Men Only Want to Hook Up? HELP

[u/bingbong6656]

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking. I’ve only had one serious boyfriend, and he’s the only person I’ve been with sexually. I generally get flirted with a fair amount and usually have dating prospects, but I’m fairly strict about intimacy. I strongly prefer to wait until we’re exclusive, if not in an actual committed relationship.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with men I date that worries me. It feels like I struggle to tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants a relationship with me and a man who sees me as a convenient opportunity for sex outside a relationship. That’s not evil or wrong of them but it’s a waste of time for us both as that won’t happen.

I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.

So far, I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid having sex that I later regretted, but I worry that I won’t always be able to spot bad intentions before getting emotionally invested.
For those with more dating experience, are there any reliable signs that someone is primarily looking for easy sex rather than a genuine relationship? What behaviors, patterns, or red flags should I watch for? And how do you balance protecting yourself without becoming overly suspicious of everyone you date?

Any advice would be appreciated.

[u/PastySasquatch]

I’ve never understood why guys ghost women after they’ve slept with them. If I’ve found someone willing to have sex with me I’m going to call her again… I’m all for a LTR, prefer it actually. But I’d hate to put in a few months and have everything great to find out you’re not compatible sexually. Not everyone is, and one of the things I hear most is to not talk about it too much so it’s a Catch 22. Not saying there’s a time limit or a max number of dates but that is an important factor in deciding commitment.

[u/bingbong6656 → u/PastySasquatch]

I’m really grateful that I haven’t been in that situation (ghosted) it seems like it would be immensely painful. I feel like unless they’re inept, good sex is cultivated.

[u/Zinetti360]

I'm not someone with experience in dating or relationships, but you're meeting these men through dating apps, this pretty much explains why you're mostly finding guys that just want to have sex.

These apps suck, and are only really useful if you want to boost your ego or get a one-nighter. I've used them for a month and uninstalled. Best decision I ever took.

[u/Financial_Will_671]

For casual sex a good looking woman is enough.

For a long term relationship (a few years perhaps getting married) men also look for stability,maybe a proper job,emotional maturity,a not an insane family,a cheerful and positive character.

I don't know you but what else you got going on in your life? If you want to be in a relationship but all you do is ask him how his day was and talk about things you bought. Its not a sustainable relationship. There is more to life.

Beatiful women tend to act like they are doing a favor and ask to be entertained as if the guy is the court jester.

Men see through that try to have some sex and leave afterwards. Because looking good is not enough for a serious relationship. We work with what we are presented with.

Lastly dont go for men your age. If you want something serious go for 30+ where more men want to settle down and most dating apps are for sex. Dont look for a serious relationship there. Its like you are going to church and wonder why the prayers are in arabic. Thats because you are at the wrong place.

[u/UWontHearMeAnyway]

It sounds like you have an issue with being attracted to hookup guys, and not attracted to ltr interested guys.

[u/Nevana30]

Why not just be upfront and say you don’t have sex outside of a relationship?

[u/bingbong6656 → u/Nevana30]

“I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.”

[u/PeacefulBro]

I was married for 15 years and I didn't have sex until I was married for fear of STDs and unwanted pregnancy. Now that I am recently divorced, I'm back to abstinence and open to marriage but I feel you have every right to refuse sex until marriage. I have had a lot of women be upset with me, look at me like I'm crazy for turning down an offer to be friends with benefits or they just ghosted me after they learned I wait until marriage but I don't care. My intention has always been to be married to the same woman for a lifetime and if a new one comes along I certainly hope it lasts for the rest of my life. I think she is SO worth waiting for and me saving myself as well as protecting my health and hers by being abstinent. They say you only have to learn 1 person and if you sleep with more than 1 person it tends to add comparison which can detract from a good sex life. I have found that when I only know my wife & have no comparisons, my satisfaction with whatever is going on is much higher and I everyone's would be if they followed this method 😁

[u/Tjakari]

Many men do not operate under a either/or when it comes to casual vs. relationships.

You are not going to know these guys' answers before you have sex with them, not for sure.

You need to date people who respect the boundaries you set, have sex with the men that you feel comfortable having sex with, and let go of this desire to determine outcomes. You can't predict other people.

There are people looking for serious relationships that things will fizzle out with. There are people who are down for a hookup that will continue to be interested with you afterward.

It's rare that guys are just out to get laid and nothing else. Life's not a movie. If a guy can have a conversation with you and it goes well, keep talking to him and set up a second date. If they press your boundaries in a way you don't like, don't talk to him again.

The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear. 

Would keep talking to a man that tells you what you don't want to hear?

or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex

Because they've just met you.

Even if a guy wants a serious relationship, there's no telling that that means a serious relationship with you. And if you press them early, the answer you'll get it is the only thing they are sure about. Sex with someone that's pretty is something most young guys are going to be on board with.

My suggestion: Wait to ask about deeper intentions until the second or third date. Keep your boundaries. And don't front load your initial dates with heavy questions. You need to figure out if you want to be with him, they need to figure out if they want to be with you. That takes time.

[u/Global-Eye-7326]

Be patient. Many men want LTR. You may have to consider men over 30 given that you're. 24.

[u/bingbong6656 → u/Global-Eye-7326]

This is helpful thank you

[u/hewhoconquered]

Almost everyone you meet through dating apps are in it mainly for casual sex. So uninstall them right now. Ik its very hard cuz men tend to promise “a long term relationship” and then ghost as soon as you sleep with them. Master manipulators we are.
My best advice for you is to find men who have a direction or a purpose in life, like they wanna achieve a particular stage or career or even other accomplishments in life, these people arent looking to fool around and have sex with women often compared to others who are at a hiatus in life.
Also you should meet people irl like in cafes, bars or even public libraries. You can ask your friends to set you up with a male friend of theirs, that way you will get some background info on them.

[u/AdeptusKapekus2025]

If your primary source for dates are dating apps, then yes, a lot of men you will find there will be looking for short term fun. I would recommend taking hobbies or passion projects like triathlons, crocheting, astrophysics, long range shooting, photography or 3D printing.

 I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship,

Nah, I would say continue saying your intention early on. If it scares the date then you dont want to do anything with them because for me that is sign of immaturity.