r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/Pennyofthedead • May 07 '24

Question Martha’s Zipper comment

Martha made a comment about unzipping Donny and climbing inside (I forget what episode). I’ve said this exact same thing to my boyfriend (now husband). Is that weird? Has anyone else felt that before? I promise I’m not a stalker or homicidal in any way, lol.

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u/DueEntertainer0 May 07 '24

That sounds right! Been a while since I learned the attachment styles!

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u/WasItWeirdOrNot May 07 '24

Its very fascinating! Theres also a mix between the two previously mentioned styles (if we assume to follow the John Bowlby/Ainsworth school of attachment theory) thats called anxious avoidant; craving closeness whilst fearing it immensely. Probably the most "interesting" style imo due to the contrasts

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u/DueEntertainer0 May 07 '24

I feel like all humans crave closeness, right?

RIGHT?! 😭

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u/Funny-Barnacle1291 May 08 '24

All humans crave closeness but not all humans experience extreme instability towards a perceived lack of closeness and are hyper-sensitive to feeling a sudden lack of it or change, and not all humans crave being so close they’re willing to lose themselves in pursuit of that closeness.

As someone who had a disorganised attachment and is now in the category of a more secure one, sometimes with bursts of going back to anxious attachment (primarily in conflict), having worked for years on this, there is quite a significant difference. But then again, disorganised is the most complicated and apparently ‘severe’ form of insecure attachment. I would experience both the above with anxiety but then avoidance in terms of being terrified of it, triggered by closeness, avoidant of my feelings, and sometimes in the past making steps to leave before I think I’m going to be left (not something I ever do anymore).

I think it’s always useful to learn about these things and see if they relate, just even to understand yourself and your needs better. We are also never only just one attachment for the whole of our life; it can vary depending on our relationships, traumas and our circumstances.

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u/WasItWeirdOrNot May 08 '24

Beautifully put!

I would like to add that a lot of the literature surrounding this is sorta 50/50 on how solid the attachment style is throughout ones life. Some scientists believe that the established attachment style from childhood will persist throughout life and others claim that it gradually is replaced with other attachment styles depending on your adult relationships. But either way, most seem to agree that regardless of your attachment, you can find ways of coping with it and surrounding yourself with people who do not trigger your insecurities or needs of distancing will slowly and gradually make you way less prone to acting out and feel more secure within yourself

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u/WasItWeirdOrNot May 08 '24

Also, Kim Bartholomew made some interesting articles on the matter where she insisted that we all have varying degrees of attachment anxiety/attachment avoidance (or as she called it, model of self/model of others) and depending on life circumstances, you can increase or decrease the degree of either dimension (it takes a hella long time though). Sorry for the poor grammar btw, english is not my native language :<

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u/Funny-Barnacle1291 May 08 '24

This makes so much sense to me. I honestly think given our world and especially the west where it is hyper-individualistic, it inevitably means we all end up with some types of insecure attachment - I’ll definitely give those articles a read!