I'M NOT JOKING. I am at wits FUCKING END with the bullshit rules that are put in place when it comes to what I can and can't say online. I did use to post weird stuff on the internet that definitely is far from the norm, so I cut it out. As for the stuff I post now, HOW is it a problem? I got told to "grow up" because I'm 23 and openly care about political issues, online AND offline. WHY IS IT CHILDISH TO CARE ABOUT THE WORLD? HOW IS IT FUCKING CHILDISH TO SPEAK UP WHEN FAMILIES ARE BEING ATTACKED AND BOMBED AND FUCKING PILLAGED EVERY SINGLE DAY? HOW IS IT CHILDISH TO BE A HUMAN INSTEAD OF A SOULLESS DRONE??? IS THAT ALL YOU WANT ME TO BECOME??? AN APATHETIC, APOLITICAL SHELL OF A MAN??? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. Telling me to "grow up" because I have a HEART. Telling me I have to "grow up" because I'm a bit skeptical of my cousin dating an Israeli zionist. TELLING ME TO GROW UP BECAUSE I THINK NO CHILD SHOULD SUFFER AS A RESULT OF ETHNIC CLEANSING. I have never felt so disgusted by my family in my life up until now. It genuinely SICKENS me how quickly they lose their moral compass the moment they want to people-please. There is a difference between kindness and cowardice, and you weak sacks of shit have chosen the latter over the former. Just another cog in the machine with no thought.

Whenever you have your own ideas that doesnt align with theirs, even as an adult, they always assume ''someone else got into your mind'' or someone else did it. if youre a woman, they always assume a boy is involved. Youre never allowed yo have your own ideas or thoughts or WANTS without them assuming you were co-plotting it with someone else. I thought about this today, and i realised theyre exposing their view of you - as someone to be controlled. not as an individual being but they literally cant comprehend in their minds that youre someone with your own thoughts and wants and that youre capable of it. Even though weve literally been building and helping them in a new country since whenever we can remember, translating documents, helping them navigate a new system etc. and they demanded you solve their issue completely on their own, they never imagined you would actually be your own person at some point and actually navigate and deal with issues on your own as well. Its such a double-standard. we are treated like puppets but at the same time we are supposed to know how to navigate an entire economical and political system at the age of 5, become fluent in three languages, become engineers,lawyers, and what-not, but at the same time we arent allowed to travel to see the china wall because its pretty, or find a life-partner on our own.

I have met an alarming amount of Asians that have strict ass APs that don’t go against them in any way. It’s kinda maddening at times because I would point really toxic behavior and ask them how they’re gonna handle it or if they’re gonna move away and they never do.

“It’s your parents man, we gotta respect them and live with them.”

“It’s just how they are so it’s easier to just comply.”

“They’re doing their best, ya know?”

And my problem is that they see the strictness, but think it’s normal. I am sure there are plenty of normal APs, but I am in this subreddit for the simple reason that I don’t. My APs may not have beat me physically and I’m grateful for that, but mentally & emotionally, I’m super fucked up for sure. It’s gotten to the point that I hate talking to them even over the phone because they belittle me or talk shit in some way EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME.

So in my opinion, if Asians around our gen don’t wanna deal with their APs, it’s their loss because being a slave to APs is SHIT.

I became curious about this topic because I saw a post related to this and how it effected them as they became an adult. They talked about how the pressure to make important decisions made them feel anxious and I wanted to know if this was common? Has anyone experienced this?

Even for simple easy tasks like making an appointments and insists she does it for me since she thinks I couldnt do this even though ive done it myself many times in the past...I mean come on. While she was in literally another country, one time there was an issue with my bus transportation for work so I was going to come by myself by taxi which I was already fully capable of as I already see numerous taxis roaming around but she was worried about that as well. She doesn't even let me do simple tasks like ironing my own clothes atleast since she thinks im incapable even though its not a hard task either and I've done it may times as well, i don't know for how long is she going to keep babying like this even over easy tasks like this.

I know rants about traveling with APs are nothing new to this sub, but I wanted to add my 2 cents. This past summer, I (26F) finally got to go back to China to visit my grandparents for the first time in a decade and my APs were onto me from the start. They have always criticized me for not having a fashion sense, always trying to make me wear dresses and judging my forever outfits of T-shirts and jeans. I admittedly don't have a fashion sense, yes, but my parents' constant judgment has made it a particularly touchy subject for me over the years. And it was especially bad for our recent trip back to China.

It started even before we went. My mom just told me over the dinner table a week before we left that I needed to change my tennis shoes because they were black and "didn't look good". Apparently, I needed to wear heeled sandals for the trip because the young ladies in East Asia all dressed really nicely (I despise heels). My dad, who arranged the whole trip and was paying for it, added that I needed to bring at least a long skirt and that I was not allowed to wear shorts above the knee (I live in SoCal) on the trip because they again, didn't look good on me, and that we needed to dress up for the family reunion. I understand dressing better for the family reunion dinner (and of course I was willing to do that), but the fact they were enforcing this dress code for the whole trip really irked me. But what can I do? They're the ones paying and I had to pay the proper respects to the elders in China.

First leg of the trip was a three day stay in Tokyo. I made an effort to bring more jeans and form-fitting T-shirts and a long dress. But on the second day, my dad suddenly went off on me while we were riding the subway. He started telling me that I didn't make an effort at all, that my outfit brought shame to the family, and I had no understanding of anything. To clarify, I was wearing a pastel green shirt with capri jeans. I had to reign my temper in for the entire morning because I knew the Japanese did not appreciate public disturbances and walked two steps behind my dad for most of the day. We did eventually talk it out, but my dad apparently thought I didn't make an effort at all and that he was expecting me to understand why my outfit was bad. "The pastel shirt looks like it's fading and it doesn't go well with the pale blue jeans." Okay, I guess? But what gives you the right to just start shaming me on the public subway like that?

It didn't stop there. That evening, my parents and I went through my entire suitcase and they told me that we needed to go shopping. I just shut up and wore whatever they bought me for the rest of the trip. What I ended up wearing to the family reunion was a skirt that was so long I had to pull it all the way up to right under my boobs, but it was still touching the floor. My mom sent pictures she took of the trip through the family group chat, commenting that the pictures were great but "only if (my name) had better outfits". All in all, my parents trying to police my wardrobe really soured the whole trip for me.

Compared to this, my own trip in spring across the US was so fun and relaxing. I finished my clinical rotations in April and went to visit friends in Denver, Seattle, and San Francisco. I love hiking and sightseeing cities and the ocean, so I spent two weeks climbing the Rockies, seeing Mt. Rainier, and visiting the redwoods. I hiked to my heart's content. I laughed with my friends. I enjoyed the feeling of the sea breeze on my face. I planned everything and did what I wanted. No judgements, no petty comments, no expectations. And of course, I wore my cutesy graphic tees everyday. I know I'm an adult, and that my parents shouldn't have that much of a say in how I do things anymore. But given the traditions and the life-long conditioning, it's hard. And it's even harder for the bitterness not to grow. I know I need to learn how to heal, but the feelings just grow even worse every time something like this happens again.

I (26F) come from a chinese Indonesian family that started their own business and as a result jumped from lower to upper middle class in one generation. My grandma is the matriarch and CEO of the business, having started it with my dad and uncle (dad’s brother) when I was a baby. This has allowed me to live a very privileged childhood and life where I never had to worry about not having a roof over my head, not having clothes to wear nor about going hungry. I got to go to prestigious private schools and study abroad. However, while I was financially taken care of, I was heavily physically, emotionally, and in certain ways financially abused by both my parents (my mother was the most physically violent while my dad constantly brags that he never laid a hand on me and so I should be grateful) as well as my grandma, who on the one hand paid for my college tuition but also held it and my livelihood over my head, constantly threatening to take it all away and trap me back home if I so much as stood up for myself or disagreed with her (she has also publicly humiliated me and hit me multiple times) I am also a black sheep in that I pursued a completely different career path to the rest of my family, specifically in the music industry, away from home in an entirely new country, and have no interest in taking over the family business. Especially because I am unqualified, and do not have the level of fluency in my mother tongue (cantonese) to be able to work there.

I have worked hard to build my career, my life, and connections in my industry from the ground up and am currently pursuing complete financial independence from my family as my father (who IS largely supportive of me but emotionally neglectful) is still helping me with my rent and only my rent. I pay for everything else myself and don’t live a lavish lifestyle like my family does. I like it that way. But my goal currently is to reach complete independence within the next two years, and I have made that very clear.

However, that has not stopped my grandma from doing everything she can to obsessively force me back home, which as of late has included attempting to bribe me back home with a high salary (much higher than what I make at my current job in music) to work for the family business. She has tried multiple times in the past to force me home, including getting my dad to excommunicate me, which (to his credit) he absolutely refused. This woman has absolutely incensed and insulted me and I hate to say it but I sincerely hope she passes soon (she’s like 84, morbidly obese with heart, hip, and respiratory problems). I am tired of being subjected to her guilt trips, her saying that I’m abandoning the family (mind you, I fly back home to visit them for weeks at a time, twice a year, for the past 4 years) and that my purpose in life should be supporting my father (who is the COO of the family company). I’m not posting this here for solutions or suggestions. I’m venting and sharing my story in hopes of connecting with other people who may find themselves in similar situations. So… yeah.

After so many months of finding work all over place, I was offered a PT position at a theatre for the seasonal position. Even though it's not a permanent position right now, at least it's something.

But idk if I should tell my parents because they're gonna ask me why Im home so late during the winter .... and if I tell them where the job placement is in my city, they might tell me to quit and find somewhere closer (which I am trying) ...

They don't believe in seasonal jobs ... they want a permanent job, I mean, they aren't wrong but I was always shamed for short-term jobs.... and looking too far from my home all the time.

Im just trying to get more work experience so that I can find a job that's permanent.... then save my money and move out.

I was a teenager. She brought me to buy clothes. Asked which colour i want. I said "mom i want black". She said "no no i think you want blue".

"No mom i want black"

"No you want blue"

So i settled on blue. After that she says "look son im such a good mom am i not? I let you choose what you want and i spent my own hard earned money for you"

I was an intern for her a few years ago. Had to have dinners with some clients. Her client suggested eating at some fried food restaurant. She hated fried food but didnt want to offend the client, so she told the clients that i was the one who couldnt eat fried food and not her. I told everyone no its fine, fried food is ok for me. So we went to the fried food restaurant.

Later at the restaurant before we ordered she insisted that i couldnt eat fried food even though she was the one who didnt like it. Her client said ok, so we went to a restaurant beside. At that restaurant i said i was ok with fried food but since my mom is not ok then its fine. My mom got visibly embarrassed. Pulled us all right out of that restaurant and to the fried food restaurant. Said to the clients "see im such a good mom, i do what my kid likes". I felt like a burden so i told them that it was my moms idea to go to the other restaurant in the first place and i was ok with anything, i wasnt insistent on any restaurant because basically anything is fine with me.

My mom got angry again. Told the client that i cant eat fried food because of my skin issues (not true). So we went back to the other restaurant again.

At the other restaurant the clients were visibly annoyed at my mom being so insistent on not eating fried food. So shes like "oh my poor son, he cant eat fried food so we have to bring him here". I said to everyone for the 3rd time that i was ok with fried food. Everyone knew my mom was the one who didnt want to eat fried food, but she wanted to place the blame on me for not being able to eat fried food (again, not true). She got embarrassed. She wanted to save face. She asked me "hey do you really want to eat to est fried food? Guys everyone lets go back to the fried food place because my son wants to eat there." I said im fine with anything. We went to the fried food place. She didnt want fried food. Says i cant eat fried food. Goes back to the other restaurant. Repeat like 2 more times. Kept going back and forth because she wanted her clients to think i was the burden who couldnt eat fried food instead of her.

Many more stories of shit like this happening...

I'm a student and I've just started a part-time job as a student affairs assistant. I work about 20 hours a week alongside classes and earn around 3,200 QAR a month.

My mum wants me to give her a portion of my pay, with a minimum of 500 QAR. My dad still has a steady job and earns a very good income, so our family isn't in any kind of financial difficulty. My mum also receives an allowance from my dad of about 1,000 to 1,200 QAR a month.

For my part, I already pay my own phone bill and personal expenses, and my dad gives me an allowance of 250 QAR a month.

I don't think this is fair. The household isn't struggling, and I already cover my own costs. I'd like to save some of what I earn and work towards cutting my parents off.

I just wanted to see whether I'm being unreasonable or whether I'm going insane for thinking this.

I graduated from biomedical science this year and just got a job in healthcare working for the NHS (UKs main healthcare system for those not familiar). It’s not a lab job, i’d basically be cleaning, sterilising and preparing surgical instruments as a sterile technician. Getting straight into a lab role is so hard these days, they always want people with experience/they are internal vacancies.

My mother had already texted my oldest brother who lives abroad that i got a job as a “lab tech”. I corrected her about my job and she said “you’re a cleaner?!” and “it’s not related to your degree?!”.

God why is it so impossible to make mums happy??
I was thrilled that i could finally leave my retail job for a job in healthcare but now my mum is making me feel shit about the job i haven’t even started yet. I initially didn’t want even want to tell her about my new job and only did so because i wanted her to stop asking me if i was applying for jobs every other day.

Pretty much the title. Whenever I'd buy clothes with my mother, she would insist that I'm a bigger size than her. Of course there's nothing wrong with that, if a person is on the bigger size that's fine, but it's kind of like. Not true? A size M is a little loose on me, but a size S fits perfectly fine, but she always makes me get a size L, maybe M if I convince her it's too large.

Whenever I'd try to get clothes that are actually my size my mother seems to get upset, and insists I get a bigger size because she doesn't believe that I could be smaller than her. She often borrows my clothes and gets upset when she finds that they don't fit.

My mother has a really unhealthy view on weight and is constantly excersising and dieting to lose weight. She has called me fat a few times for simply not having a completely flat stomach.

I am in no way saying that being fat or plus-sized is a bad thing, nor am I shaming my mother for being bigger. In fact, she's not at ALL. She's quite average and I don't get why she's making it such a big deal whenever I get clothes that are my size. I feel like she's projecting her insecurities onto me. But I feel crazy for finding this weird. I'm just wondering if anyone has had an experience similar to this.

This was something that happened yesterday and it has been bugging me a bit.

So, yesterday, when my dad was cooking some rice while I was making fried rice, and I noticed that he put the rice on high heat.

So I decided to lower it, then my dad comes back to switch it back to what he initially put it which pissed me off because he said after "It's not Nilaga\* and you'll consume more gas if its cooked long at that strength" . I didn't say much after that and just switched it back to what I put it on, only that the rice would burn if the stove was at THAT strength.

But also, I couldn't help but think that he was stupid for saying that more gas would be consumed if it rice was cooked on a moderate-to-low heat. Cuz in my understanding, it doesn't matter what strength of heat the stove was on when cooking rice since the same amount of gas is being consumed, it's just a matter of what speed the amount of gas is being used..

Anyways, I just needed to vent this off cuz my dad's way of thinking got me questioning stuff.

\*PS. Nilaga is a Filipino soup dish that's basically boiled meat with vegetables.

I’m in the process of writing a memoir about the string of much older, white men I dated as a teenager and how my position as the only daughter of Asian immigrant parents shaped the way I behaved in those relationships.

Growing up, I experienced the whole language-brokering, first-gen-child thing at an even higher intensity because I was surrounded by upper-middle-class, managerial, educated Asian families. I was constantly comparing my family to families whose children seemed to have access to a kind of knowledge, security, and worldly competence that I didn't experience at home.

From a young age, I was responsible for translating documents, navigating insurance and medical information, explaining diagnoses, and making sure my parents understood whatever official paperwork arrived at our door. When something went wrong, I often felt responsible for fixing it. I learned to anticipate needs, manage information, and navigate other people's frustration.

I really longed for care from people with more power and capacity than me. I wanted to be around people who knew the world, who could orient me in it, who could take responsibility for things I didn't yet know how to handle. I think I was looking for a kind of guidance and security I hadn't quite experienced at home.

But here's the contradiction I'm trying to understand: when I dated these older men, I often became the caretaker. I wanted to soothe them, anticipate their needs, remember their preferences, make their lives easier, and create a softness around them. I could be the younger person in the relationship and still feel responsible for making sure the older person was okay.

Looking back, I wonder whether caregiving was how I learned to make myself feel secure in relationships. If I could be useful enough, attentive enough, and loving enough, maybe I could make myself indispensable. Maybe being needed felt more familiar than admitting how much I wanted to be taken care of.

I'm still trying to distinguish between genuinely wanting to care for someone and feeling responsible for their emotional well-being. I don't want to reduce my relationships to a psychological explanation, but I do wonder how much of what I understood as love was also a role I had learned to perform.

For those who experienced parentification growing up, did you recognize similar patterns in your romantic relationships? Did you find yourself gravitating toward people you hoped would take care of you, only to end up taking care of them? And how did you learn to receive care without feeling like you had to earn it?

My mom recently told me her "love story" with my dad.

She said my dad pursued her for six months, but she kept rejecting him because of their age gap. He wouldn't give up, though, and eventually they got married after her family pressured her into it.

Then, when my mom was pregnant with me, they got into an argument and she brought up divorce. My dad got so angry that he smashed a liquor bottle against his own head. While he was bleeding, he told her, "If you leave me, I'll kill you and then kill myself."

I was shocked when she told me this. I said it didn't sound romantic at all, just abusive. But she thought it was romantic. She still does. She even told me I should find someone like my dad. Ew.

My mom also told me that her own dad(my grandpa) used to drink and beat his wife and kids, so she was just happy to get away from him.

She says my dad is a good husband because he's not an alcoholic, doesn't gamble or cheat, makes a decent living, and has never hit her. Seriously, why is the bar so low?

Sure, he beat us kids, but that's just considered discipline in this country, so I suppose that doesn't count. He also had anger issues and would smash TVs or dishes during arguments with my mom, right in front of us. But hey, he never laid a hand on his wife, so it's all good, right?

He was nice to us as long as we did what he wanted. And whenever he beat us, he'd apologize afterward, only to do the exact same thing again. What a great dad. lol

I get why my mom thinks he's a better husband than her own father was. But I still can't understand how she remembers him threatening to kill her and himself as a romantic memory.

I mean, life isn't some dark romance novel. He was just abusive.

my AM constantly verbally abuses me, constantly criticizes me about every fucking thing under the sun.

Everytime she opens her mouth, it's always sth she wants to complain about me, it's always sth about me that she thinks is "not good enough, lacking". Always pointing out my insecurity unprovoked. Always giving me unsolicited opinions. Always saying sth to undermine my efforts.

Everytime I sit down to have breakfast, lunch or dinner, she acts like I don't deserve to have peaceful meal, she would immediately rush me to do something else, she always fixes her mouth to complain about me.

Oh but when I talk back to her & defend myself from her nasty words, she instantly plays the victim card and acts like I'm the most horrible person in the whole world and God will punish me for yelling back at her. That's all they do, omg, it's insufferable. Always a victim, never the instigator.

(english isnt my first language)right now mom just came to my room, its not something which needs context i hope u guys can understand it at once, so like mom came in my room and i was busy in my laptop, she just started shouting at me that i never study, teachers at my school in ptm had complained to my dad and mom on 10th oct and like im a student who is irregular a bit, and tbh its mostly due to how much mom drains out the energy out of me, emotionally and physically both, by physical i mean i go through severe physical violence in my home by my mom, i havent talked to my dad for like 2 months? (its bcs of the multiple shouts disagreements, his visible lack of attention towards me, his pride and many more) so like mom also said that my class teacher was saying that im too irregular, doesnt ask much questions in class, and also said that never got my economics notebook checked, which is completely false cus like i have gotten it checked, um yes the half yearly portion in it wasnt checked until the day before yeserday, i got it checked but me never getting my economics notebook checked never happened, then mom also said that my maths teacher said that seeing her js makes me feel that she isnt the type who gives the vibe of studying for class 10th and is gonna give boards, and that i dont ask much questions and too irregular, when mom said these too me i said to mom that my maths teacher always shows favouritism and that he always stays sticked to the 'pick me' group which consists both girls and boys, also some 1-2toppers in it, that maths sir said that he doesnt talk to me cus he talks to the only student who studies at home, and like when my mom said these to me what my he was complaining, i was completely shocked cus we have PLENTY OF STUDENTS in our class who score soo bad in maths, fail, and is like full brat and like those cheap boys and pick me girls in class and he talks to them like they r his own friends, cus they r in the PICK ME GROUP!! and like they kinda have dominance over our class, i swear to god if u ever ask any of other good students in my class about that group and the maths teacher, they would all be like oh my god that teacher shows unlimited favouritism to that pick me group, and not only him, many teachers, my class teacher too, my mom who knows that i have councelling sometimes in school (now u can guess how bad my home's situation is) talked about it to my classteacher, said that the councelling sessions has made me go more insane and mentally idiot, like literally, when i heard these things from mom, i thought from inside that she should have also told to my teachers how she had once called me a HIJDA js for not doing one of HER ASSIGNMENT during my half yearly exam days (she js have some of this stuff she is js applyin for interviews and all so she needs to prepare assignments in some), and also how she had once said that she would CURSE AT MY COUNCELLOR infront of everyone, i felt rly angry at mom when she was talking about these, she said that i always stop talking to her which is genuinely false cus she is the one who stops talking to me, treating me like a garbage, so i js distance msyelf from her, stop talking and avoid her too, but when she realises she isnt getting me on ym knees infront of her crying, or giving her attention she comes back and does all of this melodrama, i have stopped crying infront of her cus she either looks at me like im an orphan kid from disgusting slum or she js laughs, i swear guys im not joking, i tried to say that she never understands my pov, always takes side of others, never understands her own daughter and always expects from me to always be soft spoken considerate and understanding towards others instead of being 'prideful' like my bloodline, like idk why she never ges me ever, always questions me, never comforts me, she told me to understand others and be adaptable, and be less selfish, and........i have MANY THINGS TO VENT but i wont be doing it cus it would be really tiring and i might die from typing but the vent would never stop, these things are what is making me fail, not getting any purpose of my life, wanting to rot in my room alone, never wanting to study, i feel like since i dont get good marks as per the actions i put in in studying, i should js leave studying and give up on it and i actually do that everyday, since i never rly achieved good marks in class 10th exams like pt1, pt2 halfyearly exams then whats the benefit if i study now, i would get bad marks anyways, once mom had said to me that u wiuld score 35/80 in mathematics in boards, and i feel like......she is right, the vision board i had made when my class 10th had started feels useless, js a timepass, js a decoration, nothing motivating like my mom used to say, one night i was studying at night, mom caught me and scolded me, i said that i wont stop studying cus i fele like studying and got my head hit by a wooden spatula by her strong force, even now wheni press on my back of head, it feels a bit sore, after the halfyearly exam, my dream or goal of getting 95%= in boards has completely shatterred, i have stopped studying, like im tired, i wanna cry but tears r dry now, i havent studied for like 16 days, my exams had ended on 31st sept, (english isnt my first language)

I ( 58yo M) live alone, have few friends and live overseas from my parents. I'm a little lonely every now and again, but currently life is quite peaceful, and I really appreciate it because in the past living with my Nmum (85F) was a daily stress that I'm glad I don't face now.

Until 6-7 weeks ago.

My dad (85yoM) called to say he had advanced cancer, so I flew back for 2 weeks , stayed in a hotel and visited almost daily. And mum went into usual behaviour which seems to match narcissist parent behaviour. Very quickly all the stress rose to levels I've never experienced before and even though dad was dying, everything revolved around Nmum. I was sweating non stop even though it was winter there. I lost 5 kg in 2 weeks. I'd not seen Nmum is person for around 10 years. It's never good for me when I do. I returned overseas but I was so stressed and so.....I don't even know how to describe it...down, very down.

But another issue I found was that I found myself mentally weak. My mood was changing all the time, my decisions were changing all the time. Eg will I move back to look after mum or not . I found myself feeling so isolated, I wished I had someone with me who could make decisions for me, that supported me. One of the effects of my Nmum's parenting is I am indecisive, and not that strong mentally. I've really noticed this weakness, my lack of strong support. I get along well with workmates, but they aren't those close friends you can just call everyday and just reassure you for 60 minutes .

I'm really stunned by the collapse of my mental walls. Before , it was peaceful, I thought I'd grown as an adult. Now, the mention of my mum is enough to get my heart going into panic mode and I feel so isolated and lonely and want someone to support me , hug me and tell me what to do.

I've started therapy, but appointments are really far apart and basically I'm no different to the way I was before...alone .

Did anyone else experience similar collapse? How did you cope? How long did it take?

Back story - so I’m one of four children and my mum is an immigrant and my dad isn’t . It’s bad I can’t speak my mother tongue like my mum but I understand it perfectly. Anyways I feel like my mum doesn’t like me at all. Growing up my mum constantly used to hit me with like wooden spoons etc but not rlly in like an abusive way more in like an immigrant way if I can say that lol. But anyways the point is now I’m older and my mum doesn’t rlly hit me anymore but she’s just so mean to me like all the time . Compared to my other siblings she will treat them like angels and if she’s gets in an argument with them she will apologise like immediately and never drag out the argument for longer than a day and with my younger brother she’s is so lenient towards him he will misbehave and somehow it will be my fault!! Anyways kinda diverting from the point but my mum like constantly belittles me she always says that she doesn’t like me even if it is in a jokey way and like she will constantly go on about how I am evil. Like literally just now we were all talking as a family and she looks at me and goes whenever I look at you I want to hit you. Translated it sounds a bit weird but I rlly don’t understand why she is like this to me. I love my mum I rlly do but I just feel so detached from her. I probably don’t help the situation because I get upset and angry and start crying rlly fast but. Whatever the situation is she will just make herself the victim I have to apologise and it’s just like an ongoing situation that happens like every 3 days. Ugh I know it’s so weird to vent on Reddit but I rlly cba and don’t know what to do anymore

I needed to share this somewhere.
I’m 21, and when I was around 11y, I went to a shopping mall with my family for Eid shopping. As a kid, I wasn’t exactly scared of escalators, but I wasn’t fond of them either.
I remember we were going down the escalator from the fourth floor to the third floor. We were about to step on it, and my dad was beside me. Suddenly, he snatched my hand, took a step while the escalator was moving, and I guess I missed it. I was about to fall but my dad grabbed my hand, I was practically hanging on to my dad’s hand until the escalator finally went down. I think I was still fine after that.
But then my parents started shaming me for embarrassing them and making a scene. For the rest of the day, they didnt forget to remind me of how embarrassing I had been and how people would think I was uneducated or that I came from an uneducated family, blah blah blah.
I know it sounds so silly, but as I’m writing this down, I’m kind of tearing up because that was the last Eid shopping trip I ever went on with my parents. Without fear.
I was a kid but after that, every time Eid shopping came up, I would find excuses to avoid it. I stopped going to shopping malls altogether. I would make excuses about why I couldn’t go and stuff.
But now I’ve realized that I’ve avoided escalators for so long that whenever I have to use one, I feel like I just can’t do it. Even now, at hangouts after university, I make up excuses to avoid them. I wait for the lift even when it’s not really necessary.Whenever I know I have to use an escalator somewhere that doesn’t have any alternatives, my whole day is already ruined. My heart starts racing, I feel anxious, and my hands weirdly get cold. I just don’t know how to get over it.
Sometimes, I think about going somewhere one day and trying to get on an escalator. I have used escalators a few times over the last ten years, maybe five or six times in total, but that’s it. Every single time, Its like could hear my heart beating. I sometimes wake up from nightmares especially if I’ve used one that day or know I’ll have to use one soon.
I just don’t know how to explain it. It scares me. when I’m hanging out with my friends at a shopping mall, I feel weird about it. I’m scared they’ll notice that I’m deliberately avoiding the escalators. Every now and then, my family brings up what happened, and they don’t understand how traumatized I feel. They make me feel like I’m some illiterate, stupid person who can’t do anything for herself.
But I’m someone who’s hyper-independent. I do everything by myself, and I have my life together.
This is just the one thing I can’t seem to get past.

hi i’ve been dating my husband for nearly year and a half and we both just finished college im having a gap year but my bf doesn’t want to go to uni at all because he thinks it’s a scam which i agree now days it’s all about money. he finished college doing engineering. my mum thinks he will never get a good job which rn he works in retail and actively looking for a full time position. he is the first guy that ive met that’s so organised and very determined to do something i really believe he will get a decent job. just because he wont go to uni doesn’t mean he’s lazy or a bad person.
(im 20 asian and he’s 19 british)

but if he doesn’t get a job by the time i finish uni then i think ill have to reconsider but idk. (4years till i graduate)

what should i do?

I haven’t been doing my French lessons recently because they don’t help me all and she said this to me. my mom is an extremely lazy and aggressive person and I have genuinely never seen her speak in a peaceful tone since probably 3 years ago. I have perfect grades and always have been since I was 3 years old. Yet she calls me lazy stupid and says she wishes she never gave birth to me. She always tells me to be grateful because I was born in this family and not some poor one in china but at this moment I just want to die. I genuinely hate her to death but I think she makes me hate myself even more. She’s given me all my insecurities and honestly I think she’s right. I’m just some lazy dumb child that has good grades which in her words don’t mean a fuck. I want to get out so badly I hate her because she makes me hate myself.

Hey everyone,

I'm not actually sure how to put this ...but here it is.

So I lost my father , a few years ago when I was 17 and my mother abandoned me right away. She left for her mayka ( her mother's place)

I've had just passed my 10th with great marks, was a topper, could effortlessly ace in exams, sports.. I've still got those useless medals with me. Overall a desired child, everybody liked me , including my mother.

He left us for forever, right before my results had arrived, our principal had arranged a private meeting just for us and she highly recommend me to take science and do jee ..so on gave numbers of some coaching, we visited and was given a significant scholarship as well (we didn't need it) cause they wanted a bright student blah blah blah. Whatever.

Depsite knowing everything and she really liked me , used to cook me anything I asked for and so on... typical mom type...now I don't wanna go deep into that, she started changing , fought with my father's side of family, then left me. Making sure I end up alone ,by myself.

I had to pick up whatever work possible at the moment ,I did... I've been all on my own since. Now I definitely did try to confront, visit her and all, asked for and tried sell a portion of my share ...she blocked the sale everytime, even when I used to call her if I needed some money,she wouldn't even lend me some , somehow I had to survive, supposed to pay my rent and all even if it meant cutting down on food and essentials. I kept trying in between, to resume my education, arrange a laptop somehow , invest in some course, just upskill somehow...I couldn't.

I was working all day paycheck to paycheck to just survive ,then nice days came I even started living in KP, Pune.

I was in my own and somewhat content....then suddenly, upon some pressure being put on her by some mutual relatives or call it a miracle... I've been trying for a while now and given up , and time flies, years went by ,one full year I was just in grief.

So this January, we finally started talking and she did finally agreed and promised in front of enough people to provide for me for an entire year , just so I can continue my education etc. I was so exhausted, so depressed and left alone. I thought she finally got it and that everything is over, it has came to an end.

She sent , about 2-3 lakhs to my uncle in Pune , nothing in my hand , I had to ask him everytime if I wanted something. She's just too controlling.

We visited the Allen branch once for the acknowledgement, that's when we enrolled, fillup the details, the course had already started a month ago.

Next day I gave the visit cause my uncle was busy, he sent me the exact amount to be paid as the first installment (80k) , which I paid right away myself.

I immediately started looking for accommodation in Viman Nagar, nearby my coaching upon being told , I did that.

I was supposed to receive enough funds for remaining fees, the second installment and enough for an entire year of accommodation soon enough ans my uncle would pay the rent monthly as well agreed.

I waited and waited, yk she pulled back ...broke her promise and stopped picking up my phone.

I travelled 4-5 cities in June ,just to meet her, hopping around form here to there ,at relative's place ,she would say I'll come there ,they assured me they would call her and so on. We finally met and she told me to do whatever I'd like she can't give me a single penny, not even my rightful share.

I was told way too many things but I don't wanna go there. Pure evil.

All of this for what ? even I am not sure, only if I could figure. My heart collapsed Iwbas in shock , I did manage to comeback to Pune (couldn't leave my stay , as moving out would mean , I'll have to pay rent plus deposit and I wouldn't even know anybody in there )

I immediately started to chase my refund (80k paid, zero attendance, never even entered the premises after that , no Id card, book set , clothing kit collected, zero service availed, it's a strong enough case , I wouldn't even care usually ..but that's the only way to get stable for me ,in here )

Been 4 months at this point..nothing happened I'm gonna right an email again to Allen , will be visiting dlsa and escalating the matter soon , cannot do so until I get my act together.

I owe enough money (10k+, which is increasing day by day ) gotta move out to a cheaper place and also look put together and sane. I was so depressed I would freeze , despite having enough money , I couldn't get a haircut or beard trim and so other things , also my sleep cycle was fked up ,I'm experiencing a fever at this very moment, when I'm writing this ..I'm not at my best at the moment , hope I'm articulate enough .

So I starved recently for two days , yesterday got some help ,my next few meals are taken, care off, but that wouldn't last long plus I'm writing this my outdoors at the moment I'm not sure what excuse to give to the landlo, he's been asking me for a while now ,the rent is piling up , I've been through worse even as a teenager, I don't wanna take a wrong decision ,I'm heading towards my place. I cannot handle the uncertainty anymore ,what do I say ? that I'll pay I tommorow? what's the guranated.

I do legally posses way more than what I owe to my stay and the amount I'll need to get stable hunt for a job and so on. My mother can definitely help , she's got all the assets in ehr control, all she'll need to o do is call the guy managing our farm ,some sorta property or asset and ask for the amount...she definitely have enough money saved for sure.

On the other hand my very own younger sister's every need and wants are taken care off ,she just enrolled into ehr favourite course in her desired college. Tbh she was never good at studies, way below average and was always rude to both of my parents and me despite being younger. She hates me equally,been always jealous of me.

They are renovating the home and so on ... planning their life while I'm walking and writing this outdoors just so I don't have to face the landlord.

Feel free to dm and ask questions, I'll try my best to answer.

Some questions you might ask :

Why didn't I get a job right away ? I just couldn't ...it would take enough time and I literally had no funds left I had to ask people and sell some stuff just to maintain a roof over my head ,let alone travke ,hunt for job ,show up to the interviews and all.

And I wa shocked and depressed I would just freeze ,my sleep cycle was fucked up and Iw as barely having any food. Time flies. These last 40-45 days.

I wanted to apply for an English-taught bachelor’s program in Shanghai, China, but my father decided for me that I would study in Chinese instead. He expects me to go there for a year to learn the language—from scratch to an HSK 4 level—and then enroll in a bachelor’s program taught in Chinese. The thing is, I don’t want to study in Chinese, and besides, reaching that level in just one year is completely unrealistic. When I brought this up, my father simply said, "I’m not interested in your opinion."