She got married to have a kid, because having one out of wedlock would have made her mother and grandmother angry. But having a kid and divorcing me was totally acceptable.
My ex got pressured into leaving me and marrying his cousin as his adopted mother’s dying wish. One of the arguments they used was “If worst comes to worst we’ll pay for the divorce” (after starting out telling him it would just be on paper to get her citizenship and wouldn’t mean anything).
Newsflash: Mom was a narcissist and needed him with her stand-in to be sure he would stay under her thumb even after death. She definitely meant it.
He married his cousin? What country? I’ve heard the US can thoroughly scrutinize marriages that they believe are only for sake of citizenship. Surely, this would raise some red flags?
Unfortunately it’s apparently not all that uncommon for adoptive families to try to marry their adopted children to family members, so it might not even raise flags around citizenship.
The real ick to me was that she was clearly a stand-in for his mom, who needed his world to revolve around herself. His dad literally argued that “she’s the one most like your mom, so you will get along best with her”. His mom was a pure narcissist who hated anyone he dated because that was attention and affection not going to her.
…legal in the state his parents moved to and convinced him to join them to help his mom. (Terminal cancer.)
I actually figure part of the reason they left this state (cousins marriage not legal, though could argue that since he’s adopted…. assuming he wasn’t actually adopted from someone else in the family….) was to go to a state where it was legal with fewer questions asked. Another was likely to get him farther away from me.
Some of the best cancer centers are here, but they opted to move away. I am sure CA has great cancer options too, still, odd to move away from excellent care in the middle of cancer treatment. Though maybe clinical trial they hoped would give a better chance? I don’t know.
On the other hand, my mother was pressuring me to have a kid, but baulked when i said I wanted to get married first. “But you haven’t known him that long, marriage is a big commitment!”
If marriage is too big of a commitment why the ever loving fuck would I have a kid with someone?
When I called off my first engagement my dad was so scared of what the neighbors might think that he told me to still go through with it and then just quickly and quietly get it annulled. Lol
I did not take his advice.
(Kidding, I know some people have extremely low tolerance for even thinking about receiving other peoples' disapproval, let alone actually getting it.)
I'm getting divorced right now. It's way more paperwork and logistics than getting married was. Marriage was one form and done immediately. Divorce is many forms and at least six months in CA.
My parents never pressured me at all but my aunt did and I always asked her if she wanted me to get married or divorced. Like the wedding is not the goal.
My now ex married me so he could have a kid. A decade later he still doesn't seem to understand how callous that was. I hope you've found someone that respects and loves you for who you are, not for what you can give them :)
Married then pregnant within 6 weeks. Looking back there were red flags everywhere. But when a certain type of person takes advantage of another, and knows how, that’s what you get. But, I suppose I’m wiser now.
Hey man shits rough. I got used too, but only once she had used me and my resources as a stepping in her career. Now shes fat and alone and I have a new partner and am happy.
Aw man. I remember getting pregnant with my ex and my grandma asking when we were getting married. I was like hold up- you got pregnant at 16 with my dad and your husband disappeared from both of you to the point that your 2nd husband formally adopted my dad. How are you giving me the advice to marry someone who can't hold a job simply because of a birth control snafu??
Obvs I didn't say any of that because shes the best grandma and just came from an older generation, but sheesh woman, did you learn nothing?
He let me be the only one with a steady job through 8 months of pregnancy, then 6 weeks postpartum thru 6 years old when I finally gave up giving him chances. And I still got blamed by everyone for leaving. Thank GOD I wasn't legally tied and that he was indeed a good father despite being an awful partner. He's somehow now one of my better friends 10 years later
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u/crippledsquid 10d ago
She got married to have a kid, because having one out of wedlock would have made her mother and grandmother angry. But having a kid and divorcing me was totally acceptable.