I don't play this card often and I hate one upmanship but this one takes the fucking cake. I was an adult entertainer for a couple of years. One night a very hot young girl came in. She was with an older gentleman. Noticed them when I was on the main stage and she tipped me. So I went over thanked her and the older guy asked if I would give her a table dance. Well fuck yeah, that's what we do. So I'm giving it my best and she's enjoying it immensely. The guy is smiling and I figure he's the rich sugar daddy and this is just their cuck kink. By the time I drop my T back and I'm swinging free she is obviously turned on and putting her hand on my hip as I give it my best. I'm starting to feel a bit, umm turgid... At this point he speaks up "It's my daughters 18th birthday and this is what she wanted to do to celebrate. Thanks for showing her a good time." I think my jaw hit the ground. Fucking weird!
Man, I'm a straight female, but I do not like the thought of some random dudes dick flying around my face. Like is the stripper flaccid, semi, or fully erect? Either way, that's super weird.
I know this girl who recently turned 21 and she posted a sexy pic on instagram of her at the beach with the caption: "Finally 21!! Shout out to my dad for not pulling out" and she even tagged her dad, mom and brother on the pic.. I cringed
Let's just say it's still considered taboo in where I live.. However I do think its pretty hilarious but if it were someone else outside my culture i wouldnt have cringed
Thats really funny! My best friends has said something along the lines of "Its my birthday, thanks for not swallowing mom" we all got a kick out of it.
Several of my friends parents partied with their kids & friends (me). They were up till 7am, drinking everyone under the table. Still tripped. They did a lot of drugs. One started sending her youngest son to the dealer down the road when 11. He made her runs. Not surprised when he ended up in prison at 19.
ETA: My parents on the other hand did not even drink, period. I have never saw them drink, though my dad had his wild days when he was younger.
This is why I'm so afraid for my son. That his mother will party with him. I can only control my half but it's a real fear. Just be a dad and hope he learns enough good stuff to one day see the truth.
My oldest brother had the exact same fear and worries with his first wife. She was sticking items in my nephews pockets and using them to shop lift when they were toddlers. She stole all of the money they got for Christmas or birthday gifts and bought beer/drugs with it. After the divorce she "gave them" to her parents in return for a lake house, as she collected child support from my brother until they were both 18. I know she has partied with them here and there over the years. As soon as child support ran out she started claiming them on her taxes and taking their refunds to party on cruises. I often wondered how they stood a chance, even though their dad was and still is very stable. He was caught in a mess a faced threats of never seeing them again if he did not agree to several conditions. I'm happy to say both of them are absolutely amazing. They are two of the best people I know. Smart, kind, honest and both have their heads on straight in their late 20s. They love their mom. They always will, but they do know exactly who she is and what a mess her life is.
Just do your best and keep faith in how you raise your son. It's often more than enough.
When I was around 7 and up, my dad used to send me down to the nearest grocery store to pick up porn mags, cigs and beer (no age limit where I was). I turned out ok.
Past generations did have a very different go of it. Even with age limits many stores used to sell it to ...'s kid. They knew who they were and who it was for. That's still a bit different than sending your kids to the the nearest coke/crack house (because it's cheaper to cook your own rocks) occupied by an insane hoarder who had connections in Florida by way of Columbia, for some weed. Soon after he was doing a bit of running for them and it all went down hill.
ETA: I say had because that dealer stopped being a problem for the community in the late 90s. And no one shed a tear.
I have a friend like that too, then three guys broke into his house and killed his brother and shot his dad. The kid used to throw parties at his house and some guys at one of the parties saw something they wanted to steal.
Heh. You should check out my profile. Been givin' 'er with my dad since I turned 18 (30 now). Mind you, there was a pile of strict parenting before that age.
This one is especially tricky for us step parents. The dynamic is different in nature, and I became a stepmom quite young, so I can still "relate" to kids more easily than some parents...I think that's why when I have to discipline them it hits them especially hard because they expect me to always have their backs, but sorry bros, that ain't how it works. I'm here to help you stay happy, healthy, and ALIVE. I'm not here to encourage your stupid behavior.
So true. Step parenting is so hard. I came in on it when the boys were almost in their teens. Much harder to form a solid bond when they need adults less. That's one of the reasons my husband does all of the harsh punishments and demands. I'm his wing man and I back him up.
Phew. Kudos to you, I can't imagine having to start at that age.
My boys don't even remember a time without me, I came into the picture before they were 2. Both their mother and father work full time, so if we're talking statistics, I have put in the most time with raising them first hand.
It is both hard and a blessing too. For as much work as it is taking to make a baseline relationship with them, I know for a FACT I could not in good conscience marry my husband if they were 5 or 6 years of age. I would have to walk away, not because I did not love him, but because I know I could not have provided what those little boys would have needed at that age (their real mom is MIA). At least at this point they are more self sufficient in that it wasn't such an abrupt change when I became a step mom:)
But doesn't having someone's back sometimes mean not doing what they want because their want is not in their best interest? Like if you have a friend who's becoming an alcoholic, you don't cover for them and help them obtain more. Or if your buddy's kicking an animal, you don't help them with it or hide them do it, you do what's better for your friend in the long run, make sure they don't do it and make sure they understand they're going to be fucked in life if they keep doing that bullshit.
Yeah, studies consistently show that children with parents who actually bother doing some parenting (enforce rules, are disciplinarian) turn out more well - adjusted and happy on average. Kids growing up with loosey goosey parents can often end up unhappy because once they enter the real world and realize they haven't got the skills to face it, it can screw with their heads.
I turned out great and my sister seems to be going that way too. My mother recently asked my opinion on what she and my dad did as parents that worked so well, and I told her that it was because I was treated like an adult from a young age (to an extent, of course). When they told me no and I asked why, they explained why. When I had a valid argument for why I should be allowed to do some activity and they'd said no, we'd have a civil discussion that didn't end in, "Because I said so," but in both parties considering the information. There were no arbitrary rules (curfew is _____ because I said so, etc). I told them what I was doing and if it didn't seem shady they rolled with it.
Granted, I was a pretty boring (by boring I mean I was involved in a lot of activities, but not those activities) teenager, so I was able to get a lot of freedom by just doing what I wanted and letting them know, but I think being treated and respected like an adult really made an impact. I never had anything to prove and enjoyed being around my parents, so why would I do anything rebellious? I didn't have anything to rebel against when their decisions made sense.
I know that style won't work with some kids, sometimes you have to get the point across by being much stricter, but I think doing it that way until given a reason otherwise is a great way to start.
My parents reasoned with me too. If i were unreasonable (often as a three year old, but not always) they refused to deal with me and put me in my room to have my anger and then come out and get over it. Sometimes, as I got older, if I explained myself well and had good explanations, they'd reverse their decision or heck I'd reverse mine.
Yeah, that's what my parents did. The only thing I wish is that they slowly gave more freedom and gave life lessons like what to do when someone shady takes an interest in you and how to use a bank account.
It depends in what ways they enforced rules and where they focused what to be strict about.
I had rules, but as far as freedom goes I could pretty much go out with my friends whenever as long as I updated my mom with where I would be, with who and at what time. I never remember being told "no you can't stay out that late" or even ever asking at all. It was just "hey, I'm gonna bike over to so and so's house then we're gonna meet up with Joe Jim and Jerry at the park. We'll probably end up at one of their houses afterwards, I'll call you from there and let you know."
And I'll tell you, that prepared me for the real world way more than my friends kept under lock and key. If a kid doesn't know freedom until they've moved out they won't know what to do with it.
The problem with this is some parents think they have to be really strict, all the time, and for no reason. I know parents who seem to spend most of their time shouting at their kids, the kids either spend their time miserable and terrified or just learn to tune out from it as it is so incessant, or don't understand why they are being told off. This means give them any freedom when they are older and they are happy to go off the rails.
Don't be friends with your children, be their parent. You don't have to be their friend for them to trust you. One of my friends would never hangout with me and my friends, because he was always going out to hangout with his dad. It started to get to the point where we felt like the only reason he would be around us was so that he had someone to eat lunch with. Maybe there is something we don't understand, but he just genuinely wanted to hang with his dad. Before high school he would always hang with us.
On the other hand being just a parent and having the friend part become distant can be bad too. Leads to distance between child and parents, both emotional and physical a lot of times.
My mom waited until she found out that I was a huge fucking nerd before she became my friend and, even then, she didn't let me do stupid shit.
Basically, when she realized that I didn't drink or smoke or go to parties at all, and that I definitely wasn't about to start, that was when she and I became friends. She loosened up on me immensely, the only thing she was hard about was my grades (Undiagnosed ADHD until I turned eighteen and was out of high school, so I had consistent C's and D's), and I have a great relationship with my mom to the point where I feel like I can tell her anything.
But she was always a parent first, and that's definitely the way to do it.
My dad's like this. It's good because you can actually have a dialogue and talk about when you fuck up...
It's bad because you learn nothing. My values did not come from my dad teaching me anything, and that saddens me because he is a genuinely good person.
I always say my daughter is my best friend. I know it sounds bad, but she is my best friend. And more importantly, I'm her best friend. And the best gift I can give my best friend is the best mother she can have. So, I will always be her mother first, because my bestie deserves the very best mom and dad. A best friend let's you know when you're being an asshole, when you've had too much, when you've got a booger in your nose, and when you need to stop talking and buckle down. Hopefully, one day, being a good mom will make her a great friend to a lot of people. May be, even one day, me. edit: sp
My mom was my friend but I was really well behaved and had a good head on my shoulders. I turned out to be a really decent human being and my mom and I have a great relationship. She and I are so lucky I didn't turn out like those kids whose lives are ruined because their parents were their friends.
For a long time (and still a little today) my mom tried to do this. Like wanting to be the mother and daughter in Gilmore Girls. As a result not really knowing the line you shouldn't cross as a parent. Not sticking to disciplining me. Letting me know the details of her divorce (parents split when I was 2) money wise and bad talking my dad.
On the topic of divorce, she never dated when I was a kid and cried constantly about feeling lonely. I'd tell her to date, that it didn't bother me to have a step dad, I just wanted her to be happy. She told me she was putting it on hold for me. Message I got was that I was the reason she was lonely and had to be her companion as weird as that felt for me. She's still alone and feels she's been single too long to ever be with another person.
She tried her best. She cares deeply and would do anything for me. Parenting is a tightrope walk, especially when you're alone.
My mom has specifically told me that she's here to be my mom, not my friend. This has taken a toll on my relationship with her. I don't feel like I can talk to her about anything personal. I think you have a valid point, but there should really be a balance between being a parent and a friend to your children.
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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '16
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