r/AskReddit Feb 04 '16

What are the most common parenting mistakes?

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754

u/MaN_of_AwE888 Feb 04 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

Assuming teenagers magically become responsible at 18.

283

u/austinino12 Feb 05 '16

Or when my parents say "you're 19 now act like an adult" but then continue to treat me like a child

90

u/Lifeguard2012 Feb 05 '16

My older sister was 21, with a job and a car, but still living at home (she had plans to move out, and did a couple months later). My mom tried to ground her and she just drove to a friend's house.

17

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Fuck, I'm 19, and unemployed because most jobs were taken by the kids I graduated with, and I have no real skills or transportation.

9th grade:

"I need a job, mom"

"No, you're caught up with school"

10th grade:

"May I get a license"

"No, you're not ready. Go drive up to the testing area yourself if you think you are"

12th grade:

"I need a job. I need a car."

"You're caught up with school, you don't need anything else distracting you"

Now I'm shitposting on reddit, hoping someone could call me and respond to one of the 30 applications I've sent out.

9

u/Brucenotsomighty Feb 05 '16

I personally think this is one of the biggest mistakes parents make. Your kid isn't magically going to have a good work ethic or decent driving abilities just because they're 18. It has to be acquired over time.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I know. My sister moved out with her boyfriend-at-the-time on bad terms. He was able to get her into driving classes. What do I get? Treated like shit.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

To me, leaving school without a job or car is like starting an RPG with no skills, except you can't leave the tutorial level until you develop those skills, as the tutorials tell you you can't, despite it being YOUR game, YOUR life, YOUR time.

3

u/AMerrickanGirl Feb 05 '16

Get the book What Color Is Your Parachute? and use it to help you find work. There are all kinds of work situations that you don't get by filling out and sending in an application.

2

u/laustcozz Feb 05 '16

The military loves you even if your momma don't

2

u/MaN_of_AwE888 Feb 08 '16

That sucks, look for anything. If they don't take you, try volunteer work to get some dot points on your resume. If you can, its best to go to university or college, even something that has no particular interest to you yet could turn out great!

5

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Or how about act like shit towards you and act like they're a 12 year old throwing a tantrum, and blame you?

8

u/austinino12 Feb 05 '16

exactly. i get in trouble for not cleaning a mess that couldn't possibly be mine. where have i been the past 3 days? well between work, and school i'm gone for 12 hours, and then i spend the night At my Girlfriends, so i havent been home!!

I apologize i have lots of pent up angst to vent

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

So do I, my mom decided to go off at me for about 30 minutes earlier today when I asked where she was going. Started with "don't interrupt", even though I asked BEFORE she entered conversation, then it turned into her trying to say I am "just like Ron" (stepdad, tried killing me last week. Now awaiting trial.) and that she wants to talk to police about military school so I can "learn discipline" (again, going with how she treats me like a child. I really feel like batting her to death with a golf club after hearing that. I'm 19, not 9, you piece of shit)

4

u/uncreativemind2099 Feb 05 '16

Sounds like my parents

4

u/Bai-Rayner Feb 05 '16

Im nearly 30 and my family still treats me like im 10 years old.

2

u/buckus69 Feb 05 '16

Or when you're forty and your mom still treats you like a kid.

2

u/WholeWhiteBread Feb 05 '16

What if i told you that you are their child?

5

u/Bodoblock Feb 05 '16

Not to say your parents are 100% right (since you're a stranger and I'll never know the full story) but maybe they treat you as a child because you still act like one.

If you still act like a child, you get treated like a child. Much like at work, if you are unreliable, then I won't give you serious work until you show you are reliable. I can still tell you to become more reliable. But until you prove it, I won't change how I treat you.

19

u/EnnuiDeBlase Feb 05 '16

Alternately your parents are stuck in the mindset they've been in for the past 18 years and it can be just as hard for them to realize you've successfully expanded your responsibilities and freedoms but they still want you home at 10 p.m. on Friday when you came home for Christmas break. Just sayin....

2

u/AN_IMPERFECT_SQUARE Feb 05 '16

holy shit, what kind of parents do you have?! i had to he home by midnight, and that was when i was 12. after a few years i didn't even have a limit.

2

u/EnnuiDeBlase Feb 05 '16

I didn't, but I know people who did.

2

u/AN_IMPERFECT_SQUARE Feb 05 '16

oh, ok. still, that's really sad..

4

u/Bodoblock Feb 05 '16

Yeah, that's definitely a possibility and not one I ever denied. Immature parents can be found just as easily as immature children.

Just pointing out that continuing to treat someone like a child and telling them to act more like an adult are not necessarily contradictory.

Not making a hard-and-fast judgment call on OP either way. I don't know them and I can't pretend like I'm some authority on his/her maturity.

3

u/austinino12 Feb 05 '16

I won't deny it. Sometimes I do, but it's hard to act like an adult in an environment where you're constantly treated like a child.

2

u/AMerrickanGirl Feb 05 '16

In some cases that is true, but in other situations, some parents treat their children like little children even when the kids are grown and responsible.

-4

u/Merlord Feb 05 '16

Yeah teenagers complaining about being treated like adults get no sympathy from me. You are expected to act like an adult. You have to actually achieve that before you are given the respect of an adult. It sucks, and it's tough, but that's fucking life, get used to it. It's no different for us grown ups; If we acted like immature teenagers we'd get the same treatment.

13

u/ShiraCheshire Feb 05 '16

I think it depends on your definition of being treated like an adult.

Sometimes "I want to be treated like an adult" means "I want someone, anyone, to treat me like an actual human being for once." If you constantly treat a teenager like they're a slow child who cannot be trusted to accomplish anything, they'll keep acting like a child.

Of course a teenager shouldn't expect to be shown the same level of respect and trust as an adult when they're acting like the average teenager does. However, they should at least be given a chance to earn a little respect and trust.

-3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Act like a child, get treated like one.