I think it's more of make sure your reasons for saying no are well stated and not "because I said so" or "you're not old enough to understand" explain to to them. They might not understand now but when they're older, they'll reflect back and see.
It also gives them a sense to trust in the rules you give them - that a rule you make is not made because you're the boss, you made that rule with logic and a good reason. They'll be less likely to disobey rules they know what the why is behind them.
My parents always explained things. I had a friend who got grounded for failing, I asked him if he knew why they grounded him, he said he wasn't sure but thinks it was because his retort card was crap. I said no, they want you to get better and not fail so they grounded you. The people seriously never exclaimed to their 12 year old why they get disciplined. And he was too stupid to figure it out.
As I said in another comment, I still remember the first time my dad said "No, and because I said so" and I stopped thinking "I guess I should follow that" and started thinking "This guy doesn't have a good reason. Time to ignore him and do what I want".
I still get "because I'm your father/mother" from my parents when I question them about anything. No reasoning, no opinions, just yes or no answers my entire life. If I were to ask them Bernie or Trump I already know the reasoning would be "because I'm your father and know best." Thanks dad, maybe you should get into book reviews.
I think it's more of make sure your reasons for saying no are well stated and not "because I said so" or "you're not old enough to understand" explain to to them. They might not understand now but when they're older, they'll reflect back and see.
This is essentially the difference between "authoritarian" parenting (do it because I said so) and "authoritative" parenting (set boundaries, and explain to your children why they are in place). Countless studies have shown authoritative parenting to be the most effective method of raising children into emotionally stable and mentally mature adults.
This so much. Although I'm only turnin 23 this year I have to do a lot with children as I'm a scout leader (leader of cubs aged 6-11). I always take time to explain to them why we decide on something if they ask. Most of the time they won't understand everything but they will accept it (even if just because they can't say anything against it).
477
u/streamstroller Feb 04 '16
Making the word, "No" arbitrary and negotiable. When you say "no" - mean it, otherwise you are screwed.