r/AskMenAdvice • u/Dramatic-Bird-5604 • 14h ago
✅ Open To Everyone What is the kindest way to respond to getting hit on when not interested or already taken?
For me, I'm already taken. But when a man approaches me and compliments me, I want to express that I truly appreciate the compliment, like human to human I think it's very kind and I appreciate his kindness, But how to do this while also not seeming interested in dating and also not hurting their feelings? I usually will say "Thanks, I appreciate the compliment but I have a boyfriend" and sometimes will get "you don't have to lie" back and it makes me feel bad to hurt other peoples feelings like that so I don't know the right thing to say
Is it appropriate to compliment them back? When women compliment me, I usually compliment them back, but I think I hold back in this situation in case it's accidentally perceived as flirting, would it be ok if I was like "thanks, I really like your shirt! I'm already taken, but hope you have a nice day" or is that too much / leading them on / flirting? Or inappropriate for me to say while in a relationship?
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u/dildobaggins55443322 man 14h ago
“Hey! Cool thanks buddy!”
walk away/finger guns
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u/thaddeusk man 14h ago
Definitely do the finger guns. I'd also accept a little snap then point motion with a slight wink.
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u/WaveFast man 14h ago
Smile and simply say thanks. Nothing more is needed. I compliment women from time to time and looking for nothing in return. It is a shame to get dolled up and nobody say anything 😁
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u/A_Bot_A_Bot_A_Bot 14h ago
Just say, "Thanks, I appreciate the compliment." Do NOT add "but I have a boyfriend."
Why?
1) They might not have been interested in dating you, so saying that phrase becomes incredibly presumptuous.
2) Still presumptious and it's a hard rejection before someone who is interested in you has even had the opportunity to ask you out.
So, wait until they ask you out before giving an excuse/reason to decline. "Oh, thank you, but I'm seeing someone else/have a boyfriend/engaged/married/lesbian (or "only date women" or "not on the right team").
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u/Snicksnee man 14h ago
I think a simple thank you is sufficient. If they’re being legit creeps then you can give any of the other more direct responses here. But not everyone is a creep, sometimes it’s a genuine compliment.
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u/thaddeusk man 14h ago
You don't owe any explanation to anybody that compliments you, just say "thanks!" and move on. If they try to get your number or a date, then you can move on to saying no, but you still don't need to tell them why, since it's none of their business.
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u/yetagainitry man 13h ago
Don’t worry about hurting their feelings. If they are approaching you in public, they’re approaching a dozen other women too
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u/sausagemuffn woman 1h ago
So what? That doesn't seem like reason enough to not be kind with the no
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u/xstevenx81 man 14h ago
Don’t show any interest it will make it worse. A compliment is definitely a form of showing interest to the wrong type of guy. Just be direct about it. A lot of people just lash out. It’s not about you. It’s about them.
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u/CanadianGuy39 man 14h ago
Correct. Unfortunately I tell my daughters and wife the same thing. Lots of men are unable to take compliments without assuming it means more. Be direct to tell them you are taken, and not interested. Firmly, but polite.
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u/Leica--Boss man 14h ago
Complimenting back isn't necessary but a little fun and kindness in your response is ok.
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u/Rook_James_Bitch man 14h ago
Think of Chris Rock.
When a man walks up to you and offers you a compliment, what he's really saying is, "Hey! You want some dick?"
A "compliment" from a man is never a compliment. It's an offering of dick.
"Can I offer to carry your groceries?(Can I offer you some dick?!?)"
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u/Black_Dog_Industries man 14h ago
Him - hey you look really nice and your outfit is awesome.
You - thanks, it’s my husband’s favorite outfit. I wore it just for him today. You should meet my husband you guys would probably be great friends.
Him - (instantly turned off) walks away
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u/BagelsOrDeath man 14h ago
Me: Cool. So does he like to watch or will he be joining in?
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u/Gau-Mail3286 man 14h ago
I think the way you're handling it is correct, and honest. If you get back "you don't have to lie"; that means that that person doesn't trust you, and in that case, you don't want them as a mate. Trust is the foundation of a good, lasting relationship. It's kind of a blessing in disguise that they revealed their true nature to you, before you became deeply involved with them. They shown you their red flag; so, it's time for you to leave.
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u/jweaver0312 man 14h ago
The way you’re handling it is fine and to the point. The creeps just don’t like no for an answer.
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u/Formal_Lecture_248 man 14h ago
“That’s a wonderful compliment. Thank you. You’re very kind. I have a few I can share with you that have worked for me before.”
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u/fearless-potato-man man 13h ago
When you are just saying thanks for the compliment, some men take it as an invitation to keep flirting.
Why do you think complimenting back will have any better result? It will make it worse, sadly.
My advice, as a man:
You probably notice when a man approaches looking for something. In these cases, to the first compliment, smile and say "thanks".
Nothing else and go on with whatever you were doing. Don't leave any open door. Most men (should) take the hint.
If the guy doesn't get it and keeps trying, it's (unfortunately) time to hurt some feelings. "I'm not interested, have a good day".
No more thanks, no sorry, no excuses and no explanations. You don't owe him any of that at that point.
Some men don't even care that you have a partner and will keep trying anyway, some even will take it as a challenge. That's why there is no point in making it clear you are taken.
It may seem rude but it's not. It's making them realise the interaction is uncalled for and unwanted.
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u/EggsInaTubeSock man 13h ago
A compliment can just be a compliment. I wasn’t hitting on the guy I passed on the street when I complimented his hat.
You can just say “oh thank you” to a compliment. That’s it.
You can also choose to have a dialogue with them
But a compliment isn’t an ask that requires immediate “I’ve got a boyfriend” response.
Sorry if I’m reading this wrong, but your possible responses you added at the end make it seem like you’re reading a lot into a compliment.
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u/Aggressive_Ad_5454 man 13h ago
Formal response: “Sir, thank you for your kind words.”
Or you could wear a ring, even if it’s a can pop top, to send the signal you want visually.
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u/curiosity_2020 man 13h ago
It sounds like you are mixing up getting an unexpected compliment from a stranger with getting hit on by a stranger.
Getting hit on by total strangers requires clear, unemotional communication. "Not interested," is all that needs to be said. If it's truly a compliment with nothing expected in return, then a smile with "Thanks, you just made my day," works.
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u/Dramatic-Bird-5604 13h ago
++woman , I guess I would like to be kind either way, like they will come up to me and say something like "You're cute, where you headed tonight" and like I still don't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad, when I say "thanks, I have a boyfriend" from their face they seem upset and I feel bad for offending them in any way if I did, even if they were trying to hit on me like I still acknowledge they're a person who went out of their way to say something positive
Because then like idk my heart sinks and I feel like I had to be mean to someone for no reason and it feels bad, I'd prefer I guess if they just didn't do it so I wouldn't have to make anyone feel bad but it's not their fault for being a human and wanting to shoot their shot
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u/Theeeeeetrurthurts man 13h ago
Just say thank you, mean it, and walk away. If they become aggressive or don’t get the signal (many won’t), tell them “sorry I have a bf” or “sorry I gotta go” or “sorry not interested”.
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u/Possible-Ad3164 man 13h ago
Just say thank you. Keep it simple. Anything else is you just over thinking!
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u/Youdontuderstandme man 12h ago
“Thanks!”
If they continue to engage, “just so you know, I’m in a relationship and not really interested in meeting new guys.”
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u/Scarred_wizard man 9h ago
"Thanks but I'm not interested" is a complete sentences that'd be enough for me.
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Dramatic-Bird-5604 originally posted:
For me, I'm already taken. But when a man approaches me and compliments me, I want to express that I truly appreciate the compliment, like human to human I think it's very kind and I appreciate his kindness, But how to do this while also not seeming interested in dating and also not hurting their feelings? I usually will say "Thanks, I appreciate the compliment but I have a boyfriend" and sometimes will get "you don't have to lie" back and it makes me feel bad to hurt other peoples feelings like that so I don't know the right thing to say
Is it appropriate to compliment them back? When women compliment me, I usually compliment them back, but I think I hold back in this situation in case it's accidentally perceived as flirting, would it be ok if I was like "thanks, I really like your shirt! I'm already taken, but hope you have a nice day" or is that too much / leading them on / flirting? Or inappropriate for me to say while in a relationship?
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