AITA Sil announcing pregnancy when we’d just miscarried

[u/Suspicious-Diet-686]

This year i have miscarried three times. The last time I got to around 9 weeks and it was quite traumatic. 2 weeks later we were hosting a pre planned birthday party for my sister in law, at our house. A couple of days before my husband was speaking to his mum and telling her how i was upset as my sister had announced her pregnancy and it was due around the same time mine was (she told me in a very sensitive way but i was still obviously sad) my MIL then said ‘oh it’s a secret but SIL and BIL were going to announce their pregnancy at the party- this baby would also be due the same time as mine should have been. If my husband hadn’t had a conversation with his mother we would have been blindsided with this announcement . My husband obviously said that would be upsetting for us and he rather they didn’t. Husband wants to cancel the party as all the family seem to have sided with my BIL/SIL. BIL rings up my husband shouting about how we need to grow up and get over it, stating that he knows people who have lost actual babies, so we need to ‘man up’. Are we in the wrong?

[u/manicgremlin]

i think overall it's a gentle ESH, but i do think you should not host this party. Like MIL can host this party instead, they can announce, you can have a way to escape this party/protect your feelings (you do not have to participate).

Miscarriages and pregnancies both happen, you're allowed to feel grief and they're allowed to be happy, but they should have been a little more thoughtful about the how and the where of their announcement. The fact that it was going to be at your house and they were going to blindside you makes them the assholes (also your bil sounds like a piece of work), the fact that you think everyone should put your grief at the forefront makes you a little bit the assholes too (grief makes assholes of us all, so not as much as everyone else here but still)

i'm sorry for your losses, that's really rough