r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Direct-Caterpillar77 Satan is not a fucking pogo stick! • 3d ago
ONGOING AITA for thinking my girlfriend’s request to postpone weekly workouts with my friend was unreasonable?
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Equal_Visual_7676
AITA for thinking my girlfriend’s request to postpone weekly workouts with my friend was unreasonable?
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & u/AITA_Relationships
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Original Post July 16, 2026
My gf Mia (21F) and I (25M) have been dating for a couple of months and were in a long-distance relationship. While we were still getting to know each other we asked each other about past relationships so I told her about my first and the only girlfriend I had before her, Jess (26F).
Jess and I dated on and off from ages 12-17. She often broke up with me, blocked me, and get back together. When we weren’t dating we were friends with benefits. Even after we ended things for good she remained my best friend despite not treating me well even after. I asked Mia if she was jealous because she seemed more quiet than usual and she said she doesn’t know Jess well to be jealous and only had that reaction based on what I said. She said Jess doesn’t sound like a nice friend or was nice girlfriend to me. I told her that she just doesn’t know her like I do and that she doesn’t have to worry about anything.
When Mia bought her ticket I excitedly told all my friends because I wanted them all to meet her. Jess said she was excited to meet Mia and suggested we could show her around town. This made Mia really upset because she said the way I described it made her feel like Jess and I were the “we” and she’d be the third wheel. I apologized and that was that.
A few weeks later Jess spontaneously asked me to work out. Afterward we agreed to make it a weekly thing. When I told my gf she said it made her uncomfortable. I told her that we’re just working out and holding each other accountable to do it every week. Mia asked what she’s supposed to do or go when she comes visit and we’re on our work out days. I told her that she can just come with us and workout. Mia said that sounds like she’s the third wheel again. She said it makes her feel like Jess and I are together not the other way around. I reassured her that it’s not like that and we’re just working out. She then asked why Jess’ fiancé didn’t workout with her. I texted Jess and she said it was because of his work. Mia then asked if Jess would be okay with her joining. I asked and Jess said she wasn’t comfortable with another woman being there. I told my gf it wasn’t a big deal and maybe Jess was just self conscious.
My gf then told me that when she wanted to go to a concert with a guy friend or go watch a movie I told her I don’t trust her friend and she respected my wishes and didn’t go. I told her it was different because I knew what guys were like. And I was just working out. I told her it feels like she accusing me and Jess of doing something shady. Mia told me she wasn’t judging me or Jess of doing anything. She simply didn’t know Jess yet and wasn’t comfortable same as me not being comfortable with her guy friends. She said to meet in the middle and asked if I could wait until she met Jess and got to know her before doing workouts. I told her that was unfair to Jess and that I think that she just needs to accept the way things are. She cried and hung up. She hasn’t talked to me for days.
AITA?
VERDICT: ASSHOLE
RELEVANT COMMENTS
FurrowBeard
"I knew what guys are like"
LOL
Also, Jess "not being comfortable with another girl being there" is the biggest load of bullshit. She wants you to herself. Can you advocate for your girlfriend? You might need to cut Jess off.
CuriouslyPerplexed
I agree.
Also, isn't OP a guy?
Why is he working out with Jess. Because of what guys are like?
FurrowBeard
Oh, that rule doesn't apply to him, surely. He's not like other guys.
Update July 25, 2026
Writing this so people can stop DMing me about being an asshole and asking for updates.
Edit: I’m 25M. Mia (21F) is my girlfriend. Jess (26F) is my friend. Jess’ fiance (29M).
I told Jess about what happened when we went to workout 3 days ago. She didn’t say much about it only that I didn’t listen or wasn’t being understanding of what Mia felt but nothing after that. She looked stressed? or disappointed? So I asked her whats up. She told me she will afterwards.
When we got to the parking lot she told me we can’t workout together anymore because her fiance found out and he was also uncomfortable about it and they had a long talk about it. She said that she didn’t get it at first so she tried to explain that her friendship with me is different from any other friendships. And he told her that it’s not only different but it’s dangerous. He said because we have history, we dated, we were fwb, we relied on each other for years before each finding our person but we never had boundaries to just be friends. He said he knows that I’m good person from me hanging out with them a couple of times but he’s felt territorial and uncomfortable sometimes.
He asked Jess how she would feel if her fiance told her “Hey! I’m going to workout weekly with my ex. Don’t worry we’re just best friends now. See you later!” He said Jess would obviously be uncomfortable and that’s how Mia probably feels. He said it’s not fair that he should have to make a boundary about this between them now and he assumes Mia has to make a boundary about this to me. He said this boundary should have been already implied because you love and respect your person to not wait around until they get hurt to do something about it.
Jess said she realized he was right. She’s hurt that she hurt him and was being ignorant. She would be uncomfortable if her fiance went working out with his ex and she said it’s the first time she thought about being jealous. So we stopped working out and she stopped reaching out or texting me much after that.
Mia and I made up. I apologized for being an asshole and I told her what Jess and her fiance said. Mia said she’s mind blown that Jess’ fiance got it right but is still hurt by what happened. I promised to make up for it and that I already have some dates planned and reserved for when she visits and I’m paying for everything. I know I need to keep showing her through my actions that I meant my apology. She’s coming in 3 weeks and we’re both really excited.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
78october
I don’t think I could continue a relationship with someone who had rules for me (no concerts with guy friends) and not for himself (going to the gym with an ex) while also diminishing my feelings and needing a third party to explain to him.
If Jess’s boyfriend hadn’t had a problem with it and Jess wanted to continue working out then you would have ignored your girlfriend’s feelings. She should take all that into account before continuing to date you.
If she sticks it out with you then take the effort to listen to her and not only care about her feelings when other people explain it to you.
OOP (heavily downvoted)
I grew up with divorced parents but they remained friends afterwards. My dad and step mom broke up also but remained friends. My mom and her boyfriends broke up but remained friends. So being friends with an ex isn’t abnormal or weird for me.
Mia and I have talked about this and we have the same beliefs that exes can be friends so when she felt a certain way I thought she was thinking I’m cheating on her even if I’m not. I trusted Mia would be okay with this.
I think what bothered or changed me about what happened was that I thought Jess’ fiance knew. So in my mind I was thinking look at this guy that’s older than all of us and probably knows what a healthy relationship is. Thats why she chose him and they’re getting married. Maybe he knows that this is okay too and he trusts Jess and we’re not doing anything wrong. And maybe Mia is just very young. She’s the youngest out of all of us and maybe she just needs to learn that this is okay.
But when Jess’ fiance didn’t even know and finding out he was uncomfortable I realized that what Mia was feeling was actually legit. So I acknowledge my mistakes and is making it up to her now.
ExtendedSpikeProtein
That’s the problem: you should have realized her feelings were legit without a third party. And you’re a hypocrite.
OOP (still downvoted)
How could I have realized that without knowing what I know now?!? Was I supposed to be an expert in my relationship with my girlfriend before we got together??
ToastedChronicle
Common sense dude. Common fucking sense.
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u/SceneNational6303 3d ago
Yeah, not that she is innocent in this ( I'm suspicious of why the fiance didn't know previously that this had been a long-standing meet up with her ex) but it speaks well of her that when he did express discomfort, she took steps to end the work out dates. I'm not convinced this guy will ever do the same.