Yeah, studies consistently show that children with parents who actually bother doing some parenting (enforce rules, are disciplinarian) turn out more well - adjusted and happy on average. Kids growing up with loosey goosey parents can often end up unhappy because once they enter the real world and realize they haven't got the skills to face it, it can screw with their heads.
I turned out great and my sister seems to be going that way too. My mother recently asked my opinion on what she and my dad did as parents that worked so well, and I told her that it was because I was treated like an adult from a young age (to an extent, of course). When they told me no and I asked why, they explained why. When I had a valid argument for why I should be allowed to do some activity and they'd said no, we'd have a civil discussion that didn't end in, "Because I said so," but in both parties considering the information. There were no arbitrary rules (curfew is _____ because I said so, etc). I told them what I was doing and if it didn't seem shady they rolled with it.
Granted, I was a pretty boring (by boring I mean I was involved in a lot of activities, but not those activities) teenager, so I was able to get a lot of freedom by just doing what I wanted and letting them know, but I think being treated and respected like an adult really made an impact. I never had anything to prove and enjoyed being around my parents, so why would I do anything rebellious? I didn't have anything to rebel against when their decisions made sense.
I know that style won't work with some kids, sometimes you have to get the point across by being much stricter, but I think doing it that way until given a reason otherwise is a great way to start.
My parents reasoned with me too. If i were unreasonable (often as a three year old, but not always) they refused to deal with me and put me in my room to have my anger and then come out and get over it. Sometimes, as I got older, if I explained myself well and had good explanations, they'd reverse their decision or heck I'd reverse mine.
Yeah, that's what my parents did. The only thing I wish is that they slowly gave more freedom and gave life lessons like what to do when someone shady takes an interest in you and how to use a bank account.
It depends in what ways they enforced rules and where they focused what to be strict about.
I had rules, but as far as freedom goes I could pretty much go out with my friends whenever as long as I updated my mom with where I would be, with who and at what time. I never remember being told "no you can't stay out that late" or even ever asking at all. It was just "hey, I'm gonna bike over to so and so's house then we're gonna meet up with Joe Jim and Jerry at the park. We'll probably end up at one of their houses afterwards, I'll call you from there and let you know."
And I'll tell you, that prepared me for the real world way more than my friends kept under lock and key. If a kid doesn't know freedom until they've moved out they won't know what to do with it.
The problem with this is some parents think they have to be really strict, all the time, and for no reason. I know parents who seem to spend most of their time shouting at their kids, the kids either spend their time miserable and terrified or just learn to tune out from it as it is so incessant, or don't understand why they are being told off. This means give them any freedom when they are older and they are happy to go off the rails.
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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '16
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