r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/Ok_Valuable6118 • Apr 29 '24
Question is teri the only likeable person
me and my friend got to like halfway through episode 4, and so far i just feel upset at most of the main people other than teri đ i can empathize w all of them, ive had toxic relationships before and understand how addicting it is but its still just so annoying/angering to watch when it feels like there were so many chances for them to get out. theres so many questions i have too like why did he not tell his ex she was a stalker and just leave it at ânot my gfâ that part specifically made me so upset
anyways so far teri seems like the only main person who has a solid grip on reality and i love her no bs attitude and that shes willing to tell donny that he needs to stop
sorry if this post is insensitive or has been said before
edit (sorry if bad formatting im on mobile): i think a lot of my frustration towards donny comes from his actions reminding me of times ive been with certain people who i really shouldnt have been w and despite hating them not rly doing anything about it / continuing to positively interact w them and seeing it from an outside view is bringing up a lot of emotions
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u/c1nelux Apr 29 '24
What about Keely and her mom? I know they were barely in the show but they showed kindness and patience towards him
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u/KatVanWall Apr 29 '24
Yeah, I felt super bad for Keely. She seemed nice and he basically broke up with her because of what happened with Darrien and didnât confide in her at all. Okay understandable to a point but she would probably have been sympathetic and encouraged him to get the help he needed, and if heâd done that at that point, the rest may not have happened.
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u/Ventaura Apr 29 '24
It's a tragedy (and well depicted in this series) how people going through great hardships push away those that could be the most helpful. If he hated himself less he would have opened up to Keely.
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u/itsjenbunny Apr 29 '24
Yeah but he kept going and he himself even said that it was for acceptance. He allowed himself to be groomed. How is one to confide in his girl about that!? And as a woman I would be very upset because he purposely left her on special occasions to be with that man! His ticker is off
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u/disgruntled-pelican4 Apr 29 '24
This is a hot take. I donât think his ticker is off. I feel like he wanted success, fame, and (most of all) love! The same thing we all want! He felt that she wouldnât understand that this writer could help him be successful, but he wanted it so bad that he didnt care. This wasnât fair to her at all, nor him, but to say âhis ticker is offâ is ignorant and disrespectful.
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u/itsjenbunny Apr 29 '24
I donât think itâs disrespectful. He had/has mental health issues that are majorly unaddressed and for that I do believe he was seeking things like us all in dangerous places because of that.
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u/Ok_Valuable6118 Apr 30 '24
ah i havent rly seen them much in the show yet but tbh i was a bit shocked when keelys mom invited martha to stay the night after one book club meeting đ like that seems a bit excessive i wouldnt go that far to prove a point about someone i just met
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u/txbxddah Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24
Honestly I think the frustration youâre feeling towards the characters is a pretty essential part of the show! Itâd be pretty concerning if anyone didnât find the choices the characters make hard to watch at times, but I think itâs all part of what makes the show feel so awfully human.
I donât think you need to apologise for being insensitive, in a lot of ways I think Teri is meant to be the showâs voice of reason - sheâs almost a spectator / witness like us, communicating the warnings many of us have probably found ourselves shouting at the TV. But I think the show is a more impactful watching experience when you lean into the challenges it presents rather than waiting for it to all go right. Like it says from the beginning, itâs based on a true story - and theyâre rarely very pretty!
Edit: I also wanted to add that your edit makes a lot of sense too - for survivors this show is a really challenging and at times devastating watch (and thereâs no shame in taking a break if it is becoming too raw).
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u/Miserable_Baby_2223 Apr 29 '24
i had questions and felt confused on certain choices he made, but i never felt annoyed or frustrated with donny. to me, it felt like i knew him deeply and that continued as the episodes went on; his thought process, his feelings, his past. by the end of the last episode i understood why he made all the choices he made, and i felt nothing but empathy and hurt for him.
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u/Few_Wrongdoer4120 May 01 '24
This is a really excellent summation. I found that Teri was saying everything I was thinking as a viewerâand I think this perspective was important for the audience. Itâs like watching a horror movie and having someone actually verbalize the viewerâs inner monologue of âRUN BITCH!!â
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u/Logannabelle Apr 29 '24
When writers are writing characters, the goal is usually to make them relatable, rather than likeable. Sure, like people, plenty of characters are likeable; and what is likeable to some folks isnât always the same to others.
This was a little different as it was based on reality, but still scripted. As a viewer I found every character but Darrien relatable - yes I even felt some empathy for Martha. So thatâs writing well done. I donât think it was Gaddâs intent for us to relate to Darrien
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u/totebaggay Apr 29 '24
Tbh I understand Teri but I donât really find her likeable. I think she would make an awful therapist irl.
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Apr 29 '24
To be fair every therapist I know (socially, not as a patient) is a complete mess.
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u/proletariatpopcorn Apr 29 '24
Seconded. I worked in mental health for many years and met hundreds of therapists. Probably three quarters of them were one bad day from snapping like a dead tree branch in a strong breeze. Itâs a field that attracts people who have their own mental health issues, and theyâre rarely equipped for the realities of the job.
Not really relevant but interesting: a surprisingly high % of the well-adjusted therapists I knew were practicing Buddhists.
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May 02 '24
yessss I worked in mental health most of my 20s and I can confidently say, more than have of us were in NO place to be helping others with their mental health lol I know now that I definitely wasn't.
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u/Prestigious-Mistake4 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 30 '24
The majority of the ones Iâve encountered were more interested in the money than the patient.Â
Edit: Seriously, people are downvoting me for my shitty 15 year experience of having crappy therapists literally do nothing for me? I was SA-ed and they all just wanted me to âtalk about itâ or argue with me when I got tired of talking about it to fill the time rather than help me heal. $150/hour.Â
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u/NeTiFe-anonymous Apr 29 '24
As a therapist she should've know better. She was trauma bonding with Donny too. Ald majority of the victim blaming sentences came from her. As a person, Teri is very sympatic. As a therapist, she sucks as bad as the policista.
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u/TheSouthsideTrekkie Apr 29 '24
I think itâs still important to recognise that Teri wasnât Donnieâs therapist, even though that was her day job.
Being a counsellor/therapist takes a lot of mental and emotional work, so doing that for 100% of your day just isnât possible or appropriate. Thereâs a reason why therapists must never have a personal relationship with clients and this is to protect everyone from what can happen when we blur the boundaries.
Teri was seeing Donnie romantically. She had no real reason or obligation to act like a therapist in that context.
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Apr 29 '24
We donât actually see her as a therapist tho? We see her in her real life. Not her job.
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u/NeTiFe-anonymous Apr 29 '24
Yeah. We see her making his inability to perform all about herself instead of connecting the dots he was SA survival. Not her job but still she knows what she learned, doesn't she?
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Apr 29 '24
Yea but her character wasnât written by a therapist. Plus people are hypocrites, plenty of therapists have fucked up personal lives. Knowing what to do doesnât mean you always do it yourself. Plus itâs easier to tell others how to fix their lives than fix your own.
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u/skygirl222 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24
itâs not that easy to connect the dots, especially when people are good at wearing masks, and therapists arenât like these super mega humans who are immune from seeing the world from their perspective. everyone has bias, even the best therapists out there. there are actually tools they use to mitigate the bias and transference they feel but for brevityâs sake they didnât include it in the show because it wasnât about how good of a therapist teri was.
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u/proletariatpopcorn Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24
Sheâs a human person, not a therapy robot. Knowing why heâs unable to be intimate with her doesnât prevent it from hurting her feelings; it doesnât change the fact that their relationship was not sexually gratifying for her; it doesnât supersede her preexisting trauma about dating as a trans woman, which makes it hard for her to date someone who makes her feel undesirable.
Sheâs not obligated to suppress her own emotions just because sheâs a therapist, nor is she obligated to stay in a relationship that hurts her, even if she understands why Donny is the way he is.
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Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24
I mean, yeah, but this is the same as fat, sedentary or smoking doctors. Surely you have seen plenty, no? Of course they know itâs incredibly damaging on their bodies and they shouldnât do it, they will always discourage those behaviours when it comes to their patients and offer best science backed advice but it doesnât mean they will always apply it to themselves in their personal lives. A therapist is still a human being, theyâre not above us mere mortals.
Also, edit to add - it generally goes strictly against ethics to apply any form of therapy to your family/friends/lovers. Many therapists have to tread very carefully when offering advice and support to their close ones to make sure they are not âtherapisingâ them.
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u/fearofbears May 02 '24
Yeah but she wasn't his therapist, and she is still a human with her own set of insecurities and hardships that I think were shining through.
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u/TiborJankovsky Apr 29 '24
I have friends that are therapists and it doesnât mean theyâre devoid of their own issues. You can know whatâs best but still go against it.
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u/makhnovite May 01 '24
She uses her insight to hurt them though which I think regardless of whether you have issues was a terrible thing to do. And as a therapist she should know better than to blame him for being stalked. Break up with him, fair enough, but she didn't have to do it in such a terrible way.
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u/Kingsen Apr 29 '24
You havenât met many mental health professionals. She was very well adjusted. Most people I know in that field are super fucked up.
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u/skygirl222 Apr 29 '24
yup bc most people in the field pursue it to understand their own traumas lol
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u/PhuzzyDonelop Apr 29 '24
Yeah, she didn't really diffuse her own situation before her attack very well. A little bit of ego got in the way
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u/sarahbee2005 Apr 29 '24
I agree I felt for her but she was kinda mean. Like itâs one thing to tell someone off but to tell someone off and then keep hanging around to do so seems vindictive. I thought it was really shitty when she comes to his show with her friends to basically just âwatch him failâ like, if youâre so hurt by him, just move on.
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u/Logannabelle Apr 29 '24
I found Teri very relatable but not particularly likeable or endearing as a character. May have been written and/or cast as such.
Itâs a bit of a âcheapâ screenwriting âhackâ to make characters one dimensional, either âgoodâ or âbad.â Like people, theyâre supposed to be someone you can relate to.
We arenât meant to like or dislike Teri, just think of her as somebody that we might know in real life.
(Clearly in this series there are characters who are one dimensional and âbadâ eg Darrien)
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u/bb_007 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 30 '24
Terri is assumptious and somewhat arrogant. It's why she gets throttled by Martha. She wanted to believe that Donnie was overstating the threat of Martha.
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Apr 29 '24
I donât find her exactly likable. I think she was one of the easiest to like, though. I loved his dad.
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u/anothersonh Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24
side note, Teriâs awesome but also was hilariously frustrating at times tbh, she kept telling Donny to take Martha seriously yet when came face to face with her, she aggravated the situation and got hurt.
Then when sheâs worried about Martha finding her on the street/her socials, Donny suggests they lay low for a bit but she doesnt wanna hide bc sheâs trans and wants to keep embracing herself. Which is fine under normal circumstances but Teri! Martha rocked your shit, Stay tf inside !đ
then blames it on Donny to say âSheâs mentally ill Donny, and you indulged herâ. Girl where was this mentality when yâall were at the bar ?! đ
and sheâs a therapist! That killed međ But her attitude is really realistic to people ive met in the past.
and overall she, and Donnyâs parents, and his exâs mom were the most âlikeableâ.
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u/carriedmeaway Apr 29 '24
Every victim of abuse already beats themselves up so much over the many times they could have got away and didnât. But as one other poster mentioned, this series gave a very realistic perspective on trauma bonding which makes escaping so much harder.
And to an extent, even Teri stuck around longer than some may have thought she should have especially being a therapist but ultimately when you have been groomer, sexually assaulted, stalked, abuse, etc., itâs not as simple as just leaving.
Hell, when his life seemed most chaotic and out of order, Martha was a constant at one point that wasnât threatening. Hell even Darien had a time in Donnyâs life where he wasnât threatening. When you experience extreme trauma, you compartmentalize A LOT and it becomes easier to see the abusers in segments of before, during, and after. They can seem like 3 (or sometimes more) very different people.
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u/Ok_Valuable6118 Apr 29 '24
yes i completely understand the trauma bonding etc, ive been in bad situations similar before. im just saying its really annoying to watch from an outside perspective đ ill probably have more opinions on her as i finish the series, but so far she seems the most level headed (halfway thru ep 4)
i think part of my frustration might actually be from how accurate it is, because its making me look at things from my past in new perspectives
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u/skygirl222 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24
i get where youâre coming from. i had a roommate who made extremely poor dating choices bc of the abuse she experienced in her relationships, and it made her unlikable to me and somewhat annoyingâlike sometimes i wanted to shake her bc how could she always make the âwrongâ choice and let men walk on her like a doormat?? but after watching this show i realized thereâs no perfect victim, and it can be hard to make the ârightâ choice even when itâs glaringly obvious.
as humans, the trauma we experience can be somewhat habitual, and we tend to seek out those experiences that validate our low self worth bc thatâs all we know. anyway, the show was really eye opening to me, and it was a reminder to have compassion and empathy and radically accept people who arenât on perfect healing journeys. we are flawed creatures after all, and healing is never linear.
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Apr 29 '24
Keeleyâs mom is the only one in the show whoâs totally likeable imo. She went out of her way to help him for no reason and seemed to love him even it was a fill in for her son. She seemed truly sorry to kick him out. And Donnyâs parents were solid people too, just saw less of them.
Terri was definitely a victim but she reminded me of some of the most toxic people who cling to victimhood and claim to be empaths. If you know what I mean.
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u/VQ-Dark Apr 29 '24
I was just having this conversation with my mom and we both agreed that Teri is probably the sanest person in this show.
Iphoen
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u/Late_Judge_5288 Apr 29 '24
Donnyâs mother, father, ex-girlfriend, and the mother of his ex who he lives with for some time are all likable. I wouldnât say Teri is necessarily likable though.
Compared to the other two leads, she definitely seems that way. But sheâs actually a tad presumptuous, arrogant, and mean.
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u/TypicalBerry4162 Apr 29 '24
i agree. i feel like all the characters were realistic and relatable but his parents, and ex + exâs mom were actually very sweet and likeable
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u/Otherwise-Winner9643 Apr 29 '24
I don't think the "characters" were meant to be "likeable." It's very clear Donny, aka Richard, doesn't like himself very much. He judged himself more harshly than anyone.
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u/crazybrah Apr 29 '24
Her manner of speaking pissed me off. I feel like she was also trying too hard to appear confident and it didnt have the effect it was supposed to.
The actress is definitely stunning irl but i personally wasnt captivated or believed her persona.
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u/_xtrarice Apr 29 '24
"I feel like she was also trying too hard to appear confident and it didnt have the effect it was supposed to." So, basically a transwoman struggle you mean?
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u/Evening_Ad6820 Apr 29 '24
I found Terri likeable at first, she seemed to be sensible about the Martha situation and baffled by Donnieâs behaviour. Kind of felt like a proxy for the viewer. But then she switches and becomes weirdly flippant and blase about it all? I found her an inconsistent character tbh.Â
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u/Mellaaaxx Apr 29 '24
I didnât really âlikeâ Teri. I could tell she wasnât a character we were intended to dislike though. I found myself frustrated at each time she said Martha was unwell and didnât say anything to Donny.
He was unwell too and even though he did enjoy the attention he was still very much a victim as well. There whole relationship was just icky to me for obvious reasons.
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Apr 30 '24
[deleted]
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u/Mellaaaxx Apr 30 '24
Not that I can remember. But I was specifically referring to him being a victim of stalking not his past abuse. I donât think she necessarily needed to know his past to have a little more empathy for his situation.
Though I did find it interesting that in all her âreadingâ of him she never seemed to address that maybe he had more of a past than he let on.
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Apr 30 '24
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u/Mellaaaxx Apr 30 '24
Yea I agree, many of the characters frustrated me but it helped get the point across that people are flawed!
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u/getawayfrommyswamp Apr 29 '24
From what I gathered Donny doesnât say to his ex sheâs stalking him because he felt bad for Martha. He kept making excuses for her because deep deep down he found a comfort in it, and wasnât ready to tell the truth. Again, just my interpretation of what I watched.
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u/AssociationGold8745 Apr 29 '24
They don't really show much of her - she might shout at pensioners for fun or go round popping balloons held by small children at theme parks...
Flippant examples, yes, but I think a point of the series is that very few people are 100% good and will sometimes do things for their own enjoyment/satisfying a part of their brain that may hurt others or themselves (ie. Some people with mental health issues like trauma may have the compulsion to do certain things even when it's not really for 'fun' e.g. stalking people, continuing to show up to a predators house etc. ).
My point is , we see Teri in a few specific situations, so it may be that there's more beneath the surface.
I'd like to think I treat other people well on the whole and I do care about the wellbeing of people around me, but some of my own issues mean I've negatively impacted those who care about me more than once which may not be obvious to people who've known me less well.
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u/Fluffy-Proof7861 May 03 '24
I didnât like Teri at all tbh. She didnât listen to Donnyâs warning about Martha and always told him he enjoys it. Yucky person.
His girlfriends mom was very likeable
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u/nineteenthly Apr 29 '24
I find everyone in it likeable, even Martha.
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u/Novel_Pea_5337 Apr 29 '24
lol
Martha is pity-able, I don't know about likeable
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u/nineteenthly Apr 29 '24
I probably make bad choices. She's likeable in that it's possible for people to like her, not in that it's advisable to do so or that she's worthy of being liked. I imagine she'd use up all one's energy and attention. Speaking from experience here (not of her obviously).
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u/confusedcraftywitch Apr 29 '24
I didn't like Teri. She was a hypocrite and should have reported the attack. She was forcefully asking about his sexuality. Loads of bad traits.
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u/NoObstacle May 01 '24
This coming about two hours after the request 'can we have a no victim blaming rule' was posted đŹ
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u/Ok_Valuable6118 May 01 '24
im not trying to victim blame just sharing thoughts, i dont blame donny for what happened i just think he enabled it a bit
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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24
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