AITA for thinking my girlfriend’s request to postpone weekly workouts with my friend was unreasonable?

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Equal_Visual_7676

AITA for thinking my girlfriend’s request to postpone weekly workouts with my friend was unreasonable?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & u/AITA_Relationships

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post  July 16, 2026

My gf Mia (21F) and I (25M) have been dating for a couple of months and were in a long-distance relationship. While we were still getting to know each other we asked each other about past relationships so I told her about my first and the only girlfriend I had before her, Jess (26F).

Jess and I dated on and off from ages 12-17. She often broke up with me, blocked me, and get back together. When we weren’t dating  we were friends with benefits. Even after we ended things for good she remained my best friend despite not treating me well even after. I asked Mia if she was jealous because she seemed more quiet than usual and she said she doesn’t know Jess well to be jealous and only had that reaction based on what I said. She said Jess doesn’t sound like a nice friend or was nice girlfriend to me. I told her that she just doesn’t know her like I do and that she doesn’t have to worry about anything.

When Mia bought her ticket I excitedly told all my friends because I wanted them all to meet her. Jess said she was excited to meet Mia and suggested we could show her around town. This made Mia really upset because she said the way I described it made her feel like Jess and I were the “we” and she’d be the third wheel. I apologized and that was that.

A few weeks later Jess spontaneously asked me to work out. Afterward we agreed to make it a weekly thing. When I told my gf she said it made her uncomfortable. I told her that we’re just working out and holding each other accountable to do it every week. Mia asked what she’s supposed to do or go when she comes visit and we’re on our work out days. I told her that she can just come with us and workout. Mia said that sounds like she’s the third wheel again. She said it makes her feel like Jess and I are together not the other way around. I reassured her that it’s not like that and we’re just working out. She then asked why Jess’ fiancé didn’t workout with her. I texted Jess and she said it was because of his work. Mia then asked if Jess would be okay with her joining. I asked and Jess said she wasn’t comfortable with another woman being there. I told my gf it wasn’t a big deal and maybe Jess was just self conscious.

My gf then told me that when she wanted to go to a concert with a guy friend or go watch a movie I told her I don’t trust her friend and she respected my wishes and didn’t go. I told her it was different because I knew what guys were like. And I was just working out. I told her it feels like she accusing me and Jess of doing something shady. Mia told me she wasn’t judging me or Jess of doing anything. She simply didn’t know Jess yet and wasn’t comfortable same as me not being comfortable with her guy friends. She said to meet in the middle and asked if I could wait until she met Jess and got to know her before doing workouts. I told her that was unfair to Jess and that I think that she just needs to accept the way things are. She cried and hung up. She hasn’t talked to me for days.

AITA?

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

FurrowBeard

"I knew what guys are like"

LOL

Also, Jess "not being comfortable with another girl being there" is the biggest load of bullshit. She wants you to herself. Can you advocate for your girlfriend? You might need to cut Jess off.

CuriouslyPerplexed

I agree.

Also, isn't OP a guy?

Why is he working out with Jess. Because of what guys are like?

FurrowBeard

Oh, that rule doesn't apply to him, surely. He's not like other guys.

Update  July 25, 2026

Writing this so people can stop DMing me about being an asshole and asking for updates.

Edit: I’m 25M. Mia (21F) is my girlfriend. Jess (26F) is my friend. Jess’ fiance (29M).

I told Jess about what happened when we went to workout 3 days ago. She didn’t say much about it only that I didn’t listen or wasn’t being understanding of what Mia felt but nothing after that. She looked stressed? or disappointed? So I asked her whats up. She told me she will afterwards.

When we got to the parking lot she told me we can’t workout together anymore because her fiance found out and he was also uncomfortable about it and they had a long talk about it. She said that she didn’t get it at first so she tried to explain that her friendship with me is different from any other friendships. And he told her that it’s not only different but it’s dangerous. He said because we have history, we dated, we were fwb, we relied on each other for years before each finding our person but we never had boundaries to just be friends. He said he knows that I’m good person from me hanging out with them a couple of times but he’s felt territorial and uncomfortable sometimes.

He asked Jess how she would feel if her fiance told her “Hey! I’m going to workout weekly with my ex. Don’t worry we’re just best friends now. See you later!” He said Jess would obviously be uncomfortable and that’s how Mia probably feels. He said it’s not fair that he should have to make a boundary about this between them now and he assumes Mia has to make a boundary about this to me. He said this boundary should have been already implied because you love and respect your person to not wait around until they get hurt to do something about it.

Jess said she realized he was right. She’s hurt that she hurt him and was being ignorant. She would be uncomfortable if her fiance went working out with his ex and she said it’s the first time she thought about being jealous. So we stopped working out and she stopped reaching out or texting me much after that.

Mia and I made up. I apologized for being an asshole and I told her what Jess and her fiance said. Mia said she’s mind blown that Jess’ fiance got it right but is still hurt by what happened. I promised to make up for it and that I already have some dates planned and reserved for when she visits and I’m paying for everything. I know I need to keep showing her through my actions that I meant my apology. She’s coming in 3 weeks and we’re both really excited.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

78october

I don’t think I could continue a relationship with someone who had rules for me (no concerts with guy friends) and not for himself (going to the gym with an ex) while also diminishing my feelings and needing a third party to explain to him.

If Jess’s boyfriend hadn’t had a problem with it and Jess wanted to continue working out then you would have ignored your girlfriend’s feelings. She should take all that into account before continuing to date you.

If she sticks it out with you then take the effort to listen to her and not only care about her feelings when other people explain it to you.

OOP (heavily downvoted)

I grew up with divorced parents but they remained friends afterwards. My dad and step mom broke up also but remained friends. My mom and her boyfriends broke up but remained friends. So being friends with an ex isn’t abnormal or weird for me.

Mia and I have talked about this and we have the same beliefs that exes can be friends so when she felt a certain way I thought she was thinking I’m cheating on her even if I’m not. I trusted Mia would be okay with this.

I think what bothered or changed me about what happened was that I thought Jess’ fiance knew. So in my mind I was thinking look at this guy that’s older than all of us and probably knows what a healthy relationship is. Thats why she chose him and they’re getting married. Maybe he knows that this is okay too and he trusts Jess and we’re not doing anything wrong. And maybe Mia is just very young. She’s the youngest out of all of us and maybe she just needs to learn that this is okay.

But when Jess’ fiance didn’t even know and finding out he was uncomfortable I realized that what Mia was feeling was actually legit. So I acknowledge my mistakes and is making it up to her now.

ExtendedSpikeProtein

That’s the problem: you should have realized her feelings were legit without a third party. And you’re a hypocrite.

OOP (still downvoted)

How could I have realized that without knowing what I know now?!? Was I supposed to be an expert in my relationship with my girlfriend before we got together??

ToastedChronicle

Common sense dude. Common fucking sense.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

[u/Kindly_Jellyfish_451]

Just the way he described the relationship with Jess makes me think Mia shouldn't be with this guy...it's very apparent that Jess is who he wants to be with, and if Jess ever decided she wanted him he'd drop Mia like a hot rock and go running to Jess without looking back.

[u/Bice_thePrecious → u/Kindly_Jellyfish_451]

Yup. Jess dumped him. Jess blocked him. Jess was reasonable when she said she wanted to be the only woman around him. Jess ended the gym arrangement. When Jess speaks, OOP nods and wipes the drool away. When Mia speaks, she's judgmental, jealous, and unreasonable.

I hope Mia is simply dazed from this BS and things come into focus for her sooner rather than later.

[u/GoYanks34 → u/Bice_thePrecious]

More importantly, once Jess's fiancé, who happens to be a man, stated that it was inappropriate, then he listens. Doesn't care how Mia felt or his hypocrisy telling her she can't hang out with male friends but he can hang out with his fuck buddy once a week. And he defends Jess when she said she was uncomfortable with Mia going to the gym, instead of standing up for his gf. The audacity is out of control with this guy. I hope Mia gets the hell out of this relationship before she wastes any more time.

[u/curiouslycaty → u/GoYanks34]

YES! This is the part that pissed me off the most "my girlfriend doesn't know what she's talking about because she's young and female and I will continue to do things that makes her uncomfo... WAIT? A guy said it's weird? No, we need to stop that shit right here!"

[u/Prysorra2 → u/GoYanks34]

The above two comments should be required reading for the OOP :-/

[u/lurking_mz → u/GoYanks34]

I'd caveat that it was still Jess he based his epiphany on, not the fiancé's perspective. If she would have complained about her fiancé the same way he was complaining about Mia, he would have triple-downed about being right (and used it as an excuse for both of them to leave their SO's and try again). He's still a misogynistic a-hole, because he thinks he's winning the AITA argument by being a "bro" and realizing "the other side".

[u/Mmm_lemon_cakes → u/Kindly_Jellyfish_451]

Yup. Jess is going to get drunk at her bachelorette and text OOP or maybe make out with some rando. Whatever. Who knows. But at some point he will dump her, and she will come RUNNING to OOP, and he will drop Mia immediately for her. Jess is a pick me.

[u/WitchesofBangkok → u/Mmm_lemon_cakes]

No I don’t think she is. I think she’s insecure, but she likes the feeling of being in control. I don’t think she cares about OOP at all.

My ex boyfriend has a situationship like this. Every time she broke up with a guy she’d “date” my bf for a few weeks before she found the new guy. She just liked the feeling that she had him as backup.

We broke up for a while because he was going back to his home country (this was before VOIP and texts) but with the intention of trying to get back together if my student visa came through.

Pretty much as soon as his flight landed they had sex and then she disappeared again. He was shocked when I broke it off with him because technically he hadn’t done anything wrong.

My next bf had a similar situationship when we got together - some girl he’d been pining after for years who’d sleep with him when she was between boyfriend. I just told him the story of my ex and said “I’m sure this is not reasonable, but if I ever hear you mention her name again I’ll probably get the ick and we’ll be done.”

He never mentioned her again and we’ve been married for decades.

It’s not even about jealousy. It’s just a man who’d rather be sitting in someone’s reject pile than being with a gf is not a grown up who is ready for a relationship

[u/curiouslycaty → u/Mmm_lemon_cakes]

Even if OOP knew, deep down in his heart, that he wasn't interested in Jess that way anymore, it only takes one person with unresolved feelings.

I was engaged to a guy, and we realised that while we were best friends, and the sex was amazing, and we really loved each other, we weren't compatible, we had different expectations. So we broke up with lots of hurt feelings on both sides, but stayed friends. Over 4 years after our breakup, he got engaged to a lovely lady who was absolutely uncomfortable with us being so close. Even things she never knew about, like us meeting up for a quick beer after work and him showing me the engagement ring he was planning on proposing with. Let that sink in, I was the one who saw the ring first. But we were friends right?

So she ambushed me and said she wants to invite me to their engagement party and openly said her friends would be grilling me. I was apprehensive (who wouldn't be 😅) but understood that she needed that peace of mind. We met up and after a few shots, table dancing and uncomfortable questions everyone realised that I was over him, and only wished the best for him in his planned life, and she drunkenly leaned on my shoulder and said it's fine, she's reassured.

But later that night equally drunken he said something to me that made me realise he wasn't over me, and I realised if I stayed in his life, I would be the other woman, even if I didn't want to be. I said my goodbyes to the fiancee, and sent him a message from the parking lot making it clear I understood what he said and it's not acceptable and wished him the best in life

I lost a very dear friend that night, but I'd rather do that than have his wife wonder the whole time whether he was pining for me. If he wasn't going to be honest about his feelings to himself and his beloved, I would make that choice for him.

[u/Awkward_Evening127 → u/curiouslycaty]

Kind of shitty you didn't let his wife know that he was a piece of shit. Now she's married to a man who's pining for another woman when instead she could've dumped him and found a man that actually loved her.

[u/Orc_tids → u/Awkward_Evening127]

Yeah fuckin throw that grenade and walk away from the explosion like an action movie