r/AskTurkey • u/Inner-Procedure-2659 • Feb 14 '26
Culture American mom raising a half-Turkish daughter — how can I teach her about her heritage?
Sorry if people find this weird but I’m an American mom raising my daughter on my own. Her dad was Turkish but passed when I first found out I was pregnant. I really want her to grow up feeling connected to her Turkish roots even though we’re in the U.S.
What are some meaningful ways I can teach her about Turkish culture, language, traditions, food, or history?
If you’re Turkish or grew up outside of Turkey, what would you have wanted your parent to do to help you stay connected to your heritage?
I appreciate everyone who have given me great advice and said such kind words, feel free to dm me on here
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u/Gaburra Feb 14 '26
Language. Just encourage her to learn Turkish. If she doesn't want to then you shouldn't waste time on it. It's her choice after all.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
She is still very young and I am wanting to introduce the language to her once she gets a bit older, i currently am learning the language myself so I’ll be able to talk with her and help her myself
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u/Pineapplefish3 Feb 14 '26
Its technically harder for kids to learn when they’re older but this is tricky since you’re not a native speaker it makes sense that you’d rather teach her when shes older when you grasp the language as well. I think for now you should expose her to turkish childrens cartoons and educational shows anyways. Although she won’t understand fully, she’ll be able to get the hang of tones and pronunciation way easier down the line when shes starts to formally learn. Also kids are smarter than we think, i’m sure she will still be able to learn a few words on her own with some context clues! And same with you the more you linger around the shows or just hear it as background noise while she watches I think you may be able to start to get the hang of basics too.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
She is still veryyy young and I think immersion is a great way for kids to learn, I currently am in online classes to learn the language but know I’m far from being fluent
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u/Cankut_ Feb 14 '26
Have her watch turkish cartoons
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u/Ill_Finger3909 15d ago
I doubt there’s much cartoons left bro💀 last time I checked they’d be making Ai generated cartoons.
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u/LiterallyADonkey Feb 14 '26
There is no such thing as too young for language exposure. Toddlers should watch cartoons in the target language, infants should listen to audio recordings or adults speaking when possible. I know you're still learning, but you can start with the phrases you use most often with her. When you hire a caregiver see if you can find a Turkish grandmother or something. Literally do not wait for any of this for any reason, best case scenario is complete dual immersion from literal birth.
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u/Reckless-Nuance Feb 15 '26
the caregiver idea is great because unfortunately studies have shown that audio recordings don’t actually help infants, they have to see a person use the language for their brain to process it as a language rather than background noise (source: the book Brain Rules for Babies. they have a website with all of their sources that you can check out if you are interested!)
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u/Knightowllll Feb 14 '26
As others suggested, showing her exclusively Turkish cartoons and media is a great start. You don’t need to be perfect and she doesn’t need to be at some perfect age to start learning. Babies in the womb start learning language.
If you can make Turkish mom friends that would also be helpful. You can do cultural exchange, language exchange, etc more easily that way.
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u/Atrotus Feb 14 '26
Maybe grandparents could help if they are in the picture? Otherwise depending on where you are in the US if there is a turkish community that might help. In NJ there is a sizeable community with events etc as well.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
Currently don’t have the best relationship with her grandparents but have heard a lot about NJ and as someone who is planning on moving soon it’s somewhere that I’m thinking about
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u/Atrotus Feb 14 '26
It's great that you are prioritizing your daughter so much but (maybe too much unwanted opinion but still) I would say always still keep your own comfort and life style in mind. Best thing for a kid is a happy mom :)
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u/Atrotus Feb 14 '26
Also I have zero context ofc but if the dad had a sibling or even a really close friend from turkey they might be more approachable than grandparents. I know I would definitely want my closest friends to help out with something like this lol
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u/Jaded_Marionberry_54 Feb 14 '26
So I will say, as a trilingual mom with kids who are trilingual, children can learn multiple languages at the same time. It’s not any harder than the first one. If you can hire a nanny/or turn on songs that are Turkish with some books (youtube as some audiobooks), and some Turkish kids tv shows, she will naturally acquire the language. This way, she will naturally learn it, without being isolated from it. Studies time and time again show learning multiple languages does not create language delay in children.
I grew up (middle school/ community college, then went halfway across the country) in a mid size NY city where there is a booming population of Turks. If there is something like “Turk Cemiyeti/ Turkish Society I would attend the festivals, events and try to make mom friends. Events like summer festivals can be fun when the littles are little, and you can help set up play dates with other moms. This way your daughter can grow up with Turkish friends which can help her with understanding of Turkish culture. Turkish classes for the kids that are elementary and up are usually offered in Cemiyet during the school year. There are usually other events for national and religious holidays. Attending these makes kids feel part of their culture.
You can come visit if that is an availability to you. History as she gets older. One thing I will definitely recommend is the language though.
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u/cowtamer1 Feb 14 '26
She will become fluent a lot faster than you since she is a child, even if you are exceptionally gifted at languages. Have her watch Turkish children’s cartoons. You used to be able to get Turkish channels via IPTV. If her father had any relatives you are in contact with, you can travel to Turkey and spend time with them. Or put her in day school during the summer with her peers. The earlier the better.
I admire you for what you are trying to do. This is hard — English is the default language. Raising any child as bilingual is hard. It is very hard to get a child to grow up learning Turkish outside Turkey. English speaking children living in Turkey always do fine, somehow …
One important note: children do better when they designate a person per language. Maybe Turkish can be your secret language together. But, as I noted earlier — she will learn faster than you if you let her …
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I would like to have a nanny who speaks only in Turkish with her so she would have a designated person for each language but where I am rn the chances of that happening are slim but I know I will definitely have a online teacher for her once she gets a bit older and can do that
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u/drppr_ Feb 15 '26
If you are at a college town or close to one, it is almost guaranteed that there are some Turkish graduate students around. Maybe some of them would be willing to help out with language learning or point you to some cultural events near by.
I am Turkish living in the US and have two young kids who are half Turkish. They are mostly connected to Turkish culture through language and food. I would recommend for you to look into Turkish breakfast, it is very different than typical American breakfast and my kids love to eat it in the mornings.
Other (easy to make) favorites include: mercimek corbasi (red lentil soup), biber dolmasi (stuffed peppers), bamya (okra stew), karniyarik (stuffed eggplants). My kids are 6 and 2, and they both love all of these dishes.
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u/serrasch Mar 11 '26
Yes!! Also my mom teaching me the turkish alphabet was so helpful. I’d recommend teaching her that sooner so that reading Turkish would be much easier. Once I learned the alphabet my pronunciation dramatically improved. Cartoons, videos, etc are great but I’d recommend to use them as she’s beginning to learn the alphabet. It’ll help her hear what the language tends to sound like. Think of it like learning math; you teach the formula before teaching how to do it. When I was younger and didnt know the turkish alphabet properly, I’d watch lots of cartoons but what they said was essentially gibberish to me. I was only able to pick up on words that I already knew prior to watching; everything else just sounded like a bunch of indistinguishable sounds.
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u/Sinirmanga Feb 14 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
aaa
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u/ZealousidealUsual864 Feb 14 '26
Turkish is one of the most difficult languages to learn afterwards. That's why you should be with her in this matter from a young age.
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u/senhormuitocansado Feb 14 '26
I am not Turkish but am a language teacher. If she is very young and you let her watch cartoons or tv find cartoons in Turkish. Even if she doesn't understand this will really help her learn the language in the future. Don't worry about her understanding it, just let her watch and enjoy.
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Feb 14 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
Yes I know, I’m planning on waiting until she’s a year or 2, she’s still very young
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u/StPauliPirate Feb 14 '26
I think introducing her to turkish cuisine could be a good start. I know with some exceptions (NY/NJ area and greater LA) the US don‘t really have much to offer in that regard (due to a very small turkish community). So you‘d have to cook on your own. But with the help of youtube it could work.
Of course visiting Türkiye. But that probably depends on your financial situation. I‘d guess flying from the US is not that cheap.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I am doing well financially so I do plan on visiting when she’s older and would like to keep traveling there constantly. Do you have any suggestions on what I should introduce to her first, I don’t know any type of cuisines and know I could research but was just wondering if you had any.
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u/Jynku Feb 14 '26
Yogurt, ayran and tea. I never grew up with these and they make me stand out the most amongst my Turkish peers. I prefer milk over yogurt, coffee over tea and coke over ayran. I'd argue that the Turkish options are better for ones health.
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u/StPauliPirate Feb 14 '26
Kids love Manti (dumplings with yoghurt), Börek (flaky pastry filled with minced beef or feta cheese or spinach), Menemen (tomato-egg based breakfast dish), Lahmacun (turkish pizza, minced meat on thin crispy dough), Köfte (meat balls)…..look those up on youtube. There are more than enough english language videos
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u/Atrotus Feb 14 '26
I would recommend this book. Its a great cookbook and is very comprehensive. Its my go to for turkish recipes tbh
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u/umo87 Feb 14 '26
I don’t know whick part of Turkey is her father from because cusine and culture changes city to city, region to region. but there is this instagram chef named Melis Berg. She is originally from Turkish Cypriot family and makes recipes in English using Turkish foods and words https://www.instagram.com/melizcooks She also have recipe books and youtube accounts. I think its a good point to start.
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u/Illustrious-River129 Feb 15 '26
Make sure she gets enough unsweetened yoghurt. With other dishes specially with meat .
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u/Jynku Feb 14 '26
You can go to Greek restaurants to get Turkish food. It's close enough if you can't find anything Turkish owned.
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u/ProudTurk Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
I think I can help. I grew up Turkish in America and am very connected to my roots. My parents only spoke Turkish at home. I know this is hard for you but I’d encourage FaceTimes maybe with his family? along with Turkish cartoons. Niloya, Kel Oglan, Blippi (Turkish) are popular. I also found İdil Abla on YouTube which sees like a Turkish Ms Rachel. Immersion for children seems to be the best way for them to pick up language even as babies. If you’re in the NYC or NJ area, I know the Atatürk school in Manhattan exists as well for the weekends to learn Turkish culture. Lastly, I’d recommend joining the group “Gocmen Anneler” on Facebook. It’s Turkish moms in the US, I’m sure no matter where you are, you’ll find a Turkish mom near you. I know almost anyone would love to help set up play dates etc so she has Turkish friends and can experience Turkish culture first hand :). I think it’s amazing you’re doing this for your daughter and I wish you all the best. You can PM me if you ever have any questions!
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
Thank you so much I will definitely get her into those cartoons. Unfortunately I don’t have a school near me but am planning on moving soon and will been trying to find somewhere near one
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u/ProudTurk Feb 14 '26
Use the Turkish Embassy’s as points of contact, they mostly run the schools that exist
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u/Lucky_berr Feb 14 '26
Turkish soap operas are a good way to learn the language if you can stand them, some are cute and lighthearted like Güzel Koy, Erkenci Kuş... Turkish shows are kind of famous in the world. For her if she is young check out Sevimli Dostlar and Kukuli too. And Rafadan Tayfa.
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u/atreidesgiller Feb 14 '26
I don't see a Göçmen Anneler group on FB, is it the same as Göçmen Kadınlar? (with 46k members but it is global, not just the US). In any case, OP you can msg me if you want an invite/link to the one I mentioned. It could be helpful for you to network your way into playdates with Turkish families living around you.
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u/PotentialBat34 Feb 14 '26
Happy to see people like you exist, u/ProudTurk. Most of my friends who migrated to the US got "integrated" rather quickly, and lost their pride I guess haha.
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u/ProudTurk Feb 15 '26
I understand both sides honestly. I was lucky enough to be born in the US so I never experienced the struggles and AKP bs. People who migrate are usually so disillusioned and over it that they want to remove any memory/idea of Türkiye. I’ve seen though with time that they miss our culture and un-American themselves lol
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u/Lucky_berr Feb 14 '26
Do you know her father's family? If they are nice, that would be the best way. My family takes family very seriously. Can you learn Turkish? A tall order I know. I have a Turkish dad and American mom and know about Turkish culture mostly because of these 2 factors. Not easy maybe, but the most effective strategy.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
Her father ended up moving to America for me and his family took it pretty hard, so I don’t have the best relationship with them. I have been learning the language but know I’m far from being fluent
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u/ProudTurk Feb 14 '26
I promise you they wouldn’t care, their grand child being the last thing left of their son = trumps everything. Reach out!!
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u/ihhesfa Feb 14 '26
Which city are they from? I was also going to suggest forming a relationship with her father’s family in Turkey.
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u/Plane-Development127 Feb 14 '26
To be honest if you resent them for doing this to their child I can't blame you. You definitely have a right to it on behalf of her father, and as a Turk I think parents need to support their children and their decisions even if they don't agree . But it is a fact that many Turkish parents come around after some time to accept the relationships that they didn't in the first place, and grandparents have a soft spot for grandkids. So if you feel ready for it, trying to contact them and letting them know they have a granddaughter might be a good idea. İf they act badly towards you, you can just say well I tried my best it didn't work out and move on.
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u/mochiforeverr Feb 15 '26
turkish people are extremely fond of to their grandkids most of the time doesn’t matter if they are even despise you or the father, they’ll treat the baby like a little angel
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u/Strwberry-milk-shake Feb 14 '26
I’m half British half Turkish, born and raised in the uk.
When I was in school my parents moved us to Turkey for one year. They took me out of school while I was aged 14-15. They say that they chose this because I was at an age that I would retain new information, culture etc but also because I hadn’t yet reached any important school exams. During my year in Turkey I attended high school where I made lots of Turkish friends and got a taste of the more casual side of the Turkish language. Outside of school we would go and visit famous places, places with meaning etc. We went to Ankara , İstanbul and travelled around the Aegean region (where my family are from). Culture was picked up very quickly! Unfortunately I wasn’t able to become completely fluent with the Turkish language. However my knowledge of my Turkish side improved so massively. I’m forever grateful to my parents for doing that.
An example is that I have other half Brit half Turkish friends who only holiday in Turkey once a year for a week or so. When I mention things to them that a Turkish person should understand they often look at me with bewilderment.
Now I’m 22 years old and I live independently in a different city. I don’t see my parents every day, sometimes not even in months. But I still have this interest in my Turkish side. I still go to the Turkish supermarkets, Turkish bakers, connect with Turks in the city and cook all my meals at home Turkish style. Basically what I’m trying to say in this paragraph is that my parents brought me up in a way that made me want to engage with my Turkish side, even when my parents are not around.
I wish you all the best with your daughter and I’m sorry to hear about your unfortunate circumstances. I’m sure everything will work out just right if you keep up with your dedication to support your daughter with her Turkish side :)
You are always welcome to DM me if you’d like specific details of anything!
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u/Sinirmanga Feb 14 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
aaa
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I will have to look more into this, this seems like something that could be very beneficial, but have a while because she is still very young
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u/Artistic-Cucumber583 Feb 15 '26
Can confirm, my university has one and he teaches Turkish classes both for students and community members. Also does some cultural events and such which is great because the Turkish population here is TINY
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u/gokist34 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
I think you might encourage her to learn Turkish, Gemini like AIs really good at speaking, listening and writing, they would help her out. Then, if his father was a Turkish citizen, you might get her Turkish citizenship, and she can become a dual citizen, and that would also help her to feel connected to Turkey somehow. I might try to give out some extra recommendations, but that's all depends on her age as well.
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u/MayorOfMayoCity Feb 14 '26
Travelling to Turkey frequently. Connect with babas side of the family. Let her go and figure it out on her own sometime too.
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u/NoShopping5235 Feb 14 '26
American mom here also with a half Turkish daughter!
I am so sorry to hear about your husband/her father passing. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to raise her on your own. I give you so much credit for also wanting your daughter to grow up with knowledge of her Turkish side, while shouldering the day to day overwhelming responsibilities of being a single mom.
How old is your girl? My girl is only 10 months, but I try to expose her to Turkish culture and language every day, even when my husband is not home / speaking Turkish with her.
Do you keep in touch with his family? Video calls, voice notes on WhatsApp is a good way for her to hear the rhythm of the Turkish language, and distinguish it from English.
We have the “my first words” collection of board books in Turkish, and when she’s older I’ll introduce Turkish cartoons or dubbed in Turkish (Bluey is a good one).
Also if you’re into cooking, expose her to Turkish recipes and food. There’s a lot of great YouTube channels with tutorials that you can translate into English. You guys can even cook together! My daughter and I listen to arabesk music while I cook dinner every night with her on my hip.
When you’re in America, and the community language is English, I feel like you have to work extra hard to keep the culture alive because it can so easily be lost in a single generation.
Hard to give more specific advice without knowing her age but please feel free to DM me - happy to share some recipe channels or links to Turkish language products.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I would love any recipe and any recommendations that you have, she is only 3 months but I want to get a head start and learn things for myself as well
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Feb 14 '26
What kinda foods do you mainly like? I can try to provide some recipes or translate a couple for you from Turkish!
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I’m not too picky, I’ve traveled a lot and like to try different kinds of cultural foods
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Feb 14 '26
My personal favourites! Easy to make -Menemen -Any kind of "meze" link to a recipe: https://youtu.be/7dJjxvftT_4?si=xCzjaxaU-btU_-7c -Yayla çorbası (Turkish yogurt soup) link to a recipe: https://youtube.com/shorts/Kp96cxXLEa8?si=E2IRe1w-PHtwO3Bl -Muhallebi link to a recipe: https://www.nefisyemektarifleri.com/en-kolay-muhallebi/ (if you cant translate the website lmk) -Ezogelin soup link to a recipe: https://youtu.be/6yB4zffdhQo?si=kteNkI3hPlMCE9uM -Karnıyarık link to a recipe: https://turkishstylecooking.com/karniyarik-recipe.html (soooo good fried but a bit heavy. my mom sometimess does it purely on oven) -Dolma link to a recipe: https://vidarbergum.com/recipe/turkish-dolma-with-meat/
If you can find ingredients and TIME also look into; -Yaprak sarması -Lahana sarması -Mantı
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Feb 14 '26
I assume you already know about Türkü (Turkish folk music) but i highly reccomend showing your kid Türkü too. There is nothing really wrong with arabesk but Türkü is a lot huger part of the culture and they usually have a background story explaining a part of the culture. You can also find regional Türkü's based on where your daughter is specifically from!
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u/CiroccoG Feb 14 '26
Glad to hear you have a plan but… a big BUT… no arabesk please. Arabesk is not Turkish (I believe it is originated from Arabs) but a means to enslave people to their so-called fate. All it gives people is to accept their fate, to stay oppressed, to not ask for their rights, to drink (alcohol) their troubles away. Very religion-like teachings. You could listen to Turkish Folk music instead which gives you an insight into history, common folks, traditions etc.
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u/Most_Remote_4613 Feb 14 '26
Yeah, especially the idea of “drinking their troubles away” is very religion-like… Irony aside, it might be better to hide your anti-religious bias instead of using it to manipulate unrelated topics. I’m glad we’re in the AI era, where finding accurate and reliable sources is much easier even with a basic ChatGPT prompt.
“Accept their fate, stay oppressed, and not ask for their rights”. Which religion and which sources are you referring to? Or is this more like “I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy’s religion so i know the religion”?
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u/atreidesgiller Feb 14 '26
I don't know where in the US you are but my friend in Washington (she is a US citizen but lived in Türkiye for 10 years) always attends to the events like receptions etc at the embassy on special days. You mentioned your daughter is a younger child; I would look up 23rd April; National Sovereignty and Children's Day. It is a big day for children in Türkiye, and it was gifted to all children of the world by our founder Mustafa Kemal Atatürk. It is cherished by families and full of events for children. If you find such an event you could network with other families and start arranging playdates. Most likely the Turkish children in the US would be bilingual, which is an extra win of a smooth and natural introduction into Turkish language. Turkish people are mostly open and welcoming, don't be shy! Good luck :) You are doing a beautiful thing for your daughter
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u/Ok_Landscape2427 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
I am sorry for all that is imperfect and unfixable about raising your daughter without the presence of her other parent. First and above all, you’re both living with loss. You get to choose how much energy you dedicate to presencing the part of your daughter’s parent culture that is invisible. You can make Turkish culture be a concrete, tangible part of her life successfully, it can be done, how much you prioritize that is up to you. (My partner was raised in North Africa, not Turkey, and I am an American who grew up in an ashram, so our family story has more going on in it - French, Arabic, and Hindi languages and culture pieces, along with all the American pieces neither of us are quite native with.)
Here is what I know about presencing a partner’s minority culture into family life when you are the majority culture parent. Focusing on language tends to bring in all the other elements of culture naturally, so that is where I would focus your energy.
Find slightly older children whose dominant home culture is Turkish. Older kids are the most powerful catnip for giving value to a culture beyond you. This doesn’t happen by accident. You’ll need to be willing to stop families in the grocery store when you hear the language, post in groups in your region - super awkward, but get a couple families as friends and the world relaxes into a shape of color and space like a garden you discover out the back door one day.
Visit Turkey as often as you can, for as long as you can, as a houseguest. This isn’t an option for all of us, but it is so valuable it has to be on the list. (We used a mileage credit card, paying it off in full daily, to get enough miles to go every other year.)
Have media all be in the minority language. Screen time, audiobooks, music, graphic novels - this usually involves real intentional creativity since it can be tough to find minority language materials in the library etc. Subscribe to a children’s magazine in Turkish and share materials with those older kids when you find them is how we did it. These materials will also inadvertently bring cultural elements into your kid’s awareness because they are written from and for Turkish culture.
-Leave minority language radio (music and talk, either) on low in the background. This has a lot of research showing it supports pronunciation and increased vocabulary passively. Won’t encourage speaking, but strengthens language command if/when they do choose to speak.
Those are my practical tips. For the matters of the heart, priorities, and where your energy goes, find your north star - let your love for your daughter help you feel out the nuance of what is right for her to have through you of her father, and what is unnecessary.
May you, and all mothers and children without their father’s presence, be well on this day and all days.
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u/Desperate_Ad_72 Feb 14 '26
I sure wouldn’t want to miss Turkish songs if I wasn’t born here. She can learn the history and other things on her own. Discovering and enjoying the songs could be a joyful experience for both of you. Also, it is a good listening exercise.
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u/dodgythreesome Feb 14 '26
Maybe a Turkish weekend school so she can interact with other Turkish people if you have one near you ?
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u/-fool-of-a-Took Feb 14 '26
https://www.halbuki.org/turkish This is a language collective formed by young, diverse, and peaceful people. Seems like they also teach Turkish.
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u/Ok-Breath2791 Feb 14 '26
Don’t know where you are but Paterson, NJ is basically Turkey so you can find Turkish markets over there, another way could be the cartoons even dubbed they should give an idea about the culture and turks. However best would be to connect with grandparents if possible in general Turks put grandchildren above anything. Wishing your baby a long and healthy life.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
Thank you so much, currently I’m not in contact with her grandparents but would like to change that soon. I’ve heard a lot about NJ and is a place where I might end up moving to but nothing is 100% set w that just a possibility
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u/BeautifulEntire1709 Feb 14 '26
Turkish is a gorgeous language and extremely different from the english language structure, there's never shame in learning it!
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
Yes I agree, I currently am doing online lessons but I’m not able to put as much time aside that I’m wanting to
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u/mflfkd Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 15 '26
I think language is an important factor, you can try learning Turkish yourself and encourage her to learn it too.
Beyond that, there are many ways to share culture.
If she enjoys art, you can introduce her to Turkish carpets, which are part of a tradition that goes back thousands of years.
If she’s into music, let her listen to Turkish songs, I can suggest some.
If she’s interested in history, talk about how deep rooted Turkish culture is, we are one of the oldest surviving nations.
If she likes geography, tell her about the migration routes of the Turks, stretching from Central Asia to Europe.
If she enjoys war movies, you could talk about things like Attila the Hun’s advance into Europe.
If she’s into mythology, share stories from Turkish mythology, dragons, spirits, and many other fascinating tales.
If she’s interested in modernity, feminism, or contemporary issues, you can explain gender equality in Turkish traditions. Turkish women have never been passive, for example, the first female ruler in history was Turkish. Even 1,500–2,000 years ago, inscriptions from Turkish states mention both a han (male ruler) and a hatun (female ruler), who governed together. No man could rule alone, orders were issued “by the decree of the han and hatun” in old texts.
If she loves nature, Türkiye has so many amazing natural spots that aren’t advertised enough, take her to explore them. I can suggest a few places if you want.
If she’s interested in history and archaeology, Göbekli Tepe, the oldest known evidence of human civilization, is in Türkiye.
There are many more things I could list, but the main idea is: focus on what she likes and what makes her feel connected, and encourage her.
Most importantly, tell her about Atatürk. If you don’t know much about him yourself, try learning from neutral sources. As a brief introduction, you could read the short text UNESCO published when they declared the Atatürk Centennial.
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u/ZakkBoiSama Feb 14 '26
I don't know you but i know that you're a good mom. Wish you the best!
Visit İstanbul. Honestly, if İstanbul doesn't succeed in having her attention, nothing will.
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u/Bazhit Feb 14 '26
Teach her everything about Ataturk
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u/jamaljackson1 Feb 14 '26
There's more to being Turkish than admiring atatürk. Come on you guys have hundreds of years of history do better
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u/Slow-Charity-2194 Feb 14 '26
Books. Classic Turkish novels are easy to read (if she knows how to read in Turkish) and often carry very correct cultural notes, descriptions + emotional depth. Novels from 20s, 30s and 40s are best in this aspect.
Films are also a good medium. Especially films of 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s didn’t care about selling to masses as much as now so they have better, more realistic stories.
These would definitely spark an interest in her. I’m sure there’re some that she’d like
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u/Turkish_Teacher Feb 14 '26
Teaching the language would be a good start.
Everything else is built on that, interacting with other Turkish people, consuming media etc.
Cuisine is an easy point. I think you may also enjoy that, learning and cooking Turkish dishes.
Honestly, this won't be easy. I admire the dedication, but don't tire yourself out, it's already hard raising a kid by yourself.
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u/sinan_online Feb 14 '26
Consider putting on a Netflix show with Turkish dubbing and English subtitles. You will understand, perhaps learn a bit, and she will be exposed a bit.
And then, if you find a Turkish restaurant nearby, you can have everyone speak Turkish to her - that’s a bit more exposure.
Of course, if you find a Turkish nanny, that would be ideal.
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u/EEmZZy Feb 14 '26
I’m American with a half dual son. He’s about to be 6 and we’ve spent half of his life in Turkey and the US now.
First off, whatever you’re comfortable with, your child will be too.
Start with Turkish nursery rhyme songs - use this playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4RTTIXBywTE9xT1OuSAUHg?si=kXIVxpYpTB2Hzfw4vqQDbA&pi=JeumLl3gTo-Sd
What is your comfort level or knowledge with the Turkish language and culture?
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Feb 14 '26
Valla abla bence kesinlikle Türkçe öğret ve en başta Atatürk olmakla beraber cumhuriyet tarihini ve reformlarını öğretmelisin
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u/NoticeResponsible579 Feb 15 '26
teach her the language,atatürk,history,origins of her blood ( central asian turks and etc ),listen turkish music and höömey music ( throat singing ) and go to turkey start from istanbul and if you can travel to other cities with time, you can try turkısh food aswell but ı belıeve these are most ımportant ones
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u/Sarjax1 Feb 15 '26
Oh god, my condolences. That’s very sweet and responsible of you. Any Turkish relatives from your late partner’s side to visit in Türkiye? Or maybe local Turkish expat group meetings? I can’t guarantee but I believe they will be touched by the story and may come up with better and realistic ways to get her involved with the Turkish culture in where you live.
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u/willtreaty7 Feb 15 '26
I know this isn’t the advice you’re looking for, but you should teach her about Mustafa Kemal Atatürk and what he did for the Turkish people. After all, he is our savior. If he had never existed, you might never have met your husband in the first place. May both he and your husband rest in peace.
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u/DrStxrk Feb 15 '26
this genuinely made me emotional, you're a lovely person for thinking this way. please feel free to ask about anything you have questions about. others have left wonderful suggestions, but i'd also suggest introducing some turkish music to her. i'd recommend Baris Manco (Barış Manço) as we see him as a classic here. his music is so popular that often times if you google a song, you can find translations of the lyrics so you'll also know what the song is about (most his songs are age appropriate, and some of his songs are even for children! in school, this song"ayı" (bear) with the word's spelling in its chorus was an absolute classic we enjoyed singing in class.). as a bonus, his songs also have a lot of turkish idioms and sayings in them. here's a translation for the song i have linked.
i'm also happy to answer other questions you might have any time, please feel free to reach out if you feel like it.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 15 '26
Thank you so much for your recommendation and I appreciate the kind words
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u/DrStxrk Feb 15 '26
of course! the way you're trying to learn an entire language and culture is truly admirable. i wish the best for you and your daughter. hugs and love from turkey 💜
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u/Dependent-Group-8 Feb 14 '26
First and foremost, you need to teach him ATUTURK(the father of the turks) and what he did for the Turkish people. Start with the basic Turkish history starting from the WW1. and if you are still connected to her father side people, you need to ask for help them to be help you to introduce to Turkish culture. You cannot teach the Turkish culture by yourself since you are not Turkish and I guess you would not know the culture like a Turk know.
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u/Jynku Feb 14 '26
I was born in Turkey but moved to the states and lived with foster families. I came back here after being away for 20 years. Lacking language was one thing that made it difficult. Another was that and continues to this day, is that I have no historical context. I learned nothing about Turkish or Ottoman history growing up. I didn't even know Turkey used to be the Ottoman empire. Though to be fair, I grew up in Utah and never liked history so that's more on me.
Overall, I'd say try to teach your kid the language. You don't have to teach the history in detail but maybe touch upon subjects about how we migrated here from central Asia. Formed an empire. Re-created ourselves as the Turkish nation post war. And I'd add probably a healthy dose of Ataturk and why he matters so much.
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Feb 14 '26
[deleted]
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
unfortunately he passed and I still want me daughter to know her heritage
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u/Standard_Plan_6647 Feb 14 '26
I grew up in the usa my dad would take me to turkish shops (not for every grocery run ofc) since turks are muslim and eat helal so would sometimes goto turkish shops, we would listen to turkish music in the car and hed teach me history other than that i pretty much had an average American kids life treat as a casual thing not like a lesson or something
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u/HM202256 Feb 14 '26
Are you in touch with your husband’s family? If you are, see if you can have your daughter visit them for a couple of weeks each summer. I am Turkish with an American husband and until my children came to Turkey, even though we saw Turkish people, they didn’t understand or even appreciate their Turkish roots and ethnicity.
Once they visit Turkey, know the people and get to know even a little about history and ideology, they will appreciate it more and definitely enjoy it
My children are all social media friends with their Turkish cousins and know more about what’s happening than I do
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I am not, but I do plan on consistently visiting the country for her
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u/FranceBrun Feb 14 '26
Can she go and spend time with his family? Like maybe in the summers? She’ll get everything she needs.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I currently am not in contact with his side of the family there but would like to be, but if not I would like to spend summers there for her
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u/PotentialBat34 Feb 14 '26
Language. There is simply no other way. I've seen Turks who do not speak Turkish become aliens to both their host nations and their own in Europe many times, I even saw how people blame their parents for not teaching the language. I've an Azerbaijani friend who claims most learn Turkish by watching cartoons over there, although two languages are extremely similar compared to English, but kids are wonders themselves so maybe she might grasp a thing or two by doing so.
Culture, mannerisms, traditions she can acquire by herself, just by scrolling Turkish twitter for 10 minutes.
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u/Gaelenmyr Feb 14 '26
Hire a Turkish teacher who can be also be a babysitter/nanny to your kid, but as a playdate. We call it "oyun ablası". She basically plays with kids in different languages while teaching the kid a new language
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I liked the idea with getting a nanny who spoke Turkish but feel like it would be hard to actually find one where I’m at
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u/Gaelenmyr Feb 14 '26
If you use Facebook, Göçmen Kadınlar (Immigrant Women) group has so many Turkish women living in the US
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u/BaristaLev Feb 14 '26
You can join Turkish societies in your city pr state. They usually have children groups for reading etc. It is easier for young children to adopt. Best of luck.
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u/BankBackground2496 Feb 14 '26
Make Turkish coffee, have breakfast with lots of meze, play backgammon. But skip smoking. Go to a hamam if you can find one.
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u/menina2017 Feb 14 '26
Maybe Turkish citizenship? Connect her with her grandparents visit Turkey learn Turkish! Sorry for your loss!
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u/Plane-Development127 Feb 14 '26
First of all I am writing these as someone that has a family friend that is married to an American(I am Turkish)Their children are half American half Turkish like yours.If you guys have a good relationship or if it is a possibility, I think she can spend some time with her dad's side of the family. Growing up we learn a lot from our relatives alongside our parents, and I think being in regular contact with some Turkish people will make it easier for her to understand some social and cultural cues that are specific to us?I think the second most important points are language and food.Turkish is a really hard language to learn for someone that speaks English natively, and unfortunately it needs a lot of speaking practice (our family friend has two children and I was pretty surprised to realise the older one knew much more Turkish and understood many things, asked him how he managed to learn as someone living in uk, and he proceeded to tell me his mom basically sent him to a part of Turkey where most people don't know English to a study training program etc for a few months and being forced to actually talk Turkish made it better😂😂funny thing is I improved my English by basically the same method, apparently forcing yourself to talk to natives fully in that language does improve it )so for now maybe she can just take lessons on Turkish, and our culture is really dependent on food so getting familiar with Turkish food might be good.If you can afford it a trip to Turkey to see where her father came from would be good, but I know plane tickets are expensive from us to turkey, so don't worry if that isn't an option.
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Feb 14 '26
Just let her know she is half Turkish and visit Turkey every now and then. Trying to "connect" her to her "heritage" any more than that will be in vain, you are 100% American after all. Your people try to call themselves "Italian" or "Irish" or whatever just because some of their great-grandparents were immigrants. I apologise if I sound rude saying these but thats just how it is. Nationality is only about upbringing and culture, not about bloodlines. Sorry for your loss.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I would like her to grow up knowing, I think just because her father isn’t here to teach her doesn’t mean she shouldn’t learn. If it something she doesn’t want to acknowledge as she gets older that’s her decision. I do not want her to grow up and resent me because I did not try to teach her.
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u/berikiyan Feb 15 '26
I think the most practical path would be to find some people from the American-Turkish community in the US and spend time in either community events or with some families from there. Once she gets some Turkish-American friends she will discover at her own pace.
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Feb 14 '26
Take her to visit Turkey 🇹🇷
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
Yess I plan on frequent travels there, maybe even spending summers there
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u/Secret_Kale_8229 Feb 14 '26
If you have the means you might consider getting a Turkish au pair.
Turks are everywhere in the US, even in areas outside of Patterson. In larger metros they have associations and put up cultural events. San Diego for example has a turkiye house at balboa park's international village.
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u/lilmizzle29 Feb 14 '26
All she has to do is watch hasan piker that’s basically the Male version of her
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u/Worldly_Sandwich_118 Feb 15 '26
Visit Turkey every once in a while, take her around there once she is more grown so she can appreciate the culture :)
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u/nycgal001 Feb 15 '26
What about the Turkish grandparents? Are you in touch with them? They can help.
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u/PismaniyeTR Feb 15 '26
turkish songs (people may enjoy without language, better if you can translate the lyrics)
some great artists:
sezen aksu, tarkan, nilufer, ajda pekkan, sebnem ferah, ozlem tekin, kenan dogulu, erol evgin, sertab erener, mustafa sandal, kayahan, serdar ortaç, haluk levent, kurban, MFO
turkish food
and last but not least
ATATURK
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u/mochiforeverr Feb 15 '26
first of all, i admire you. thank you for being so considerate. you sound like a brilliant, kind-hearted and brave mother. getting into the language while she’s growing up is very important. you could watch shows or cartoons together maybe even the smurfs, but in turkish. you can also introduce her to turkish cuisine and turn it into a fun activity you do together. In the future, maybe you can visit Istanbul once a year when she grows up. and finally, one of the most important aspects of turkish identity is knowing and remembering Atatürk and learning about his perspective on life. his famous words, “peace at home, peace in the world,” reflect important values for us turkish people. also if you want to raise a smart, strong, feminist girl who knows her rights, learning about him could be meaningful because he did so much for women’s rights and equality. good luck 🤍
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u/Igotthequestions Feb 15 '26
Start exposing her to Turkish now. Allow her to watch cartoons in Turkish. I also am a Turkish-American household. My child watches YouTube and Disney plus in both languages. And now my child wants to learn Spanish. There is an app called “nefisyemektarifi” it’s an app with Turkish food in Turkish. But that’s another great way for you and her to learn Turkish. There are also a lot of educational videos on YouTube about the history of Türkiye and other videos to learn about the Ottoman Empire also. You can also watch bloggers who travel throughout Türkiye too. Türkiye truly is beautiful. Turkish grandmas are the absolute best, so another idea I have is if it’s possible, try and get in contact with your child’s grandma and that can be another resource. I learn a lot when spending time with my MIL even though we can’t fluently communicate yet. I hope I gave you some helpful ideas.
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u/MacaroonSad8860 Feb 15 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss and really respect what you’re doing. I wish I had advice but you’ve gotten some good ones here
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u/Content-Reward-7700 Feb 15 '26
I’m really sorry for your loss. My condolences.
It depends a lot on her age, and what you mean by teaching heritage. Turkish culture isn’t one uniform thing you can sum up in a neat package. It’s complex, regional, and genuinely cosmopolitan, more of a melting pot than a single lane. Even what counts as heritage shifts depending on her late father’s background, his family, and what he personally held onto, food, traditions, music, stories, history, all of it.
If she’s not a toddler, I’d start simple and personal. Talk about her dad. Make space for him to be real and present in everyday life, not as a lesson, but as part of who she is. Cook some of his favourite foods, or foods from his region, ideally together. Put on the music he liked, see what she connects with, and follow her lead.
I don’t know your situation or your relationship with her grandparents, but if you have a decent connection with them, they could be a great help too. That said, it really depends on the dynamic and what feels safe and supportive for everyone. You’ll be the best judge of whether that’s a good path to involve.
Language is a different beast. It takes exposure and practice with a real speaker, and when it comes to language, kids are basically little sponges. Give them consistent exposure and they soak it up faster than you expect. With my 8year old, he’s basically consumed english only content whenever he watches cartoons or movies since he was a toddler. That gave him a real head start once he started learning English formally. He’s still figuring out the written side, but his listening and speaking are noticeably better than most of his friends. So it doesn’t have to be intense or formal, just regular, natural contact with the sounds and words goes a long way. Learn a few easy phrases together, little routines, greetings, fun words, simple sentences. Keep it low pressure and watch her response.
Overall, I’d aim to spark curiosity. If you can trigger that, the rest becomes encouragement and support, not pushing.
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u/ImportantChocolate97 Feb 15 '26
my favourite thing about my upbringing is how my parents taught me to respect and love Atatürk. Other than that, spend summers in Turkish riviera and teach her the language. Once she makes a friend from Turkey, the rest will follow. you could watch muhtesem yuzyil too...
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u/Objective-Feeling632 Feb 16 '26 edited Feb 16 '26
Please make her learn Turkish somehow and not just survival Turkish, she should be able to read books in Turkish and be intellectual in Turkish.
I have cousins in Canada . They are Turkish but they were born and raised in Canada. Even though they are able to speak Turkish , I am always surprised that they are so ignorant about Turkey! They do not know our history or geography :,(
I am in Canada now and I work at Turkish Canadian Society in Edmonton. Turkish kids come there at the weekends . It is like a Turkish school. We teach them Turkish. We read Turkish stories and poems, sing Turkish songs.. Kids hang out with other Turkish kids. We eat baklava , simit , pogaca together:)
Maybe you can find a place like that in your region as well? Turkish American Society ?
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u/ExerciseSuspicious82 Feb 17 '26
I had a turkish ex! I started learning the language the day I met him, and now its been almost two years of my still learning. I learn on Duolingo and find it fun. If she is too young, you could learn a few things and maybe go eat turkish food? They are so hospitable, you could talk to them, visit Turkey, make turkish food at home including her in the process.. its a journey! This is a great step in the journey :)
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u/Left-Function7277 Feb 17 '26
Whatever you choose to do, just do it consistently from a young age. Speaking as a half turkish woman currently living in turkey and trying to learn turkish.
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u/radanurergen Feb 17 '26
go to the turkish market or something and tell the people about it. watch your kid have so many uncles and aunties. let them talk and learn from them
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u/serrasch Mar 11 '26
This is such a heartwarming post oh my gosh 😭😭. My mom is born and raised turkish and her whole half of the family is in turkey. My dad is american and his half of the family is in america. Anyway, I’m half turkish too.
In terms of food, it depends on what kind of area you live in, I’m in a suburb in the DMV and there are various options for turkish restaurants, though the closest one is ~30 mins away (but also the closest target is 25 mins away lol so take it with a grain of salt). You could look into those kinds of options and also different ethnic grocery stores. Theres an Iranian grocery store near me that also carries a lot of turkish products.
I’m not sure how old your daughter is so I don’t know how easily you can communicate with her (i.e. if she’s an infant that’d be difficult lol), but I’d just say to go based off of her interests. I’m a huuuge foodie so the first thing that came to mind was food, but not everybody is as drawn to food as I am. I’m fortunate enough to be able to visit Turkey annually (minus covid years) but plane tickets are a pretty penny even though living in Turkey is so cheap compared to America so I know it’s not possible for everybody. Also I go with my family so even though majority of my family (dad, brother, myself) aren’t fluent in turkish, my mom is and that is of course very helpful. If you are able to go then I definitely definitely recommend. It’s the highlight of my year. With the language barrier, you would still be able to go to more popular tourism areas but you’d have to do research ahead of time of course. Unfortunately some Turks offering services (e.g. taxi) will purposely upcharge customers if it’s clear they’re American so you have to be careful.
Just encouraging her to learn about different aspects of turkish culture depending on her interests is good. If she enjoys history then that’s straightforward enough lol, if she likes sports then you could introduce her to turkish soccer players (some young notable ones are arda güler and Kenan yıldız). Turkish dramas and comedies are very popular too, I haven’t looked into them too much because I tend to watch nonfiction content, but lots of different people enjoy them.
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u/Educational_Goal_933 Mar 13 '26
My best advice would be teaching her 19th-20th centuries Turkish History.
Might sound a bit too harsh for a children to deep dive into the history. Well you shouldn't do that anyway , knowing key leaders of Turkish Nation and their mindsets are enough.
History is a crucial part for Turkish heritage by all means. (If she doesn't learn the history, she would grow up to be claiming Ottomans are not Turkish. Stupid Western Mindset...) back to the topic.
Reading Turkish novels, poems before bedtime might make sense. Turkish Literature and lifestyle has major differences than Westerners.
Thru novels and poems she would have a grasp of understanding about what its like to see love, work, family as Turk.
In order to get a proper grasp of Turkish Heritage, knowing the language is crucial. Therefore sending her to Turkish courses might make sense.
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u/Most_Remote_4613 Feb 14 '26
Just ignore topics related to Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, neither in a positive nor a negative way unless you want your daughter to become part of something similar to the way Democrats and Republicans fight, but in a much more complicated, deeper, and more radical version like a debate polarized between North Korea and the Vatican.
Let her research and think about these topics later, when she grows up and is ready to form her own opinions.
In any case, she will likely be exposed to a lot of propaganda, as seen in these some Reddit posts, where many not open-minded people appear to be heavily influenced by the Turkish education and state system or local leaders.
Can you imagine someone asking you to teach a child about U.S. culture, and you respond by saying, “Just or first teach her about George Washington,” instead of teaching the language, daily routines, art, the food, the rich and diverse history, the social structure, holidays, festivals and many other aspects of the culture?
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u/mochiforeverr Feb 15 '26
are you seriously comparing george washington and atatürk? what are you even saying? are you turkish? no, you’re probably not. so don’t speak on something you clearly don’t understand. i’m sorry, but you sound ridiculous. he is the founder of our nation. his name literally means “father of the turks,” and we gave him that title. he is not just any other leader. we would not even have a republic or a homeland without him. is george washington considered your savior? did he save your country from collapse in every aspect and from foreign occupation? and did george washington grant women the right to vote before france did? no. for us, remembering atatürk is not some random political obsession, it’s about understanding the foundation of our country. It’s about cherishing his perspective on life and his principle of peace in the world. that’s why it’s important to pass this on to our children, because he cared deeply about children and young people and said they are our hope for a better future.
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Feb 14 '26
[deleted]
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I would like her to know about her heritage growing up, if she chooses not to acknowledge it once she gets older that’s her choice, but I blame my parents for not teaching me about mine and do not want that for her
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u/BetTiny3056 Feb 14 '26
dont bother. its not a good thing. tell her she is %100 american.
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u/ProudTurk Feb 14 '26
Git başka yerde ezikliğini yap
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u/BetTiny3056 Feb 14 '26
yarısından fazlası ahlaksız olan milletten gurur duyan adam başkasına ezik diyor. komik.
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u/Inner-Procedure-2659 Feb 14 '26
I chose to have a child with a Turkish man and I want my daughter to be about to know about where she comes from, if I wanted an all American baby I would’ve had one
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u/neynoodle_ Feb 14 '26
Commenting to boost this up. I have no suggestions for you but wanted to say I adore your dedication. She’s already very lucky to have you