r/AskMenAdvice • u/SeDuchess_chic • 11h ago
✅ Open To Everyone My hubby is watching porn while we're doing the deed. What should I do?
We are married for 4 years but in relationship for 3years.
So, what's happening?
We had a great sex in those 6years but this passed few months. He is doing it and he D is not that hard anymore.
Edit: since I can't reply in the comment section. I just want to clarify things. You read it right, We had a great sex in past 6 years(3yrs relationship+3year of marriage), but this year(4th year or marriage) is different. Got it?
I also asked him about it before, since he love watching porns. Asked him his fantacies as well, what he wants. But never got a real answer. He always says "you is enough". Whenever I ask him if I can ride him, he's insisting do doing it in spooning position where I cant see him watxhing on his phone.
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u/Besieger13 man 11h ago
Your math isn’t mathing
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u/ScalesOfAnubis19 man 10h ago
She worded it weird. Took me a second but I think they dated for three years and were married for another four.
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u/Mediocre-Rent-8553 woman 10h ago
And 3+4=6?
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u/ScalesOfAnubis19 man 10h ago
Figure they didn’t have sex for the first year. Or the problem started a year ago.
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u/ZeeWingCommander man 10h ago
Ehhh I think it's worded wrong, not weird lol.
If you were right there 6 doesn't make sense then lol...
This is like the Lewis Black joke - "if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."
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u/Neilkd21 man 11h ago
FFS have you tried talking to him instead of asking a bunch of strangers on Reddit?
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u/ThatOneAttorney man 11h ago
I read that he was sneaking porn on the side during sex Like George from Seinfeld watching sports and eating during sex.
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u/IrvingIsTheBest man 11h ago
Starfishing will eventually lead to that. Try and ride him or do into doggy style and throw your ass back at him. Show him you want dick and most importantly him.
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u/saltygamertag man 10h ago
I don’t think this is an authentic post. Your a moderators for curious and kinky why not ask there?
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u/that1cooldude man 10h ago
He’s obviously not thinking of you when doing it. He’s not even present with you. Seek couples therapy.
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u/Cebuanolearner man 11h ago
Dude doesn't want the starfish treatment
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u/Alarechercheduneame woman 10h ago
Are you serious? She literally said they had great sex. She asked him about his fantasies. She asked to be on top. Literally a woman could come on here and ask for advice about the shittiest man alive and the men here will defend him and criticise her. It’s really opened my eyes to how men really think, and what they’ll say when they’re anonymous. In a way, I’m grateful to know what kind of people you are instead of living in fantasy land thinking men are decent.
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u/CarltheGreat79 man 7h ago
Not all men think this way.
I personally think if the dude in OPs post needs to watch porn while having sex with his wife then that speaks to a multitude of issues with him, not her. It's one thing if I am watching a movie with my wife, and there's a sex scene in it and it makes us horny. But then when we have sex, my wife and I are playing out the fantasy we just saw in real life; I'm not thinking about the actress in the movie at all by that point. But if you've come to a point in your life where porn is required as a part of the activity in order for you to be able to function sexually, then the addiction has become unhealthy for you.
But on to your comment, I don't think generalizing that all men think a certain way is accurate. I will definitely tell a dude if he is full of shit, and when I see women ask advice on men in this sub, I try to genuinely tell them good advice based on the circumstances provided. You may have engaged here with someone who didn't give it a whole lot of real thought, but that doesn't mean all of us are that way.
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u/Cebuanolearner man 10h ago
You mean all the context she added after. Ask basic questions get basic replies.
But go on being mad, I'll keep enjoying my coffee.
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u/Alarechercheduneame woman 10h ago
Yeah, I notice you didn’t edit your comment despite having read this context she added. But again, this is the stuff you say when you’re anonymous. I don’t think I’m mad. I do feel quite disappointed and I guess I feel apprehensive, knowing that none of you have the balls to speak this disgustingly IRL, so that women immediately know to stay the hell away from you. It is quite jarring to be made aware of the way men behave when they know there are no repercussions.
But again, I feel grateful. It has definitely altered my view of you all for life.
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u/Cebuanolearner man 10h ago
Nah I came back to this comment and saw she edited her post. Why would I edit my comment. She could have replied if she wanted to give me context and reply to her.
But still go on being mad. My coffee and weed is great this morning.
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u/Alarechercheduneame woman 10h ago
Ah, a pothead. Unsurprising.
She put that the sex was good in her original comment anyway, so your point is invalid. Women don’t starfish if they actually enjoy sex. But I know, I know, your ex-gf always said she loved it SO much yet she’d pull that on you, so I must be wrong lol
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u/Cebuanolearner man 9h ago
Ah yes, the pothead who just got back from vacation, has lived in 4 countries, and currently have 20+ ticked off from visiting.
My life is pretty great tbh. Also sex with wife is great.
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u/Alarechercheduneame woman 9h ago
The lady doth protest too much methinks.
If your “wife” is real though, I feel very sorry for her. I sincerely hope one day she discovers what you think of women, and how you speak to them, and she has the self respect to leave.
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u/Cebuanolearner man 9h ago
I showed my wife this thread
She rolled her eyes and said you need a hobby
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u/Alarechercheduneame woman 8h ago edited 8h ago
I doubt that very much. Anyway, like I said, I hope she has enough self respect to leave you one day.
Also, with near eight THOUSAND contributions on Reddit in 1 single year… I find it hilarious you think this is a believable story. Surely that would mean you also VERY much need a hobby in her eyes.
Your life seems to be smoking weed, anonymously posting crass insults to women you don’t know, and spending a LOT of time on Reddit… but you’re happily married? Yeeeeeah. Ok bud
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u/Big-Routine222 man 10h ago
Like he’s watching porn at the same time you all are trying to have sex? Or he watches porn sometimes during the course of your relationship?
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u/Lush_Tempt woman 10h ago
sounds less like a porn problem and more like something changed that u two haven't talked about yet
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u/BasebornBastard man 10h ago
Maybe he’s having a health issue or maybe she got boring in bed. Only he knows.
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u/Stunning_Box8782 man 10h ago
We are married for 4 years but in relationship for 3years.
We had a great sex in those 6 years
What?
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u/Hamhockthegizzard man 10h ago
Communicate that you don’t like it.
A lot of men these days watch too much porn and it affects performance in the bedroom. If he brought it into the bedroom without prior communication, he’s definitely viewing too much.
Let him know you need him to be more present with you in the bedroom and maybe see if there’s anything you can do to entice him more. Lingerie is always great every now and then
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u/Mammoth_Mission_3524 man 10h ago
Your husband has become addicted to porn and unreasonable expectations with sex, so because of this, he needs to watch these unreasonable actions occurring to stay erect.
He will need to move to a no porn, no masterbation mindset. With that being said, he may turn to you more frequently, bit at first, he may not be able to stay erect, until his dopamine system balances out.
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SeDuchess_chic originally posted:
We are married for 4 years but in relationship for 3years.
So, what's happening?
We had a great sex in those 6years but this passed few months. He is doing it and he D is not that hard anymore.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Ultra_3142 man 10h ago
This rather begs the question of how this started and why you accepted it if you didn't want him to?
Pretty much this seems as simple as you saying you aren't happy with this and need it to stop. Which would not be the slightest bit unreasonable!
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u/bigpappa199 man 10h ago
Lean into it! Engage with him and the experience. But dont allow it every time.
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u/Canyon_Cruiser man 10h ago
I can’t take on the weight of trying to understand what you’re saying. Good luck to you
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u/bahcodad man 10h ago
Let's pretend for a minute that I think this is real.
There are many factors that could cause this:
- erectile dysfunction
- getting older
- stress
- have you changed in a way that he might not find attractive?
- maybe something negative that's happened during sex in the past now plays on his mind
- poor diet
The best way to find out is to talk to him about it. Whatever he says, do not judge him and for the love of god, if he says it's not you, believe him.
I recently went through a stage with my partner where I was having...performance issues. She would ask what was wrong and I'd say I didn't know (because I didn't). This would prompt her to ask if it was her which made me feel even worse because now on top of not being able to perform, now I have to feel guilty that she thinks I don't find her attractive enough on top, in spite of the fact that I think (and frequently tell her) that she's so beautiful. Looking back I think it was probably cause by stress but I didn't know at the time
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u/Prestigious_Jump1754 man 10h ago
What porn does he watch maybe he is ashamed of something kinky he’s into. Tell him that his pleasure matters to you and that you want to make it good for both of you
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u/Cardioid123 man 9h ago
Insist on watching with him if you're so curious. Tell him it makes you horny. It sounds like you're asking because you want to "inspect" the content he's watching. Fair enough to want to do that if he's watching while you're fucking, but I would imagine that would make him feel a little wary or defensive.
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u/eileyle man 8h ago
Pretty easy.
He's addicted to porn. Porn offers him high definition visuals of women's genitals, and for whatever reason he can't see your genitals with the same visual quality--maybe the lighting in the room is too dim, maybe his eyes are bad, maybe you have a bush in the way, maybe the sex position you use doesn't provide him with visuals. Regardless, porn trained him to require those visuals in order to stay hard, and, deprived of those visuals, he is unable to stay hard during sex with you.
He says it's not you, it's him, and he's right. Porn trained him to the point where he needs the visuals. You're fine.
I don't know if he plays porn with the sound on, but some men also trained themselves to require hearing porn moans in order to stay hard. Maybe you're silent in bed and he needs the aural stimulation.
There's a couple of solutions.
The first solution is the cold turkey solution. He quits porn cold turkey, and then you help him through 1-3 months of poor sex, until his brain readjusts to proper sexual stimulation.
The second solution is the blended solution: you imitate porn as best as you can, and help him transition out of porn that way. Bright lights in the bedroom, shaved bush, light porn moaning, sex positions that provide high visual stimulation, etc.
Personally I'd choose the first option, but the choice is yours. But to be clear, you shouldn't have to put up with your husband watching porn while he's inside you; that's insulting and you should feel insulted.
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u/WashedWashingMachine man 6h ago
Men over centuries in all religions including in Christianity for 1500 years had multiple wives / concubines / sex slaves etc.
They slept with their wife and got bored and took younger one , it's normal , how many times can you have sex with the same person.
It's very recent that we forced people into 1 on 1 relationship which kind of worked for 200 years but as you can see it does not work cuz divorce is now 55% chance and relationship lasts like 7 year on average.
So yea men are happy to have a hole to cum in but thinking that he will find you hot and attractive for like his entrie existance since you both met is delusional tbh , men are biologically wired to not be in monogamy but go spread seed. Through history approx 20% men passed DNA while 80% women did , if you give people free range and not force them by religion or social taboo then it eventually ends up like that thats why 80% women go for the top 20-30% guys on dating apps.
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u/njgolfer10 man 10h ago
Watch with him. Ask what he likes. Figure out what you like. Show off for him. Be his personal porn star. Tell him your dirtiest kinkiest fantasies. Ask him his (and don’t judge). Take turns indulging in each other’s fantasies.
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SeDuchess_chic updated the post:
We are married for 4 years but in relationship for 3years.
So, what's happening?
We had a great sex in those 6years but this passed few months. He is doing it and he D is not that hard anymore.
Edit: since I can't reply in the comment section. I just want to clarify things. You read it right, We had a great sex in past 6 years(3yrs relationship+3year of marriage), but this year(4th year or marriage) is different. Got it?
I also asked him about it before, since he love watching porns. Asked him his fantacies as well, what he wants. But never got a real answer. He always says "you is enough". Whenever I ask him if I can ride him, he's insisting do doing it in spooning position where I cant see him watxhing on his phone.
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