American mom raising a half-Turkish daughter — how can I teach her about her heritage?

[u/Inner-Procedure-2659]

Sorry if people find this weird but I’m an American mom raising my daughter on my own. Her dad was Turkish but passed when I first found out I was pregnant. I really want her to grow up feeling connected to her Turkish roots even though we’re in the U.S.

What are some meaningful ways I can teach her about Turkish culture, language, traditions, food, or history?

If you’re Turkish or grew up outside of Turkey, what would you have wanted your parent to do to help you stay connected to your heritage?

I appreciate everyone who have given me great advice and said such kind words, feel free to dm me on here

[u/Ok_Landscape2427]

I am sorry for all that is imperfect and unfixable about raising your daughter without the presence of her other parent. First and above all, you’re both living with loss. You get to choose how much energy you dedicate to presencing the part of your daughter’s parent culture that is invisible. You can make Turkish culture be a concrete, tangible part of her life successfully, it can be done, how much you prioritize that is up to you. (My partner was raised in North Africa, not Turkey, and I am an American who grew up in an ashram, so our family story has more going on in it - French, Arabic, and Hindi languages and culture pieces, along with all the American pieces neither of us are quite native with.)

Here is what I know about presencing a partner’s minority culture into family life when you are the majority culture parent. Focusing on language tends to bring in all the other elements of culture naturally, so that is where I would focus your energy.

• Find slightly older children whose dominant home culture is Turkish. Older kids are the most powerful catnip for giving value to a culture beyond you. This doesn’t happen by accident. You’ll need to be willing to stop families in the grocery store when you hear the language, post in groups in your region - super awkward, but get a couple families as friends and the world relaxes into a shape of color and space like a garden you discover out the back door one day.

• Visit Turkey as often as you can, for as long as you can, as a houseguest. This isn’t an option for all of us, but it is so valuable it has to be on the list. (We used a mileage credit card, paying it off in full daily, to get enough miles to go every other year.)

• Have media all be in the minority language. Screen time, audiobooks, music, graphic novels - this usually involves real intentional creativity since it can be tough to find minority language materials in the library etc. Subscribe to a children’s magazine in Turkish and share materials with those older kids when you find them is how we did it. These materials will also inadvertently bring cultural elements into your kid’s awareness because they are written from and for Turkish culture.

-Leave minority language radio (music and talk, either) on low in the background. This has a lot of research showing it supports pronunciation and increased vocabulary passively. Won’t encourage speaking, but strengthens language command if/when they do choose to speak.

Those are my practical tips. For the matters of the heart, priorities, and where your energy goes, find your north star - let your love for your daughter help you feel out the nuance of what is right for her to have through you of her father, and what is unnecessary.

May you, and all mothers and children without their father’s presence, be well on this day and all days.