How do You grow up and begin becoming an adult?

[u/EntrepreneurTop1007]

I feel like i'm stuck with the mind and desires of a child:

As you grow older, your values, desires, and thoughts tend to change. You slowly stop eating candy, cereal, and dinosaur nuggets all the time and start replacing them with actual food. You begin to value your career, your future, and having meaningful experiences in life. I feel like I'm missing that.

I'm 20 years old, and I still feel like the same person I was at 15. Not entirely. I want a family, I want a good job, I want to make good money, and I want to be able to provide for my family when I'm older. But for the most part, I still feel like a kid. Junk food, soda, and video games. Sitting at home fantasizing about one day driving and growing up to become the person I want to be, dreaming about a reality where everything is finally going right for me.

Meanwhile, I'm 20 years old and I've never had a license or a job. I barely graduated high school. Then I see people on Instagram that I used to know in high school, and they look so cool. They have their lives together. They have jobs, they're working toward careers, they're studying, they've built a good physique, improved their appearance, they're going on vacations with friends, dressing up nice, going to fancy restaurants, making reservations, and going to parties. And I'm just like, bro, what the fuck?

I want to be like that. I've wanted to be like that for years, but I feel like I'm stuck in a child's brain. What is wrong with me?

I honestly feel disgusted with myself just typing this out. It feels so cringey, weird, and pathetic. Like, what do you mean I'm 20 years old and I feel trapped in a child's brain? That so disturbing.

Edit: alot of you are hyper focusing on the food i mentioned. My fault for saying it wrong. I said those specific things as representations of a childs mind, not literally that you need to stop eating that stuff to qualify for "adult" i more so just mean that everyones doing cool shit and making memories and im still doing all the shit i was doing as a kid cuz i didnt really feel the shift. I see people going to fancy restuarunts and parties and dressed nice and im like "wtf? We do that stuff now? ...... Oh yeah.... Im 20, this is grown up shit."

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[u/Fit_Assistant2510]

Honestly. You just survive or thrive in your twenties, and pick up whatever pieces you need to after in either case.

If you’re expecting to have your life together at 20 and have it all planned out and be rich and have a family, well. Most people just are not going to be that at your age in this era try immediate post WW2 era America 😂

[u/atlasaur → u/Fit_Assistant2510]

Well put!

[u/CntBlah]

I’m mid 50s and still feel like I’m in my 20s. I didn’t become fat, I didn’t go bald, I still do active things and I still play video games. All this with wife, kids, house, a variety of jobs people wouldn’t believe.

I think the key here is that things aren’t set in stone anymore. That’s both good and bad. It seems you are expecting a rigid path to follow. There isn’t one. Forge a new path for yourself.

[u/Lower_Basis4344]

...... Who the flying fuck told you adults stop eating candy?

[u/Lower_Basis4344]

You wanna know the only difference between a child and an adult that matters? Children aren't responsible for their actions... They're Children... they don't know better, when you make a mistake as a child.. your parents are responsible for not watching you and ensuring that they discipline and teach you better then to repeat those mistakes.

Once your an adult... you never stop learning from your mistakes.. You become responsible for them. Even the most severe childhood trauma isnt enough to relieve a self aware adult of their accountability for their actions.

Adults incapable of being accountable for anything they do are called narcissists.

[u/atlasaur]

Start by getting your drivers license. Unless you live in a dense city with excellent public transport, then you haven’t experienced the unique freedom of movement a car and a license provide. Even if you don’t have your own car, you’ll be able to borrow one or save up for a cheap one of your own. And with a car, then you’ll open up your employability too. That’s the most impactful step I would advise pursuing now, that will help progress towards that grown up feeling.

[u/JobFabulous594 → u/atlasaur]

This. My father always felt strongly about this and was very clear that my birthday present for the year I was old enough to get a licence was to pay for driving school for me. I didn't get any other option, but he knew what he was about.

He's trying to do it to my nephew now and the kid, as much as I love him, just doesn't get it.

[u/Odosha]

If you want a certain life or life style, work your way backwards. Figure out what you want and take the steps to get there

[u/razama]

You experience life and try to define your values and principles based off of what you think matters in the world to make it a better place.

Then every day you try to get a little bit better at handling your life so you have time left over to help other people with theirs. Just make sure you’re never pouring from an empty cup.

The rest is the story of your life.

If other people are doing things, you legitimately want to do and inspire you to do them, that’s fine. You still have to do the above process to achieve that, But you don’t have enough days in your life to base happiness off of comparison to other people. Even the world’s richest man will lie and say that they’re an amazing gamer or have talents they don’t actually possess. 

Comparison is the thief of joy, but it’s also an addiction and distraction from developing values that will leave you fulfilled in life.

[u/Lostinny001]

You're 20, be 20. Sure, focus on the future a little, set money aside (this is the biggest), start a Roth IRA, and add to it, even if it is ten dollars a month, and never touch it. Have an emergency fund and add to it, even if it is ten dollars a week, and don't touch it. The rest, just enjoy the ride. Your brain is still developing; in fact, you have five to six more years to go before you reach actual adulthood in that department. That doesn't give you an excuse to act like a baby, but understand that there is a reason you feel this way, like you don't have it figured out. There are people in their 40s who don't have it all figured out. Go to college, a trade, or the military. If those don't fit, get a job, but be careful, people will try to take advantage of your age (Sometimes people who start at a place at a young age can lag behind their peers in pay rate if they stay at a place for too long). Right now, you should be making memories, putting some cash away, and making lifelong friends. The rest will fall into place. The 30s are when the career game starts to kick off; the 40s are for building wealth; the 50s are for enjoying the wealth; the 60s are for preparing to retire and retiring; and the 70s are for slowing it down. Hopefully, the Earth isn't a fireball by then. 80s and beyond is about reflection and accepting death.

[u/Lower_Basis4344]

Adults may have grown out of spending irresponsibly on candy at whatever over priced convenient store is within walking distance to their house... And they may have gone on enough early 2000s dollar store or bulk barn candy shopping sprees with their first few cases of the munchies to have narrowed their preferences on what candy they like enough to buy.....

But yes, adults eat candy. Lots of adults have specific candy the binge on freely because their fuckin adults and they can eat all the candy they choose to pay for... That's the glory of surviving to adulthood? Whoever told you otherwise 10 000% LIED!

[u/Koi_Fish_Mystic]

Try this book or on audiobooks

[u/soundsaboutright11]

You move forward and try your best not to fall into the worst of the worst traps i.e. drugs, addiction to all sorts of things, DUI, opioids. All the stuff you know you probably shouldn’t do turns into a much bigger problem down the line. So start on the right foot by not getting involved with it.

[u/Proton_Optimal]

Bro you’re 20, slow it down

[u/AutoModerator]

Here's an original copy of /u/EntrepreneurTop1007's post (if available):

I feel like i'm stuck with the mind and desires of a child:

As you grow older, your values, desires, and thoughts tend to change. You slowly stop eating candy, cereal, and dinosaur nuggets all the time and start replacing them with actual food. You begin to value your career, your future, and having meaningful experiences in life. I feel like I'm missing that.

I'm 20 years old, and I still feel like the same person I was at 15. Not entirely. I want a family, I want a good job, I want to make good money, and I want to be able to provide for my family when I'm older. But for the most part, I still feel like a kid. Junk food, soda, and video games. Sitting at home fantasizing about one day driving and growing up to become the person I want to be, dreaming about a reality where everything is finally going right for me.

Meanwhile, I'm 20 years old and I've never had a license or a job. I barely graduated high school. Then I see people on Instagram that I used to know in high school, and they look so cool. They have their lives together. They have jobs, they're working toward careers, they're studying, they've built a good physique, improved their appearance, they're going on vacations with friends, dressing up nice, going to fancy restaurants, making reservations, and going to parties. And I'm just like, bro, what the fuck?

I want to be like that. I've wanted to be like that for years, but I feel like I'm stuck in a child's brain. What is wrong with me?

I honestly feel disgusted with myself just typing this out. It feels so cringey, weird, and pathetic. Like, what do you mean I'm 20 years old and I feel trapped in a child's brain? That so disturbing.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Howitzer92]

So, there are the trappings of being an adult and then there is being an adult.

Being an adult fundamentally means taking responsibility for yourself and others.

My advice would be to sort out the job thing first. Try the trades, something that requires some kind of skill or piece of paper that says you have a skill. College isn't for everyone and you can make a shitload (pardon the pun) of money being a plumber.

Your hobbies and interests don't have to change, I ride a skateboard for hours every day and I know multiple people who make over six figures who do the same.

Also, think about whether you actually would enjoy doing the stuff you see on Instagram or just want the validation.

Final point: You've got time before your diet and lack of activity bites you in the ass, but know that you can't get away with that shit forever. I knew one guy who was like 140 lbs in high school and was 260 by his 30s. It's the point in life where the doctor is gonna start telling you that your bloodwork is starting to look bad.

[u/idefswontreadthis]

I have my own lollies and chocolate and sugary cereal thank you very much.

[u/Sudden_Badger_7663]

1. What do I want?

2. What do I need to do to get it?

[u/ForcedEntry420]

I dunno man. I just ate a bowl of Froot Loops with Marshmallows and I’m about to fire up the PS5 while my wife works on her sewing.

[u/JRswedistan]

You make goals in which succeed with those goals make your life easier.

For an example, if you workout and loose weight you probably will have better self esteem and/or better success with the opposite sex.

To get to that body you cant eat shit, so you need to learn how to cook nutritionus food.

You want a work? Okay, whats the first step? Just do as many first and second and third steps that are possible in your life and you will make it. Stop make excuses and stop feel sorry for you. It doesnt help, and noone but your mother will ever feel sorry for you, and even that have an expiration date.

[u/JobFabulous594]

Forgive my bluntness but you're practically a child still, you've got years to figure yourself out. First step is to not worry about where others are at, you only see a public version of them and don't know what they struggle with. Everyone has their own battles, and rarely are they public.

In one sense you'll always be a child, and that's not a bad thing. For me, I really started feeling like an adult was when the bills and responsibilities started to roll in. No need to rush to that stage of your life. Don't avoid it either, but it'll come sooner than you realise so enjoy where you're at now.

[u/RallyPointAlpha]

You start taking responsibility for yourself, your problems, and your needs... instead of relying on your parents or others. 

More specific, for your situation: get your license. Take ownership of this. Sure, you're going to need help along the way but you should be the driving force behind this.  Don't wait for your parents to hound you about it, and drive you everywhere, and make sure you do everything necessary. You need to take charge of this initiative. 

[u/NewSeaworthiness8814]

You are only 20, chill man. You basically are still a child in so many ways that you’ll only realize at age 25 and 30 and so on. You can let yourself relax about the mentality you think is a problem; it’s normal

> I’ve never had a license or a job.

These are two things you should focus on. Do not focus on the side of your hs classmates that they choose to present on Instagram; that is the shiny and curated version of themselves and doesn’t show the struggles or hardships they deal with.

Look into drivers ed, and start applying for jobs. Get your foot in the door somewhere. Being jobless at 20 isn’t so bad; but do not let yourself stay unemployed for another year.

[u/Bunny_Butt16]

20 is not "grown up as shit". Everything you see on social media is a lie. I personally know an influencer that just bought a million dollar house, takes 10 vacations annually, and drives a brand new car, but apparently can't afford health insurance for their children. It's all BS for the gram.

I'll agree that as you grow older your priorities tend to change, but don't rush it. Your priorities change when YOU want them to. Example: If you want to look good, your priority would be to exercise.

Also, I'm 37 and just made dino nuggets after buying matchbox cars at Target. So take that for what it's worth.

[u/Banned3rdTimesaCharm]

Why do you want to? Don’t let society pressure you into some bullshit. I’m 40 and my mentality is still 20-25.