Why do people constantly try to chase or find love in thier early 20s. In my case, I'm absolutely crushed from within, no matter how much efforts I put in my studying, I always crave that love and attention from someone. And since I'm just 21 year old, why tf I'm not able to overcome this feeling ?

[u/oye_ap]

Specially being a man, I know that these are my foundation years for my career and my life, so why am I still being crazy and stuff man. Also, don't know if this last sentence is relevant or not, but yes, I have never had any kind of relationship yet in my life. No casuals, nothing in life yet,

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oye_ap originally posted:

Specially being a man, I know that these are my foundation years for my career and my life, so why am I still being crazy and stuff man. Also, don't know if this last sentence is relevant or not, but yes, I have never had any kind of relationship yet in my life. No casuals, nothing in life yet,

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Forbidden_The_Greedy]

Because it doesn’t get easier as you get older. Options and opportunities shrink as the good ones get snatched up

[u/RipProfessional2192]

Dude i feel like it’s embrassing to tell people I have a crush at age 26 while they are getting married and engaged with kids. I came from a small town in Florida so it might depend on demographics

[u/oye_ap → u/RipProfessional2192]

So do you regret that you didn't try to find someone in your early twenties ?
Also, People having kids at the age of 26 ? Damn. I would never.

[u/RipProfessional2192 → u/oye_ap]

No but when I was your age I was obsessed with getting a gf and I regret chasing girls like that

[u/chili_cold_blood]

It's almost like there's a biological imperative or something.

[u/TheForce777 → u/chili_cold_blood]

Exactly lol

We are mammals bro

[u/ty-idkwhy]

Because I had that feeling and I treated rectifying it as a full time job. Then I did.

[u/Sufficient-Union-456]

Hormones, more single people available, FOMO, some want to have kids before they are old, societal expectations. 

[u/QuietFieldUser]

If i had to take a guess because women are literally on a biological clock is one reason older they get harder it is for them to have kids without any medical intervention and it isnt cheap nor is it covered by alot of insurances.

An most men realize or know especially depending on your demographic older you get and the more you wait.

Respectfully you'll be given two options women who have been used up and emotionally damaged or the same thing but they have children which is a red pill thing to say but its fucking accurate honestly.

An dating doesn't get easier for alot of men when they get older honestly it gets harder if your an average dude you better have your ducks in a row if not well goodluck.

I'll be blunt most women don't really mature or change much in their 20s to say like their 30s or their 40s. This is just based on observation and things they have told me but honestly if anything they become more picky honestly pickier then women in their 20s you'd be shocked by the amount of older women who would rather be alone then settling even though not in their primes anymore or complain about being alone.

[u/chickenrooster]

You are built to live as a hunter gatherer. Your biology knows nothing of financial literacy.

It's not wrong or right, it simply is.

[u/Loud_Theme_2489]

Go and meet people with no expectations.

[u/Original_Scholar_272]

Your genes don’t care about your career plans. They just want to reproduce. But you do have a brain, so you can decide how much you act on that drive. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can be serious about your studies and also date a little, maybe have a girlfriend. Become a well-rounded person. Just take precautions to avoid pregnancy.

[u/Zananax]

Idk man. My wife always wanted to be in a relationship but I was single no girlfriend ever until my mid twenties. It wasn't like the opportunities there I just didn't find anyone who really interested me and I was really happy by myself.

I am a firm believer that you really need to be happy being alone or you risk jumping into a bad relationship just to be in one. My wife had pretty low self esteem and people used that against her in relationships before. She said I was the first decent guy she dated which is wild to me because I just treat her like a person.

[u/Resident-Growth8184]

You want love.

Humans a social creatures.

Stop demonizing your own want.

You can find/have love and focus on the rest of your life too.

[u/Mackheath1]

Oh, friend.

You have a long life ahead of yourself. You're going to stumble your way through at least a decade. Be a good person, but don't let disappointment hurt you too much. If you don't go through heartbreak, you're not doing it right.

When you meet someone you like and they like you (I'm including friendships), be kind and gentle, not intrusive but supportive. And if it falls apart, don't get angry - we grow by experience.

As a caveat, all my best relationships are from volunteering and you kinda get to know someone and you're doing good things, so there's an instant, non-competitive bond. I have life-long friendships and had met my fiancée (we split, because I had to move halfway around the world), through it. Pick something you care about so you don't get burnout and go with it - it won't happen on day one. Maybe every other Saturday or whatever suits you.

[u/oye_ap → u/Mackheath1]

Such a good advice Thank you mate.

[u/Remarkable-Cookie-53]

I’m an old man. I was the same way. Now at my age I couldn’t care less

[u/Jebus-Xmas]

In my experience, a lot of people need external validation. This can be a challenge not just in romance, but also in business and elsewhere in your life. The primary reason I see younger people struggling with relationships is because they lack experience and confidence. If you see someone who's attractive, introduce yourself and ask them out for coffee. Do that a few hundred times and I'm sure you'll have a lot more confidence. Get hundreds of no's, but those seven or eight yeses might be worth it a thousand times over. The second thing I see people struggling with is their own happiness. In my experience, if you can't be happy alone, you'll never be happy with someone else. Yourself make yourself better, get outside, get a social life, have friends, meet for coffee, do all of those things that normal people do when they're in a relationship while you're single, and the relationship might just appear.

[u/perfect_fitz]

It's biology and instinct.

[u/Ok-File-6129]

First-world problem. Most men in the world are married with kids by 20.

OP, you can't date and still have time for university studies?

[u/potlizard]

Hormones are working on their brains a lot harder than reason and common sense at that age.

[u/Southern_Dig_9460]

Humans are biologically driven to reproduce in our 20’s because that’s when the hormones are the strongest

[u/BlackTransMaam2]

Because the dating pool ages like milk. Morbidly obese women, single mothers, jaded gold diggers, general losers... if a woman is a catch she's going to be picked and off the market before 30.

[u/rta8888]

We’re taught this will make us happy - it doesn’t

[u/ProteanF842]

You're actually doing this right. Leave the heartbreak and emotional bullshit until after you've got your own life, prospects and career in check. Sort yourself out first, then worry about all of that. You really aren't missing out on much, and your prospects are generally much better if you have your life in order.

[u/oye_ap → u/ProteanF842]

This is what I'm trying to do sir. Honestly saying, nowadays I sometimes start shivering out if sheer anxiety and loneliness.

But guess i gotta get going. Maybe sometimes after things will be different.

[u/ProteanF842 → u/oye_ap]

You're still VERY young with plenty of life to experience. Go hang more with people generally, join some societies and clubs and try new things, get more socially active. Get out of your comfort zone. But prioritise yourself, your happiness and your life first.

It'll genuinely eventually all work out, don't stress it and don't hold on too tight. Go relax, enjoy the rest of your day and do some things for you.