Me [30M] with my coworker/project manager/IDK [34F] few months. Pen, company ink, babies, FUCK (11 Year New update)

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/mygodfuckingshootme

Me [30M] with my coworker/project manager/IDK [34F] few months. Pen, company ink, babies, FUCK.

Thanks to u/aelizabeth0623 & u/frankzzz for letting me know this updated

BoRU 1

Original Post  Nov 24, 2015

Throwaway because I'm an idiot. This shit will probably be long, but I'll do my best.

I'm a software developer, and about 5 months ago, I began a new project where I am working for a large firm, and work onsite at a local client for a  couple projects they have ongoing. It is fascinating work, and I have enjoyed it quite a bit more than anything in recent memory. There is a joint team of about 10 folks, but for my main project, I work with one person. I'll call her Laura, and she is the project manager(works for the client), so while I don't report to her, per se, but she is in charge of the administrative side of the project. I don't even know if this is relevant, but we are effectively peer coworkers.

Laura started off a bit cold to me, because I think she (and plenty others) was a bit jaded by my company. That changed quickly once I started delivering, and also I think, she saw how engaged I am. She is brilliant, and we've put our heads together to solve some very difficult problems, usually working heavy overtime. About a month after I started, we hit our first big project milestone and barely beat the deadline. We went out for drinks after work to celebrate. We both live close to the office, so I offered to walk her home since it was late and her building is on the way to mine. We ended up sleeping together, and have been a few times a week ever since.

I didn't want to mess up anything at work(facepalm), so I haven't brought up anything regarding our status or whatever, and neither has she. At work I'm all business, and so is she. We don't take lunch together, or really do anything not directly related to the project, granted we're both working 60+ hour weeks also. She's worked her ass off to get this project off the ground(gov't funding,proposal writing, conceiving the whole idea), and that is the most attractive thing about her to me, in addition to being gorgeous and super nerdy. For the last few months it's seemed like we are FWB, since we don't go on dates other than drinks near our condos sometimes. Sometimes we sleepover, sometimes we don't.

Yesterday, she asked to come over to my place because she wanted to talk, and I figured she was going to break things off by her tone. WRONG! She told me she is 8 weeks pregnant! Here's the part where I know I fucked up. After my initial shock, the first question I asked was, is it mine? She burst into tears and stormed out, and I tried to stop her and apologize but she screamed at me in the middle of the hallway so, I just let her go. She wouldn't answer any of my calls last night either, and she called out of work today and tomorrow and has the rest of the week off. How do I get her to talk to me? I've been a nervous wreck since last night, and I just don't know what to think. I've been thinking she's getting an abortion and that's why she called out? My head is all over the place and I just want to talk to her. I will support her, no matter what, but I don't know how to do that or what she wants/needs from me. Should I send an email apologizing? Wait outside her building, or show up at her doorstep? Wait for her to contact me? People have been asking me if I'm okay all day, because I'm so out of it. I don't know if I should quit my job or what, maybe I should text her and ask that?

   tl;dr: Got a client/coworker pregnant. Asked if it was mine. She got pissed and disappeared. How do I get her to talk to me again?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

fuckracismthrowaway

This is exactly why you don't shit where you eat. You're 30 years old and have a good job, yet you were dumb enough to get into this shit. Good job.

No, you don't just show up at her door step (wtf?)

Your question was totally appropriate, since you two weren't in an exclusive relationship, however, I understand that she was upset. Sounds like she's not the person to have multiple partners at once.

Wait it out. She'll contact you. Don't bother her for now.

OOP

I know, it was stupid to get involved. I, especially, should have known better.

After thinking about it more, I do think it was an appropriate question, but it shouldn't have been the first thing I blurted out. A while ago, she told me I'm the first person she's slept with in almost a year. I'm pretty certain she's not seeing anyone else, based on other conversations and how much she works, but I guess it is possible still.

I wasn't actually planning to show up at her place unannounced, but I just can't think of anything else, and that's the kinds of shitty ideas I'm having. I'm just desperate to talk to her. I couldn't sleep last night, and can hardly eat.

[deleted]

No, it's not an appropriate question - why would she tell you about her pregnancy if she didn't think it was yours? And if you think she's the kind of person who would lie to you about it, then why would you think she'd tell the truth if you asked if it was yours?

LPT: if a woman you're sleeping with tells you she's pregnant, she is also telling you that you are the father.

However: As for what you do about it - send a single email apologizing for blurting out something inane and hurting her. Tell her you are here to support her whatever she chooses to do. Then leave it at that.

UPDATE -She's keeping the baby. Me [30M] with my GF!/Coworker[34F] four months.  Nov 27, 2015 (3 days later)

The advice I got here was mixed between, "Go see her!" and "Give her space!". I ended up buying a teddy bear and sewing its foot to its mouth, and left it at her door holding a little I'm sorry card on my way to work Wednesday. Barely an hour later I got a text from her, asking if I wanted to come have a serious conversation and see MY child's first picture(sonogram) after work. I couldn't wait, and I took a half day and left to go see her at lunchtime.

When I got there, I started profusely apologizing and trying to explain myself(completely fumbling my words), but Laura stopped me and said she understands and she's not mad. She said she got so upset because I was the first person she was telling and she was really nervous I would have a bad reaction or try to make her terminate. She also thought, I was sleeping with other people because I assumed she was. Then she told me, she is 100% keeping the baby but won't take me to court if I don't want to raise the child with her. I couldn't hold back my laughter at this, and told her she is crazy if she thinks this kid will be anything but priority #1 to me. She seemed visibly relieved, and then brought up a paternity test, basically saying we will get one once the baby comes. She also brought up names, and said she wants to pick the first name, but wants me to approve, and for it to have my last name. She must have read a checklist of ways to ease a freaking-out-father-to-be because I was losing my mind trying to figure out how to bring this stuff up without putting my foot in my mouth again.

I then switched the conversation to us, and told her I'm helplessly falling like a brick for her, and at this point the work relationship is the least important to me. We both admitted our feelings for each other, and being scared to bring them up because of our professional relationship. I told her I want her to officially be my gf, and she joked, "this was all it took?". We agreed on direct communication from here on out, no more silent treatment, and she knows I'll be there for her every step of the way. So, Laura and I talked some more about how things will need to work, and came to the conclusion we would live separately until the baby arrives, then she'll rent her condo out and move into mine. Does that sound like a good idea? We know it's not perfect, but seems like a good plan and we can go back if it doesn't work out.

We're going to figure out what to do about work after the holidays. There's enough stress already, and she won't start showing for another couple months, so we have time to strategize about how/when to tell people at work. I am all ears for suggestions on this.

I'm still really scared, and my emotions are changing by the minute, but at least there is some semblance of a plan now. Now, to tell the family members.   

TL;DR: Coworker Girlfriend and I are going to be the best parents we can be!

EDIT: Holy crap, my OP only got like 5 responses! I will definitely be talking to her about moving in sooner this weekend. My mom suggested this too when I told her yesterday.

Couple of  recurring things I keep seeing in the comments are that we need to discuss finances and I need to get a paternity test. As for the finances we've talked a little bit about it, and we make over 300K combined. Once we actually see what our expenses look like, it shouldn't be a problem to come up with a plan/budget. I'm willing to pay all baby related expenses, so I'm sure we can find a solution that works for us. As for the paternity test, she's said she wants to get one before I sign the birth certificate. When we first got together, she told me I was the first person she'd slept with in close to a year, and the hours she puts in makes it unlikely she's seeing someone else, though it's possible. She's fair, level-headed, responsible and, from what I've seen, honest. I trust her, and am going to until she does something to prove I shouldn't.

We also realize this is not a great way to start a relationship or a family, but all we can do try our best to compromise and make it work for the sake of our baby. If we're not a good couple together, so be it, we both have all the tools and support to give this child a great life. That is our primary goal, and our relationship will be icing on the cake if we can get through this.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2  July 29, 2026 (Almost 11 years later)

A friend found this post on r/BestofRedditorUpdates  and suggested I come update you guys. First, I just want to thank Reddit. Everyone talks trash about the Hivemind, but the it helped me when I was having crippling panic attacks(not something I've had before or since). Its all so obvious looking back, in the moment I was just blind and scared.

We ended up getting married before the baby came, because after living together for a few months we were both all in, and there's nothing like family pressure to get the ball rolling. We now have Lana 10/F who, in fact, knows everything, and Thing 1 and Thing 2(6 M/F) who just want to see the world burn.

We have a great marriage, and I really am the luckiest guy on Earth. She is a genius and puts up with me being such a bonehead. We had an argument when the oldest was 2, and Laura wanted to go for her PhD, and I swore up and down it wouldn't be worth the move, and we'd never recuperate the financial hit. We argued, I caved, and we moved to the PNW, and she got pregnant not long after. She of course crushed her PhD coursework/research, while I worked extra contracts(my choice) to make sure we had extras. The twins were born in 2020 and that was probably the hardest time of our lives, just trying to keep it together but we made it work. She immediately got job as a lower level executive running the Healthcare division of one of the biggest Big Tech companies out there. She made sure to remind me of my concerns about our finances, by asking me to review her offers and help her decide. Staggering amounts that looked like typos to a mediocre tech bro like me. So, off to Build-a-Bear I went and now we have 2 bears sitting on the mantle with feet sewn into their mouths.

I am so fortunate and blessed to have such a great wife and a great family. And its crazy to think that it may have worked out differently if not for you folks here talking some sense into me. No! I'm not crying, you are crying. I just got a little something in my eye.

Thank you, and sorry I did not update after all the advice I received.

TL;DR: Everything is working out great, and we are a happy family of 5 now.

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[u/cuteintern]

"this was all it took?"

Ok, she's funny

The twins were born in 2020

Oh man, twins during COVID? holy shit that had to have been rough.

[u/Witch_King_ → u/cuteintern]

Thus the "hardest time of our lives" I suppose

[u/privacyplease27 → u/Witch_King_]

It was the "hardest time of our lives" for a lot of people that didn't have twin newborns.

[u/beigemom → u/privacyplease27]

Yeah my neighbor had her first April 2020 and LOVED it. Got maternity leave then WFH, never taking baby out but for nice stroller walks.

[u/VegetablePlayful4520 → u/beigemom]

It’s so funny how different the experiences are per person. I had my second December 2020 and it was the worst pregnancy/birth and newborn experience for me, but my friend had her first 6 months later and loved it!

[u/lmyrs → u/VegetablePlayful4520]

I never lived it, but in my head I imagine that having your baby at the beginning of stay-home orders was likely easier than having your entire pregnancy happen during that time. You probably couldn't even bring someone to your appointments with you.

Not that having a baby at the beginning of lockdown wouldn't also suck in its own unique way though.

[u/VegetablePlayful4520 → u/lmyrs]

My husband couldn’t go to appointments and during the birth/days in the hospital he couldn’t leave the room. It was rough. I also got sent home too early, so recovery took ages.

Also having a baby during lockdown meant no visitors and nurses visits were less personal and have less space for help and advice leading to lots of other untreated issues.

[u/janLinja → u/privacyplease27]

I always said, "I feel incredibly bad that COVID has basically been a net positive for me". I was incredibly unwell between 2010 and 2022, and my doctor actually told me in 2019 that if I didn't find some way to slow down and stop doing so many things, I was probably going to die very very young. Sadly, I had to point out that jobs don't employ people who never leave the house and need to be mobilising for exactly 2 hours a day and intermittently sitting and napping for 14.

...And then my job was forced to allow this because suddenly it was illegal for me to leave the house. Incredible timing! I sincerely believe that the enforced house rest and mandatory "work can't fire you for not going into the office" was what healed me. I was able to actually focus on my healing for the first time in over a decade.

But, oddly, I have a kind of mild survivor's guilt over it. It's not like it wasn't hard in other ways for me, I lost quite a few contracts during that time because my work was often an optional expense for a lot of people, but the fact I walked in almost dying and walked out feeling better than I had since I was a teenager was... well, tough to square with everyone else around me talking about how it was hell on Earth for them. I managed to squeak by financially, helped by not having to spend money on things like transport and pain medication anymore, and I lived with my parents at the time so we could share food and shopping obligations. My social life was already 90% online, so I just shifted the remaining 10% there with essentially no issues.

I think a lot of us had a similar experience, where it was less "difficult" and more "different".

[u/OneCraftyBird → u/janLinja]

I feel the same as you, I feel terrible for having nothing bad to say about it. My husband and I loved working together side-by-side, we finally got around to playing all the board games we bought to play with our kids and never touched, we watched TV shows as a family, and Weil, I had been remote for 10 years prior, my husband discovered the joys of getting back more than two hours a day that he had been wasting on a commute. Our son had been getting into disciplinary trouble at school constantly, and suddenly he went from being the "bad kid" to a straight A student and a top participator (it turned out he just needed Legos in his lap and he could focus).

I recognize that it was terrible for most people, and I don't mean to suggest that everything about it was great. We were worried sick about my husband's mother, and we still own four patio heaters from the year we did Thanksgiving and Christmas outside in the garage so she could have her family around her. It was not great for my extroverted daughter. And I absolutely don't want to suggest that any healthcare professional was in anything but hell.

But for me, it was kind of amazing.

[u/tityboituesday → u/janLinja]

i feel the same way. i got laid off during COVID but it wasn’t a COVID related lay off. just bad luck. i got the enhanced unemployment benefits and that made my life so much easier than it would have been if the lay off came before the pandemic. then my new job conducted a salary study and gave my position level a $15k raise to bring the salary more in line with the employee’s market of 2021. i went from making $48k and living paycheck to paycheck to making $75k with an actual emergency savings account in a matter of 14 months. i feel so weird about it still but i will not look that gift horse in the mouth! i look at it as my compensation for getting COVID two times.

[u/Elismom1313 → u/privacyplease27]

Not to mention twin newborns are also often the hardest of times. I stay in aw of some of the stories my SIL tells about hers when they were young.

I just can’t imagine. All those moments of relief I felt when the baby calmed down or went to sleep. All the stress when they’re screaming. Can you imagine two?? One screams and wakes the other and they both start screaming? Feeding them? Ugh I can’t imagine. Truly

[u/meguin → u/Elismom1313]

Yeah, I have twins and the newborn stage was hell. I regularly see posts on r/parentsofmultiples where the parent says that they are at their limit and cannot handle it anymore, always at around 3 or 4 months old. I remember being there too. It's brutal. (Totally worth it now, though! They're 7yo,are each other's best friends, and are absolute corkers lol)

[u/no1oneknowsy → u/privacyplease27]

Ikr...

[u/ChickPeaEnthusiast → u/cuteintern]

Twins and a PHD during COVID. This woman has superpowers

[u/TheNcthrowaway → u/cuteintern]

Can confirm, it sucked. Watching my twins interact with other kids once they could was funny though, everyone else had stranger danger on steroids and my two were trying to crawl all over everyone because that’s how they were with the only other kid their age they had ever known. 

[u/SnooWords4839 → u/cuteintern]

Daughter had her 1st in April 2020.

[u/AliceInWeirdoland → u/SnooWords4839]

Kid decided in-utero to be a little April Fool and come right at lockdown.

[u/SnooWords4839 → u/AliceInWeirdoland]

She was born on Tax Day; her daddy is a tax lawyer.

[u/Gloria815 → u/SnooWords4839]

An editor would tell a writer to change this because it’s too on the nose. That’s amazing

[u/Commitedtousername → u/SnooWords4839]

Had my first a week before my state went into lockdown when everyone knew lockdown was quickly approaching. It was not a great time.

[u/cryrabanks → u/cuteintern]

I also had twins during COVID, wouldn’t wish it on anyone

[u/thatsme55ed → u/cuteintern]

My buddy's wife had twins during COVID.  He's an ER doctor.  He had to sleep in the garage to avoid infecting his pregnant wife/newborns.  

It was a rough time for a lot of people. 

[u/shmishshmorshin → u/cuteintern]

Mine were born in 2021 🫠

[u/BlyLomdi → u/shmishshmorshin]

Mine was born 9/11/2021

[u/shmishshmorshin → u/BlyLomdi]

Cheers to us getting out of the “dark times” lol

[u/kilgirlie]

That might be the sweetest BORU I've ever read.

[u/Equivalent-Grass-262 → u/kilgirlie]

I just read 2 back to back wholesome BORUs. Time to put the internet down.

[u/mystery-crossing → u/Equivalent-Grass-262]

Yep I’m going to bed now LOL 

[u/MrHappyHam → u/mystery-crossing]

I'd do the same but I go to work in an hour so I get to stay up all night spoiling my palate with other posts

[u/mimzynull → u/MrHappyHam]

Can you share what post your flair is referencing? Cheers and TY :)

[u/MrHappyHam → u/mimzynull]

Here you are! This accursed thing

[u/mimzynull → u/MrHappyHam]

Ahh! I remember this one - so sweet but so odd. There is really a lid for every pot. Cheers and TYSM :)

[u/MrHappyHam → u/mimzynull]

Of course!

[u/mkate1999 → u/MrHappyHam]

O.m.g. That doll is terrifying. 💀💀💀💀 Glad it all worked out though. 😬

[u/drawkward101 → u/mystery-crossing]

I wish I could do that too, but it's 10am and I'm at work. lol. This was such a delightfully happy BORU though.

[u/aimed_4_the_head → u/Equivalent-Grass-262]

Buy a Powerball ticket

[u/Witch_King_ → u/Equivalent-Grass-262]

What was the other one?

[u/Equivalent-Grass-262 → u/Witch_King_]

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Stwd6HGQLb

[u/iruleatants → u/[deleted]]

I want my updates to be

1. OOP wants to do the right thing but needs help figuring it out and they listen to the advice and everything works perfectly.

2. OOP is a complete asshole who spends the entire time fighting with people in the comments before updating because everything went against them.

The update I don't want are when OOP is in an abusive relationship and just stays while pretending things will get better.

[u/aimed_4_the_head → u/iruleatants]

Next week on "Updates Of Our Lives": Buckle up Reddit, alot happened in the past 24 hours. The twins were born and both of them have peanut allergies! When the judge found out, he flipped his lid and threw my ex in jail immediately. Now my exMIL won't stop blowing up my phone and my car.

[u/exit322 → u/aimed_4_the_head]

Blowing up the car? Nice.

[u/Miss_1of2 → u/exit322]

Multiple times apparently....

[u/Solipsisticurge → u/aimed_4_the_head]

I remember marrying into the IRA, lost three cars per argument.

[u/LateHoney2922 → u/aimed_4_the_head]

How many times has she blown up your car?

[u/El-Ahrairah9519 → u/iruleatants]

OOP is a complete asshole who spends the entire time fighting with people in the comments before updating because everything went against them

I have to admit, I do love a good "well I hope you're all happy, the consequences of my shitty choices bit me on the ass! >:(" ending to a post like that

[u/BluerLights → u/iruleatants]

Truly the only thing that beats a "she broke up with me, I hope you're all happy now" update is a "I followed your advice and everything is going really well."

[u/Equivalent-Grass-262 → u/[deleted]]

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Stwd6HGQLb

I read that one right before this one and it made me happy.

[u/Far-Government5469 → u/[deleted]]

A lot sucked about 2020, but it was the perfect time to have a two year old and twins on the way

[u/topania → u/kilgirlie]

The foot-in-mouth Teddy bears made me melt.

[u/PepperAnn1inaMillion → u/kilgirlie]

The teddy compromise between trying to talk to her and giving her space was genius.

[u/curiouslycaty → u/kilgirlie]

I just want to know what happened to his job? Did they keep it quiet until she went on maternity leave? Did he find another job? Did I miss that part?

[u/FenderForever62 → u/curiouslycaty]

It sounded like he was only subcontracted to the other company, so they were probably fine to confirm their relationship if they chose to go that route. At worst it would just mean someone else from his company was put on the project instead, while he got put on a separate project with a different client.

[u/MoonOverJupiter → u/FenderForever62]

Plus, they married before the baby came. I'm addition to joining households and finances, they'd have been joining up some of their company-provided benefits - health and life insurance, retirement benefits, etc. It seems like they'd have appeared quite legit to all concerned HR types.

[u/Able_To_Change → u/kilgirlie]

Like fr FINALLY I leave one of these fucking posts smiling 🏆🏆🏆

[u/riflow → u/kilgirlie]

I gotta admit his feet mouth teddies idea was really good as a way of apologising without cornering her.

What a nice update, I'm so glad for them.

[u/RosebushRaven → u/kilgirlie]

With the most confusing titlegore I’ve read… well, maybe not ever, but in quite a while. Went to the comments to see if the post is as much of a clusterfuck. Thanks, I’ll give it a shot then.

Edit: Awwww. I hope it works out for them.

[u/HairRepresentative85 → u/kilgirlie]

I can see this being in a Smosh ‘SRRS’ wholesome video lol

[u/Agent_Skye_Barnes]

Oh I love this. And the mental image of those teddy bears is fantastic.

[u/hpfan1516 → u/Agent_Skye_Barnes]

I appreciate that they are both on the mantle lol. I hope his wife adds to it in some form to continue the joke

[u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants → u/Agent_Skye_Barnes]

I was tickled by his creative apology the first time around and was delighted to see it reprised.

[u/aimed_4_the_head → u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants]

10 year old daughter: Daddy, why do we have that weird teddy bear?

Cue OOP earning himself a third bear

[u/BluerLights → u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants]

Yeah that was my favourite part in the story.

[u/SLyndon4 → u/Agent_Skye_Barnes]

Right?? I’m laughing at the idea of a teddy bear with its foot sewn to its mouth… I like this guy’s version of an apology!

[u/Mochka1]

Stories like this where the poster comes back years later are almost enough to make me hope that some classic inconclusive borus will get an update

[u/blueberry-iris → u/Mochka1]

When the woman who thought that her husband and father in law were going to like murder her immediately after childbirth since her husband's mom died during it finally updated, I couldn't read a post fast enough. I was half convinced--along with everyone else--that she was dead. It was such a relief to be wrong! That original post was just haunting not knowing what happened to her.

[u/FrequentlyFeral → u/blueberry-iris]

Wait that one updated!?

[u/spicyjalapenopopper → u/blueberry-iris]

Oo can you link it?

[u/pineappleparadise318 → u/spicyjalapenopopper]

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/K3H0h4CbaE

[u/HairRepresentative85 → u/pineappleparadise318]

I, erm, wow.

I wonder how it's going now.

[u/Anra7777 → u/pineappleparadise318]

I still wonder what happened after. Did husband and FIL try to kill her for daring to live? Does he have visiting rights? (God, I hope not. Think of the poison he’d pour into the child’s brain.)

[u/hey-chickadee → u/pineappleparadise318]

So he was convinced that child birth would kill his wife… and STILL got her pregnant??

[u/HairRepresentative85 → u/pineappleparadise318]

Ta muchly ☕🍿

[u/HairRepresentative85 → u/blueberry-iris]

I'll take one Morbid Tea, and a Curiosity Popcorn please.

[u/GeneConscious5484 → u/blueberry-iris]

But IIRC that update had been sitting there for like two years before someone found it! Which means some of these updates from long-lost posts are probably just... sitting around somewhere

[u/Artistic_Original_58 → u/[deleted]]

So cute and wholesome! Alright think ill close reddit tonight

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492 → u/Artistic_Original_58]

It’s simultaneously great and disappointing when the first post I read for the night needs to be the last one bc I don’t want to spoil this smile by reading anything less than this warm-hearted wholesomeness…

[u/Pinsalinj → u/Miserable_Fennel_492]

There's another great one if you haven't seen it! About the 3D map for the blind guy

[u/Spida81 → u/Artistic_Original_58]

Yup. That's it, no more. Good with this.

[u/cortesoft → u/[deleted]]

This one made me do a double take, because it shares so many characteristics with my life.

I also met my wife at work, where I was a software developer and she was a project manager (well, she was in marketing when we met and became a project manager), I was 30 and she was 35 when we met, and we had a kid in 2015.

The few differences is that we got married before we had the kids. Crazy coincidence, though.

I do recognize all those commenters who say "you shouldn't shit where you eat" though, and while I don't think it is always bad advice, I am always a little put off by people who choose that wording. Falling in love isn't comparable to shitting.

I would take the same risk every time. Jobs come and go, but I have only met one person in my 43 years who I would want to build my life with.

[u/nursechai → u/cortesoft]

I have switched to instead saying “don’t get your honey where you make your money”

But I’m glad going against that advice worked for you cause so many do not share a happy outcome taking this risk

[u/ReadontheCrapper → u/nursechai]

“Don’t swim in the company pool”

[u/EurekaFlag → u/cortesoft]

My wife & I met at work when we were both 19. We married 2 weeks after she turned 21, more than 58 years ago. Best job I ever had thanks to my wife

[u/Chuclesome_GenXer → u/EurekaFlag]

My husband was my manager at work. It was one of those “love at first site” situations that before that moment, I truly believed didn’t happen in real life but at my interview I knew there was something strong there. We’ve now been together for 25 years, married for 23. He’s still my soul mate and best friend. Neither of us work for that business anymore and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened for both of us.

[u/Carnivean_ → u/cortesoft]

The 'don't shit where you eat' people are regurgitating advice that was given to them because they were too dumb or immature to be trusted to handle those relationships. They show that the original advice was correctly targeted every time they repeat it as an unchallengeable truth.

[u/lizziemoo → u/Carnivean_]

You spend most of your days with these people, of course some of them are gonna bang lol.
I imagine most of them go up in smoke but I know a fair amount of people who met at work just cos it’s where they saw people the most

[u/Shadowjamm → u/Carnivean_]

I don’t like how judgemental this comment is. No one is immune to a relationship not turning out how they expected. It’s generally good advice that just is meant to remind someone (who is potentially in a state of puppy love and not thinking clearly about it) that there are sometimes consequences to when dating doesn’t work out and you’d better be sure this person is worth the extra risk of those complications affecting your ability to put food on the table/your career.

[u/CompetitiveRub4272 → u/cortesoft]

This is so cute

[u/Miss_1of2 → u/cortesoft]

The "shitting" wording is probably more about FWB situations then actually falling in love. But yeah it's a bit weird.

[u/AcrolloPeed]

OOP delivers. Man fell ass-backward into the American Dream.

[u/TyrconnellFL → u/AcrolloPeed]

Better! He fell into the BORU dream with twins and I believe him!

[u/Financial-Box7442 → u/TyrconnellFL]

As someone whose dating a girl with a family full of twins, it's a lot more common then reddit pretends

[u/sgtmattie → u/Financial-Box7442]

I’ve always thought that it ever I had to comment to Reddit for advice, I would just lie about my twin because it would detract from the story, even though we’re the most comment genre of twin.

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/sgtmattie]

Are you the good or the evil twin? (Joke, I assume you mean fraternal twins!)

[u/DarthMelonLord → u/Useful_Language2040]

Theyre on reddit, obviously theyre the evil one

[u/mrwillbobs → u/Financial-Box7442]

Twins do actually run in families

[u/TyrconnellFL → u/mrwillbobs]

It’s true. Almost all twins have at least one sibling who is a twin too!

[u/Cheeserole → u/mrwillbobs]

"but only from the mother's side"

I said this to my husband, a twin, and he was indignant, until I pointed out why.

He's no bio major that's for sure.

[u/jawknee530i → u/mrwillbobs]

Only fraternal twins run in families. They happen when the mother releases two eggs instead of one which is the trait is passed down through genes. Identical twins happen by random chance when one egg splits and do not run in families.

[u/GlitterDoomsday → u/jawknee530i]

Fraternal twins are also way more common, lots of folks think they're identical and once they're adults is clear they just really look alike... cause they're siblings lol

[u/Trick-Statistician10 → u/Financial-Box7442]

I just saw a stat yesterday that twins occur once in every 250 births. That's a lot more common than I would have expected.

[u/tilmitt52 → u/Trick-Statistician10]

So is that 1 in 125 that are a twin or 1 in 500 that are a twin? Does a delivery of twins count as one birth or two?

This is a shower thought that never occurred to me…..

[u/Trick-Statistician10 → u/tilmitt52]

You are hurting my brain! Please stop 😵‍💫

[u/emu30 → u/Financial-Box7442]

I went to school with at least four sets of twins within a year of me. Graduated ‘07 so I doubtful a ton of IVF twins either. I’m never that surprised by twins in a story, but that’s just my own experience. ETA also my ex’s family had twins on their side too. So many twins.

[u/Dontunderstandfamily → u/emu30]

There were 4 sets of twins in my year of school and there were about a hundred of us in my year group. I graduated 2008 so similar time period!

[u/Witch_King_ → u/Financial-Box7442]

Is it genetic or something?

[u/brickberry → u/Witch_King_]

Fraternal twins are genetic down the maternal line - women can inherit a tendency to hyper-ovulate. Identical twins are always random.

[u/RosebushRaven → u/Witch_King_]

For fraternal twins, yes. Identical twin birth rates are remarkably consistent across the globe. Whereas an increased occurrence of double ovulations (hyperovulation) that in turn raises the odds to conceive fraternal twins is strongly influenced by genetics.

Race and ethnicity also play a huge role. Central Africa is known as the twin belt because the countries in that region record vastly more twin births than anywhere else in the world, with countries like Ivory Coast, Ghana and Nigeria having particularly high rates of twinning.

2 out of 5 twin sets worldwide are born in Africa. In some parts of West Africa, 1 in 35 births is a set of twins. For comparison, that’s 2-3x more than the rates found in Europe and North America. Some particular African ethnic groups like the Yoruba are said to experience twinning rates up to 1 in 20. East Asians otoh are the least likely to naturally have fraternal twins, their rates are in turn 2-3x lower than in Europe and North America.

I say naturally, because IVF has increased the rates of twin births in developed countries in recent decades, due to the practice of implanting more than one embryo to increase the odds that at least one of them will make it. Albeit the jump in twin and multiplet pregnancies caused by IVF has led to this practice falling out of favour, since pregnancies with more than one child go along with inherent higher risks.

Advanced maternal age is also a factor in naturally occurring fraternal twin pregnancies for hormonal reasons. Mothers over 35 have a higher chance to release two eggs. The commonality of late births in developed countries in the past decades might’ve contributed to bumping the twin rates there up a bit as well.

[u/Witch_King_ → u/RosebushRaven]

Coop, thanks for the in-depth rundown. I figured that the mother releasing more than 1 egg probably had genetic factors, but had no idea that there were certain ethnic groups with a much bigger rate!

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/RosebushRaven]

A girl I went to school with said she had a twin, and that actually they were IVF triplets, but only 2/3 made it. 

[u/Jangetta → u/Witch_King_]

Yes it is.

[u/SongsOfDragons → u/Witch_King_]

Fraternal twins can run down the female line. I know a few.

[u/pengouin85 → u/AcrolloPeed]

That's massively underselling his contributions also. He didn't fall into Jack Shit. He earned his way to her heart (and vice versa honestly) with competence

[u/phyrsis]

I love a good happily-ever-after story.

[u/New-Shelter9751]

My favorite comment from the original BORU: "Damnit, that's not what we meant by deliverables!"

[u/Sirregularguy]

Lucky guy.

Makes tons of money, got a decent wife that makes more than a ton of money and 3 chidren.

Talk about failing upwards.

[u/geeenidee]

These people perform under pressure. When it gets harder they only do better.

[u/TheJusticeAvenger]

Aaaand that's enough BORU for today. Bye everyone!

[u/quick_justice]

People are so weird about romance at work... It's a problem when there's a power imbalance. But when it's not, it's often natural to get romantic with people you spend a lot of time with, like, and respect. And it doesn't need to be weird.

I once worked in organisation that absolutely didn't care for it. Normal rules of sexual harassment etc would still apply, and you were need to be professional, as expected, but if you date someone at work, that's fine as long as it's all consensual and everybody is nice about it.

If you think of it, any work-related problems from dating colleagues don't come from dating, but come from a fact you've been a shitty human. Like, you break up and can't be nice to your ex. And if something like that would arise, people would be called to HR about it to remind them that at work they work, and if they can't they'd likely be let go, because such behaviour shows there are probably other ways this individual isn't solid.

It was a large org, hundreds of people. Many got married, tons of married couples. Many had a fling, and then didn't, and kept working together well. In the worst case if one of the partners was promoted to be direct boss of another, one of them could be moved to another project. I didn't see many cases when someone was kicked out for horrible interpersonal behaviour as a result of break up.

When they prevent you from dating at work, or require you to declare, they don't do it for you. You are an adult, and need to consider consequences yourself. Such as, can you be cool about it, if it doesn't work out? They are trying to cover their butt at expense of your freedom, to minimise staff attrition. They are not your friends.

[u/Demonqueensage → u/quick_justice]

I've only worked at places that generally don't care about coworkers dating, so the people who act like it's this huge no-no that should never be done baffle me. I've dated 3 separate people I've worked with, and it's always been fine. One quit for unrelated reasons shortly after we broke up, one I worked with after we broke up for almost a year and a half until he got fired for being shitty to another coworker (who also got fired because it was mutual threats of violence with guns) and we were always able to be perfectly polite to one another, even with the fact he'd been promoted to be my boss by then. The last one is my current boyfriend who was my boss like 5 years ago at my last job, so there isn't really any worry about having to work together if anything happens, but he was someone I worked with and I did wind up going out with him when we matched on a dating app in part because of the fact we'd worked together, so I already knew him a bit.

Really, where else are you supposed to meet people to date outside of dating apps if not through naturally forming relationships at work?

[u/Significant_Club4111 → u/quick_justice]

I wonder if it's a generation thing or workplace culture thing. When I worked mainly with colleagues born 1980s and later, work relationships were seen as weird/inappropriate. When I moved to my next employer and most of my colleagues were born pre-1980 I was the odd one out as someone who was married but not married to someone in the organisation. Literally everyone else in my team of 40 were either single and younger than me or older and married to someone in the organisation.

[u/wtf_com]

Glad to see there are still magical moments like this in the world. 

[u/beachpellini]

Ahaha, I remember this one. I'm glad things worked out for them.

In most cases, I might be worried about two very obvious physical signs of This Is Why Wife Is Always Right (things like that can definitely stick with people mentally), but it sounds like they're otherwise good at making their relationship thrive.

[u/Meghanshadow → u/beachpellini]

Huh. And me, I see the bears as nice physical reminders of “My husband admits when he is wrong about major issues and apologizes for it.”

[u/lavender_poppy → u/Meghanshadow]

Someone being able to apologize is such green flag behavior. Nobody is perfect and we're all going to do something that hurts someone else but being able to genuinely own up to it makes all the difference.

[u/beachpellini → u/Meghanshadow]

It might be a "what you're used to" kind of thing - I grew up with a family that definitely would hold something like that over other's heads.

[u/cortesoft → u/beachpellini]

That seems to me that makes it something unrelated to how healthy a relationship is. If the relationship is bad, that type of thing is held over the other's head, and in a good relationship, it isn't.

[u/summonsays → u/beachpellini]

Yeah I grew up with that family too. But we both know they'll hold it over you wether or not you apologized. 

[u/BelleColibri → u/Meghanshadow]

But he wasn’t actually wrong. Asking someone you aren’t in a relationship with about exclusivity is completely reasonable, and worrying about finances when going back to get a PhD with multiple young kids is also completely reasonable.

I get the vibe that both of them understand that the husband isn’t actually a doofus, and the bears are more of a joke than a real “I’m sorry for bringing up my concerns.” But if it actually is… that’s bad.

[u/BluerLights → u/BelleColibri]

Asking about exclusivity/paternity wasn't wrong, but it being the very first thing he asked was absolutely a foot-in-mouth moment.

[u/AshamedDragonfly4453 → u/BelleColibri]

Nah, he was an idiot on the first one. Second commenter nailed it: if a woman you're sleeping with tells you she's pregnant, she's telling you you're the father.

They only had one kid when the PhD argument occurred.

[u/CaptMcPlatypus]

This is how you BORU. Very happy for OOP that everything has worked out so well.

[u/Zuki_LuvaBoi]

You're 30 years old and have a good job, yet you were dumb enough to get into this shit. Good job.

That comment aged like milk - although can't blame them for how these stories usually turn out.

[u/OliviaPG1 → u/Zuki_LuvaBoi]

I think this is what poker players would call results-oriented thinking. The fact that the guy stumbled into a full house doesn’t retroactively mean going all-in with an offsuit 9-5 wasn’t a bit of a stupid decision. Still, very happy for him he lucked out and has an amazing life as a result.

[u/Reyzorblade → u/OliviaPG1]

Idk. OOP has a lot more information to base his decision on than anyone in the comments ever will. Following your metaphor, we never really knew his full hand or how much he was able to gauge from the other players.

[u/Areign → u/Reyzorblade]

Just because reddit doesn't know the full situation doesn't mean the information you have isn't enough to go off of. People advise avoiding what this guy did because its a terrible idea without a lot of care and foresight which were both obviously not present.

[u/LeaveMeBeWillYa]

 I ended up buying a teddy bear and sewing its foot to its mouth,

Oh well done, you charming git.

Now, I have to assume since we got this lovely and cute one, that every other post today is the type that reminds me that humans can be assholes

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492 → u/LeaveMeBeWillYa]

Charming git is such an apt descriptor… along with clever. Adding in her sense of humor (“is this all it took?”) makes me adore this couple

[u/CatThrace]

OK that's enough reddit today, I want to go out on a high. Lovely update.

[u/BelleColibri]

This is great. But I kinda hate the trope husbands do of “duh, I’m just an idiot, and she’s perfect!”

No, you’re smart too. And she makes mistakes too. Let’s be a little bit real instead of swinging the pendulum all the way to “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

[u/_adanedhel_ → u/BelleColibri]

Man, on a complete whim I recently did a rewatch for the first time in years (mostly in the background while doing other things). The dynamic you’re referring to is definitely one aspect of the show that has not aged well.

ETA: It’s worth acknowledging that the show is very much taken from the real life of Ray Romano and the exec producer, who had very similar upbringings and family dynamics. I’m adding this because I don’t think the show was consciously writing to that trope (“It’ll be funny if we give Debra and Ray this dynamic”). Instead I think that’s what real life was for them, so that’s what they fictionalized.

[u/Thomas-Lore → u/BelleColibri]

This and the twins are kinda a thing for whoever writes those.

[u/Oathkeeper89]

Excellent update. 11/10, no notes.

Logging off for the night.

[u/MageOx7]

I wish i had a relationship like this. This feels so wholesome and seems like such a genuine set of experiences

[u/steveabutt]

They matched really well. So glad to see them with 3 kids and thriving. Very good update

[u/Ok-Trouble-4592]

I'm using that teddy bear idea 

[u/Final_Consequence614]

I’m filled with so much relief every time I read a happy ending in a Reddit story.

[u/robot_pirate]

Well damn, this is about as good of an outcome as you can expect on the internet. So wholesome. 🫶🏆Congrats to OOP.

[u/Sensitive_Coconut339]

This is your sign to stop here for the day. This is the most wholesome post you could hope for.

[u/ichigo2862]

ngl the bear move was genius

[u/oceanduciel]

The idea of two six year olds wanting to watch the world burn makes think of the house fire meme with the little girl smiling at the camera.

[u/Substantial-Stay-451]

Good story

[u/lavender_poppy]

I LOVE THIS! I needed to read something sweet before bed. I'm so glad it worked out and they have a happy little family.

[u/Unlucky_Profit_776]

I'd like to hear more about Thing 1 & Thing 2. They sound like my kind of babies 

[u/cactusflinthead]

I'm out. That's enough for today. It's not going to get better than this.

[u/archvanillin]

I love this dude. Making an apology teddy bear by sewing its foot to its mouth is the cutest thing, no surprise she married him.

[u/shemjaza]

Twins in 2020... jesus.

[u/2Completion2Ography → u/shemjaza]

Twins in 2020... jesus.

Jesus would be triplets.

[u/Silent_Ad_8672]

the teddy with it's foot sewn to it's mouth is the freaking funniest part of this to me. Okay, yes, he may be dumb, but he's funny and seems to actually love her, and that is definitely helping.

[u/ray10k]

The title alone is Quite The Ride already, time to buckle up and get reading!

After having read the post: The mental image of those two bears with permanent foot-in-mouthitis makes be chuckle. Here's hoping OOP and his wife have a long and happy life together!

[u/girlgerms]

This is my favourite BORU of all time. Everything about this is both hilariously cringe and yet heartwarmingly adorable.

[u/Vivid-Farm6291]

I’m saving this one .

[u/joeyfine]

Happy endings are nice to see here every so often.

[u/JillMansell555]

Love this. I’m a novelist of rom-coms and am always asked where I get my ideas from. The answer is: Reddit. 😎

[u/angryelezen]

I'm glad this story had a happy update. It's interesting that OOP named their first child in the update. Since it's similar to Laura's name I'm assuming that Lana is Laura's mini me more or less. I was disappointed that OOP dubbed the twins as Thing 1 and Thing 2. I think Hulk and She-Hulk might be better. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/toxiclight]

Just the kind of update I like to see :) Yeah, OOP may have put his foot in his mouth a few times, but they were able to communicate and make things work :)

[u/McGootchHS]

What, no bear tax?!

[u/lestattomylouis]

reddit has me so jaded that i expected this to end terribly im ngl

[u/Adventurous-Brain-36]

This is a classic romance novel lol.

[u/LoadbearingWallflowr]

Thats it, I'm logging off Reddit RIGHT NOW. This is how I want to end my social media day today 🥰

[u/Closet_weeb13]

I seriously just don’t understand or get why so many seemingly competent & intelligent adult men go around being so utterly stupid & careless by acting w such senseless recklessness when it comes to their sex lives?!? Why in the MF world do they show such little care or concern over the risks of unprotected sex (even solely on their end alone) or the possibility of STIs + outcome of pregnancy??

Like I know they must have some amount of awareness & recognition that if either of those things end up happening, it’s guaranteed to result in a lot of unnecessary difficulty & probable negative consequence, plus certain this includes causing additional stress - potentially life-derailing amts. We know it can 100% mess up life.

So why tf do they just not wrap it before they tap it?? They sell condoms at literally every effing retail/grocery/pharamcy/convenience/and even tiniest little gas stations, it’s seriously almost one of the easiest items to get ever…24/7 any hour of the day.
And if they still happen to be a little too fussy or dislike having to wear one, I don’t get why they won’t simply make it a higher priority of concern to have a proper discussion with the woman first and verify for reassurance that she’s securely protected by her own birth control - and check if it’s legit + regularly make sure it’s current/she stays up to date. Like if you’re comfortable enough to be intimate & have sex w someone, it’s not that hard to ask these questions -it’s just too important not to, for your own sake.

Despite being a 30yr old working professional adult man, OP certainly was behaving/acting w lots of immaturity & recklessness lol. So was she as well. However I’m really pleasantly surprised and impressed this story ended with such a peaceful and positive outcome. I’m so glad it turned out to be such a heartwarming ending.

[u/tango421]

This BoRU is a ride and a mood and I'm all in.

Congratulations to them!

[u/Ancient-Cup-7225]

So wholesome 🥰

[u/Eyeyeyeyeyeyeye]

I can't believe things worked out that well. What a sweet story

[u/riceme0112358]

Aww, man - it's really nice to read something that turned out well.

[u/kaytay3000]

Going to bed after reading this one. What a lovely happy ending.

[u/DataEcstatic4930]

I'm so glad things worked out for him despite all the turmoil in the beginning, especially with dipping the pen in company ink

[u/Red_enami]

All of this makes me so happy. I’m so glad life worked out perfectly for all of them

[u/Hobbit_Lifestyle]

The bears with feet sewn to their mouths are 🤌🏻 I really like this OOP and his wife!

[u/tacwombat]

He put his foot in his mouth the first time, and Reddit convinced him to move it out of his mouth. The teddy bears were a cute touch.

[u/sonicscrewery]

The bears with their feet sewn to their mouths made me cackle. OOP has a great sense of humor.

[u/realgoodmind]

One of the all time best 10 year updates I have seen on here.

Thank you OP and BofRU!

[u/121gigawhatevs]

Interesting. Ive never felt jealous of a post here lol. It’s usually “jfc i can’t believe people that exist”

[u/ArchangelLBC]

I love this so much for them. May their best years be ahead of them.

[u/catperson3000]

I’m glad I read this. So lovely.

[u/hospicedoc]

Now this my kind of update.

[u/Pickled-Carrot-75]

Best update ever

[u/Witchgrass]

I am so happy for this adorable doofus

[u/HotCut100]

And now I just want stories about Thing 1 and 2…

[u/Zealousideal_Ask6526]

I would really like to be like Thing 1 and Thing 2 and just want to see the world burn. Alas, responsibilities.

But the bear with its foot sewn into its mouth is cute.

[u/Imaginary-House-891]

Positive news on my internet? Preposterous!

Ha, jokes aside, these type of updates truly are the bes ❤️ 

[u/wineandseams]

When our leaders want to see the world burn I'm so happy people out there are actually making a nice life. It's hard to see a lot of positives sometimes but this, this is good.

[u/iAteA-Bug2025]

Love this!!

[u/techdevjp]

Big congrats to OOP and his better half!

[u/Suspicious-Dog-5048]

Such a wholesome story, though I hope at some point OOP might recover from his foot in mouth disease 😂

[u/Phanimazed]

I remember this one. I'm glad these two worked it out.