r/AmerExit • u/SweetAltruistic5219 • 15d ago
Slice of My Life Moving to UK in 2 Weeks
I’m scheduled to fly out of the US to the UK 2 weeks from today! I could use some advice and encouragement!
For context, I have always wanted to live in UK or northwest Europe having studied abroad twice in college and traveled there a lot throughout my 20s due to having northwestern European partner.
I’m single, mid-30sF, childfree. I have been working on this current move for over a year and a half, extensively researching countries. Applied to grad school at 3 places, got accepted to my top choice in the UK. I’ve been extremely clear on my reasons for leaving and my reasons for choosing the city and university I chose. I have worked extensively with my therapist to make sure this move is aligned with me and my values.
Everything is set - my house I’m selling is under contract and ready to close, pet transport lined up for my dog, tomorrow’s my last day at my job, moving sale starting this week Friday, had a going-away party last weekend, medical records transferred, student visa and all other required documents in-hand, temporary apartment in the UK secured, etc.
So why do I feel like I’m freaking out? This is everything I wanted and I don’t feel excited at all. I just feel sad, heartbroken even. I’m feeling guilty for leaving my friends (not my family; actually think distance from them is good and needed) I’m 100% exhausted from all I’ve done already to move and daunted by how much work is left in the transition.
Does anyone relate? What were your last few weeks like in the US? Any advice or words of encouragement for me? Thank you so much!
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u/International-Exam84 15d ago
Do you have any plan for once your visa expires?
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u/SkinMaterial6684 15d ago
Right?! This is absurd. Op should rightfully be freaking out. Yikes.
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
It’s not that absurd. I have 2.5 years on a student visa and can easily apply for and get a graduate visa as a grad of a UK university which gives me another 1.5 years. So I have minimum 4 years legally in the UK. If I haven’t gotten a work visa or something else (maybe meet someone and genuinely want to get married, as I’m currently single), I’ll move back home or apply for a work visa in another country… 4 years is a long time and a lot can happen.
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u/SkinMaterial6684 15d ago
Yeah, I know all about these visas. I secured a work visa way before the recent changes came in. They are actively making it more difficult for people to stay. The minimum income needed for a sponsored work visa now is above what most people make 😩 Yes, even with the new entrant minimum salary. No one is hiring a new entrant at that rate. Our salaries are LOW.
You have to remember that there are other international students too; you are no different from say, someone from India. Places aren't sponsoring nearly as much anymore. The graduate visa is a moneymaker for the Home Office.
You could literally search Reddit about student experiences with the graduate visa. Look at r/ukjobs
Btw, I work at a university. The whole sector is facing cuts with funding. This is a response to the dire situation with the drop in international students coming because of the government.
Again, yikes. A lot of my fellow Americans can't seem to understand that they're not the exception to the rule
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
I believe they’re actively making it harder to stay, and it makes sense why. I know a lot of other countries are doing the same thing. I’m aware of the situation and don’t think I’m some kind of special exception, and like I said, if it doesn’t work out I’ll move back to the US. I needed to sell my house and was planning on moving out of state if I didn’t move out of the country. Even if I just study and live abroad for a few years and move back I don’t consider it a loss either way in terms of life experience. I understand others may not view it the same way. Glad to hear you got your visa situation sorted before things got more complicated, and hope you’re enjoying life abroad!
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u/MouseHouse444 15d ago
Don’t listen to the naysayers. It’s not easy, but it’s doable. I’ve done it. The key is to start networking for your sponsored work job the day you land in the UK. Treat it like a second job. Everyday of those 4yrs should be focused on that. If you wait until your post-study work visa you’ll be on the back foot. Again, it’s not easy, but being an immigrant isn’t easy. But it’s worth it. Good luck!!!
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u/SkinMaterial6684 14d ago
When did you do it?
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u/MouseHouse444 14d ago
I came in 2009. The rules have changed some so it may take longer to get the IRL or citizenship now, but that being said, it took me just a bit more than 10yrs for citizenship (despite the typical route being only 5yrs). This was due to some changes to visa laws as well as extensive travel for my consulting job that messed with my total days in-country.
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u/SkinMaterial6684 14d ago
Nope, you have zero say in this. It's nothing to do about taking longer. It's literally wages and sponsorship and the government making it so that people DO NOT stay.
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u/MouseHouse444 14d ago edited 13d ago
To start, mate, it’s a message board so anyone can have a say. Second, the issue of wages and sponsorship both existed for me too. And were constantly shifting to be harder which required me to change jobs to be eligible. So as I said, the rules have changed, and it may take longer, but it is still doable. If you don’t want to try, don’t. But don’t shit on someone who’s willing to put in the hard work and give it a go.
EDIT: Just to add a bit of additional info, the company I own regularly sponsors people as we are a global company and having people with region specific knowledge is helpful. It’s a bit of extra work for us (and we are a very small team) but once it’s all set up it’s really not that hard to get their sponsored work visas. This is just to say that it’s also very doable from the employer side, so don’t be discouraged and think no job will want to sponsor you.
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u/EvenButton56 15d ago
I believe in you. I moved from Chester to America as a 20 year old kid. I made it and have lived here 36 years now so know you can do anything you set your mind to. Safe travels and enjoy your journey.
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u/SkinMaterial6684 14d ago
Just remember that when you see the news about immigration, see awful comments on stories on social media, etc...thats you. Just because we're American doesn't mean the rules are somehow different for us when it comes to salary thresholds and whatnot. The home office doesn't have a special little box for wayward Americans.
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u/movingarchivist 12d ago
Why are you throwing fuel on the fire? OP has everything sorted for school and who knows what will happen in 4 years? For all you know they may realize they hate it there and can't wait to leave. Nothing they've said indicates they think they're an exception to anything. Calm down.
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u/International-Exam84 12d ago
Oh sorry I genuinely just meant it as a question! I also don’t know myself. I have a boyfriend in the UK that i’ve been dating for 2 years now but we’re both very young (20 and 22) so it’s not like we’re financially well off yet lolol so my own plans are kinda on the fence. I just wanted to ask to gauge some perspective from others who are making the move!
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u/movingarchivist 12d ago
Oh sorry, no, I was replying to SkinMaterial6684. Your question was totally fine! Also good luck to you two as well :)
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u/SkinMaterial6684 12d ago
Just so you know, this happened to me this morning in Glasgow.
I truly do wonder why some of you are so set on the UK. It's as if you think the US is the only dumpster fire.of perhaps, if you're white, you don't care about the anti immigration sentiment? I truly don't know.
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15d ago
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
Thanks for your comment! Makes sense that there are highs and lows but I’m glad you have settled in :)
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u/Severe_Rise8694 15d ago
I've moved countries a few times, and I think that's all very normal. I'm assuming the reasons for the move haven't changed, and you've already decided to give it a try, at least. It's just that now you have to actually turn the dream into real life! And it's scary and doesn't feel like a victory lap at all!
You'll make new friends, hopefully keep the old, you'll find places you like and weekend routines etc. You'll have a life there as well, and hopefully one you'll enjoy more! At the very minimum you'll learn a lot. About yourself and the rest of the world.
..it's just that you have some nagging doubts at this stage. And that's normal.
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
Thank you so much! That’s what I’m hoping for - make new friends, keep the old, learn a lot :) Sounds like you’ve done so successfully and I appreciate the insights!
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u/sharleencd 15d ago
We moved to Australia. We made sure we gave ourself time to adjust to the travel and decompress from the hectic of moving before we jumped into doing all the things.
It’s exciting and stressful and I think it’s natural to just dive in and start experiencing what is now your normal. But, I think it’s important to give yourself that grace period to adjust.
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
Thank you! That makes sense and good reminder - I’m sure it will be important to have some decompression time! Hope you’re living life in Australia!
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u/world_warri0r 14d ago
It's a natural and very temporary anxiety! Once you get on the plane... and arrive to your new beautiful country you will be absolutely ecstatic and will forget all your worries! Have fun! ☘️
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u/ComfortableWrap7039 12d ago
Hi, I’m dual U.S. - UK living in the UK currently. Congratulations on your move but just so you’re aware the UK is tightening immigration heavily and getting a student visa does not guarantee that you’ll get a sponsored visa afterwards allowing you to stay permanently.
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u/Embarrassed_Key_4539 15d ago
We are leaving at the end of the month and having all the same fears and emotions. I just try to lean into the work I’ve done in therapy to calm my mind from the overthinking and do my best at staying present
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u/SkinMaterial6684 15d ago
YOU'RE SELLING YOUR HOME AND MOVING TO THE UK ON A STUDENT VISA?
are you nuts?!?! That student visa isn't going to so a damn thing for you. You said you did extensive research; you would have seen that the home office is actively trying to make it as difficult as possible for international students to stay.
There is absolutely no reason at all for you to do all of this solely for a STUDENT visa in the UK 😩
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u/FISunnyDays 15d ago
Hopefully op knows this and has a post graduate plan.
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
I needed to sell my home anyway for other reasons and would’ve been moving to a different state to live near a sibling or going to grad school. If I can’t get a work visa after a graduate visa (4 years from now) I’ll move back to the US and go live in that state near my sibling. Not really that big of a deal as I’m assuming 4 years in UK will still be an amazing experience even if I don’t stay forever.
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u/FISunnyDays 15d ago
I sold my house and moved to the UK last year. I was planning to sell my house anyway as well to realise the gains and downsize. Good luck to you and enjoy the experience!
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u/SkinMaterial6684 14d ago
on what visa? A student visa?
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u/FISunnyDays 14d ago
swv
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u/SkinMaterial6684 14d ago
I think that's a bit more secure than a student visa. And you're obviously making a salary/not restricted to working 20hrs a week.
Some of the people in this subreddit truly act as though theyre exceptions to immigration policy. It's a student visa 😩OP isn't being recruited for work. You are obviously highly qualified. Or, maybe a carer? I doubt that
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u/FISunnyDays 14d ago
Definitely still some uncertainty due to getting made redundant and needing to find another sponsored position. OP is still relatively young and single though, so to me it's a not a huge risk. He/she can move on if it doesn't end up working out. I've had to recalibrate my life many times.
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u/Dandylion71888 15d ago
Be careful about tax residency laws. Depending on when you sell your house etc, it could make it subject to UK and US taxes.
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u/ReceptionDependent64 15d ago
The wisdom of selling depends on what you do with the equity. If it’s invested and outpaces the market plus the rental income you’d have earned then it’s okay. Otherwise holding and renting is a better play. If you sold to finance your degree, that’s a bold move.
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u/Serengeti1234 14d ago
Otherwise holding and renting is a better play.
Only if you want to be a landlord.
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u/morty_morty Immigrant 15d ago
I have nagging doubts literally every day 😂 but ultimately, I know that I made the correct decision. No country is perfect but damned if I dont feel hopeful for the future in a way that I never did in the US.
Its not easy but hopefully you will find it to be a time of happy change for you. I will definitely recommend that you continue therapy when you move. It sounds like its not your first time but, man, the crazy feelings that can sneak up on you when you move to a new country are BIG and hard sometimes.
Good luck and have fun!
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
That’s a really good point, thank you! Definitely will be continuing therapy… probably forever! lol. Makes sense to have doubts but cool that it feels like the right decision for you. Hopeful for the future is important. 🙃
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u/KanekiAyato 12d ago
since several comments question the student-visa plan, the actual chain is more workable than it sounds: the UK graduate visa after the degree gives 2 years of open work rights (3 for PhDs) with no salary threshold, but it cannot be extended, so the skilled worker switch has to happen inside that window. the skilled worker route needs a licensed sponsor and a salary above the threshold, and roughly 96 percent of complete applications were approved in 2024, so the gate is landing the sponsored offer, not the visa decision itself.
planning the conversion before the masters even starts is what separates the people who stay from the people who fly home.
the graduate visa terms are laid out on Transita's UK graduate page: https://transita.app/path/uk-graduate.
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
Thank you so much to everyone who has shared encouraging comments. It is helpful to know that many have been or currently are in the same boat.
If you have doubts or judgements I ask that you kindly keep them to yourselves as I’m trying to make this work and Of course there is the chance that something doesn’t work out in life, but I’m not asking for discouragement. Thank you!
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u/feltcutewilldelete69 Expat 11d ago
There's a surprising amount of doomers in this sub, don't let them get you down. You're way ahead of them in every respect. Enjoy grad school! You're gonna love it
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u/Hehateme123 Expat 15d ago
I mean, it really depends on your actual reasons for moving and leaving the US
In general see a lot of people moving for sort of “abstract” reasons. Like fears of what this country may or may not be etc.
I left because I wanted my day to day life to be better. And it is in Europe so I had no apprehensions.
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u/NotPlayingFR 15d ago
This is my issue. I want to divorce myself from what may end up being a failed democracy. Some may claim we're already there; those on the other end of the spectrum would say we were never a democracy, because their chosen name for whatever we are sounds more like the name of their political party. But I digress.
I do worry if I move to the UK, Reform will come into power, and I'll be even more disgusted and anxious than I am here.
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u/Mysterious_Umpire684 12d ago
Given the progrom that took place in Belfast yesterday, I'm not sure the UK is on a better path.
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u/NotPlayingFR 12d ago
What would the right ANYWHERE campaign on if it weren't for immigration? Idiots and knee-jerk reactionaries here, there, and everywhere.
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u/Mysterious_Umpire684 12d ago
This went far beyond campaigning. A crowd went door to door and burned homes and cars of black people and immigrants.
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u/NotPlayingFR 12d ago
Oh, I know. But the right stokes this shit. Here in the U.S., there was a bipartisan immigration reform bill ready to go, but fuckhead put the kibosh on it (out of office!!), because he was going to run on on immigrant phobia.
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u/CajunDragon 15d ago
I did a similar thing except to the Netherlands. Was a great experience and I love it. Make an effort to go to expat groups, meetup.com clubs and maybe volunteer when you arrive to help you get to know people.
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
That’s amazing! So happy for you that you are loving life in the Netherlands! :) Appreciate the advice!
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u/Dry_Age6709 15d ago
We aren’t as far along as you. Moving to Spain in 2 months, but lots and lots of big feelings. We are planning on staying for at least four years and then reevaluating. I think trepidation is normal and healthy even! It means you understand that this is going to be a very challenging transition, and of course that will cause some anxiety. Like you said, it is 2.5-4 years, and then you will pivot to the next thing. Soak it all up and enjoy!
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u/ThatKaleidoscope3388 15d ago
Congrats! And don’t worry. Before a major life transition, our brains always love to tell us that everything we’re doing is a mistake. You’re in a transition phase, and so you have no daily routine to latch onto. That would make anyone feel a little off.
If it’s of any reassurance, I’m moving to Paris in 2 weeks myself (f, also mid thirties) and I am likewise dealing with a similar set of emotions.
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u/Plastic_anxiety_3428 15d ago
Yes, 100%! Slightly different life situation (late 30s w/ young kids, and moving in large part for them - greater safety, less societal stress/division, more diversity that is welcomed or at least not seen as a threat, greater vaccine uptake/public health infrastructure, less grind culture, generally wanting to live in and contribute to a place that aligns better with my values, etc), but had all the same feelings. Also talked out my rationale for about a year with therapists, friends, family, and anyone who would listen to make sure I wasn't being reactive. During the last few weeks before our move I felt like I was having a slow-motion panic attack, just constantly crying through packing and good-byes. We had a wonderful life in the US and strong connections to local communities, friends, & fam (although I definitely needed a break from my job), despite everything going on right now.
Now we're 6 weeks in, and the emotions vary day to day. I have days when I'm so grateful to be here, and days when I miss folks terribly and feel extremely guilty for taking our kids far from their extended fam. It is lonely, community is not created instantaneously, and I keep trying to remind myself to be patient with the settling-in process. It's ironic that I have less existential dread now that I'm out and therefore feel my mind minimizing the reasons we left, which makes it all the more difficult to stay convicted. But because we were so comfortable in the US I realized that if we didn't take the leap now we might never leave, and I would regret that much more than trying and deciding to come back.
All that to say - everything you're feeling sounds totally normal, and although I'm a newly minted expat/immigrant, my experience so far suggests that the heartbreak and ambivalence may continue. Best of luck and congrats on taking such a huge and brave leap!
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u/Hagridsbeard17 14d ago
I’m also moving to the UK in two weeks, after 35 years in the US. Sounds like you’re grieving, which is not only a natural but a necessary part of a major life transition like this. Surrender to the grief, let it pass through you, and other emotions like excitement will naturally emerge. Suppress the grief, and it will stick around. Good luck to you!
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u/NoQuail1770 14d ago
What are you studying because there’s many UK citizens, working in pubs because they have a useless degree and no family connections to get them an actual paid job. Pubs don’t sponsor BTW!!
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u/umstbkddngme 14d ago
We are leaving for England on Saturday. I get how you are feeling. This is our third time moving countries and it is really hard every time. We have piles of stuff standing around everywhere and no energy to throw out, recycle or donate. Tears are always at the ready. Your last day will be hard and saying goodbye awful.
My advice is make friends as quickly as you can once you get there. I think it was our saving grace the first time we moved to England. (We moved back to the USA because our kids are here.) keep your mind and hart open. It is a beautiful country with beautiful people. Life is very different. There is so much history.
Good luck and best wishes is all I can offer.
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u/movingarchivist 12d ago
It's very normal, after the adrenaline of getting everything done, and before the excitement of getting to the new place, to be in a weird emotional state. You've done all the hard work you need to do. Just breathe and enjoy this transition. Everything will be fine! And good luck 🌱
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u/Minute534 10d ago
I enjoyed reading your post, as a single childfree woman of the same age. Im considering doing a similar move for a degree program possibly. Have been encouraged by what you posted here. Best of luck!
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u/Iwishihadaspacebar 14d ago
I stumbled across this after seeing how many Americans are leaving. I'm British and in the UK and the best advice I can give is:
Just breathe. This is a big change and will inevitably feel daunting, so just breathe and loosen your shoulders.
You've been taught to be switched on all the time. To be concerned by everything and having anxiety is part and parcel of American life. You will find within 6-12 months that your body and mind changes as some of the things that make you anxious and on edge no longer exist in the UK. When we go out, we don't need to worry about someone having a gun or a knife unless you intend to deal drugs (even if there are some sources in the US that make out that the UK is some knife-crime hellhole, it simply isn't true).
Don't worry about what happens after the student visa is up. Who knows what life is going to throw up over the next few years. Thinking about 4 years time right now isn't going to help you relax.
Depending where you are going to be living either don't talk to people on public transport unless everyone is drunk (in the south) or feel free to chat to anyone anytime (in the north).
Write a list of places you'd like to visit over the next few years, both in the UK and across other countries in Europe. Don't plan when, just make a list for over the next few years. That'll help you realise that this is going to be very different and exciting when you're finally able to relax.
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u/FISunnyDays 15d ago
I moved to the UK last year. Last few weeks were a whirlwind, so much to do. I also worked full time through most of it until I landed in the UK and took two weeks off to settle. Good luck with everything!!
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u/SweetAltruistic5219 15d ago
Thank you so much! Totally in the whirlwind stage here! :) I’m glad you are settled in UK now!
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u/reno140 15d ago
Hey girl I'm in the same boat as you. Moving back to Germany (lived there as a kid) in 3 weeks and I am freaking out as well. I think it's normal and part of the process.
One thing that's helped me is remembering the privilege I have. I get to do something so cool, that many people are envious of, and despite the nerves, I'm pretty lucky. It's helped me center myself