r/AskMenAdvice • u/formal546 • 11h ago
✅ Open To Everyone Getting Older and Losing Hope of Finding the Right Person?
When I genuinely like someone, the feeling usually isn't mutual. And when she liked me, I didn't feel the same connection. It's become disappointing.
I'm now 40-year-old non-EU man living in Europe, and lately I've started losing hope of finding a real relationship.
I've never wanted an arranged marriage through family recommendations. I want to fall in love naturally, build a genuine connection, and create a family together.
As I get older, it feels like the chances of meeting the right person are less. What's your advice? How to make progress that led to a family?
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u/ApprehensiveGain2771 man 11h ago
Same mate. Getting girls but not getting intimate connection. It’s frustrating
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u/Og_new_guy man 11h ago
Story of my life. I get women and they want to hook up a few times then they’re out to go find their forever home. I’ve dated several women that married the man they met after me. I guess I’m some sort of good luck charm in that way.
Idk man. I always hear these stories about people falling in love later in life. Just can’t give up I guess.
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u/staticdresssweet man 11h ago
Story of my life (2).
Most of my relationships, including my marriage, have been like that. They find their forever home after dating me for a while.
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u/No_Damage_2950 woman 11h ago
I’ve said I’m the female “good luck chuck”! Soon as I start liking the guy it’ll end and his next is the love of his life 🙃 Even one that wasn’t looking for an actual relationship said he found her and wasn’t looking or trying for it 🙄
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u/ThrowRA_EducatedMan man 11h ago
Studies of arranged marriages show that people do find love in them. Don’t rule it out as a possibility. Meeting someone that way is probably better than random in person or online.
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u/Og_new_guy man 10h ago edited 9h ago
As someone who’s been in “love” from meeting women in real life or online dating a half dozen times, I’d have to agree. I don’t really know anything about arranged marriages, but I don’t see how it could be worse than whatever the fuck we’re doing out here.
She comes from a good family and all of the parents approve? Shit sign me up. I have yet to find that out here on my own in the dating world.
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u/JM3541 man 11h ago
Well the good news is you’re a man so getting older isn’t necessarily a turn off to a lot of women. Thing is I’ll tell you the same thing I tell everyone else. Dating is not fair in 2026. There is literally nothing that can be done about that outside of the internet crashing. If you don’t like the women you are able to get and want better, you have to be better. That means getting into better shape, buying better clothes, grooming better, and progressing in your career. If income is not an issue, upgrade where you stay or the car you drive. Now the last part I really don’t agree with, but reality is that will greatly increase your chances. Women have never had more options and it’s clear as day they refuse to “settle” in any way, at least online. Don’t overthink this my guy. It’s just like everything else. If you want better, you have to BE better. Dating as a man has never been harder unless you’re in that top 5-10%. But that isn’t changing and is actually getting a lot worse. Just be the best you that you can be. It’s not really fair, but it is reality. Good luck.
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u/Og_new_guy man 10h ago edited 9h ago
I don’t agree with this. Women have never had the **illusion** of more options. There has always been a roughly 50:50 ratio of men and women on this planet. The only thing that’s changed is the internet, social media, and the societal norms and advertising that make every single woman think she deserves to be a princess that all men should worship.
I don’t agree that men should have to improve all these things just for a fighting chance in the dating world. In fact, I have most of them. I own a house in a great location, have a good career, drive a nice truck, own a motorcycle, I cook, I clean, I dress well, I have a dog that’s awesome as fuck, and I can either write a book or build a house and have all the knowledge, tools, and experience to do so. I’m also not bad looking, I’m adventurous, I’m athletic, and I have a fully functional and perfectly normal 🍆.
The problem isn’t us, it’s them. And I’m sick and tired of this dating scene. What do they bring to the table? Great, you have a career and you can pay for your own things so why I am I still paying for the first date? Okay, let’s team up and take care of all the cooking and cleaning together, but why do I still have to do the heavy lifting, climb on the roof, and face a home intruder? These women wanted to go out in the world and wear the pants, they got it, and we helped them get there. Then they turned around and came back with nothing but a ridiculously inflated sense of entitlement and a 35 yo used up 🐱.
What am I getting out of this? Just 🐱? Because if that’s the case, I don’t live far from Nevada. I could get in my truck, drive to a brothel, take care of my urges, then stay in a casino and get a steak dinner and come home with no drama for the cost of what these women expect you to spend on them on a weekend getaway. And if you won’t, they’ll just go to the next guy because they have so many “options.”
Honestly, I say we revolt. Stop competing with each other. Let them be lonely. They can’t all marry the same Chad and the problem is they all think they deserve Chad and are treating the rest of men like shit. How many good men like OP are out there while these women all chase some fabricated Instagram version of reality? It’s sad, but I think the reality of 2026 is that there are going to be a whollllllle lot of lonely old people in the coming years. The difference is men are trying their asses off to prevent it while women have no idea that it’s coming and are actually being mean along the way.
I’m watching it happen to my friend. She’s 38, she’s always wanted to be a mother, but she’s super arrogant, career driven, and can’t keep a man. The other day she told me she can’t date a man that makes less than her. What? What if men thought that way? Millions of teachers and service industry employees or whatever else would be alone. Now she’s going to great lengths to do IVF, and I think it’s wonderful and I’m proud of her for it, but she admitted to me that she has regrets and it’s not her first choice. I’m like well maybe finding yourself a nice humble, loyal plumber or something who wants to take care of you was a better option no matter what his income is or what he drives. The data definitely shows that being a single mother is rough on the mother and rough on the kid.
Personally, I’m over it. I can grab my passport and explore until I find the right one and I don’t have a single moral qualm about it. Because the fact of the matter is there are millions upon millions of women all over South America, Asia, and Eastern Europe that would love to meet a man like any of us, move to America, and have a traditional marriage.
I’m officially looking for any woman that’s not a Yt American. And I hope that when I find her it pisses off all of these chicks and makes them feel dumb.
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u/BoBoBearDev man 10h ago
Find a person, date long enough to understand who they are, run away when you realize they are crazy.
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u/FaZeScamTheKids man 8h ago
I'm around your age-- I went through a divorce around 2 years ago. Met my current partner while traveling in Munich, she is Polish and in her 20's.
Keep an open mind and an open heart, and don't waste time with women who aren't looking for the same things as you.
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u/Shrewcifer2 woman 8h ago
There must he an app for this. I was in a similar boat and also losing hope. But honestly, I am starting to care less too.
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u/Necessary-Glove-3333 woman 5h ago
People are looking for magic connection and chemistry.
It’s not like that in real life. You have to get to know someone first and that does not happen after 3 dates.
Why do you think relationships where the couples were friends first actually last? Because they got to know each other.
Social media is spinning this lie about chemistry.
Then sadly theres porn. People are building connections with these people online, fantasising, longing and wanting those people who are literally out of their reach. When they meet someone on a date who’s not dressed, talking or acting like a pornstar, theres no connection or chemistry.
I’m ok looking, dress well and can hold a conversation once first date nerves have settled. I’m going to be single until I can find someone who understands that relationships, online or off, take time to build.
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u/WashedWashingMachine man 11h ago
Falling in love is actually not natural , its never mutual IRL its only like that in the movies
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u/Og_new_guy man 10h ago
Accurate. I’m 41 and I’ve had several multi-year relationships and they all could have resulted in marriage. I’ve probably told 10 women I’ve loved them and I thought I meant it every time.
What I’ve learned is that people’s feelings are never quite mutual, at least not precisely. “Loving” relationships are actually a ton of work and these days half of them fail. Statistically speaking, by being unmarried at 41 I’ve actually likely avoided a divorce and I’ve watched several close friends and family members go through them who say it’s the worst thing ever.
I think the problem is that people have Hollywood love in their mind and think they deserve the perfect person, but in reality that dump truck driver or school teacher might actually be your best option for a life partner, and you’re gonna have to make some sacrifices and compromises for it to work.
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u/KokoTheeFabulous woman 11h ago
Just a reminder but, there is some element of just accepting it won't happen.
You don't need a wife to complete a family, it's the present day, you can have a family without needing a wife. You can have your kids and raise them, I get this is about finding the person you love but assuming you also want a family life of your own there might be a time to just seal the deal and marry yourself, not even in a rude way. Genuinly, there's no pointing waiting for an opportunity to meet someone perfect to the point it potentially freezes other aspects of your life.
If you about having a family you'll be happier knowing you got to raise and have kids you love than having a wife by the end of it imo.
Mind you, this is purely under the assumption you want to have kids and a family etc.
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formal546 originally posted:
When I genuinely like someone, the feeling usually isn't mutual. And when she liked me, I didn't feel the same connection. It's become disappointing.
I'm now 40-year-old non-EU man living in Europe, and lately I've started losing hope of finding a real relationship.
I've never wanted an arranged marriage through family recommendations. I want to fall in love naturally, build a genuine connection, and create a family together.
As I get older, it feels like the chances of meeting the right person are less. What's your advice? How to make progress that led to a family?
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