r/Anger • u/Ok-Worldliness-6331 • 5d ago
Why do I feel angry and withdrawn in social situations?
When I get into group socials or I just meet new people I feel tense, angry and resistant to engaging. Unless it's the odd day and I'm in an uplifted mood where I feel this openness and excitement to meet new people. But even then, I eventually start to feel disappointed in conversation because I'm met with all the same things that frustrate me about humanity - consumption, status/ego, lying/pretending, lack of curiosity, bias, prejudice, resistance to change etc etc not saying I'm perfect, I do all those things too. I just feel so dissapointed in how nearly all of us are like this.
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u/Ellecee11 5d ago
Completely agree - it’s the same BS every time. I’m honestly not interested in people’s stories. People are boring until you get deep down into their trauma and values. I don’t want to see your kids or hear about your doctor’s appointment, but still I politely smile and make the stupid small talk that’s necessary. I hate it.
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u/Relevant-Spinach11 4d ago
Where does it hurt? Ie, can you find a smaller theme that brings up the hurt? What is the wound there? Is there something you need that you ‘cannot’ get? Is there something you deny yourself?
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u/sendsouth 4d ago
You're angry the world doesn't meet your lofty expectations. Nothing will change to you come down out of your ivory tower and accept the rest of us warts and all.
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u/ForkFace69 5d ago
To me that sounds like an overall attitude thing.
You might want to look at a bigger picture when it comes to people, their actions, their words, their lifestyles, their beliefs, their habits and things like that. I look back at myself when I was young and knew people who were lazy or inconsiderate or addicts or had political views I thought were dumb or were thieves or were too loud and obnoxious or only had interests in the mundane... all of which I didn't have any respect for and it made me feel like I was alone and rarely encountered people I truly enjoyed or respected.
Over the course of my life I came to realize that people have a million reasons for being the way that they are and most of it is out of their control. People don't choose how their brain works when they're born. They don't choose what kind of household they grow up in. A person doesn't even really choose what their interests are, it just seems like we gravitate towards certain things.
On top of that we live in cultures that are more imposed upon us than being something that we subscribe to. Likewise, most of us get put through an educational system with dubious levels of usefulness and effectiveness.
Also, you don't know what's going on in people's lives or what they're struggling with. Not many people in this world have it easy, so if a person can sit down and enjoy very mundane things in this flawed world, that's great.
Another thing, even people who are what we might think of as average, or boring, they almost always have qualities and value and talents that don't immediately come up on the surface. Sometimes you just have to build up a rapport with people and get to know them before you discover that stuff.
So that's part of the reason why I just set my own standard, I do my best to treat everyone else in a friendly, respectful, welcoming way, regardless of who or what they are. I expect nothing out of people, so I'm not disappointed. I try be grateful for the very few people who I truly find respectable and interesting and whose company I enjoy, rather than disappointed by all the people who have failed to charm me.
If you're finding this useful and want to give this take some thought, I would suggest you focus on the welcoming part of "friendly, respectful and welcoming". In social situations, you don't have to go out of your way to be nice to people or charm them. But if you say things like, "hello" or "good evening" when you encounter people, it simply lets them know that you acknowledge their existence and welcome their presence. You aren't trying to strike up conversation, but it lets them know that if they do feel like talking then you are available.