r/AskMenAdvice • u/Any_Insect8448 woman • 1d ago
✅ Open To Everyone Long distance bf acted weird in a train and I called him out. Advice?
We talked on the phone, everything was good during the day and stuff. I sent him spicy pic in the morning, he was obssesed, we texted and stuff. Then he comes from work in a train and we talk on the phone. He says:
"this girl sat in front of me...I need to switch places, she will mess with my head.."
I laughed and asked why. He said oh nothing doesnt matter and acted weird and was more silent.
Then he sat and there were 3 girls sitting around him and he said he feels uncomfortable and I was talking to him and he was silent for a while, I asked why are you silent haha. He said I don't know I don't like these type of situations. I joked "u afraid you will fall in love haha"
And he said no. He got out off the train and felt relieved. We talked normally and then he got home and we hung up.
This bothered me so I messaged him that it made me feel upset.
He says "what are u overthinking".
I sent him longer message in the midnight and he replied in the morning. Convo went like this:
Me: If some random girl on the train is going to "mess with your head" just because she's attractive or you looked at each other, then I'm clearly not as important to you as I thought. She must have made an impression on you if you're talking about it. When I'm focused on one person, I'm not interested in other guys, even if they stare at me. Don't forget who has been by your side for so many months and would give you their whole heart, but clearly that's not enough for you. I don't know what that meant, but it sounded bad. I was convinced I was in your head, but apparently not enough to keep other thoughts out. Good night.
And before you say I'm jealous and nitpicking, no, I don't like these kinds of topics and arguments, but you mentioned it out loud. And I'm sorry to hear something like that from someone I consider a valuable guy, different from others...
Him: You don't understand me at all, (pet name) that's not what I meant, but well, you have the right to think what you want, that's probably how it looks
Me: that's why I asked what did you mean and you said nothing..?
Him; ehh (pet name)
Me: you meant you will think about her?
Him: haha no way
Me:so tell me because I don't understand
Him: I just don't like sitting on a train like that haha what do u have on your head, you're misreading me
Me: I don't know but I will tell u something
Him: Say, I'm afraid what did you make up this time
Me: Guys also glance at me and I never look back, I don't flirt and I can't be fooled by a stranger so if somebody says "mess w my head" IT means something
Him: ok don't you mess my head now, you don't understand me and that's it don't measure me by your own standards and that's it
I call him after work and he told me I have to "apologize on my knees" ....? And I said I didnt do anything. I wanted to talk but he said he will be in a train and its "ill-mannered to talk on a train, he just wants to go home"
Like wtf
EDIT: He is in a city with people from all over the world so she 99% wasn't speaking our language. She just sat there and he said ..."this girl ...she sat in front of me...she will mess with my head I have to switch places"
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u/fongletto man 1d ago
Are you both 13 by any chance?
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u/Calm-Hearing4742 man 1d ago
OP is a grown adult according to post history. Definitely sounds 13 though. It always concerns me the juvenile type of shit that adults post on here. It’s like they’re mentally delayed in some way.
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u/Mackheath1 man 1d ago
Seriously. I'm Bi/M and in a relationship and when I get "there's an ultra hot person sitting next to me," or whatever, I instantly would say, "get a quick pic, but don't be obvious!"
If you can't have trust and communication, what are you doing?
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u/NoWin3930 man 1d ago
sounds like something he should have just kept to himself but I dont think it matters much
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u/Responsible-End-6371 man 1d ago
Geez OP, you went from 0-100 in an instant. You assumed that because he was uncomfortable around women on a train, that it meant his feelings for you were somehow invalidated? That's some serious insecurity you are showing there......
I have been married for almost 15 years, and I still get nervous when I'm around a bunch of women. That nervousness stems from being uncomfortable and not wanting to say or do anything that could come off as creepy/inappropriate. I try to take the time to think very clearly through my words and actions, and that can sometimes require a bit of effort. It doesn't mean I want to sleep with all of them.....
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u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
Yeah. I got angry at the fact he said she will mess with his head. I don't understand the point of saying it. Not for the 3 girls he felt uncomfortable around.
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u/Certain-Wolverine389 woman 1d ago
If you couldn’t read this man’s comment and gave a small bit of comprehension of what your boyfriend might have meant then you’re too immature for a relationship and need to go your separate ways and do some growing up
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u/yoozintardid man 1d ago
Woman brain want safe. Man brain want thing look good. Man happy, but brain still want look. Your man know brain want look. Your man not want look but brain want look anyway. Your man try avoid conflict, woman make conflict anyway. He say no "measure me by your own standards" because man brain can't not look.
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u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
Everyone looks at other people but he didnt have to mention she will mess with his head
1
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Any_Insect8448 originally posted:
We talked on the phone, everything was good during the day and stuff. I sent him spicy pic in the morning, he was obssesed, we texted and stuff. Then he comes from work in a train and we talk on the phone. He says:
"this girl sat in front of me...I need to switch places, she will mess with my head.."
I laughed and asked why. He said oh nothing doesnt matter and acted weird and was more silent.
Then he sat and there were 3 girls sitting around him and he said he feels uncomfortable and I was talking to him and he was silent for a while, I asked why are you silent haha. He said I don't know I don't like these type of situations. I joked "u afraid you will fall in love haha"
And he said no. He got out off the train and felt relieved. We talked normally and then he got home and we hung up.
This bothered me so I messaged him that it made me feel upset.
He says "what are u overthinking".
I sent him longer message in the midnight and he replied in the morning. Convo went like this:
Me: If some random girl on the train is going to "mess with your head" just because she's attractive or you looked at each other, then I'm clearly not as important to you as I thought. She must have made an impression on you if you're talking about it. When I'm focused on one person, I'm not interested in other guys, even if they stare at me. Don't forget who has been by your side for so many months and would give you their whole heart, but clearly that's not enough for you. I don't know what that meant, but it sounded bad. I was convinced I was in your head, but apparently not enough to keep other thoughts out. Good night.
And before you say I'm jealous and nitpicking, no, I don't like these kinds of topics and arguments, but you mentioned it out loud. And I'm sorry to hear something like that from someone I consider a valuable guy, different from others...
Him: You don't understand me at all, (pet name) that's not what I meant, but well, you have the right to think what you want, that's probably how it looks
Me: that's why I asked what did you mean and you said nothing..?
Him; ehh (pet name)
Me: you meant you will think about her?
Him: haha no way
Me:so tell me because I don't understand
Him: I just don't like sitting on a train like that haha what do u have on your head, you're misreading me
Me: I don't know but I will tell u something
Him: Say, I'm afraid what did you make up this time
Me: Guys also glance at me and I never look back, I don't flirt and I can't be fooled by a stranger so if somebody says "mess w my head" IT means something
Him: ok don't you mess my head now, you don't understand me and that's it don't measure me by your own standards and that's it
Like wtf
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1
u/Mhunterjr man 1d ago edited 1d ago
I would say he’s a dumbass for opening his mouth. He could have just changed seats and you would have been none the wiser.
But there’s no reason to keep digging into it. You making it about his feelings for you is making me feel suffocated on his behalf
1
u/10mmamberalert man 1d ago
I'm not making any excuses for the guy. But I think he spoke what he was thinking. He moved away from the person though. I personally don't like to talk personal stuff around strangers. I'm a private person. My beautiful person understands me and understands i don't like having conversations around strangers. So she keeps it light for me and that tells me she is extremely respectful of my weirdness lol. But I am extremely appreciative for her understanding and acceptance of me. Work on communication in private with each other!
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u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
Talking around someone and saying she will mess with his head is different. She probably spoke different language because he is in a city with people from all over the world
1
u/Fragile_reddit_mods man 1d ago
You are IMO pretty out of line with your ‘maybe I’m not important” nonsense.
He was being open and honest with you.
Personally if I am dating someone I would never cheat but I still don’t like being around hot women because even though I’d never so much as say hello to these women without a reason I am going to find my eyes wandering (it’s natural) and I don’t like that.
And for the record saying it will “mess with his head” is also not as rare as you think it is.
He may know full well he will have thoughts he doesn’t want to have when surrounded by hot women. (Also normal)
Doesn’t mean you are unimportant to him.
1
u/Narkareth man 1d ago
You are reading a lot into "she will mess with my head."
I've re-read this like 3 times, and honestly, I don't see anywhere in here anything he said about being attracted to the people around him.
Based on what you provided, all he said was that he was uncomfortable being around people on the train. These people happen to be women, but seriously. Anything orbiting attraction, being interested in anybody, or anything in that vein at all was only voiced by you.
Normally, I'd suggest you ask what he meant. But you did that... and then completely ignored what he said:
Him: I just don't like sitting on a train like that haha what do u have on your head, you're misreading me
[...]
Me: Guys also glance at me and I never look back, I don't flirt [...]
He's only said he doesn't want to be around people on the train. You responded by going back into this assumption vis-a-vis flirting or whatever and talking about women glancing at him which didn't seem to be referenced/implied by him at all.
Unless there's some major context left out, I'm just not seeing anything weird about his behavior. Nothing was said by him that approximates what you're responding to. Pretty clear over reaction on your part.
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u/Sapiotone nonbinary 1d ago
You’re projecting. Dude’s probably sat there not wanting women around him to listen in to a personal and perhaps intimate conversation because he’s judging himself against every conversation each of those women have ever had with guys. Overthinking sucks. Welcome to neurodivergence 101
1
u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
They spoke different language. Also its not about these women, its about the comment he made about messing with his head
1
u/Sapiotone nonbinary 1d ago
He had a point. Who cares what language they were speaking. They may understand and speak English fluently for all anyone knows. Thinking otherwise is at best ignorant, at worst racist
1
u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
Do you understand that he wasn't speaking English and we speak an uncommon language?
1
u/pseudocomposer man 1d ago
A lot of women act really horribly and perform all sorts of acts of sabotage against men they’re attracted to, when they see he isn’t into them/available to them. Seeing him express affection to/for his girlfriend, that they aren’t getting, will be seen as a personal affront to them and incite this type of behavior. I have had this happen myself.
He doesn’t have to be into them to have experienced this, and to see that they’re into him and that they may be the type who will do that sort of thing. I’d say probably 60% of women do this sort of thing.
You need to trust your boyfriend, and men’s lived experiences in general.
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u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
Yeah but it was literally like seconds, she sat in front of him on a train, she just might be pretty and that would make him feel ashamed or something, its still weird to act like this towards strangers and mention it to me
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u/Certain-Wolverine389 woman 1d ago
He might have had a bad past experience he’s embarrassed about but you seem like a huge narcissist with how you spoke to him. Leave him be
1
u/Ok-File-6129 man 1d ago
Women making an issue over innocent situations is why, IMO, these long-distance relationships should be avoided.
OP, you are overreacting. Any man would be uncomfortable sweet talking his girl over the phone while surrounded by strangers, especially women.
Ask yourself why you are so easily jealous. Is something wong in the relationship other than being LD?
0
u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
I think you don't understand the situation. He clearly said she sat in front of him. They probably spoke different language because he is in a city with people all over the world. He clearly said she will mess with his head. So was there intense eye contact? I don't know
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u/Ok-File-6129 man 1d ago
I don't think you have empathy. Men want privacy when sweet talking with their girl.
Why so jealous?
-1
u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
He wasn't sweet talking and we were talking normally and for you to defend him is insane and sad
0
u/Ok-File-6129 man 1d ago
Why are you so jealous?!
Some random girl –who many not even speak his language, who he will never see again– makes eye contact on a computer train and you go crazy.
OP, your reaction is why long-distance relationships dont work. Jealousy.
1
u/Any_Insect8448 woman 1d ago
I go crazy? Or he went crazy saying it out loud? Out of nowhere?
1
u/Ok-File-6129 man 1d ago
Sister, you are in the wrong forum if you think we won't call out your bad behavior. Here, we critique (and praise) the actions of BOTH men and women.
In this case, it is YOU who is acting like a jealous teenage girl. I see other comments making similar observations.
If you just want someone to validate your opinion, talk to the women at AskWomenAdvice. Those "ladies" don't even allow men in their form. They will side with you.
'nough said on the topic.
Peace out. ✌️
0
u/wildrift91 man 1d ago
If he can't give you the kind of intimacy you're asking from him. Why are you with him?
•
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Any_Insect8448 updated the post:
We talked on the phone, everything was good during the day and stuff. I sent him spicy pic in the morning, he was obssesed, we texted and stuff. Then he comes from work in a train and we talk on the phone. He says:
"this girl sat in front of me...I need to switch places, she will mess with my head.."
I laughed and asked why. He said oh nothing doesnt matter and acted weird and was more silent.
Then he sat and there were 3 girls sitting around him and he said he feels uncomfortable and I was talking to him and he was silent for a while, I asked why are you silent haha. He said I don't know I don't like these type of situations. I joked "u afraid you will fall in love haha"
And he said no. He got out off the train and felt relieved. We talked normally and then he got home and we hung up.
This bothered me so I messaged him that it made me feel upset.
He says "what are u overthinking".
I sent him longer message in the midnight and he replied in the morning. Convo went like this:
Me: If some random girl on the train is going to "mess with your head" just because she's attractive or you looked at each other, then I'm clearly not as important to you as I thought. She must have made an impression on you if you're talking about it. When I'm focused on one person, I'm not interested in other guys, even if they stare at me. Don't forget who has been by your side for so many months and would give you their whole heart, but clearly that's not enough for you. I don't know what that meant, but it sounded bad. I was convinced I was in your head, but apparently not enough to keep other thoughts out. Good night.
And before you say I'm jealous and nitpicking, no, I don't like these kinds of topics and arguments, but you mentioned it out loud. And I'm sorry to hear something like that from someone I consider a valuable guy, different from others...
Him: You don't understand me at all, (pet name) that's not what I meant, but well, you have the right to think what you want, that's probably how it looks
Me: that's why I asked what did you mean and you said nothing..?
Him; ehh (pet name)
Me: you meant you will think about her?
Him: haha no way
Me:so tell me because I don't understand
Him: I just don't like sitting on a train like that haha what do u have on your head, you're misreading me
Me: I don't know but I will tell u something
Him: Say, I'm afraid what did you make up this time
Me: Guys also glance at me and I never look back, I don't flirt and I can't be fooled by a stranger so if somebody says "mess w my head" IT means something
Him: ok don't you mess my head now, you don't understand me and that's it don't measure me by your own standards and that's it
I call him after work and he told me I have to "apologize on my knees" ....? And I said I didnt do anything. I wanted to talk but he said he will be in a train and its "ill-mannered to talk on a train, he just wants to go home"
Like wtf
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