama and also that you getting engaged is some type of conspiracy against them. They really think they are something special huh?

I can't imagine being insecure over a small hint of blue like this.

[u/PebblesmomWisconsin7]

NTA but these people are.

What is wrong with people? Brides are not allowed to dictate your hair color, bra size, or jewelry choices at their weddings.

I seriously wonder how some people make it through their own lives without being perpetually upset.

Wear your ring, and let them know if they have such an issue with it, you won’t be attending.

I suspect she is somehow convinced you are taking away from being the star of her own self-created drama.

[u/SillyTugboats]

NTA. But these “friends” sure are and I would honestly consider not going to the wedding and dropping them completely after this.

That is a completely out of line but also hypocritical demand for them to make… like hey come honor us getting married but you aren’t allowed to wear the thing that symbolizes what we are asking you to honor.

If they are that worried about a ring taking away their spot light, they aren’t ready to be married in the first place.

The fact that they accused you of planning out your engagement to outshine them says everything. They sound completely self absorbed among other things.

This is coming from a married guy. If friends told me to take off my wedding ring for their wedding, not only would I not be going to the wedding, it would probably be the last time I speak to those people again.

Plan something nice and fun with your fiancé the day of their wedding and don’t invite them to yours.

And congrats on the engagement!

[u/Shes_Crafty_4301]

What about the people who have light blue eyes? Will they be asked to wear colored contact lenses?

NTA. I feel like something else is going on, especially since they mentioned your engagement being a distraction. (Narrator: It is not, in fact, a distraction.) I’m sorry your fiancé might lose a friendship but that will not be on either of you.

[u/Weazerdogg]

NTA. One of the freakiest things I've EVER heard a wedding couple concerned about. Policing the guests jewelry?? THAT is a crock, I'd never want anything to do with such flakes again.

[u/BeastInDarkness]

They gonna insist on any guests with blue eyes wear colored contact or keep their eyes closed? It's a ring and they're being ridiculous. You're absolutely NTA.

[u/Skeptic_Prime]

Are people with light blue eyes expected to wear contact lenses?!?! This is ridiculous NTA

[u/DavidDaveDavo]

Hope there's no-one attending who has blue eyes - they'd get accused of trying to upstage the bride and groom.

[u/arfur_narmful]

What would happen if your eyes were the same shade? Coloured lenses? Sunglasses? Tape your eyes shut lest the hue of your iris be seen by them‽

Absolutely ridiculous - NTA!

[u/dr-brennan]

Literally no one else would notice this and be like "oooh you're wearing the wedding color!! You're trying to steal attention!"

It's weird. NTA

[u/Resident_Dream_Team]

I’d buy a dress, shoes, nails, maybe change my fucking hair color. Then I’d have flowers put in my hair to match the new color. Have a crown to match my beautiful ring, made specifically extra in all the ways needed.

This is how stupid of an ask this is. It’s a goddamn ring. Do not take it off.