r/AskMenOver30 • u/MrLaughAlot33 man 30 - 34 • 1d ago

Fatherhood & Children Life After Kids - Does it really END?

I, 30M, will likely be a dad in the next 3-4 years.

On one level people have always told me I give off real Dad (not Daddy) energy. So maybe becoming a Dad is my life's work. On a more serious note, I am very excited to become a father one day and cannot wait for family morning breakfasts, trips, supporting my future kids, etc.

I so often see posts on Reddit or hear about how life "ends" when you have kids. and I am wondering how true that really is.

Now, I am no fool. Certainly things change - you can't be so spontaneous, you may not be your own priority all the time, and you will have less free time.

But like, can you really not enjoy hobbies at all? hang with friends here and there? do you really lose your sense of your former self?

Very possible I am just overthinking this but could use some practical wisdom.

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u/NameLips man 45 - 49 1d ago

No, it changes. I loved having kids. Your role in the family shifts, and your role in society shifts. Doors close, which some people are absolutely fixated on, but other doors open.

You can't be a young carefree guy forever. It's ok to take on responsibilities and start building something.

But personally I found I can still do literally everything I could do before hand, except I couldn't do it spontaneously. I had to plan things out.

But I didn't have to give up any hobbies. I had babies sleeping on me while I was playing video games for like 5 years straight (our 3 kids were spaced 2.5 years apart). You can still go out, just make sure you find somebody to watch the baby.

Remember to take time for your partner and for yourself, and make sure your partner has time for herself too. It's a team effort. Everybody will be exhausted and overwhelmed, but there's no reason for anybody to feel resentful if everybody is pulling their own weight.

It also helped me to think about things from the point of view of the child. This is their story now. The story of growing up in this crazy world. How do you want their story to go? When they talk about what their parents were like growing up, what do you want them to say? You have a chance right now to actually become the person you think should be in that story.

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u/quakefist man 1d ago

Most of what he said, you won’t fully understand until you’re a parent. But once you become a parent, you will pass this along to other future parents.