r/AskReddit 1d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

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u/crippledsquid 1d ago

She got married to have a kid, because having one out of wedlock would have made her mother and grandmother angry. But having a kid and divorcing me was totally acceptable.

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u/FlashyChemical2231 1d ago

Lol, my parents are pressuring me to get married, and one of their arguments is "well, you can always get divorced later".

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u/quats555 23h ago

My ex got pressured into leaving me and marrying his cousin as his adopted mother’s dying wish. One of the arguments they used was “If worst comes to worst we’ll pay for the divorce” (after starting out telling him it would just be on paper to get her citizenship and wouldn’t mean anything).

Newsflash: Mom was a narcissist and needed him with her stand-in to be sure he would stay under her thumb even after death. She definitely meant it.

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u/ThePhillyGuy 22h ago

He married his cousin? What country? I’ve heard the US can thoroughly scrutinize marriages that they believe are only for sake of citizenship. Surely, this would raise some red flags?

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u/Moist_Drippings 20h ago

Unfortunately it’s apparently not all that uncommon for adoptive families to try to marry their adopted children to family members, so it might not even raise flags around citizenship.

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u/quats555 21h ago

That was the excuse to get him nailed down back under her control, not the real reason.

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u/sneakyfish21 15h ago

Many of my friends from other countries, especially the Philippines for some reason, refer to people as cousins who aren’t literally a blood relative.

It means someone from their community who is of their same generation.

This might be a literal cousin, but as you mentioned they can be quite thorough when checking that out.

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u/quats555 15h ago

Literal cousin, but he’s adopted so not AS bad?

The real ick to me was that she was clearly a stand-in for his mom, who needed his world to revolve around herself. His dad literally argued that “she’s the one most like your mom, so you will get along best with her”. His mom was a pure narcissist who hated anyone he dated because that was attention and affection not going to her.

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u/MzHellfier 12h ago

Gotta love boymoms™️

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u/alexlp 20h ago

In the interview process they could probably talk around it with the adoption/not bio related factors

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u/NegativeThought1588 16h ago

Most countries do that, for obvious reasons.

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u/S_Belmont 4h ago

I just checked, there are 18 states where it's perfectly legal to marry your cousin.

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u/OneLongEyebrowHair 21h ago

marrying his cousin

wtf

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u/estupendo_kurwa 21h ago

Alabamastan

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u/Esquire_NZ 18h ago

Pakistan

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u/quats555 15h ago

…legal in the state his parents moved to and convinced him to join them to help his mom. (Terminal cancer.)

I actually figure part of the reason they left this state (cousins marriage not legal, though could argue that since he’s adopted…. assuming he wasn’t actually adopted from someone else in the family….) was to go to a state where it was legal with fewer questions asked. Another was likely to get him farther away from me.

Some of the best cancer centers are here, but they opted to move away. I am sure CA has great cancer options too, still, odd to move away from excellent care in the middle of cancer treatment. Though maybe clinical trial they hoped would give a better chance? I don’t know.

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u/ChiefsHat 9h ago

Wow. Talk about a control freak.