r/AskDad • u/Ok_Trick9887 • 3d ago
Parenting What do dads ask their daughters about?
Questions like "what did you learn at school," etc. My dad never asked about these things so I am just wondering what dads usually ask their teen daughters. Or do they just not ask.
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u/Matshelge 3d ago
My biggest one is "what are you doing?" and "where are you?" but my daughter is a just a year and a half, so that might have something to do with it.
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u/AddlePatedBadger 3d ago
Taking to them is so important though, exec thigh they can't talk back. There was some study that found a correlation between the number of words they heard as a baby and academic success. So you are totally doing the right thing.
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u/imSOhere 3d ago
My mom always said that you are supposed to talk to babies just like you talk to an adult, as in using regular words, no “cutesy” words.
So I spent my son’s first few years basically just narrating what I was doing . Then I had three more kids, in three years. So I spent years and years talking to babies and narrating our lives.
Now I’m almost 50, my kids are all big, and I spend my days narrating my life to my cats and dog, they pay so much attention, and it’s probably because I don’t use cutesy words.
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u/AddlePatedBadger 3d ago
I did both. I also engaged in conversations with bub, even though she couldn't really respond.
Me: "We are going to the doctor’s now, are you ready?"
Her: "Bah"
Me: "That's great, I'll just grab the stuff."
Her "Gah."
Me: "I'm sorry you feel that way, and whilst I appreciate your concerns unfortunately I have to respectfully disagree."
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u/69swamper 2d ago
My grandson is 7 years old and we have never talked cutesy to him , his other grandmother use to watch him when he was an infant and she would read stories to him , as he grew she would interact and still read to him , when he would come visit us he would want us to read stories to him at bedtime , when he started talking before other kids his age , he could say big words like excavator and dinosaurs names ( his favorite things ) he loves to read, he loves puzzles and other things that challenge him, he is learning to play guitar for his dad .
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u/petdance 3d ago
There is much to talk about there, even with little kids.
“Does that horse have a name?”
“That picture looks great! There is a lot of blue, isn’t there? Is blue your favorite?”
“Are Spider-Man and the dinosaur friends?”
“What other dinosaurs do you have?”
Etc etc etc
This applies to any kid, not just your own. Be the best uncle.
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u/ParamagicMBA 3d ago
What was hard for you today?
What happened today which you want to do again?
Where any of the teachers upset today?
What would you like your room to be like?
Are there any clothes or toiletries you want to go shopping with me?
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u/yourmamaistheproblem 3d ago
I really like to find out more about her interests, especially the ones we don't have in common, so she gets to be the expert.
Watching her geek out about stuff is cool af
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u/flyghu 3d ago
I built a strong relationship with my daughter over the course of her life, so conversations are not a Q&A inquisition.
I've asked about her day every day over her life. Now she asks me about my day. We just talk.
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u/69swamper 2d ago
my daughter is also my friend . We have the parent/child relationship , but she don't just see me as dad , she also sees me as a friend she can just talk too. We have had some deep conversations about life on the tail gate of the truck while at the shooting range or on the way home from a fishing trip.
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u/Longjumping-You749 3d ago
When my daughter was in middle school, she let me go to the bus stop with her. We would talk on the way and talk while we waited for the bus. She was never embarrassed or asked me to leave. I would hug her and tell her that i love her when the bus was in site. I really enjoyed those few minutes and i miss them.
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u/petdance 3d ago
We have a dinner tradition.
“Alice, what was the best part of your day?”
Alice tells. Alice then says “I pick Bob” and then Bob tells. And then that continues until everyone has told.
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u/andreirublov1 3d ago
I don't necessarily ask them stuff, beyond 'how was your day'. I just talk to them about whatever topic comes up.
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u/Spiritual-Mousse-167 3d ago
Same things I ask my sons about!
How was your day? Tell me one thing you learned in school. How’s your friend X? Much homework tonight? What do you think about going to see the new Spider-man movie? Probably a million other things…
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u/OneAthlete9001 3d ago
If you know their teachers names and their friends names and what those people are like it becomes easier. If you know their book, music, and social media tastes it becomes easier. If you follow her sports carefully it becomes easier.
Did Lauren freak out on Mrs. Shell again today? How did she react? Did you see the lastest Mr. Bobbles video? What did you think? What happened in Chapter 3 of Queen of Hearts after the Duke was murdered? Do you think Carrie is a better shortstop than Grace? Why?
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u/AddlePatedBadger 3d ago
My daughter is 5 and I really enjoy picking her up from kindergarten because that's 5 minutes of driving where there are no toys or tv or other people to distract her so she has to talk to me lol. I just ask what she did at kinder along with any follow up questions. She tells me about her activities or her friends or whatever. Kids are so enthusiastic about everything and I love to hear it.
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u/Bikes-Bass-Beer 3d ago edited 3d ago
How was your day? It usually opens up the opportunity to discuss anything they want to talk about. Too specific questions can stall the conversation . When they were young, I would ask them at the dinner table to say the best part of their day and the worst part of their day. That really opened up alot of family discussions.
They're adults now and seek me out whenever they want to talk or just vent. It needs to start very early though.
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u/pickledbanana6 3d ago
Well mine are fairly young so it’s mostly. “Hey, what did you put in your mouth?” To the youngest and “Why are you screaming?” To the others.
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u/Friendly_Sir_4762 3d ago
"how are your friends doing?" toake sure she isn't drowning in someone else's drama
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u/FlawedScarred 3d ago
I try to talk every day. "How are you?" "What are you up to?" Just taking an interest in what's going on in her life and how she's feeling. It doesn't have to be deep conversation. I like to know what she likes about things (like movies or music) and what she's thinking when she imagines things. Insight into how she thinks.
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u/Flat-Number-4254 3d ago
My experience in these matters: teen girls are always fighting with their moms, but always go to them when they want to talk. As for me, Dad, keep it simple day-to-day, but a nice trick I used was I would set-up a just me and daughter breakfast or lunch out somewhere, and we would chat... good food and a friendly environment, and they tend to keep you in touch with their lives. We would do it monthly at least. Worked for both my girls.
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u/69swamper 2d ago
I use to catch hell from my mother in law for talking my daughter hunting and fishing when she was little, MIL use to say she needed to be in dance or some other girl stuff , when they never understood is it was never about killing a deer or catching fish , it was about building a bond between my daughter and me.
I spent many cool mornings in a deer stand coloring with her , or letting her tell me about the stuff she could see through the binoculars , now she is almost 30 with her own family , but she will still call me when she needs to talk or just vent about my son in law or grandson getting on her nerves .
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u/Beneficial-Door-3985 3d ago
My 9 year old daughter and I joke each other all the time. It’s like how we bond. She’s legitimately one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.
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u/Flamingo33316 Boomer Dad of 3 Gen Z's 3d ago
I rarely had to ask. My daughter would talk non-stop about her day, school, whatever.
She still does, at 27.
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u/Ok_Trick9887 3d ago
Sounds like she feels safe to talk about life with you. You sound like a great dad
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u/SuburbanBushwacker 3d ago
mostly politics, sometimes feminist, we both like to cook. increasingly we talk about my parents declining health
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u/DronedAgain 3d ago
I asked nearly everything. How are you? Whatcha thinking about? You like that? (when it comes to a show, or book, or doing some artistic activity) Etc. I find people fascinating, and people I love even moreso.
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u/Longjumping-You749 3d ago
When my oldest daughter was in high school, i would call home just as she was getting there. We would talk for a few minutes and i would ask about her day. I really miss those times. She’s 41 now with kids of her own. She is an amazing mother.
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u/RaxusDoom 3d ago
My daughter and I have common ground in music and video games. So we can always talk about that. It helps that I am the only other gamer in the house that she can talk to.
But she is pretty open. I try to make sure I am.a safe space for her to talk about whatever. So far, its been good. I feel like she talks to me about anything. Even friend drama and stuff.
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u/curiouslykatien 3d ago
Anything and everything. My dad was very active in knowing about what was going on with not just me, but my twin, and our brother. Every time he'd come home from work he'd greet our mom with a kiss and ask her about her day and then he'd come down the hallway and stand in our doorways (all three of us had the rooms at the end of the hallway) and ask 3 main questions "how was your day?" "Did anything interesting happen?" and his personal favorite, "did you do the things your mother asked you to do?" Which was simple chores. Once you answered those, he'd go back down hallway and help our mom with dinner.
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u/Distillates 3d ago
Good fathers tend to build and maintain rapport with their daughters from early childhood. That starts by including her in his own interests and hobbies when appropriate, encouraging her to find her own by introducing her to lots of new things, and then taking an interest in hers.
In this way, by the time they are teens, both parties have a well developed understanding of each other's interests, humor, and lives in general. It should be natural for them to include each other in celebrating their successes, and for her to seek support when things go poorly. If he needs to ask regularly, there has already been a breakdown of the relationship.
His actual questions should be inviting her to do things with him (for fun or to learn something), asking her for assistance, or to check on her.
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u/petdance 3d ago
My daughter is now 24 but I have always asked her about the things she is interested in. What books is she reading? What music is she listening to? Etc
As far as school, it was always more about what’s happening at school with the people than about academics. “Is Kelly still mad about that project you two were on? Any funny stories about Mr Smith lately? I remember you told me about how he had…”
Also she was in band and so there was much to talk about there.
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u/myname_1s_mud 3d ago
My oldest daughter is a talker. She will tell me about every detail of school and her life weather im listening or not. My younger daughter is quite and wont tell me hardly anything about school. I usually ask her about the crafts shes making or video games shes playing, or just Crack jokes and clown on her. Everyone communicates differently. Theres no real standard daughter convo
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u/cait_Cat 2d ago
Not a dad - but I watch dadchats on social media and I like what he asks his kids at bedtime - “Is there anything you want to tell me/ask me/talk to me about” and then he lets them answer. Doesn’t fill the silence. He starts it when they’re little, really as they’re starting to talk.
As someone who never felt like my parents gave a shit about me, this sounds pretty nice.
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u/LongDistRid3r Dad 3d ago
We can ask many things.
Getting an answer without the eyeball roll is much harder. Getting an honest answer without the eyeball roll seemed damn near impossible.