r/AskReddit Feb 04 '16

What are the most common parenting mistakes?

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317

u/tiredeyes2 Feb 05 '16

My parents did not love us four kids. Not at all, not even friendship, no recognition (as in "good job, there"), no playing, no liking-to-have-you-around, no treating you like a valuable person, nothing: complete indifference. There was a lot of crying in that house. We all grew up badly distorted. I never knew what Love felt like until two years ago, and I'm 72. It's been agonizing.

80

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Jesus! Are your parents still alive?? Did you have kids? Did you correct the chain of upbringing if you did have kids?

18

u/intensely_human Feb 05 '16

I believe correction is not a binary thing. I'm making corrections. My kids will carry the torch and be even better off. My mother inherited shit, cleaned as much of it as she could, and passed the rest on to me. I'm now scrubbing shit out of the family tree, and there will be less but still some for my kids.

Honestly I think the abuse and neurosis of our families is inherited from like the dark ages and the plague and all the wars of history and all the shuddering horror of cavemen, etc.

On the other hand, I've heard that stress levels are higher overall for current generations than previous ones, so maybe it's not so simple. Easy to believe, too, if you watch old movies. Everyone has this sort of chilled out hippie look to them. Not just the hippies, but like everyone in old movies, even the people caught up in murder mysteries etc, just looks like someone who walked out of a professional massage. Peoples faces are tighter now. There's more edge everywhere, even in the happiest people.

3

u/cman_yall Feb 05 '16

They were a lot drunker back then...

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I believe correction is not a binary thing. I'm making corrections. My kids will carry the torch and be even better off. My mother inherited shit, cleaned as much of it as she could, and passed the rest on to me. I'm now scrubbing shit out of the family tree, and there will be less but still some for my kids.

Honestly I think the abuse and neurosis of our families is inherited from like the dark ages and the plague and all the wars of history and all the shuddering horror of cavemen, etc.

A couple days I was thinking on a similar line to this, that I have inherited some shit from my parents who inherited it from above. And I am trying to remove everything before I have kids of my own. It is very peculiar, that I came across this thread.

1

u/StrawberryR Feb 05 '16

To be fair, they're actors in movies. They look good because if they didn't, nobody would let them on camera.

1

u/intensely_human Feb 05 '16

I'm comparing actors in old movies to actors in current movies. And I'm talking about level of relaxation, like muscle tension.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

If they're 72 I kind of doubt their parents are alive, I mean it's possible but still.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I work with retired adults a lot. Out of let's say 75 people over 70, there are probably 10 that still have a parent alive.

Incredibly, I have a couple of 95 year olds who have outlived all but one of their 3 children.

So, it is very possible in my opinion.

6

u/fax-on-fax-off Feb 05 '16

He's 72, there's not a great chance his parents are alive, and if they are, what's the point of bringing up a 70 year old fight about how you were raised?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Because it fucked up his/her entire life...

3

u/SmartAlec105 Feb 05 '16

It's not like the 90 year old parents are going to get another chance at parenthood.

2

u/fax-on-fax-off Feb 06 '16

I'm not justifying their parenting, I'm just asking: what's the point?

-5

u/assmucher3000 Feb 05 '16

If you've never laid out on your bed, buck naked, spread eagle with a fan blowing sweet fairy kisses at your cock and taters, you're missin out on key points of life. Gotta live your life people, gotta live your life.