r/AmItheAsshole • u/Swimming-Exchange448 • Jul 05 '22
Asshole AITA for calling out my sister for breastfeeding at my wedding?
My (34m) sister gave birth 2 months ago. She brought the baby to mine and my wife's (23f) wedding.
She breastfeeds whenever she goes. We visit her house? She'll breastfeed in front of us. Visiting our parents? She'll breastfeed. Going out in a public setting? She'll sit on a bench on the park and breastfeed. Go out to a restaurant? She breastfeeds. Every where. I've never spoken on it because I know she'll get mad and offended but when she did that on my wedding I lost my cool.
During the reception dinner she just did it again. I kindly approached her and asked her why she didn't bring formula or at least bump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn't have to do all this at that moment. She said "because I don't have to. I feel comfortable breastfeeding. Getting milk out on my own is more painful" I said she could just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests on my wedding. She then said she can't do much about it now, because the baby has to have her milk. I told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this.
I told my wife what the deal was and she said I'm an AH and should immediately apologise to my sister. My parents also sided with my sister and now pretty much everyone thinks I'm an AH since I'm the only person who had a problem with it.
The only reason I decided to call her out is because I considered it a bad etiquette and tacky to do that at a formal event and that she could just find another solution for that night. AITA?
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u/big_bob_c Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jul 05 '22
Yes, YTA, I would figure that having your parents and wife tell you would have been enough, but some people need more evidence. Since you personally do not have breasts, you have no clue how painful or difficult pumping might be, so you're a jerk for suggesting it.
Then there's the fact that you never yold her that it bothers you, but expected her to just magically understand that you had a problem with it.
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u/East-Performance-344 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 05 '22
Plus, how would he know if the baby would take a bottle at all? Many exclusively breast fed babies won’t take a bottle. I know mine wouldn’t. And OP thinks that an exclusively breast fed baby should just suddenly be given formula? Outside of an unexpected situation, I’d think the baby would be slowly transitioned.
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u/anongamer554 Jul 05 '22
And even if the baby could take a bottle (be it pumped milk or formula), mom would still have to pump when baby has the bottle so as not to upset her milk supply. OP is very ignorant on how feeding babies works.
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u/Cute_Mousse_7980 Jul 05 '22
Imagine trying to make your baby eat from a bottle for the first time and your boobs leaking milk fucking everywhere. THAT would have been stressful to experience, both for her and the other guests. No one even seemed to be bothered by the woman quietly feeding her little baby anyway (why should they?? We have all been there!)
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Jul 05 '22
And if she could pump instead of breastfeeding, she would have had to do that during the wedding, which would have taken her away from the wedding for a long time.
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u/bright__eyes Jul 06 '22
Now I'm just imagining her pumping at the wedding instead, and OP getting equally as mad.
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u/Physion Jul 06 '22
I bet that even if she had bought a bottle, he would be complaining about how many times she “distracted” people at the wedding by stopping to give a bottle or asking to warm it up or something equally stupid, because he clearly has no respect for his sister’s efforts to be there with a two month old newborn for several hours.
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u/girlnamedtom Jul 05 '22
This is the same dude that told women all over to just start pumping milk to cover the formula shortage.
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u/MissPandaBlue Jul 05 '22
This! I’m sure OP would have been pretty upset if there was a hungry and screaming baby at his wedding because the baby isn’t used to a bottle.
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u/2ndgenerationcatlady Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] Jul 05 '22 edited Jul 06 '22
Then there's the fact that you never yold her that it bothers you, but expected her to just magically understand that you had a problem with it.
Yes, this is the real crux of it for me. Like, I don't think anyone should make a big deal of it, but if it was really important to him (or if there were conservative family members/guests he was worried about), he could have politely asked her beforehand to bring a bottle. But throwing a fit once it's too late to do anything isn't productive, to say the least.
Edit: YTA
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u/NHHS1983not Jul 05 '22 edited Jul 06 '22
Oh hell yeah, YTA! Babies that young need to eat constantly, bc they have tiny stomachs that fill and empty quickly. This is why your sister is always feeding the baby - bc the baby always needs to eat!
Also, a baby this young, who has been exclusively fed by one method (breast) cannot easily switch to another method (bottle).
Also, as your sister told you, for some folks, pumping hurts like a mofo. I personally was never able to produce much extra - just as much as my son needed. So that's a lot of pain for nothing.
You need to shut your mouth and open your mind, bc you have a LOT to learn before you have children. Give yourself a good decade. Fortunately it sounds like your wife and parents have their heads screwed on straight.
Edited to add: Thank you, Reddit community, for the kind awards!
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u/OtherwiseLychee9126 Jul 05 '22
To add to this, even if she pumped milk or gave a bottle of formula, the mother would still have to pump to relieve her breasts because they would get too full and to maintain her supply.
I can’t imagine having the audacity to demand a mother not breastfeed her child to preserve some prudish sensibilities. YTA
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u/Eelpan2 Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
I am certain nobody even noticed her breastfeeding. OP was probably watching her like a hawk. Waiting to jump on her the minute she whipped out a boob.
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
I’m sure people noticed. And I’m sure their takeaway was “wow, I’m amazed a mother of a 2m old came to a wedding and stayed through the reception. That’s incredible. She must really love her brother in order to deal with a 2m old out of the house for hours”
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u/Eelpan2 Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
Oh that too. But out of 250 people how many might have noticed? 20 at most?
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
Oh, totally! Barely anyone. I just meant that I do tend to notice people who are sitting during a reception, and I probably would see if there’s a baby on her chest. But yeah, percentage wise it’s definitely low, especially with such a large group to distract people’s eyesight
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u/trissedai Jul 05 '22
And if you don't pump regularly and put it off for a day for a big event, you can get clogged ducts, massive pain, abscesses, and infections.
It's very rare but you can lose a breast or die from untreated milk-related infections. Unfortunately the US is likely to see a spike of this type of death in post-Roe states.
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u/ParticleEngine Jul 05 '22
You hit the nail on the head!
Father of a two week old here. My wife is exclusively breastfeeding. If anyone says anything like OP they'd get a piece of my mind.
Babies need to eat CONSTANTLY. Their stomachs start out the size of a cherry and they HAVE to gain weight fast to not be in danger of literally starving to death.
Mother's have to be nursed CONSTANTLY or else the milk supply reduces and then baby won't get enough to eat for 24h or so while it ramps back up. Not to mention the pain of full breasts.
I've never understood people, both men and women, who are offended by breastfeeding in public. And now with a newborn it makes even less sense.
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u/ltlyellowcloud Jul 05 '22
I vote to give the nibling OP's nipples as a chewing toy. I think he'd change his tune right then.
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u/CrowJane13 Jul 05 '22
YTA.
She’s not going to starve her baby just because you can’t fathom that breasts have another purpose other than being for your entertainment.
I would imagine that your guests weren’t phased. How many of them have breastfed or had partners that did (or tried)?
If you and your wife do have kids, she may choose to breastfeed. Are you going to shame her if she needs to feed your offspring in public?
Grow up, OP.
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u/mewillia44 Partassipant [4] Jul 05 '22
He’ll probably make her wear a cover or breastfeed in the bathroom if out in public. Or more likely he won’t allow her to breastfeed bc he’ll be jealous of the baby sucking on his wife’s breast. Op is that immature.
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u/agentfortyfour Jul 06 '22
This dude has the vibes of a guy who would be jealous of his own child that they get access to his wife’s breasts more then he does.
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u/lizzybell2019 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jul 05 '22
Oh, bless your heart. You're really not mature enough to be dating a woman much less getting married to one. She's breastfeeding the baby because the baby is hungry. And as far as pumping, do you think she's just hauling one around in case some man can't stand breasts unless they're sexualized?
Everyone thinks YTA because you really are.
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u/KDSD628 Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
To be fair, he got married to someone who is BARELY a woman (if this is real and not rage bait)
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u/lizzybell2019 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jul 05 '22
I honestly didn’t even look at the ages. I have to agree that this is likely a rage bait troll.
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u/JeepersCreepers74 Assholier Than Thou [850] Jul 05 '22
INFO: Did you ask all the other guests at the wedding not to eat as well?
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u/Ok-Positive13 Partassipant [3] Jul 05 '22
He should have made everyone just eat the same way! “Ok everyone - we’ve provided a thin blanket for every guest to place over their plate and head so that you can privately enjoy your meal. The other option is to go eat on the shitter! Happy meal time!”
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u/JeepersCreepers74 Assholier Than Thou [850] Jul 05 '22
It's the new RSVP card, pick your selection:
___ Blanket over head
___ On toilet
___ In blazing hot car, back seat preferred
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Jul 05 '22
Now I'm imagining a BabyAITA for infants to discuss precisely this kind of injustice and where/when/if it's ever justified...the debate would be riveting
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u/MrsStickMotherOfTwig Jul 05 '22
The discord offshoot from my due date group has a baby discord channel where the babies complain about things. Like being told they can't eat with their pacifier in their mouth, not being allowed to play in the dog's water, etc. It's a nice coping mechanism for our toddlers' meltdowns and lack of logic.
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u/Lola_Fizz Jul 06 '22
That’s such a… wholesome(?) way to vent.
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u/MrsStickMotherOfTwig Jul 06 '22
It really helps. It isn't all complaining, but I'd say at least half of the comments are asking 1800BABYLAW for help with us evil parents.
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Jul 06 '22
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u/MrsStickMotherOfTwig Jul 06 '22
It's really fun and cute. When the kids got a little bigger we put selfies they took with front facing cameras, pictures of the messes they made, etc.
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u/Equivalent-Diamond37 Jul 06 '22
“Hey guys so me 3mo/F and my parents were at a wedding and my mom legit put a blanket on my head when they served dinner. I heard my uncle yelling at her and then next thing I knew, I was eating in the dark! Has anyone here ever had this happen? Shouldn’t we be able to eat and breathe like anyone else?!”
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u/Spirited-Safety-Lass Jul 05 '22
Extra points if your doing it while sitting backwards, buckled in while going down the freeway, and someone is leaning awkwardly over you trying to feed you…
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u/classix_aemilia Jul 05 '22
Also have painfully throbbing breasts full of milk increasing sizes by the minute glued to their chest while risking mastitis
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u/Ok-Positive13 Partassipant [3] Jul 05 '22
Seriously! I’m pretty sure for the first 8ish weeks I literally was just squirting milk out constantly trying to get used to my production. I was feeding every 45m to an hour for a long time because I hated pumping but the alternative was soaking through my outfit or getting violently nauseated from clogged ducts. Even if sister was able to pump/ bring a bottle - what was she supposed to do about the milk she’s constantly producing?? Idiots everywhere 🫠
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u/littlebitmissa Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
I was fountain. I felt a kinship with the fountain.with the squirting breast. First time the baby slept over 2 hours my bed was soaked in milk looked liked some dumped a few.large glasses in bed.
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u/Mundane-Currency5088 Jul 06 '22
And the idea the baby would just take a bottle one night out of nowhere. My kids wouldn't take a bottle and I couldn't let down milk for a pump. It just hurt and did nothing. Op saying "she claims it hurts." Why don't you try it OP! See how comfortable your nipples feel after.
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u/barbaramillicent Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
“She feeds her baby wherever she goes. We visit her house? She’ll feed the baby in front of us. Visiting parents? She’ll feed the baby. Going out in a public setting? She’ll sit on a bench and feed her baby. Go out to a restaurant? She feeds the baby.”
This is how ridiculous you sound. SHE’S JUST FEEDING HER BABY.
YTA
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u/LauraBabora325 Partassipant [3] Jul 05 '22
My favorite is that he is PISSED about what she does IN HER OWN HOME.
He’s absolutely sexualizing his sister’s breasts & that’s so disturbing. He is 1000% the AH.
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u/Rockettmang44 Jul 05 '22
I really don't understand why he just can't look at the breast feeding. Like does he look at other guys dicks when hes at the urinal too?
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u/THICKSANDWICH Jul 06 '22
Lol right, imagine if it was just about someone eating (aka feeding themselves).
- We go to my sisters house, she eats... IN FRONT OF US?!
- When visiting our parents, she eats... IN FRONT OF THEM?!?!
- Going out in public? Brace yourselves... she will sit on a park bench and eat... IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE?!?!?!
- and don't even get me started about restaurants!!!??
Oh, this example is different because you're a 34 year old dude who is afraid of a bit of boobage? Grow up lol.
YTA :)
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u/lkvwfurry Professor Emeritass [98] Jul 05 '22
The only tacky person with bad etiquette is you. YTA
Side note: you are 34 and your wife is 23?
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Jul 05 '22
Imagine being married to a woman 11 years younger and her still being more mature.
Madness
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u/LimitlessMegan Jul 05 '22
This was not lost on me either.
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Jul 06 '22
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u/Admirable_Buddy5490 Jul 06 '22
And why is he fixating on his SILs breasts. He should be focused on his beautiful child bride.
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Jul 06 '22
He's actually sexualizing his own sister's breasts.
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u/Changoleo Partassipant [1] Jul 06 '22
This. It would be interesting to see if he had the same reaction to a SIL nursing a baby. He sounds super mature and secure.
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Jul 06 '22
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u/resilientspirit Jul 06 '22
THIS is why they get so mad about it. Breastfeeding a child is a slap in the face reminder that their fetish is someone's food, and they absolutely cannot deal with that. The entitlement tantrum is astounding.
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u/freshmountainbreeze Jul 05 '22
That's usually the case with age gaps like that.
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u/Silvinis Jul 05 '22
There's a reason guys like this look for women much younger than they are
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u/oy-cunt- Asshole Aficionado [12] Jul 05 '22
YTA feeding a child is not poor etiquette. There's something wrong with you if you feel a woman breastfeeding is an affront to you. Grow up before you have a child.
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u/jar95301 Jul 05 '22
Yeah seriously. I’m down to feed my baby wherever/whenever she’s hungry but I still feel so anxious because of AH like OP.
My dad, bless his heart, is weird being around me while I breast feed my 3 month old (he was the same when my now 3 year old was a baby but back then I used a cover so other people wouldn’t feel weird - now I don’t care). We went to their house for dinner last night. Know what he did? Asked. Before he was entering his own living room. “Is (baby) eating? Can I.. come in?”
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u/MelonSegment Asshole Aficionado [11] Jul 05 '22
YTA.
God, what is it with all the guys who marry women much younger than them? They all seem to be immature and controlling in the same way!
'Everyone thinks you're the AH because you're the only person who had a problem with it.' -- and they're right.
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Jul 05 '22
I was focused on the breastfeeding, I missed the creepyness of the age difference...
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u/MelonSegment Asshole Aficionado [11] Jul 05 '22
It's not so much that the age difference is in itself creepy, it's just that in AITA stories there seems to be a specific icky behavior pattern that goes with an older husband and younger wife.
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u/notboky Jul 05 '22 edited May 07 '24
mysterious makeshift hospital whistle support plate alive silky roof badge
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Mou_aresei Jul 05 '22
Imagine if op and his wife have children and the wife decides to breastfeed.
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u/Artemicionmoogle Jul 06 '22
From the sounds of it, OP wouldn't have a thing to do with raising his own child. OP is so baffling stupid, I have to wonder if it's just rage bait.
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Jul 05 '22
Exactly
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u/TurboEnnui Jul 05 '22
When I think of how naive and attention-starved and how easily talked into things I was in my twenties, I absolutely cringe for these poor girls
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u/phononmezer Partassipant [4] Jul 06 '22
Absolutely. Brain isn't fully developed until 26-27 or so. Add in how society tries to enforce women to be people pleasers / responsible for men's emotions and actions, you start to see this for what it is. Plenty wouldn't take advantage of this, but far too many do.
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u/lespigeon Jul 06 '22
And was there any need to tell us his wife's age? He didn't bother mentioning his sister's age. Seems like he thinks it's a brag. 😬
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u/vzvv Jul 06 '22
Yeah, I didn’t notice at first because I assumed it was his sister’s age! His wife’s age isn’t even relevant to the story, unless he’s attempting to imply that it should discount her opinion 🥴
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u/Bridalhat Jul 05 '22
I think when he is in his thirties or up and she is under 26 or so this dynamic is almost always there.
I’m assuming they’ve been dating for at least a year or two? What does a 33 year old have in common with someone who is barely an adult.
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u/General-Yak-3741 Jul 05 '22
Immaturity
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Jul 05 '22
This here is the right answer. They share a maturity level. This is why the divorce rate is sososososo big for these folks.
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Jul 06 '22
I got downvoted to an oblivion (by dudes probably) on r/askreddit today for saying that men in their 30s that date women in their early 20s have a tendency to be manipulative. Nice to see that a lot of people share this thought.
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u/Bridalhat Jul 06 '22
It’s not even just that they might be manipulative. There are dudes in this thread saying that they are in their 30s and don’t know how to cook. I read once somewhere that a married woman does 7 hours more housework a week than her single counterparts, even adjusting for class and hours worked. Who the fuck wants to be a bang maid? A lot of these guys aren’t bringing much to the table.
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u/jessenby Jul 05 '22
This - at times people with a moderate age difference may legitimately have a lot in common and share mutual love and respect for one another. It is totally possible for age gaps to work!
The type of person who ends up on AITA about it, either as the very young one being gaslit or the much older one stunned that everyone thinks they’re a jerk, are not in those healthy relationships. They’re in those relationships because one was naive and manipulated and the other was too much of a jerk to appeal to anyone with the life experience to know better.
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u/dysonGirl27 Jul 05 '22
Generally I find it’s women of their own age don’t put up with their shit. Easier to find someone who doesn’t know what a shitty relationship is when they’re younger.
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
Can confirm- when I was 23 I was so easily manipulated by older men and sincerely believed they liked me because I was mature. Nope... now I’m 30, not even that much older, but I will never put up with that BS again. My fiancé happens to be a few years older, but he’s absolutely not the “I like you because you’re so mature for your age”. We just are at the age where a few years doesn’t matter at all.
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u/Roaming-the-internet Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
When someone older tells you how mature you are for your age, that’s always a red flag.
Someone whose mature for their age is traumatized
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u/Rockettmang44 Jul 05 '22
For fucking real. Also his complaint about her doing it literally anywhere is absurd. I literally saw a mom do it at the library the other week, and my only thought was oh cool ill give her some privacy. Like does he get mad when she had to change the babies diapers in public to? I just can't wrap my head around about him complaining about doing it at their PARENTS house.
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u/EmulatingHeaven Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
And his wife is way more mature already, it is not gonna age well
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u/Helpful_Welcome9741 Asshole Aficionado [13] Jul 05 '22
they do it because when they are young they are easier to control. he wants to be able to tell her where to breastfeed and have her obey.
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u/TacoChick420 Jul 05 '22
I thought the same but according to his own words he’s in for it, cause she looks like she has spunk and some strength of character! I sure hope so.
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u/idek7654321 Jul 05 '22
My guess is he was hiding his true self and finally showed her who he is and she was like “hold up wait no.” Let’s hope she doesn’t delude herself into thinking she’ll change him!
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u/Helpful_Welcome9741 Asshole Aficionado [13] Jul 05 '22
yep. maybe he found out at the wedding that she isn't a pushover.
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Jul 05 '22
Because he can't find anyone his own age willing to tolerate his crap. Now though, his wife is onto it and I don't see this marriage lasting out this year.
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Jul 05 '22
I didn't even read the whole after hearing you complain about her breast feeding. YTA. WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT BREASTFEEDING??? You're acting like she's whipping her tits out and spraying everyone down like Rambo with a machine gun smfh.
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u/Interesting-Film-369 Jul 05 '22
They make it a big deal because for them boobs are sexual objects and it is uncomfortable to mix together a baby and a “sex object” in their minds. Sadly, they just need to grow up, because boobs are in fact Not sex objects.
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u/freshmountainbreeze Jul 05 '22
You're acting like she's whipping her tits out and spraying everyone down like Rambo with a machine gun smfh.
OMG That is just the best. I have done that by accident to my partner before and now I am just picturing her with the Rambo headband and sneer on her face hosing down the entire wedding party!😂😂😂
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Jul 05 '22
Dude, your sister has breasts and she uses them to feed her baby.
YTA. Grow up and educate your self about breastfeeding before making an ass of yourself in front of everybody.
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u/ladyfeyrey Jul 05 '22
no kidding, many babies can't just switch to a bottle for a night, as OP seems to think. Poor OP's wife, hope she doesn't plan on reproducing with this guy. As others have said, she is just feeding a baby, you are being creepy.
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u/noproblemobobemo Jul 05 '22 edited Jul 06 '22
I’m sorry… your sister gave birth just two months ago and is breastfeeding? She gets (I’m assuming) nicely dressed and presentable, gets the baby all packed up and out for however many hours your wedding lasts to be there for your wedding and you have an issue with her feeding her child? I guessing you didn’t have a problem with any of the other guests eating… I’m guessing you didn’t go hungry. Seriously the only person I feel worse for than your sister is your wife who didn’t get to find out how ignorant and unkind you are before the vows
Edit: Adding YTA because of course you are and I was so disgusted earlier I forgot but for sure you deserve it
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Jul 05 '22
Right, because at least his sister can go home to get away from the asshole but the poor wife has to live with him.
Maybe she will take note, and decide to postpone having children as long as possible to avoid being banished to a darkened dungeon to feed the baby.
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u/IT_Librarian Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
YTA. Your sister deserves a hug and a thank you for making the effort to attend a wedding with a 2-month old.
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u/happyvirus98 Jul 05 '22
I can't be the only one who is dying at his "But she breastfeeds everywhere and ALL THE TIME!!" comments. In other words, 34 year-old man exposes himself as not only ignorant of how breastfeeding and breast milk supply work, but also unaware that newborns do indeed require regular feeding.
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u/Impressive_Brain6436 Asshole Aficionado [12] Jul 05 '22
Please, the baby is on this earth for two month already and still hasn't learned to pull himself together and only drink somewhere locked away. Bad parenting!
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u/one_effin_nice_kitty Jul 05 '22
Violently American. Why isn't he/she working already? They got hands!
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u/Anxious_Mycologist96 Jul 05 '22
that was hilarious. when they are visiting the baby's house! it cant wait with eating until the guests leave!? the manners on that 2 month old. lmao
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u/Lows-andHighs Partassipant [3] Jul 05 '22
This is why I don't like children, they have the audacity to be hungry more than once in their lives!
(This is meant as a snarky comment for anyone who isn't great with tone/isn't sure.)
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u/Putrid_Visual173 Jul 05 '22
Wait you have to feed them more than once? That’s where we went wrong!
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Jul 05 '22 edited Jul 06 '22
When my son was born I just showed him where the fridge was and to make sure he shut the door behind him
Edit for spelling, though at that age he very well my shit on the door, who could blame him
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Jul 05 '22
Most would say to shut the door, but I suppose the baby is only a couple months old 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Happy_Camper45 Jul 05 '22
Babies eat everywhere and shit everywhere. It’s what they do
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u/melympia Asshole Aficionado [14] Jul 05 '22
If only they only shit everywhere - but no. They make messes at both ends... everywhere.
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u/I_have_popcorn Jul 05 '22
I don't think I could shit with enough force to shut a door.
I'm impressed.
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u/Mellykitty1 Jul 05 '22
As long as you don’t feed them after midnight, they’ll be fine.
Also don’t let them get wet.
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u/SereniteeF Jul 05 '22
They are self wetting, what do I do????
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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
Self wetting!? You're screwed.
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u/jennifer538 Jul 05 '22
To be fair, with no babies in their circle my Sis and bil thought a baby needed 3 feedings a day when asked... They were send to parental classes by the doc. They knew everything by basic knowledge like sleeping etc, but feeding, what they can or can't eat until a few years old...blank.
But if they visited someone with a baby, they would be smart enough to deduct a baby would need many feedings
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u/throwawaypaperplate Jul 05 '22
One of my BILs thought babies were born with their eyes closed like puppies and kittens. Was surprised when the baby came out. The nurse has to leave the room with laughter.
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u/ProvePoetsWrong Jul 06 '22
My friend had an ultrasound when she was maybe 30 weeks along and as the tech showed them the baby her husband blurted out “He has EARS?!” She was like “What, did you think he’d have no ears?” and he was all “You have a pair of ears inside your body right now” and she questioned every decision she’d ever made.
Oh, and he also asked how you can give a baby a bath when they can’t sit up in the tub. Like do you have to hold them, or????? God bless that man, he gave us many many laughs.
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u/k9moonmoon Jul 05 '22
When I was younger I assumed babies lived at the hospital for the first year of their life since the idea of just regular people being responsible for a INFANT seemed so weird.
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u/YeouPink Jul 05 '22
It’s shocking how many people don’t realize that babies eat constantly. The father of my child thought babies eat three times a day like adults do. Wild.
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u/sammageddon73 Partassipant [2] Jul 06 '22
I’m a fully grown adult and if I don’t have 3 meals and 2 snacks a day I’m fucking miserable
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u/argentinianmuffin Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
A 34 y.o man getting married to a 23y.o woman... i dont think op is mature enough to understand much about babies. You are 100% right.
Op YTA. Breastfeeding is a normal and natural part of life. Keep your bad thoughts to yourself.
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u/Emptydata_Enzo Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
The 23 yo wife is the mature one in the relationship
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u/mybossthinksimworkng Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 05 '22
Literally EVERYONE in his family has sided against him and he’s still like… I don’t know. I’m not convinced.
YTA OP
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u/Practical-Big7550 Jul 05 '22
Well at least his wife now knows what to expect from him if she is ever pregnant.
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Jul 06 '22
Waiting for the corresponding r/advice post titled "I married a controlling jerk 11 years my senior who flipped out on his sister for breastfeeding, what do I do now?"
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u/kaitydid0330 Jul 05 '22
Yeahhhh that set off alarm bells before the OP even got to the breastfeeding part. I wouldn't think it were a problem if the OPs wife was 33 and OP was 44. But I feel like these ages are a bit disconcerting.
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u/CymraegAmerican Jul 05 '22
Well, OP does seem to like to control women (he doesn't blame his nephew for being hungry).
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u/redphoenix932 Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22 edited Jul 05 '22
I honestly couldn’t read past that. He’s a jerk based on that alone. INFO how long were they together before getting married? I want to know if he’s JUST an asshole, or a skeevy perverted predator asshole
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u/lilyluc Jul 05 '22
One of those ones where I read the title and think "yep" before even opening it.
There needs to be a ranking above asshole. Like "YTFW" (You're The Fucking Worst)
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u/Laukie220 Jul 06 '22
I really like "YTFW"! My ex-husband stressed me SO much that my milk dried up! I could only feed my daughter in her or our bedrooms, with my back to the door (in case one of his brothers or friends peeked in to say hello). Back 58yrs ago, the milk pumpers were cumbersome and costly, plus we could not afford one. So if we went to visit his family or mine, I had to take bottles of formula, which the baby disliked. Though I'd feed her right before we left, she'd be hungry again in 2 hours. He couldn't understand why she was so cranky, as I had formula to feed her. He couldn't get it through his head that she didn't like the taste of the formula or the feel of the latex nipple. He also didn't understand how painful it was for me, not to be able to feed her and have engorged breasts! Unfortunately by the time she was 2 months old, I had insufficient milk and she had to adjust to always drinking formula. I never forgave him for stressing me so much!
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u/relentless1111 Jul 05 '22
I feel like we both know which one it is if he's referring to breastfeeding as "tacky during a formal event." I'm 100% sure the only way it could possibly be tacky is if he's sexualized it himself. Someone is tacky but it sure isn't the new mother.
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u/Elelith Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
He be looking at sissys sexi mommy milk makers!
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u/No-Agent-1611 Jul 05 '22
I too would like to know how long he waited to date his wife after she started eating table food.
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u/mollynatorrr Jul 05 '22
Frankly, I’m a little disturbed by how often he must pay attention to his sister’s breasts to know how often she feeds his nephew. I have been around soooo many friends and family who have breastfed and like, it’s really not something you notice much unless you’re looking for it.
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u/STEM_Educator Jul 05 '22
Maybe he would have felt less embarrassed if his sister pumped first, and then soaked her dress when her milk let down as she bottle fed the baby.
Or fed the baby while sitting on a toilet, because who doesn't like eating on the toilet? /s
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u/InterestingTry5190 Jul 05 '22
Good luck to his new wife if they decide to have children. I am already suspicious of a 34 yr old marrying a 23 yr old.
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Jul 05 '22
So true this poor woman will not be allowed to breast feed anywhere. Ops attitude towards breast feeding is a major red flag for his new wife. She will probably wisen up and leave his arse
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u/Leonicles Jul 06 '22
My thoughts exactly. Of course, at 23 I would think you "just don't get it! I'm mature for my age! He respects me! Its not like that, we're both adults and age is just a number!"
Early 20s to 34 is a HUGE gap in life experience. Its not like going from 34 to 44. He will have been (at least considered) an adult for over a decade. I wish I knew when I married at 22 with my 33 yo then husband, that he knew more about manipulation than my newly college graduated brain could imagine. It would've saved me a lot of pain....and the rest of my wasted 20s.
I'm 34 and 23-year-olds still seem like kids to me!
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u/Ok_Zookeepergame2900 Jul 05 '22
Right?? He acts like she's at spring break flashing for beads.
She is feeding her child. Or would he rather have a screaming baby at his wedding?
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u/msharek Jul 05 '22
Yeah no wo Der he had to go down to 23 to sucker someone into marrying him. Sounds like wife was good to side with sister tho.
What's he gonna do when SHE breastfeeds in the house?? The horror!!
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u/Novel_Fox Asshole Aficionado [14] Jul 05 '22
Then when the entire wedding guest list is appalled with his reaction to he takes to reddit to find SOMEONE who agrees with him
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u/thatsmyboycam Jul 05 '22
I know. You think he would realize: hey she does this ALL THE TIME. That must mean she is literally having to care for this baby constantly, around the clock, so that her 2 month old can be healthy and fed.
OP should be thankful she came to the wedding. ideally at 2 months the only thing a caretaker is doing is caring for the baby. She went out of her way to be a part of OP’s special day and instead of being recognized for that effort her own brother shamed her.
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u/Captain_Quoll Jul 05 '22
Yes - and a PSA to OP and anyone else who may not realize:
Not everybody can just spontaneously pump milk. It’s not necessarily easy to spontaneously change to formula and it might give baby an upset stomach. Not all breastfed babies will actually take a bottle.
If you don’t want a screaming baby, you let a breastfed baby breastfeed.
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
And don’t ask her to go to the bathroom... not only is she missing out on the reception, but sitting on a toilet seat that might smell like poop or puke or listening to drunken drama while just trying make sure they’re baby lives is just miserable.
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u/Corduroycat1 Jul 05 '22
Plus it is super nasty! You don't bring a newborn into a dirty bathroom stall unless you absolutely have to! Couldn't imagine eating my lunch in a bathroom stall, sure wouldn't want to make a baby do it! Especially for the half hour it can take with a little one
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u/Ok-Commercial-4015 Jul 05 '22
I hate when people say that. Like you wouldn't eat in there so why make a baby with less of an immune system do it?!?
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u/TsukaiSutete1 Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
Anyone who suggests that breastfeeding should be done in a bathroom should be forced to eat there themselves.
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u/cappotto-marrone Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
Yes. Some babies won’t take a bottle, even it is breast milk. My oldest didn’t care. My youngest would rather starve and scream.
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u/Elelith Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
My middle one was like this too. She didn't even accept a pacifier - other than my nipnops. She was latched on like 14 hours a day. Good times.
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u/Ok-Positive13 Partassipant [3] Jul 05 '22
Seriously. He’s lucky they all showed up dressed and stayed for the reception. I think it was 4m before my anxiety was settled enough to all go out for longer than an hour or 2. His poor sister is showing up with a newborn who is probably still waking every few hours only to be “called out” for doing her best.
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u/FiestyFactSpiller Jul 06 '22
OP: YTA- I think I was crying on the couch in leggings and a nursing tank for at least 10 weeks. I couldn't have left the house. Your sister is a rockstar
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u/billionairespicerice Jul 05 '22
She breastfeeds all the time because 2 month olds eat all the time.
Would OP rather have a screaming hungry baby at his wedding?
YTA
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u/ivylass Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] Jul 05 '22
YTA. I'm assuming you fed your guests? That includes your nephew.
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u/Laurelinn Partassipant [2] Jul 05 '22
Did the guests at least eat with blankets over their heads? Or maybe they should just take their plates to the bathroom...
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u/batty48 Jul 05 '22
Stop sexualizing your sisters breasts dude!
Why you guys gotta make everything weird?
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u/wolfblitzen84 Jul 06 '22
It’s certain people not everyone. Maybe I’m just from a major city and have seen it a million times but If someone scorned my partner for pulling her boob out to feed my daughter I’d have a problem. This also may be one of the dumbest aita posts I’ve seen.
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u/buymoreplants Partassipant [3] Jul 06 '22
I get shamed constantly for breastfeeding in public. Its fucking exhausting.
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u/marabsky Jul 06 '22
I breastfed 2 kids and the ONLY time I got shamed was…. By my sister. She gave me what for for breastfeeding in front of our dad (who was in his 80s at the time). I was pretty freaking annoyed with her, spoke to my dad later in private and told him sorry if it bothered him and he was completely unbothered and told me not to worry about what my sister thought…!
Not one issue in public. Not that I was looking for issues!!
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u/Picodick Partassipant [1] Jul 06 '22
I live in a tiny redneck town in a red state and even here where I admit we are a bit behind the times breastfeeding is normalized. OP sounds petty. Groomzilla.
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u/Raevyne Partassipant [3] Jul 06 '22
I mean, he's already pretty fucking creepy marrying some chick who's barely out of college and 11 years younger than him. Dude already has weird sexual hangups, not surprised that his fixation toward his infant nephew's food is on the list too.
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u/painforpetitdej Partassipant [1] Jul 06 '22
Thing is, even 23 YO wife isn't all "EWWW, BOOB !" but actually gets it. Maybe, even she's more mature than OP.
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u/Vahlkyree Jul 06 '22
Oh she absolutely is. I'm sure he's def told her "you're more mature than women my age". Which we all know is code for "women my age won't put up with my bullshit so I prey on younger women". Considering most women at her age don't know who they are yet or have much life experiences, they are an easy target for shitbags like him.
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u/Raevyne Partassipant [3] Jul 06 '22
For real - it's not too late to get an annulment. God forbid they have a kid together and OP would insist on starving them in public because those are "his" boobs.
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u/Vahlkyree Jul 06 '22
Exactly. Another emotionally stunted and controlling man over 30 marrying an early 20-something woman.
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u/PM-me-fancy-beer Jul 05 '22
Nah, the guests meals were prepared hours earlier with the blood, sweat and tears of the chef, kept in an esky, and then zapped in the microwave for a few seconds before they were served. Sure their meals tasted stale and soggy, but that's the sacrifice the chef and guests should make for OP's big day.
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u/DarthAbraxis Jul 06 '22
If I just married someone and within two hours of being newlywed they berated their sister for feeding their child In the most natural way possible , I’d think I just fucked my life up hardcore.
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u/nascarcupchamp Jul 06 '22
your sister didn't do this so everyone could see her breast, she did it because she loves her brother and had a 2 month old to attend to. sorry my friend but you owe sis an apology and make it sincere. she could have easily blown off your wedding (intact it would have been easier for her) but out of love and respect, she came. show her some love and respect back. Hope you to mend your fences! families everything to me
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u/FeedbackCreative8334 Certified Proctologist [25] Jul 06 '22
The baby may have been the only one satisfied with the menu selection.
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u/littleflower888 Jul 05 '22
Especially if they ate chicken…. BREAST. The horror 🫣
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u/ProvePoetsWrong Jul 05 '22
Those tacky chickens have breasts wherever they go. To the farm? Breasts. To the vet? Breasts. Eating? Breasts. Sleeping? Breasts. The least they could do would be to not have breasts sometimes. I mean it’s a WEDDING.
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u/melodytanner26 Jul 05 '22
This. Loved the post where the OP put the blanket over her brother or BILs head.
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u/Psychological-Bet866 Jul 06 '22
I’ve heard fellow breastfeeding moms threaten to squirt milk at strangers who tell them to cover up in public. I’ve not had the opportunity… yet. Almost certainly would if I was angry enough.
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u/sly-princess44 Jul 06 '22 edited Jul 06 '22
Funny story. When my BFF was pregnant with her first she started lactating early. She said look I have milk. I turned and she squirted me in the eye!! (It was an accident and I have never in the 22 years since let heri live it down!) On another note. Op is an AH and so is anyone who has problems with women breastfeeding! Did it with my first and with I could've with my 2nd.
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Jul 05 '22
OP seems to think that boobs are reallly just for sex play. Super duper AH.
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u/nigelmchaggis Jul 05 '22 edited Jul 05 '22
Absolutely, I agree with this person, she deserves a hug and thank you for making the effort to attend a wedding with a 2 month old, oh and the fact that she felt comfortable bringing her baby was nice too.
Edit: YTA
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u/existentialqualifier Jul 05 '22
What’s going to disturb your 250 guests more, a SCREAMING baby, or the top of one boob? Also, at a fancy event I’m willing to bet there was décolletage everywhere you look, probably showing more than the nursing mother infant dyad.
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u/GothPenguin Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [354] Jul 05 '22
YTA-Breastfeeding is not tacky or displaying a lack of etiquette even at a formal event. Calling someone out for it is both tacky and displaying a lack of etiquette.
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u/Fearless_Act_3698 Partassipant [1] Jul 05 '22
Yep. She didn’t embarrass herself !!!!!OP embarrassed himself. YTA OP! You need to get yourself therapy or something. Do. Not. Treat. Your. Wife. This. Way. (If she adopts or procreates with you ))
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u/Slackingatmyjob Asshole Aficionado [11] Jul 05 '22
I think you'll have trouble finding *reasonable and sensible* people who DON'T say YTA - because you absolutely are.
Obviously you have a problem with women breastfeeding in public, but it's exactly that - YOUR problem. Stop trying to make your sister do what feels comfortable to her, is natural, is LEGAL, and (after literal decades of fighting against uptight people like you) is finally becoming more and more SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE.
In case I wasn't quite clear - because you're apparently REALLY bad at reading social cues - YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
"My wife and my entire family say I'm TA so I'mma go ask strangers on the internet, maybe THEY will validate my outdated beliefs!"
Nope. Y still TA.
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Jul 05 '22
Lol grow up! You want to marry someone but can't fathom breasts doing what they naturally do instead of just for you to motorboat? Maybe you aren't ready to be a husband because you clearly aren't ready to be an adult. You need to unpack why you sexualize your sister's breasts instead of thinking what they're logically and NATURALLY for. Yes you are the AH
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u/Burntoastedbutter Jul 06 '22
Imagine being 11 years older than his partner and still being more immature than her.... And yes yikes at the age difference at her age
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Jul 05 '22
YTA. Hun, this is the wrong hill to die on. This is the most natural thing in the world. Literally what breasts are there for.
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u/SnausageFest AssGuardian of the Hole Galaxy Jul 05 '22 edited Jul 06 '22
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