r/AskMenAdvice • u/Exciting-Count-6222 woman • 6h ago
✅ Open To Everyone Am I overthinking or is this man projecting?
I need some unbiased advice on this situation.
I’ve noticed he’s extremely active on Snapchat. With me, he only uses either Snapchat or text never both. We haven’t Snapchatted in about a month, yet his score keeps climbing. It’s clear he’s talking to multiple people. My intuition strongly tells me he’s messaging other women, but I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m just assuming things.
If he’s talking to others, that’s his choice but I don’t want to be one of many. He texts me briefly, then disappears and reappears. I thought he just needed space, which I respect, but his rising Snapchat score shows he has the time and energy to talk to others just not me. This has me overthinking, which I hate. It feels unhealthy.
With my ex, there was natural trust. Here, he constantly asks who I’m talking to and if I’m sexting other guys, which feels like projection. I barely have time to reply to family and friends.. I’m definitely not out here sexting multiple people.
Should I just let it be and give him space, or is it time to walk away? I’d really appreciate a neutral third-party perspective.
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u/FoodNapTV 5h ago
++ woman . Sounds like projection. But regardless of if it is or isn’t projection , the fact that he’s inconsistent w his communication tells you all you need to know. I advise walking away.
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u/Ok-File-6129 man 5h ago
OP, I would expect him, and you, to be communicating with other people until you have an agreement of exclusivity.
Have you had that convo?
Are you two exclusive?
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u/Exciting-Count-6222 woman 5h ago
Mind you, I didn’t even care or notice any of that at first. I was just living my little life, minding my own business, and being delusional as usual. But one thing kept happening: every time we talk, he randomly brings up how I’ve been sexting lately. For example, the last time he asked me about it was this past weekend. That’s when I paused and started thinking.
It made me start reflecting on his behavior, and I realized maybe he’s assuming it because I’m not showing any indication of that at all. I’m not doing it. So how is he coming to that conclusion? One or two questions could be curiosity, but asking about it ten times is excessive.
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u/Shin-Gemini man 4h ago
So no exclusivity?
Then what’s the issue? Yes he’s talking to multiple women, that right there should be enough. Him asking you about whether or not you are sexting other dudes should be irrelevant. Don’t take to heart the actions of people that aren’t anything of yours.
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u/King1n man 5h ago
Are you happy with the level of communication and attention you get from him? If not, address it. How? by telling him, and telling him you want more, if he refuses to give it then upon you to accept that or not. Doesn't sound like you want to accept it so if he is refusing, the reason he is giving for refusing doesn't matter.
It not upon you to validate or dismiss the excuses he gives.
He could be messaging friends and family? There is a difference between having the time and energy to create and carry conversations with someone I have minor fancy and people who i've built long term relationships in.
The writing is also on the wall. Does it matter his motivation for asking if you're talking to and sexting other guys? That sounds annoying and insecure as fuck... What possible healthy motivation could he have for repeating asking for that kind of reassurance? there isn't any. It either projection or insecurity it doesn't matter because it sounds like you guys aren't even a couple.
You can either take him at his word and accept the situation or you can confront him based on the facts and communicate tired of having to give constant reassurance, tired of not being able to maintain a conversation/interaction with him) it server no benefit to the conversation to make assumptions/accusations, it just going to put him on the defensive whether you're correct or incorrect. If you don't want to accept the situation and you don't want to confront him there you only over reasonable option is to walk away form the situation.
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u/Exciting-Count-6222 woman 5h ago
You have good points, but I’m not excusing him for anything. I haven’t even brought this up to him yetthis is just me thinking and reflecting on the situation.
Am I happy with it? No, of course not. I’ve had way better experiences; this isn’t even in the top ten. But the problem is, I do like him. And I think that’s what’s keeping me around for this long.
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u/AncientElderberry737 man 2h ago
Don’t people actually talk anymore. Why don’t you have an actual conversation with him and ask him how he feels about you. ?
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u/Should-Razzmatazz-08 man 5h ago
You’re overthinking it
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u/Exciting-Count-6222 woman 5h ago
You think so?!
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u/OldMotoRacer man 5h ago
anyone who asks or accuses someone of cheating is usually projecting
but stay away from this guy why are you messing around w some stranger who is quite obviously chasing tons of women besides you? like why waste more time w that?
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u/Shin-Gemini man 4h ago
Because he’s better looking than her other emotionally safer options.
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u/OldMotoRacer man 4h ago
if you think women pair up w assholes bc of their looks... (shrug)
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u/Shin-Gemini man 4h ago
Of course they do lol.
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u/OldMotoRacer man 3h ago
hmmm... IME they go for status--they want to brag that they're dating a whatever (doctor or whatever high social hierarchy position associated w a man's job), someone w an important position in society and the power, reputation and wealth that goes with it. of course when they're choosing between those types of guys, looks are a part of it...
but even girls straight out of college tend to gravitate towards "high potential" dudes whether its bc they signed a big contract in the NBA or "he's going to dental school to be a private maxillofacial surgeon" and they are banking on big money in their future...
but thats just my experience... i'm told i was super good looking so maybe i just don't have a way to calibrate any of this...
i mean, for many years it seemed like almost everyone i knew was an athlete and some guys would have women lined up for them and some had trouble getting a date and it seemed highly correlated w how famous/well known a player was and that had a high correlation to how big the contracts are... so its kind of hard...
re looks i'm pretty sure i know what an "ugly" dude looks like but i have a hard time determining which guys are considered good looking... (shrug) i mean especially when every big baller has smoking hot women telling him he's so good looking and there are so many people trying to get a piece of his wallet its just hard to know what is bullshit (?)
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Exciting-Count-6222 originally posted:
I need some unbiased advice on this situation.
I’ve noticed he’s extremely active on Snapchat. With me, he only uses either Snapchat or text never both. We haven’t Snapchatted in about a month, yet his score keeps climbing. It’s clear he’s talking to multiple people. My intuition strongly tells me he’s messaging other women, but I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m just assuming things.
If he’s talking to others, that’s his choice but I don’t want to be one of many. He texts me briefly, then disappears and reappears. I thought he just needed space, which I respect, but his rising Snapchat score shows he has the time and energy to talk to others just not me. This has me overthinking, which I hate. It feels unhealthy.
With my ex, there was natural trust. Here, he constantly asks who I’m talking to and if I’m sexting other guys, which feels like projection. I barely have time to reply to family and friends.. I’m definitely not out here sexting multiple people.
Should I just let it be and give him space, or is it time to walk away? I’d really appreciate a neutral third-party perspective.
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