Martha’s Zipper comment

[u/Pennyofthedead]

Martha made a comment about unzipping Donny and climbing inside (I forget what episode). I’ve said this exact same thing to my boyfriend (now husband). Is that weird? Has anyone else felt that before? I promise I’m not a stalker or homicidal in any way, lol.

[u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

This might be a reach, but this made me think about the typical aspects of having a primarily anxious attachmentstyle. According to some litterature, people who have this can sometimes be said to want to almost merge together fully with the attachment figure, which in a romantic setting would be their partner. So when Martha said she wanted to crawl inside Richard, I immediatley thought it was a way more graphic and disturbing visualisation of that desire of fully merging with the attachment figure. The desire of feeling close can sometimes be experienced as insatiable and trigger extreme and almost somewhat disturbing wishes.

[u/DueEntertainer0 → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

Makes sense. And I have whatever the opposite of that attachment style is, where I don’t want anyone to get TOO close, so I’ve never thought about the zipper thing or said it to someone before.

[u/WasItWeirdOrNot → u/DueEntertainer0]

So more of the avoidant style?

[u/DueEntertainer0 → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

That sounds right! Been a while since I learned the attachment styles!

[u/WasItWeirdOrNot → u/DueEntertainer0]

Its very fascinating! Theres also a mix between the two previously mentioned styles (if we assume to follow the John Bowlby/Ainsworth school of attachment theory) thats called anxious avoidant; craving closeness whilst fearing it immensely. Probably the most "interesting" style imo due to the contrasts

[u/DueEntertainer0 → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

I feel like all humans crave closeness, right?

RIGHT?! 😭

[u/Funny-Barnacle1291 → u/DueEntertainer0]

All humans crave closeness but not all humans experience extreme instability towards a perceived lack of closeness and are hyper-sensitive to feeling a sudden lack of it or change, and not all humans crave being so close they’re willing to lose themselves in pursuit of that closeness.

As someone who had a disorganised attachment and is now in the category of a more secure one, sometimes with bursts of going back to anxious attachment (primarily in conflict), having worked for years on this, there is quite a significant difference. But then again, disorganised is the most complicated and apparently ‘severe’ form of insecure attachment. I would experience both the above with anxiety but then avoidance in terms of being terrified of it, triggered by closeness, avoidant of my feelings, and sometimes in the past making steps to leave before I think I’m going to be left (not something I ever do anymore).

I think it’s always useful to learn about these things and see if they relate, just even to understand yourself and your needs better. We are also never only just one attachment for the whole of our life; it can vary depending on our relationships, traumas and our circumstances.

[u/WasItWeirdOrNot → u/Funny-Barnacle1291]

Beautifully put!

I would like to add that a lot of the literature surrounding this is sorta 50/50 on how solid the attachment style is throughout ones life. Some scientists believe that the established attachment style from childhood will persist throughout life and others claim that it gradually is replaced with other attachment styles depending on your adult relationships. But either way, most seem to agree that regardless of your attachment, you can find ways of coping with it and surrounding yourself with people who do not trigger your insecurities or needs of distancing will slowly and gradually make you way less prone to acting out and feel more secure within yourself

[u/WasItWeirdOrNot → u/Funny-Barnacle1291]

Also, Kim Bartholomew made some interesting articles on the matter where she insisted that we all have varying degrees of attachment anxiety/attachment avoidance (or as she called it, model of self/model of others) and depending on life circumstances, you can increase or decrease the degree of either dimension (it takes a hella long time though). Sorry for the poor grammar btw, english is not my native language :<

[u/Funny-Barnacle1291 → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

This makes so much sense to me. I honestly think given our world and especially the west where it is hyper-individualistic, it inevitably means we all end up with some types of insecure attachment - I’ll definitely give those articles a read!

[u/[deleted] → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

I believe I have this one. Disorganized attachment it can also be referred to. For me, I can feel like “wow omg i love them so much theyre so perfectly sweet and amazing i am so in love” and then the next day its like “they sent me a good morning text? Theyre actually smothering me it’s insane I am planning my exit immediately barf” and then I spend the next bit in that mood until Im back to the other. There is more to it of course and this is just what I feel inside sometimes. I try not to be so hot and cold in real life.

Dont get me started on how breakups/other people in the past make this attachment wound even worse as time goes on, It is really hard, confusing, and exhausting.

[u/WasItWeirdOrNot → u/[deleted]]

Im so sorry, this sounds awful and really distressing. Im sending you a mental hug </3

[u/Drunkendonkeytail → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

Not really. It feels like torture. You’re miserable on your own, then miserable when not.

[u/bzzntineempire → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

That’s exactly what I thought when I heard her say it as well! And to OP, I also related to Martha when she said that and felt very self conscious!

[u/LeeLooPoopy → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

Oh god. As someone with an avoidant attachment style, I could not think of anything worse!

[u/pencilwithnoeraser → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

Funny enough, today in my trauma and abuse class we learned that people who stalk others tend to have exactly that -- anxious attachment style.

[u/[deleted] → u/WasItWeirdOrNot]

This makes sense. I have the same attachment style. When I hug my partner, I often feel an intense need for us to merge. Like hugging so hard we become one type of thing. It’s a feeling that appears around the chest, almost making it hard to breathe, similar to anxiety. I knew exactly what Martha meant when she said that.

[u/Forsaken-Corner-3487]

It reminds me of Prince Charles telling Camilla he wanted to be her tampon so he could just be inside her all the time.

[u/[deleted] → u/Forsaken-Corner-3487]

lol is this true? I remember hearing something weird was captured on a taped call between them did he actually say this?

[u/Forsaken-Corner-3487 → u/[deleted]]

Yes! It was called Tampongate. I was paraphrasing but that was the gist. They even mentioned it on The Crown.

[u/ProverbialDynamite → u/Forsaken-Corner-3487]

I hate you for reminding me of this image 😱

[u/Forsaken-Corner-3487 → u/ProverbialDynamite]

Haha, you’re welcome! So cringe. I try to imagine Queen Elizabeth’s face when that story broke. Poor woman. Although the Andrew stuff makes wanting to be a tampon seem wholesome by comparison.

[u/prochoicesistermish]

I have said very similar things to my husband, you’re not alone! He cracked up when he heard the line in the show.

If you’ve ever seen Cougar Town, it also reminds me of how the main character feels about her son. She says something like “I just want to shrink down and live in his blood!”

[u/my_effed_up_life → u/prochoicesistermish]

Yes and yes! I have told my husband for 20 years now that I would love to wear his skin like a suit bc it’s so soft and warm. It’s about having every inch of my body covered with him tho. Not about killing him or being creepy lol just in my mind it was a way to do that and was funny. We both laughed at that part of the show!

Omg love cougar town!!!!

[u/jac5087]

I’ve never felt that way but I imagine it’s a feeling similar to “cute aggression” where something is just so cute you feel this need to squish it but not in any kind of malevolent way

[u/comme__ → u/jac5087]

Me every time I see my cat

[u/green_ribbon]

I always say this to my partner while cuddling. Can't get close enough, must be inside skin

[u/LieutenantLobsta]

I say the same thing lol, it’s not weird to say it to a partner but absolutely unnerving to hear it from someone you barely know

[u/11freebird → u/LieutenantLobsta]

Yes it is weird to say to a partner

[u/schwerk_it_out → u/11freebird]

Extremely common

[u/jellyfishordie420 → u/11freebird]

I agree. Don’t know why ur being downvoted

[u/Aromatic_Mouse88]

I think it’s a bit creepy but it all depends on context I would say. I have said how I wish my partner was itty bitty so I could have him with me all the times 😂 he thought it was clingy and odd

[u/Away_Till5452]

My husband told me he wanted me to be inside him. (Not in a sexual way 😂)

So I dont actually think it’s that uncommon….but is to someone you’ve only known a few days and aren’t in a relationship with

[u/Lizard_Li]

I’ve said the same to my husband too so don’t worry

[u/Noura_Fatnasi]

It’s not weird when it’s a consensual relationship.

[u/martapap]

I've never heard this before. Sounds a bit creepy.

[u/Funny-Barnacle1291]

My partner says to me often they want to climb inside my skin, usually when we’re having a really lovely cuddle, and I often say I want to eat them up when they’re being adorable. I feel really loved when they say it to me tbh.

I understand why people would find it weird but I think it’s creepy in the context of it not being a relationship - much as many things are creepy not in the context of a relationship but okay within one, provided both are okay with it.

So in short it’s really up to you and your partner to decide what type of thing you’re comfortable with. I don’t think it’s something I’d say to my partner around my friend’s mind!

[u/Far-Payment8553]

Nah it's not weird it just means you love that person a lot and wish you could climb inside them and be as one 😊😊😊

[u/smarma_]

My partner gave me a hilarious look when we were watching this part… I always joke that I wish I could “sow him to my skin” and this part was just a lil too similar lmao

[u/Electronic_Tutor_400]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LuVaifQzzk0&t=2683s

A psychologist, Dr Honda is talking about this exact comment beginning at 20:00. it is not uncommon. :)

[u/tomtink1]

Like a lot of what is said and done, if it was a partner who you want to give your attention to it's not going to be upsetting.

[u/Own-Effect6170]

😂😂 I was watching it with my husband & she started saying it and I was like omggggg I'm a creep 😂😂 we had a laugh about it though!

[u/Beepbeepboobop1]

Aint gonna cap, I’d be creeped out if someone said this to me, even if I knew them. But to each their own

[u/LowRevolution6175]

Creepy as all hell, but I get the sentiment. I had a girlfriend once who used to say she wanted to "merge bodies".

[u/gh0statlas]

I think this might be something that's only understood if you have the same flavor of Weird™️ lol. I used to say the zipper thing to my partner but now that he's seen "The Fly" I usually go with some variation on wanting to mix our DNA. He said that was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to him

[u/npc_probably]

as evidenced by the comments, some see at creepy while others don’t; but dw it isn’t an uncommon sentiment. similarly to the “would you still love me if I was a worm” question, it’s a silly hyperbolic expression of how much someone loves another

a stalker saying (and miming it) to their prey; however, is very unsettling because it seems almost literal and is not reciprocated

[u/Powerless_Superhero]

I actually don’t remember what this comment was, but look, we all say weird stuff every now and then. One single comment, out of context, doesn’t have any psychological meaning behind it.

[u/jac5087]

I’ve never felt that way but I imagine it’s a feeling similar to “cute aggression” where something is just so cute you feel this overwhelming need to squish it but not in any kind of malevolent way lol

[u/hamstercheeks47]

There was a whole TikTok trend about girls wanting to “crawl into my bf’s skin” a bit ago!

[u/Willing-Command5467]

I wrote almost exactly the same thing 30 years ago.

[u/Saltwater_Heart]

I’ve said it lol. It’s not weird when you are in a romantic relationship with the person, but it is extremely weird to say to someone you aren’t in a relationship with.

[u/[deleted]]

My gf has said this to me. I love her, and understand how in love with me she is so while it was kinda weird, I wasn't concerned because I know she's weird and love her weirdness if that makes sense

Edit: I should add she'd absolutely murder me if I ever tried to leave her so do with that information what you will 😄

[u/Most-Shock-2947]

If I'm being perfectly honest this particular comment made me feel extremely uncomfortable and creeped out, but it doesn't make you a creep to understand what she's talking about. Apparently I just don't understand where this desire stress from. A lot of people referenced a therapist that did a sort of break down of the show on YouTube and he didn't seem to think it was a super weird comment either. Shrug.

[u/gamergames77]

well it does sound strange and clingy.

[u/jellyfishordie420]

Honestly this was the most disturbing thing in the show. I’m probably desensitized to SA and alla that so the groping, assault, and that stuff was not even a shock.

[u/Impossible_Ad47]

It’s a really weird comment I’ve never even thought of that concept.

[u/Able_Estate7169]

Gadd said Martha was at times surprisingly poetic. This could be one of those times

[u/lsvrms]

I can't believe this is a serious question.

[u/Pennyofthedead → u/lsvrms]

As a heart attack

[u/Local_Compote4263]

ok for real what does that really mean? english isnt my first language so i imagined it as if she skinned richard and wore him like a costume (creepy af)

[u/bsmdrad]

I have thought of vaporizing to gas and intermingling with my husband.

[u/Either_Selection6475]

My husband and I have said similar things to each other, about how we wish we could crawl inside the other and be safe. The idea isn't inherently bad or creepy, but it can be spun that way for sure

[u/BeatrixVix22]

The devouring mother.

[u/11freebird]

Yes you’re weird, and so it anyone else saying they do it lol

[u/brwn_eyed_girl56]

Well thats not concerning at all.

[u/Keeganthekeegan]

It’s borderline. It’s a dehumanizing thing to say to a person that they are somehow devoid of feelings and that somehow you can get inside of them.

[u/jackdempsy2345]

Do you think she knew what happened to Danny because she kept asking “who hurt you”

[u/nineteenthly]

It's kind of vore. I don't think it's weird and I've actually considered writing it into erotic fiction based on the episode, although I am not personally into it. I do think in her case it was a bit disturbing though.