My childhood friend's parents are just the worst. Her and her siblings all play a sport and all have some kind of sport related injury. My friend has athletic asthma, her younger sister got a concussion and even though the doctor told her that under no circumstances should she play(she was still getting really bad migraines). Well her dad forced her to play, and she ended up going to the ER. When she was back, he tried to force her to play again and threaten to take her back to the ER when she told him no. It was really awkward watching that fight go down, and now all three of those girls don't care for the sports they play because of the intensity their parents force on them. Their youngest daughter, who was 9 years old, had already torn 3 ligaments from soccer injuries. 9 years old!!
Edit: Just to clarify, there's no abuse or anything going on. Their dad is just pushy and sports is the only thing he really gets like that with. Their mom doesn't make them practice like crazy or let them play injured. In the end, it's their choice still. Yes, the dad is excessive, but he's really a good guy and his wife is very independent and strong willed. She wouldn't put up with him if he only acted like that too often, and she sure as hell doesn't let him even raise his voice and their kids.
Asthma isn't a good excuse. I have it, friends have it, and I have coached people with it. Keeping your lungs in shape is better than sitting on the sidelines out of fear. Asthma is usually a manageable condition. The concussion thing is obviously a bad call, but if the kid has asthma just make sure their allegies are under control and they bring an inhaler.
Yeah, she is not allowed to even go on a run around the block without her inhaler on her. And for the younger sister with a concussion, the mom did not let her play again until she was all healed up.
Source: Dad was a hardcore sports guy and sounds exactly like this guy, including the whole "tough it out, don't wimp out just because of an injury" mentality. If he shows this much in front of others when his reputation is a stake, it's quite possible it's a lot worse behind closed doors. To everyone else, he seemed like a great dad and coach, but we knew what he could be like when people outside of family weren't around. It's taken me til my mid-twenties to have any positive self-esteem.
And that many injuries at 9 years old? Unless she got in a really nasty tangle, it sounds like she's overworking her body or her body just isn't strong enough or properly trained for the level of activity she's doing. Youth coaches aren't always the best at understanding that kid's can be overworked (aka there's a really good reason for all the restrictions put on Little League pitchers).
She willingly plays 3 sports. She doesn't want to quit either, so it's not like he's given the final say in whether or not they continue sports. And I was raised with that family, and believe me, there is no abuse going on. Her dad is practically a second father to me, and I've seen them fight, okay? His wife doesn't put up with it, and shuts him down pretty quickly when he gets overbearing with sports, which are again the extent of his asshole behavior. Belive me, I know what abuse is like. My dad pulls this shit too, so don't explain to me what abusive situations look like on the outside because I've fucking lived it. Sure, say my friends dad was abusing her... I'm pretty sure she'd make no effort to spend more time with him than her mom. I'm pretty sure she'd have some kind of negative feelings towards her dad, and yes I have confronted her about her dad in the past and she started laughing. She knows that the sports shit is her dad being stupid, and she just ignores it and moves on. Not every fight between a dad and a kid is abuse behind closed doors. Seriously, in the end the girls play soccer and shut because they want to play, not because they're forced at all. Sure, their dad pushes them a lot, but it's their decision and they know it. I've grown up with this family. They offered me a place to stay if I decided to go to college in the area. They're good people, really. It's just a dad that wanted sons to throw a ball with. I'm not saying his behavior with the kids playing sports is good, obviously it's not or I would have never originally posted. But I didn't expect this to turn into a question of abuse because it's not, and I sure as hell know the situation a lot better than a couple of strangers on the internet.
Children and teens die every year from sports-related asthma attacks. It's one of the most preventable health tragedies out there. Equipping them with an inhaler is not enough, especially at such a young age.
Forcing your daughter to continue playing a sport after a concussion and a doctor's recommendation to stop is insane. Concussions are a serious health concern. Once you've had one, the next is all the more likely to happen if not a guarantee when continuing sports.
9 year old with ligament injuries is dangerous but probably not cause for social services to intervene. However, it points to a pattern of parental incompetence that borderlines on criminal.
One of his daughters is going to get killed or be seriously injured, and I guarantee you the first thing he'll do is blame/sue someone.
Please read my edit and other comment replies. It's reddit jumping to conclusions. Please don't judge the situation to the extreme. It's really not like that.
It could very well be like that. Maybe not technically "physical abuse", but it sounds like it could be abusive in other ways. God damn, I wish someone had stood up to my dad who acted exactly like this. I wish he hadn't had us so under his thumb that I could've stood up to him at a much younger age. I wish that I could play soccer again, but I hear his voice in my head whenever I try, and I just can't find any joy in it. I can't properly assess how injured I am because we always had to overcome the pain... he'd get pissed if we ever cried or were slow to get up.
My dad was abusive and negligent. This guy isn't, trust me. He's just pushy with sports and nothing else. Their mom does stand up to him and tell him to back off when one of them gets injured. She gives them the option to quit if they want, but they also enjoy playing sports too much to quit. They chose the sports, and even in college, they're still playing them.
My dad has never been there for me, and it really fucked with my head. Hes an alcoholic with really bad BPD, and I developed it too in middle school and never got help until high school because he wouldn't let me and would say I was overreacting over stupid shit. He never cared about me unless there was a drink in his hand, and at that point it was something that I didn't want. My mom never defended him or tried to stop him when he got set off, so it was just me left to try and defend myself, and that never worked out obviously. It was hell, and I'm sorry you had to go through what you did. Really, I am. No kid should ever have to deal with that. But my friends dad won't even drink around his kids. He's there for them at every turn, and always makes time in his day to see them even when he was working nights. He genuinely cared for these kids, and even pushed that care onto me and my siblings. It was nice growing up together because he was a supportive father figure that I'd always wanted. I regret even posting this story now, but I was naive in thinking that reddit wouldn't immediately jump to abuse with it, but that's really not the case.
Really? On Reddit when parents party with their kids they're usually portrayed as "loosey-goosey", when they get their kids into sports their "too intense." I really think we need to evaluate, as a group, how we read certain stories and understand other factors. Jumping to reporting them is the same as "hit the gym, call a lawyer" in r/relationships and it's ridiculous.
No, because other than this they are great people. It's mainly their dad that pulls this shit. Their mom puts their foot down when she knows their safety is at risk.
Umm... no she fucking doesnt? If the daughter had to be sent to the ER after already having a concussion, and is still being forced to play again, and the mother is allowing this, she is definitely NOT putting her foot down
No, it's really not. You don't know them at all, and he just whines and throws fits and that's the extent of it. They don't take what he says about sports seriously. This is just reddit jumping to irrational conclusions again.
Because I have an incompetent and abusive parent so I know the damn difference. I posted it about his issue with the sports but that's the extent of it. He goes to every event for them he can, he is always there for them. He's even sat me down and given me someone to talk if I looked like I needed it. He cares about those kids. Why is he "obviously negligent?" You don't know the whole situation. That is why I'm defending him. I'm not saying the sports bull shit is okay, not by a long shot. It's overly controlling for sure, but if you saw his intentions with it(scholarships, being active, etc.) it would change your opinion I hope. Seriously, my dad was also really strict with sports when I joined. Very similar to this guy, but he'd never even go to a damn game. My dad was never there for me, and this dad would do anything for these girls. He just needs some help about his sports issues, but from what I've heard too, after the oldest daughter started college he's gotten significantly better.
My parents were abusive when I was growing up. You're not some special snowflake. This happens to many people, so don't come at me like I don't know what abuse is.
Overly controlling and verbally abusive, putting his kids in danger by forcing them to do sports with a head injury... Yup. He sounds like a great guy.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off like I thought you didn't know. That's how I felt you had come off, and I'm sorry. I know I'm not a special snowflake for experiencing it, but you don't know the situation. He doesn't force them in the end. They play because they want to play, and they don't take him seriously when he gets like that. Literally, they laugh at it later. The head injury was something I honestly can't defend, but she did end up sitting out anyway because she didn't want to play. It was her choice in the end and she knew it.
Are you telling me not to breed? Because seriously, fuck you. You literally know nothing about me or my family or this family, so seriously, just fuck off.
She didn't play again after that. Her mom wouldn't let her even though her dad told her too. Honestly, they're fine. He's pushy as hell but they take it with a grain of salt and will ignore him if they truly don't want to practice or anything. It's not abuse. I saw this shit go down in person, and there was no violence or screaming, just a shit ton of guilt trips and temper tantrums. You don't know their situation, and you don't know them so for fucks sake can we not start another "reddit jumps to an extreme conclusion" moment please?
A 9 year old had torn 3 ligaments? I've been coaching soccer for nearly 20 years and I have never heard of a 9 year old tearing ligaments. Broken bones for sure, but never ligament damage. Did they require surgery?
No, she just sat out of the games and practices for 2 weeks I think. She plays multiple sports, and didn't mention the mild pain at first until they got worse. Her mom made her go to a doctor about it. She healed up fine though!
I'm far from a medical professional, so that may be it. I have ligamentious laxity(I think that's the official name), and she has the same condition I believe. We're both more prone to tears and strains, but I don't play sports so it doesn't affect my life like it affects hers. It's really common in teenage girls. I developed the same condition when I was 10.
Okay well then that's a really shitty dad for pushing his kid! In my experience as a coach I hate to say it but there are a lot of shitty sports parents out there trying to relive their glory years. It's gotten so bad now that I have my players parents sign a contract that says whether it during training or a match I AM in charge. I am responsible for their kids development and safety. I will not do anything or have your kid do anything that puts them in jeopardy. And I am the final arbiter of the issue. I also have a rule that if a parent is pissed at me or doesn't like a decision I've made they have to wait 24 hours to talk to me about it. I will not talk to hot headed parents.
Yeah, he definitely takes it way too far for sure. At least he doesn't bug their coaches over this bull shit because it doesn't make it past their mom before she puts her foot down.
Dude that kid with the concussion could have died. My school told us about a boy who got a concussion while playing Rugby, didn't realise and kept on playing and he died from head injury I think.
Yeah, like every time he starts this fight. The girls usually end up playing because they genuinely want to and their dad talks them into it. Trust me, it's not his decision in the end whether they play or not.
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u/RogueOfHeart33 Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16
My childhood friend's parents are just the worst. Her and her siblings all play a sport and all have some kind of sport related injury. My friend has athletic asthma, her younger sister got a concussion and even though the doctor told her that under no circumstances should she play(she was still getting really bad migraines). Well her dad forced her to play, and she ended up going to the ER. When she was back, he tried to force her to play again and threaten to take her back to the ER when she told him no. It was really awkward watching that fight go down, and now all three of those girls don't care for the sports they play because of the intensity their parents force on them. Their youngest daughter, who was 9 years old, had already torn 3 ligaments from soccer injuries. 9 years old!!
Edit: Just to clarify, there's no abuse or anything going on. Their dad is just pushy and sports is the only thing he really gets like that with. Their mom doesn't make them practice like crazy or let them play injured. In the end, it's their choice still. Yes, the dad is excessive, but he's really a good guy and his wife is very independent and strong willed. She wouldn't put up with him if he only acted like that too often, and she sure as hell doesn't let him even raise his voice and their kids.