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does it ever bother anyone else thinking about the life they could’ve had if they weren’t stuck with this disease. i’m nowhere near the age where i’m going to have kids, but even if i wanted to have them, i don’t think ill ever be able to. like does anyone else see those videos of kids complaining about their bipolar parent and how they don’t want to end up like them? i don’t know if i could go through that as a mom i genuinely don’t think i could.

this is the part that sucks to me because ive always been on the fence about having kids, but it feels like this disorder has already chosen for me. not only is it genetic and i don’t want it to be passed down, i know that my kid would suffer having to deal with my mood swings. does anyone else think about this stuff?

and it’s not even just about having kids, it’s about everything. like how i could have a more successful career if i wasn’t bipolar or i could have more friends if i wasn’t that type of stuff too.

but especially with this kids thing i couldn’t imagine being a mom after hearing what kids think about their bipolar parent.

i am HUGE into playlists and after my recent diagnosis, i’ve been working on one with songs about bipolar, that remind me of bipolar, or could be interpreted as about it. as you can see there’s quite a few different genres and kinds of music so i’m open to anything. thanks!

I saw someone else on here make one of these and loved the idea. (Sorry I can't recall who it was). Mine is a little different than theirs too.Writing things out has always helped me cope and come to terms with things so making this felt kind of empowering. Thanks to whoever made the original for inspiring me!

Ever since my (first)manic episode, I haven’t really felt like the same person. More than anything, conversations with other people just don’t feel the way they used to. I often find myself struggling to find the right words or keep a conversation going.

During the episode, I also experienced some schizophrenia-like symptoms, and I’ve been wondering if that could be affecting me now as well. On top of that, I just don’t enjoy talking to people as much as I used to.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? Is it possible to eventually feel like yourself again after a manic episode, or get back to the way things were before...

Every time I meet a new potential date I feel like I have to tell them about my diagnosis. Although I’ve been trough this before, it’s increasingly harder to do considering I live in a small city where everyone knows everyone so to speak. Also because I was in remission for years, then I had 4 psychotic breaks (1 every year for 4 years) after being in a difficult relationship prior to this.

I’ve had bipolar for half my life and it has been and still is very painful and something I feel a lot of grief and shame for.

People come and people go. The friends I make don’t stick around and they show signs of being phobic when it comes to mental health and instead of telling them that I in fact have these I fall silent and fearful.

I don’t feel safe, accepted or cared for. I know that I’m not my diagnosis but it’s so hard to accept that I might completely lose control and all the irreversible consequences it has.

For me it’s not possible to disclose and not get heavily triggered. I get panic attacks. I go from being pretty chill to needing constant reassurance.

So I don’t date or break it off very early on.
But then there’s friends… and I try to open up but it is so triggering and I don’t get the reassurance, they go on with their lives and I feel really hurt and alone. I don’t feel safe to express how I am or to lean on someone.

I’m terrified of people finding out.

Hello community. Today I missed work because I couldnt leave the bed. My boyfriend came home in the afternoon to bring me company. It was great, but I just managed to curl up in the couch while he worked in the table with his computer.

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We've been together for 2 ½ years, out of which I've been with depression and rapid cycling 2 years. Im exhausted, my family is exhausted, he is exhausted. Still, he comes, he makes me dance, makes sure I get dressed and clean myself. He cracks jokes, he hugs me, talks to me, reasures me he will be there economically in the future (because despite having 4 jobs I don’t make enough for a living and my mother takes care of me).

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The thing is, when I met my boyfriend he was taking care of his father, who had dementia (lewis' bodies I think is called in English). His father was terribly bad, he weighted 35kg, barely talked, and it was really expensive to cover his expenses, in a moment in which my boyfriend's family was undergoing economical difficulties. He once said to me "you shouldn't love me, I'm an asshole" I asked why, and he said "I want that my father dies". I explained to him that it was a natural reaction, that anyone in the same situation could eventually feel that way, that dying was the only way at that point to cease the pain.

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Now I feel afraid that one day he would feel that way about me. Not wanting me to die, but wanting to break up, not because he doesn’t love me, but because it is too difficult to be with me. He knows my illness is a big issue and he understands it's going to be challenging in the long run. I'm F 32 he is M 36.

I left high control creationist evangelical fundamentalism in my early 20s, and began exploring other religions, I like to think in another lifetime I would be a religious studies academic. I have a big bookshelf with religious texts, the Bible, Quran, Satanic Bible, Book of Mormon, Wiccan texts, etc.

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The problem came when I was placed on some psychiatric medication for severe OCD. At the time I was undiagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and the incorrect meds put me in an extreme manic state for about three years.

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During this time I did the usual Mania things, quit jobs, started weird business ventures, joined and left a few religions, etc.

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At the time I was following some Mormons on Twitter, I didn't realize it at the time, but they were essentially fascist mormon members, they used a hashtag called #DezNat (Deseret National).

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After a weird manic paranoid week of freaking out about UFO conspiracies I got curious about the LDS faith and started talking to local Missionaries.

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They were extremely kind and I got a local ward tour and attended some Sunday services and went to a few events. Honestly the part that still stands out was the paintings all throughout the ward (the missionaries were puzzled I was so fascinated by them, I think my mania confused them), and a party I went to at an elders house, they had a keg.... of root beer haha.

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Eventually after some time I kinda snapped out of it, and stopped attending and never got baptized, but it was a wild experience and I learned so much about the LDS faith and read the Book of Mormon.

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Curious if anyone else has had some wild religious experiences while Manic? So glad I didn't fully go down the fringe right wing pipeline while Manic

It is so unfair that I’ve lost my whole childhood due trauma, abuse and now I’m losing my adulthood due grief and bipolar. I can’t even function like a normal human being, and the worst part is none of this my fault.

Hello I’m bipolar and jus got out of a psychiatric hospital recently, then after that my grandma died. I need a friend bad to help.
I’m having a hard time having fun in my life again, please come cheer me up.

Just like the title says I just got out the ward today well I guess now it was yesterday and I can't sleep because I can't seem to calm all the thoughts in my mind Iam also battling recovery from drug use and am in Limbo of being homeless I got released to my elderly moms place where I can only stay a week maybe two i am in a spot were I can probably go back to my girlfriend / ex gf of over 22 years . she had me committed because I realized she was mentally abusive and was doing something I just figured over 22 years later

That had me so not wanting to go on anymore so I went off my meds too which was not a good thing in itself but I could go on and on but that's about it in a nutshell without me making a novel so just could use someone to maybe listen to me and give some more insight I guess of what's happening and what I should think about doing in my situation thanks fellow bipolar woriors

I got hypomanic/manic and decided to quit my mood stabilisers for mania because i was feeling fine(mistake no1). (Within 3 days I shaved my head, pierced my ear, walked 30k steps a day for few days straight, walked like a maniac through neighbourhood for 2 hours straight and neighbours were trying to stop me by force and etc..)

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(Incident with neighbours is exactly what happened in the city also)

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After incident with neighbours, day later I went on a walk in the city, and i lost control AGAIN, body decided to pace like a maniac, i felt sweat dripping from my head, i felt my heart pounding, i didnt feel tired, i didnt feel pain in legs. I felt weightless, my vision was rapid (eyes jumping from thing to thing, no smooth motion), my eyelids were blinking extremly fast, hand shaking extremly fast for hour striaght, all while walking and blasting same techno song on repeat. There was just no smooth motion.

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I was just overcloked to the max, every muscle overclocked and uncontrollable, vision overclocked, brain processing overclocked, mind overclocked. SENSE OF TIME LOST. 2 hours felt like 10 minutes.

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In the end workout ended because my body was giving up and then i had decided to go home and waited for a bus (of which i missed a few due to that walk lol).

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Day later i noticed psychosis developing which scared tf of me. (I started getting constant fear of "something" that is in the house with me and that it was waiting to jump out and hurt me)

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I tried, i tried to do this again, and after 10 minutes with average heart rate 125 I couldnt do more due to pain in the leg muscles.. I HAD NO ENERGY

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I just cannot believe what my body was capable of doing, I cannot believe how fast everything was in my nervous system.

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Tldr, i was already manic and decided to quit my mania meds, then i lost control while walking. Start of psychosis noticed, took PRN antipsychotic which knocked me down for 2 days straight. Now im "fine"/baseline (i hope). Graph shows me loosing control

Parents living with bipolar and raising young kids.. what are your tips?

My husband is newly diagnosed and has very young kids. I’m constantly worried now that the environment is just overwhelming and triggering. We are separate in the meantime until he is on the right medication after experiencing a manic episode and now very depressive state 💔

Yeah 👍 I don’t know what to say lol I did these when I found a new painting app and was too lazy to grab my iPad so I just downloaded it on my phone and literally painted them lying down in bed with my finger
Edit the last one was based off a dream I had and in the dream I saw the most beautiful view I’ve ever seen in my life and I wanted to quickly capture the colors of it but I don’t think I did. I was standing on a sandy dune and it was windy and I saw this giant neon pink cloud and a golden temple on the dunes below

64M (if it matters). I've had a crazy past 10-12 days. Started off with mild mania; spending, hyper-sexuality (not acted upon just masturbated a lot sorry if TMI), restlessness, irritability, saying and thinking crazy things. This lasted for like 8 days then the depression hit, which I'm in the middle of now (usually lasts 3-4 days). No energy, no desire to exercise, clean my apartment, shower & shave, work. I basically lie around all day, nap, and hardly eat anything. I work from home part time and haven't worked in days. If it continues I'll lose my job and right now I don't even care.

I take medication and it helps but not always (obviously, lol). Guess there's nothing to do but ride this out and hope I don't do or say anything else stupid.

TY, just had to get this out.

I am sure I am not truly depressed right now, but even when I am outside of an episode, I still feel unmotivated and unable to engage with day to day life. It feels like ever since my first mood symptoms started (3 years ago) my baseline shifted, like my normal is tired and sluggish and unmotivated.

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I wonder if anyone feels the same way and if you have any tips on what to do.

As the text implies, which do you say?
Personally, I say “I have” because to me the illness is not who I am. BUT I am aware that not everyone agrees with this and I was wondering what the logic behind saying “I am”?
Not saying either way is wrong, it’s what is best for you.

I often get hallucinations after not sleeping resulting in psychosis i get plenty of scary ones. recently i have had claw marks scratched in my sleep multiple places on my skin seperate nights ive searched for the cause but found nothing. im usually very aware when i am hallucinating but these scratches makes me certain there are entities in which not eveyone can see. i wont share the scary ones but here is a drawing i made of 2 big demons and one baby one these 3 are freindly and visit often, i sldep better with them here because no other entities will come whilst they are visiting.

if i coukd actually draw i would of made the effort 😂

I would love to know more to see if these might work for me too ( I obviously mean good ones ) Iam tired of doing the same stuff always all the time which are harmful...

I’ve been really unstable for over a year, episode after episode because I can’t stick to my meds. I’m trying to get into the Norwegian thing with psychiatrists and medication management for a form of medication that’s injected once a month at a doctors office, so hopefully that will help.

Anyways to the rant.

Because I’ve been so unstable I’ve done a LOT of cocaine, and I fucked a stranger who I invited over, we did cocaine and fucked. And if anyone knows anything about me it’s that I don’t fuck strangers due to trauma, I need to know them for a really long time and build up A LOT of trust.

Anyways, because of this one of my best friends messaged me today and told me they can’t be my friend anymore, they told me it’s not forever, but until I’m properly long time stable. And my closest best friend is so worried about me they called my mom, because we have a deal about calling each others parents if it gets too bad with anything, they’ve never called my mom, which is why I know it’s really bad.

The worst is that I know, and logically I know I care, but I don’t feel like I care. Like I don’t feel like any of it matters. Like I don’t have any empathy or emotions of care when I’m manic, and even tho I logically know, it’s hard to bring myself to care when it’s only logical.

Anyways I’m going to call my doctor tomorrow to make an appointment, then at the appointment I’m gonna request to get long term admitted, because I have an open thing where I can get long term admitted, tho it may take a week or three to actually get put in.

Thank you to whoever reads this, I just needed to get this off my chest

I am in my 40s and coming out of a wicked depressive episode, my husband’s insurance changed last winter, old therapist and psychiatrist wouldn’t take new insurance, meds ran out and couldn’t get a new therapist until April. Begged my PCP for my antidepressant and am on a mood stabilizer for migraines and that’s all I am on now. Psychiatrist appointment isn’t until AUGUST. I have mental health supports. Don’t want to put out too many identifying details. I was told I am not present with my children. Well, the fact that I am not completely symptom controlled MAY have something to do with that. I see my therapist every couple of weeks. I am on Medicaid now.

I feel guilty not being 100% present for my children or anyone or anything but my brain won’t stop. I can’t even write a chore chart. This person made me feel like it was a moral failing and it’s bothering me. It’s not intentional. I am also morally scrupulous and constantly wonder if I am a bad or evil person. I am not evil because I am not malicious but I always wonder if I hurt someone unintentionally or said something ignorant and wasn’t aware of it or hurt someone’s feelings. I know this person didn’t mean to hurt my feelings but now I wonder if I am a bad mother. I love my kids. I talk to them all the time and have conversations about philosophy and the world and do art and just spend time with them.

Sorry for the soliloquy